I had a shitty last few months for some personal reasons that don't need delving into. This whirlwind tour of alcoholism and giggles really helped to distract and re-focus so let me echo everyone else and say that was delightful.
This might just be an emotional breakdown from a near-lethal lack of sleep. However, I am touched that so many folks had such a good time and everyone gets along beautifully at these things. It is heartwarming to see a bunch of folks from all over the damn world have a good time and hug the hell out of each other. I'm glad Ballpit exists for nice nerds to connect with other nice nerds and build relationships that might have never happened, otherwise.I selfishly go to these so I can be the real me for a couple days and see some bros.
Ten years ago, I was terrified to even meet Boots and Bump in Chicago. I thought internet people were going to chloroform me and put me in a dungeon no matter how nice they seemed when chatting online. Now, I count y'all amongst my realest and bestest real-life bros. Consider this post a big old verbal hug (and grope) from Bunny.
Now, I wrote all the intros for our competitors and, because I like writing stupid shit, I overdid it. I wrote for alternates. I wrote for the bonus round. I wrote some in case we selected anybody from the audience. There were WAY more than this but I thought I'd re-purpose a few to represent the folks I enjoyed meeting (or seeing again) over the weekend. I was drunk as fuck, of course, so please excuse me if I got your name wrong. I'm doing my best by piecing things together from this thread.
~She's the Lead Taste-Tester for BadDragon.com's lube division. From Whip and NaeNae, Vermont, ViviVixen, Come on Down!!!
~He's the content mediator for SissyKiss.com. From LoadingBigOldAnimeTittiesMod, Delaware, welcome to the stage, GUY-WHO-HAS-MY-BELT-NOW!!!
~Currently serving on her 3 year proselytizing mission for the church of Pastafari. This competitor comes to us from the dumpster behind that KFC down the street. Let's give a warm welcome to Ganymede!!
~She's a caricature artist who works exclusively in glitter, legos and semen. From WilhelmScream, New Mexico please welcome ChaiTeaLatte!!!!
~ When he's not serving as a body double for Zoe Saldana, this competitor is co-president of the "Fallout 76" fan club. From AwwHellNotOnTheRug, Florida, Turtle come on down!!!!
~Welcome to the stage, the Founder and Co-owner of the Pussy-Popping-Handstand-Dance-Academy-for-Boys, Hux!!!!
~Currently serving as Sous-Chef for Soylent, LLC, From FrogChlamydia, Wyoming, let's welcome to the stage, LoveLadel!
I also loved meeting the cool old bearded dude who has good taste in karaoke rock. You may have said your name but, as mentioned, I was pretty damn drunk.
Now let me give some specific thanks to folks I love. This isn't everyone but it does cover a good deal of what I can remember.
Bootsy- Thank you for being the bestest goddamn Karaoke master and worstest cocktease when it comes to kisses. I hope to catch you at some point later this year.
Bumpy- Thank you for taking it easy on me during arm wrestling. I know how goddamn ripped you've gotten and I appreciate you preserving my fragile male ego.
Lemony- Thank you for the beautiful, shiny, divine jacket. I got a LOT of compliments throughout the night. You should consider all of them vicariously yours. Especially the 'Nice Jacket' whispered to me by some random dude while he grabbed my dick. It made my cold wait for the cab a little more interesting.
JimmyFranksy- Thanks for making it possible to hear everything. Some may disagree but I think the audio component of a podcast is pretty damn important. Also, I need that one pic you took with me in the jacket. I'm gonna be jerkin pretty hard to that.
Bozarthy- Thank you for your continued support (both financial and spiritual) of the Mayor Pete -2020 campaign. I feel it, baby. We're gonna do it this year!!
FrankyWest- Thank you for performing a perfect Wavedash for the filthy fucking Casuals in the audience. Semper Games, bro.
Squiddy - Thank you for being my shoulder to almost cry on. Relatedly, Thank you for having that sound machine. I would have somehow gotten even less sleep if not for that.
JackChick - Muchas gracias por cantar conmigo. Buena suerte con tu nueva vida y tu nueva esposa.
Achilles - Thank you for unearthing that old indie folk record we somehow both knew. However, you stole a rightful VICTORy from a certain someone. And you did it with the cheapest move. Toplessness. You should be ashamed.
Kumquat - Thank you so goddamn much for the new belt. That shit was flossy as hell and functional as fuck. My pants would've been around my ankles the whole night, otherwise. You are easily in the top ten XFL cosplayers of all time.
STOG - Thank you for deciding the House of a thousand weirdos was the optimal time and place for you to experiment with drugs. But really, just thank you for stayin as Stog as possible.
Victor - WAS GODDAMN ROBBED.
Everyone who participated, attended or had anything to do with the past weekend is O fuckin K as far as I'm concerned. I know I missed folks because I'm very tired and very stupid.
Y'all are great.