ballp.it
Snakes In The Ball Pit => Yay, I get to talk about me! => Topic started by: NERRRRD on February 25, 2016, 09:26:53 pm
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Ask me anything.
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wheh?
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(http://starecat.com/content/wp-content/uploads/donald-trump-like-charles-manson-comparison-gif-animation.gif)
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Question 2:
If I give you your $10 back, will you go away?
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What's the weakest political portmanteau you've seen? If figure if NObama caught on, then the ones that never achieved popularity must be amazing.
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Do you know what you are doing? Do you really, really know what you are doing?
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What do you think of my trumpxbernie slashfic?
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“Alright, Tricky Dick. Come play with my dick.” Nixon kneeled down between his legs and brushed his fingers against the underside of Agnew’s cock. He started stroking it, which the Vice President appeared to enjoy.
“Hmm… you have such soft hands.” He mused.
“Uh, thanks…” Nixon mumbled awkwardly, unsure of how to respond to the compliment. “I, uh… I hope you don’t mind, but I don’t think I can deep throat it…”
“That’s fine. Just take as much as you can and use your hand for the rest.” Agnew told him. He nodded and lowered his mouth onto the Vice President’s awaiting cock. He took as much as he could without gagging, keeping his hand wrapped firmly around the rest. Nixon started pumping him as he sucked him off, trying his best to please his crush. He wanted to make Agnew feel as wonderful as he’d made him feel, and from the Vice President’s soft grunts of pleasure, he knew that he was doing a good job.
“Fuck, that feels nice…” Agnew moaned, gripping the arm of the chair with one hand and reaching down to pet Nixon’s hair with the other. “This is so much better than beating off!” Nixon would have smiled if his mouth wasn’t full of cock. He sucked harder and pumped him faster, determined to finish him off. He felt his own cock starting to harden again, though he ignored it for the moment. Right now all that mattered to him was Agnew’s pleasure. He raised his mouth from his cock and pumped him as hard as he could, making Agnew whimper. Nixon had never heard him do that before; he liked the sound of it. He kissed the tip and looked up, locking eyes with the Vice President.
“Agnew,” he murmured, lips brushing against Agnew’s cock as he spoke, “does it feel good?”
“Oh, Mr. President,” Agnew rasped, tightening his grip on the chair, “It feels great; you’re gonna make me-fuck!” With another whimper, he arched his hips and came on Nixon’s face. Nixon didn’t mind in the slightest, but Agnew was absolutely mortified. He coughed uncomfortably, bringing his hands to his face in a vain attempt to hide the growing blush on his cheeks.
“Shit… I’m sorry, I got it all over your face…” He apologized.
“It’s alright.” Nixon assured him, carefully tucking his cock back into his pants, “I’d rather you get it on my face than on my furniture.” Not having any tissues handy, he stood up, undid his tie, and used it to wipe his face clean. Agnew winced.
“That’s gonna ruin your tie, you know.” He pointed out.
“Fuck the tie.” Nixon muttered, shoving his soiled tie into one of his pockets, “I don’t care about that right now. All I care about is making you feel good.”
“That’s a rather romantic thing for you to say,” Agnew teased, smiling playfully, “maybe it’s not too late for us to throw on the Barry White music.” Nixon couldn’t help but smile too. He cupped Agnew’s cheeks and brought their faces together until their lips were just centimeters apart.
“Yeah, maybe it’s not.” He closed the distance between them, capturing the Vice President’s lips in a tender kiss. Agnew moaned against his mouth, and it was the sexiest thing Nixon had ever heard. His cock was still hard from blowing him, and this only made him harder. He needed release again, and while the blowjobs were nice, he wanted something more.
“Oh, Agnew,” He growled sexily, “I want to fuck you so bad.”
“Fuck me?” Agnew repeated, a hint of apprehension in his voice. “But… I’ve never done that before…” Nixon was pretty surprised to hear that.
“Really? Never?”
“Never. I’ve sucked a lot of cock, but I’ve never been fucked.” Agnew explained. “I’ve thought about trying it, but it sounds painful…”
“It’s not that bad.” Said Nixon as he gave him a comforting pat on the shoulder. “Hell, it feels great once you get used to it!” Agnew looked at him like he’d just grown three heads.
“Wait a minute… you’ve been fucked by other men?” He asked.
“By another man, not other men.” Nixon clarified.
“Who was it? I’ve got to know!”
“I’m not telling you! You’ll laugh!”
“No I won’t, I swear! Who was it?”
“…President Eisenhower…”
“Eisenhower!?” Agnew gasped. “You’ve been fucked by Eisenhower!?”
“Yeah…” Nixon laughed uncomfortably, mentally wondering if it had been wise of him to reveal that detail. “And sometimes I’d fuck him too. We’d do it right here in the Oval Office.” Agnew cringed.
“When the hell did this happen!?”
“Back in the fifties when I was his Vice President. He and I used to be lovers, but he only wanted me because I was relatively young at the time. Ike sure did love his boy toys.”
“Boy toys?!” Agnew exclaimed. “Jesus fucking Christ...” Nixon nodded and smiled wistfully.
“I was his favorite, but he’d fool around with other young men too, which is why I eventually broke things off with him. I loved him, but I wanted a more exclusive relationship and he wasn’t interested in that.”
“I can’t believe you fucked Eisenhower!” Agnew said, shaking his head in disbelief, “What did you see in him? He was really old.”
“He wasn’t that old!” Nixon defended. “Look… what can I say? I liked Ike. Besides, I’m older than you and you’re not complaining!”
“You’re only five years older than me; Eisenhower was like twenty years older than you!”
“Twenty-three, actually.” Nixon replied. “Look, we’re getting off the subject-are you or are you not going to let me fuck you in the ass?”
“Well… alright, you can do it.” Agnew decided. “But you better be gentle!”
“I will!” Nixon promised. “I’ll stretch you beforehand so it won’t hurt. Just trust me.” He went over to his desk and rummaged around through the drawers while Agnew watched.
“What are you looking for?” He asked, feeling rather confused.
“I’m looking for-oh, I found it!”
“Found what?”
“Found this.” Nixon turned to face him and presented what looked to be a tube of lotion. Upon further inspection, Agnew realized that it was instead a ‘personal lubricant’. He was both relieved and horrified to see that. Sex with Nixon would be more comfortable with lube, but what the hell was it doing in his office?!
“I’m almost afraid to ask why you have lube in your desk…”
“It’s Kissinger’s.” Nixon explained. “I let him screw his lady friends in here. He won’t mind if we borrow it.”
“You and Eisenhower, Kissinger and his sluts, and now you and I. My God, does everyone fuck in the Oval Office?” Agnew sighed.
“Probably. Now drop your pants.” Agnew undid his pants, letting them fall to his ankles as Nixon came up to him from behind and bent him over the desk. He glanced over his shoulder, watching curiously while the President squirted some of the lubricant onto his hand and smeared it against his ass. He shivered; it was warm inside the Oval Office but the lube was surprisingly cold. Nixon pressed a slick finger against his hole, making him tense up at the unfamiliar sensation. He let out a gasp, feeling the finger slowly slide inside him.
“Oh… that feels… different…”
“Doesn’t hurt though, right?” Agnew shook his head, so Nixon started to finger him. After he got used to that, the President slipped another finger in. This felt a little uncomfortable, but it wasn’t anything that Agnew couldn’t handle. Nixon made a scissoring motion with his fingers, stretching the Vice President for their impending intercourse.
“Are you making V-signs inside of me?” Agnew asked him, sounding somewhat annoyed.
“I’m just stretching you so it doesn’t hurt.” Nixon replied. “Then again, getting to fuck you in the ass is a victory for me, so I guess this,” He made the V-sign with his free hand, grinning smugly as he did so, “is pretty fitting.” Agnew rolled his eyes.
“Don’t cheapen this.”
“Sorry…” Nixon quit horsing around and started fingering him again. It wasn’t uncomfortable anymore, and Agnew was pleasantly surprised to find that it actually started to feel pretty good. He his bit lip to stifle a moan as his cock became hard again. He liked this; he wanted more.
“Mmm… stick another one in.” He requested. Nixon obliged, slipping a third finger into him. Agnew’s breath hitched as the President finger-fucked him, making him feel things that he’d never felt before. It was wonderful. “Oh, fuck, yes… don’t stop…” He grunted. Nixon smirked, enjoying his reaction.
“You sure you’ve never done this before? You really seem to like it.” He teased.
“I had no idea it’d feel so good.” Agnew sighed dreamily as he pressed himself against Nixon’s fingers. He grabbed his cock and started pumping it, but the President stopped him.
“Don’t do that,” he scolded, “You’ll finish up before I even stick it in.” Agnew let out a frustrated whimper; his cock ached to be touched.
“Then hurry up and fuck me already!” He demanded. Not wanting to keep him waiting, Nixon removed his fingers and squirted some more lube into his palm. He slicked up his cock, wiped his hand on his pants, and placed the lube back in the drawer where he’d found it. He could barely contain his excitement as he grabbed Agnew’s hips and pulled him close, pressing his cock against the Vice President’s ass. He took hold of Agnew’s cock with one hand while he used the other to guide his own into him, filling him slowly and taking great care so as to not cause him any unnecessary pain.
“Fuck, that hurts!” Agnew cursed, gripping the desk hard as the President entered him. He felt sore, even with the lube.
“Do you want me to pull out?” Nixon asked. “If you don’t want to do this then we can always do something else.”
“No,” Agnew declined, “I want this. But can you stay still for a minute? I think I’ll be fine if I have some time to get used to it.” Nixon nodded and stayed where he was. He didn’t want to hurt Agnew. He frowned, remembering how he’d so callously struck him earlier.
“Agnew?”
“Hmm?”
“I’m, uh… I’m sorry I hit you…”
“It’s alright,” Agnew assured him, “I forgive you. I’m sorry for saying all those things and teasing you.” Nixon smiled and planted a soft kiss on the nape of his neck.
“I can’t stay mad at you. Does it hurt anymore?”
“No, you can move now. Just be gentle.” Nixon hooked his arm around Agnew’s waist and held him close, humping him slowly as he stroked his cock. He groaned low in his throat, enjoying the feeling of being inside his Vice President.
“Fuck, Spiro,” He grunted, calling him by his first name, “you’re so fucking tight.”
“Mmm… harder…” Agnew moaned, too lost in the pleasure to say much else. Nixon humped him harder, fucking him into the desk as he pumped his cock. He pressed his lips to Agnew’s neck, making him gasp.
“Spiro,” The President whispered, overtaken by passion, “Fuck… I’ve wanted to do this to you for so long...”
“Ngh… how long?” Agnew asked, thrusting into Nixon’s hand as he was fucked.
“Too long.” Nixon muttered. “I fucking love you, Spiro. Ever since I first met you I’ve wanted nothing more than to take you into my arms and kiss you senseless. Every time I see you it takes all of my willpower to keep my hands off of you. I’ve kept this a secret for so long, but I’m not going to hide it anymore. I want you, I want to make love to you, I want to make you mine in every way possible. Hell, I’d even fucking marry you if I could.” He humped Agnew as hard and fast as possible, making him whimper some more.
“Oh, Dick…” He cried, “Fuck, you’re gonna make me cum!”
“Do it. Cum for me, Spiro.” Nixon growled sexily, tightening his grip around his cock. Agnew rutted against his hand one last time and came. Nixon was quick to follow, groaning out his Vice President’s name as he filled him with his seed. He pulled out and wiped his hand on his pants, not at all concerned about staining them. Gazing down at Agnew, he couldn’t help but grin approvingly. What a beautiful sight he was! His hair and suit were disheveled, his face was flushed red, and seed-Nixon’s seed-trickled down the backs of his trembling thighs in thick rivulets. He looked gorgeous.
“Ha,” Agnew laughed, shakily getting to his feet, “That was a fantastic fuck.”
“It sure was.” Nixon chuckled as he tucked his cock back into his pants. “That was more than worth the wait.” Agnew pulled his own pants back up, straightened out his suit, and ran a hand through his hair to smooth it back into place. Nixon watched as he laid down on one of the couches and beckoned for him to join him.
“Come lie down with me. Let’s cuddle.” The President smiled.
“Let’s.” He joined Agnew on the couch, sidling up beside him and snuggling into his awaiting embrace. They stayed there for a long time, just enjoying each other’s company. Agnew absentmindedly played with Nixon’s hair, running his fingers through the dark waves as Nixon rested his head against his shoulder.
“I’ve never liked my first name, but it sounds so nice when you say it.” He mused, making Nixon blush.
“I love your name,” He replied, “just like I love you.”
“You really meant all of that stuff you said?”
“Of course I meant it. I meant every word of it.” Nixon confirmed. “I love you, Spiro. I’ve loved you ever since I first met you. I chose you as my running mate not only to unite our Party, but to get closer to you. I just didn’t know if you felt the same way, or if you even liked men, so I kept quiet about it.” Agnew smiled and pressed a soft kiss to his forehead.
“I love you too.” He confessed. “I was so happy when you picked me to run as your Vice President, and I’ve enjoyed every minute I’ve spent at your side. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about my feelings sooner; I was worried that you’d reject me and I didn’t want to jeopardize my political career. But now it looks like both of us are done for, thanks to the scandal and investigation…”
“Don’t say that, Spiro.” Nixon fussed, pressing a hand to his cheek. “Everything will be fine. We’ll get through this.”
“No we won’t…” Agnew sighed sadly. “We’re in too much trouble; we’re going to be impeached.”
“Not if we resign first!”
“But if I resign and you resign, then who’s going to become President? I’m the one who’s supposed to succeed you!”
“I’ll figure something out. Don’t worry yourself about it.” Agnew frowned.
“But-“ Nixon covered his mouth in a comforting kiss before he could say anything more.
“Don’t worry about it,” He repeated, “We’ll be fine; I promise. Now, you should probably get going. As much as I’d love for you to stay, I don’t want anyone to get suspicious.”
“Can’t argue with that.” Agnew agreed. “But… can we do this again sometime?” Nixon grinned.
“I’m free tomorrow morning.” Agnew grinned back.
“So am I.” He kissed the President one last time and rose from the couch. “Until then, my precious President!” He quietly slipped out of the Oval Office while Nixon returned to his desk and gathered up his paperwork. As he went to work on all the important documents, he smiled, having just two things on his mind: Spiro T. Agnew, and how much he loved him.
The End
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(https://41.media.tumblr.com/a07ede61951d1b1aba387a1b9a371cd3/tumblr_nx2dljcD3Z1u5a7loo1_500.jpg)
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Are you still living w/ your mom & sister down by south city?
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(https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/86/67/82/86678256d416e361467a4a21d67870e8.jpg)
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I hate this thread so much.
Is this karma for having that wonderful bulb conspiracy thread?
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I hate this thread so much.
Is this karma for having that wonderful bulb conspiracy thread?
Boots Raingear, February 26, 2016, 11:57:42 am
There is no bulb conspiracy. The bulb conspiracy theory is just the work of lame stream media.
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I put this somewhere else but it belongs here.
http://www.amazon.com/The-Many-Hues-Ted-Cruz/dp/1515391531
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I hate this thread so much.
Is this karma for having that wonderful bulb conspiracy thread?
Boots Raingear, February 26, 2016, 11:57:42 am
The brightest light creates the darkest shadow... and there were a lot of bulbs in that thread.
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(http://imgur.com/dS4Iq5W.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/wJtLf80.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/wggR4BS.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/OUF9bdM.png)
YOUR CHOICE
(http://i.imgur.com/2flwGEq.png)
first person to pick gets it
Zekka, February 26, 2016, 06:16:43 pm
E! E! E!
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(http://i.imgur.com/577vBWT.png)
Zekka, February 26, 2016, 06:24:46 pm
E!!!!
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(http://i.imgur.com/Z22mh1d.png)
Zekka, February 26, 2016, 06:31:09 pm
E, once again
Also, I love that this has become a lets play thread from a conservative meme one
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(http://i.imgur.com/dOlxVXX.png)
Zekka, February 26, 2016, 06:45:48 pm
C! Litigation fetish is probably an actual thing, too.
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D! KOBOLD NINJA!
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(http://i.imgur.com/V1Vf6zE.png)
Zekka, February 26, 2016, 06:59:23 pm
D
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D
Turkeyvolumeguessing, February 26, 2016, 07:21:26 pm
That one is going to have consequences.
(http://i.imgur.com/hRcEtly.png)
Zekka, February 26, 2016, 07:24:55 pm
B. Pica is hilarious and I'm sorry if that makes me a terrible person it just is
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B
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E
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D
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Go to the internet cafe and recruit some programmers.
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Go to Trump's Used Cars and get some wheels, you liberal pussy. With a wisdom of 1 only the best liberal decisions will do.
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Burn down Trump Pawn & Gun.
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(http://i.imgur.com/mKMzgh1.png)
Zekka, February 26, 2016, 07:28:09 pm
B!
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Steal Credit card numbers
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Post on ballp.it
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Change slogan to We need a slogan?
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Then change the slogan to We have a slogan!
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F
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persuade, please.
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Can we get Bitcoin in this game? I feel like we need some Bitcoin.
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Write angry screeds to newspapers about the lack of racial diversity in clown porn.
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We need weed rights for otherkin!
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We're a vampire, a kobold, AND a demon, but I'm pretty sure we're still using "he/him/himself". That's gotta change.
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What's the weakest political portmanteau you've seen? If figure if NObama caught on, then the ones that never achieved popularity must be amazing.
Healslime, February 26, 2016, 02:13:26 am
Thanks for this question. The weakest is probably Ruboto/Rubiobot I can't decide which one is good.
What do you think of my trumpxbernie slashfic?
moooo566, February 26, 2016, 06:33:18 am
let me read it, dude.
What is this whacky-ass game you're playing? I wanna play too, seems hilarious.
Anyone else have any legit questions?
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Oh and by the way I would like to point out that Donald Trump is a moderate.
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Create an elaborate paper trail that somehow pins the credit card fraud on Mike Jeschke, who once gave Boots Raingear a bloody nose in Grade 10 gym.
What is this whacky-ass game you're playing? I wanna play too, seems hilarious.
Anyone else have any legit questions?
NERRRRD, February 27, 2016, 03:52:11 pm
Fuck off, this thread just got good.
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(https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/86/67/82/86678256d416e361467a4a21d67870e8.jpg)
Guts Going Nutz, February 26, 2016, 11:30:52 am
One thing I must stress: His hair is real, and it looks much better in person. It's just a combover. I know it's real because I shook his hand after he signed my copy of Art of the Deal. Have you read it by the way? It's great.
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Create an elaborate paper trail that somehow pins the credit card fraud on Mike Jeschke, who once gave Boots Raingear a bloody nose in Grade 10 gym.
What is this whacky-ass game you're playing? I wanna play too, seems hilarious.
Anyone else have any legit questions?
NERRRRD, February 27, 2016, 03:52:11 pm
Rude, I'm showing a genuine interest in the game you're playing.
Fuck off, this thread just got good.
Boots Raingear, February 27, 2016, 03:57:44 pm
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(http://i.imgur.com/Z99sHg7.jpg)
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This guy.
(http://pre01.deviantart.net/10a4/th/pre/i/2011/151/6/2/tingle_cosplay_by_aoukix-d3hq4ka.jpg)
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Question for y'all: How does it feel to have Bernie Sanders get completely blown the fuck out in South Carolina?
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Is there a level worse than shitposting? Just straight up shit?
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Question for y'all: How does it feel to have Bernie Sanders get completely blown the fuck out in South Carolina?
NERRRRD, February 28, 2016, 12:54:54 am
I'm filing a 341-D, misuse of metal gear related images.
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>1454234017058.jpg
Go back to /v/.
ETA:
(http://i.imgur.com/AbeOik6.jpg)
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Question for y'all: How does it feel to have Bernie Sanders get completely blown the fuck out in South Carolina?
NERRRRD, February 28, 2016, 12:54:54 am
i'm drunk and even i'm not falling for your shit
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HOW ABOUT I JUST RUIN THIS THREAD WITH DUMB BULLSHIT
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Hey Zekka, you should make a new thread for your game so that we don't have to keep coming to this one.
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Hey Zekka, you should make a new thread for your game so that we don't have to keep coming to this one.
montrith, February 28, 2016, 09:00:34 am
Agreed 100%; My vote this election year is to let this thread wither away!
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BOO! I SUCK
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I AM A FART AND YOU SHOULD JUST DELETE ANYTHING ELSE THAT I POST IN HERE
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When is Boots gonna set things on fire? C'mon Zekka.
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What the fuck even is this thread I just got here
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What the fuck even is this thread I just got here
Ike, February 28, 2016, 12:52:45 pm
Illusion. (http://ballp.it/index.php?topic=1995.0)
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I don't know why you're all decrying this thread, we were having a really good conversation with the meme dude up until post 2.