Episode 69: The State of the Micronation is Strong

[Psammetichus]

This is my favorite episode since I really enjoy reading and learning about international politics and the such.

It's hilarious how coy the leader of Malatora thinks he's being, while actually being extremely obvious. There are only about five major islands in the Gulf of Guinea, and one of them is home to ten million metric tons of toxic waste and seven million metric tons of radioactive waste, along with an ecosystem about to "collapse due to the massive waste dumping."

So it's not that island. So there are four islands Malatora could be on. Regardless, I doubt the São Toméan military would have any trouble defeating the five or six dehydrated, sweat-drenched furries dying of yellow fever that were dumb enough to land on the island. The São Toméan military is small, but they have machine guns and armored vehicles and missile launchers and 20,000 civilians fit for military service.

And it just me being super liberal, or does this whole episode have a subtle undercurrent of racism when they always talk about taking over the island? He just assumes he'll walk onto the island and bam, it's his. What if the army attacks him? Well, he'll just fight back and win, just because. As a civilized (i.e. white) person, he'll be able to land and immediately build a country so advanced they'll be in space in forty years. The natives with the backing of an entire African country are just to stupid to understand. Or maybe I'm just over thinking this.

What does anyone else think of this episode?

[Delcat]

They'll be able to win because they're dragons.  Duh.

[Psammetichus]

They'll be able to win because they're dragons.  Duh.

But they won't be dragons when they invade the island. Their flabby, pale bodies will be the ones forced to fight the São Toméan military.

[Delcat]

DRAGONS

[Isfahan]

This is one of my favorite episodes just because of how delusional it is.

The nuts and bolts of their plan are never explored. They just wank over how awesome they'll be as robot dragons with a space program and hardware more advanced than any other nation on earth, even though they will have access to no naturally-occurring heavy metals, rare-earths, or the kind of insane power requirements needed to run a STEM R&D complex.

I own a .22 rifle, two AKs, and a 9mm handgun, and I guarantee you that makes me more heavily armed than the Malatoran military. I don't think even a levy-type army on São Tomé would break a sweat firing warning shots at the aluminum outboard bass boat these guys would be coming in on. I would love it, I would absolutely love love love to hear details on their opening moves and not more on their endgame where they're already totally successful and all-powerful.

Of course, I already know what's up. Taygon never really expected this to take off, he just enjoyed mentally masturbating over his power fantasy, getting back at all those people who teased him in school for his no-doubt abundant social awkwardness. Since it was just a fantasy, it didn't need in-depth planning. Just skip to the fun part of talking about all the different types of robot we can offer people!

[montrith]

I own a water pistol and have access to two cats. That makes me more heavily armed than the Malatoran military. I also used to wear braces, which means I'm much closer to being cybernetic dragon than they'll ever be.

[count_actuala]

I'm more heavily armed than the cockdragon militia whenever I hold my keys in such a way that I can pretend like I'm Wolverine.

[Cheapskate]

I seem to remember from the SA thread that the Malatorans planning for their dragon bodies to be very slow flyers, hoping that "increased maneuverability" would help them defeat modern jet fighters.

Their plan failed to take into account ground-based anti-aircraft weaponry, which would absolutely rip them to shreds.

Also, their plan failed to take into account the fact that you can't put your brain in a dragon body, but that's a minor detail compared to their tactical missteps.

[Isfahan]

Also fighter jets don't have as much trouble with "very slow flyers" as they seem to think. Helicopters are goddamn fish in a barrel to a fighter jet.

I think they were basing that design decision on the episode of the Simpsons they saw where Sideshow Bob steals the Wright Flyer.

[Ike]

DRAGONS

[portaxx]draaaagoooons rarrr arr arr[/portaxx]

[Runic]

Jets are like T-Rexs, they can only see you if you are moving. If you just stay perfectly still it's like your invisible to them!

[Acierocolotl]

Also fighter jets don't have as much trouble with "very slow flyers" as they seem to think. Helicopters are goddamn fish in a barrel to a fighter jet.

It's probably actually the Night Witches, the all-lady Russian night bomber squadron of WW2, or perhaps the equally romantic Carl von Gustav and his ultra-slow and extremely effective bombers.  The upshot is that very fast aircraft of yore did have problems with really narrow engagement windows that slow fliers would present, especially since they could only be targetted visually.  A helicopter is an easy target because it's full of metal and isn't shaped to be radar-stealthy.   An ultralight, especially one with a mostly-wooden construction, might well still be a hard target to hit with a modern fighter for all I know, but I still wouldn't gamble on it faring well against a modern army.

But what the hell, let's just point at another pop culture thing.

[Psammetichus]

I don't understand why they're so concerned with fighter jets. Do they just consider jets the pinnacle of modern military technology? Because if somehow they managed to get a foothold on the island, I'm sure they'd just be annihilated by a drone controlled by some person in Virginia.

But of course, since they're not interested in being diplomatically recognized or the Geneva Convention, the São Toméan military would just execute them or, at best, convict them of murder / attempted murder and then execute them. They won't be recognized as enemy combatants or the military personnel of a foreign power, they'll just be criminals.

[Isfahan]

The upshot is that very fast aircraft of yore did have problems with really narrow engagement windows that slow fliers would present, especially since they could only be targetted visually.  A helicopter is an easy target because it's full of metal and isn't shaped to be radar-stealthy.   An ultralight, especially one with a mostly-wooden construction, might well still be a hard target to hit with a modern fighter for all I know, but I still wouldn't gamble on it faring well against a modern army.

You make some good points. So as long as the only aircraft engaging the dragons are Cold-War-era flying bricks like the F-4 Phantom II, they'll be set! I mean, robot dragons seem like they would be both full of metal and stick out like a sore thumb on radar because of all the curved surfaces.

On the other hand, I'm sure Taygon would just write down "also they're invisible to radar because technology" and be done with it, 'cause that's how he roll.

[nilvoid]

Something tells me that these are the only fighter planes these nerds are interested in: