Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page

[LINDA]

is this Undertale

[Zekka]

is this Undertale

I never got past like the first level of Undertale. Is this what happens? Go figure. I got into this stuff from old FMV games.

[Sherman Tank]

None of this changes the fact that Levi needs the Kadir-Buxton Method and Boots needs a Pyradyne™ headgear pyramid.

[moooo566 (taylor's version)]

Having stolen clingfilm, I think we need the special guest to provide some legal aid.

As a second priority, we should arm non-Boots just in case legal aid isn't enough and escape is needed.

[Lemon]

We cannot ignore the suffering of Levi and/or Drakky. We need Boots to provide either semen or menstrual blood (whichever is more convenient) to improve morale.

Some crimes would be helpful, can we file false patents claiming that we own Mickey Mouse? That or arson.

[Lemon]

Oh, also

console.log(rob.brain)


[Gyro]

Examine the photograph of the rotund, white-haired man to see if it's actually Richard Stallman.

If it is him, investigate the Linux Nerd / clingfilm connection.

[Ashto]

I would go as far as to wrap Levi in clingfilm. Just trust me on this, I'm fairly certain that its special properties will stop corruption from setting into his heart, as well as healing him of his ails.

[Gyro]

I would go as far as to wrap Levi in clingfilm. Just trust me on this, I'm fairly certain that its special properties will stop corruption from setting into his heart, as well as healing him of his ails.

Seconding this, but make sure to do it completely.

[Zekka]

Examine the photograph of the rotund, white-haired man to see if it's actually Richard Stallman.

If it is him, investigate the Linux Nerd / clingfilm connection.

OK! It is not obviously Richard Stallman. It appears to be an East Asian man or pacific islander in his 50s-70s. He has a very round face and large eyes, suggesting southeast Asian descent in particular -- perhaps Thai or Cambodian?

Oh, also

console.log(rob.brain)


OK! It appears to be a terse implementation of Constraint Handling Rules in the pattern of KU Leuven's, followed by a series of inference rules all in this form.

agubar, aqbar <=> aqbarre
aqb(Agubar) <=> bqbarre, bbar(Qqbar)
bbar(Qqbar) <=> qqbarre

You do a quick pass at minimizing the number of states and come out with about forty large blocks of English language text, followed by several thousand lines of monster cockysis rules on it. They appear to implement some kind of parser. Here's the contents of the first few blocks:

- a Plato corpus
- an Aristotle corpus
- a G.K. Chesterton corpus
- a BoredIRC corpuse Station 13 channel on Goonstation
- some biology text books
- some chemistry textbooks
- some documentaries about hip hop (transcript)
- a complete transcript of the Jersey Shore

There's also some ASCII-art of a parrot. But it's way better than the ascii art you see in the game.

We cannot ignore the suffering of Levi and/or Drakky. We need Boots to provide either semen or menstrual blood (whichever is more convenient) to improve morale.

OK! What you're saying is "effectively, Boots needs to be a mammal." That's pretty offensive.

I would go as far as to wrap Levi in clingfilm. Just trust me on this, I'm fairly certain that its special properties will stop corruption from setting into his heart, as well as healing him of his ails.

None of this changes the fact that Levi needs the Kadir-Buxton Method and Boots needs a Pyradyne™ headgear pyramid.

Suggesting our eventual clothes line be complely clingfilm and pyramid hat based.

OK! We can do this, but we're going to need a designer for the clingfilm outfit and pyramid. Consider it noted on the priorities list.

This is some intense shit. Obviously Levi needs immediate help. Boots should use the Kadir-Buxton Method to heal him quickly.

OK! We can do this one right now.



Wow! That significantly boosted his base stats, except for Wisdom, which is now a 1. (Don't tell him I took this screenshot. I did it while he was sleeping.) Unfortunately he's still pretty morose.

We're wanted for credit card fraud, so now sounds like a good opportunity to talk to a SPECIAL GUEST who can give us legal assistance.

I'm sure yei has always wanted to see the view from the top floor of Trump Condominiums, anyway.

is this Undertale

OK! But rule 1: this isn't Undertale. And first, A SELECTION OF ENGLISH-LANGUAGE WIKIPEDIA CHOSEN AT COMPLETE RANDOM WITH NO BEARING ON THE METAPLOT

Dianetics uses the image of an exploding volcano, both on the covers of post-1967 editions, and in advertising. A giant billboard built in Sydney, Australia, measured 33 m (100 ft) wide and 10 m (30 ft) high and depicted an erupting volcano with "non-toxic smoke."[64] Hubbard told his marketing staff that this imagery would make the books irresistible to purchasers by reactivating unconscious memories.[65] According to Hubbard, the volcano recalls the incident in which galactic overlord Xenu placed billions of his people around Earth's volcanoes and killed them there by blowing them up with hydrogen bombs.[66][67] A representative of the Church of Scientology has confirmed in court that the Dianetics volcano is indeed linked with the "catastrophe" wrought by Xenu.[68]

Let's take a closer look at how this situation came about. It looks like Boots ran off to Trump Condominiums mostly on his own. The main entryways are a road route that leads from the parking lot to a valet dropoff zone, and a VIP back entryway, and out of those two he elected to take the back. Kobolds hate being spotted.

There's a classy little club inside, mostly for actors and entertainers, decorated in New Orleans style where Patricia, a Louisiana transplant, serves traditional Bayou specialties and her friend Grieg (from Japan) prepares a much more flamboyant range of food. Other than that, it quickly opens up to the consumer floor, full of slot machines, champagne, and European waiters.

Patricia, specifically, lives in this house. (that's her in the front) If you look for Boots in this image, you probably won't find him. He's hidden pretty well.



Levi doesn't want to appear on camera, but this is a public place, and being real, if we want to film him there's nothing he can do to stop us. He manages to impress the valet pretty easily with his nine charisma, and soon he's in the lobby. He tightens his clingfilm cufflink for comfort. (he made it himself before leaving.)



He has a problem, which is that the majority of the Trump Condominiums is off-limits due to a convention being hosted on the bottom floor, and the residence wing is open to owners only to prevent mischief. The other problem is this: he's got to be searched.

Could you leave your bag on the counter? We're just going to go through and look for electronics.

Levi has a little pouch which is just fat enough to stick out of his pocket. He takes it out and sets it down.

I'm not in the mood for this.
You know, most people who come in here, they're rich. And they're happy.
Are they really happy?
Yeah, of course! And why not? They have their money.
Hey, do you mind if I ask your name? This is my first time.
Listen... Levi. <he's looking at the wallet> No matter how it may seem, I want everyone here to have a good time. Getting over your grief, most of the time, that's a prerequisite. There's rich guys who come in here and they aren't happy -- and they enjoy themselves for a while, and then they drift over to the bar, have a few drinks, and go to bed early. For them, that's fine. Some of them are on vacation, some of them live here. But if they really want to live it up they need to give up whatever it is they're taking seriously. What was I getting to? Oh, that's right. I can't get you into anywhere. That convention isn't my scene. So let's not get too personal.
Don't you want to know what's in there?
We get a million events like these a year. It's not that I'm not curious, it's just that... do you want the truth? I've snuck into these places before. None of them are as exciting as they sound. Maybe this PewDiePie dude is different from the rest, but I don't think so. You said this was your first time, right? Let me give you some advice: come in in a week, visit the bar, play some slots. On Thursdays I work bar. My name is Guts. I'll attend to you properly.
Gus?
Guts.



THE SITUATION AS IT STANDS
==========================
Boots Raingear
--------------
- Outside behind the condominiums, has not been given permission to come inside.
- Sticks out like a sore thumb.
- Probably going to have to suck someone's throat before day is out.
- Wants to get to the top floor.

Levi Gao
--------
- Stuck in the lobby with Guts.
- Still lost and depressed.
- Enjoying his new Charisma 9!
- Clingfilm wristband brings some confidence.
- Wants to get to the top floor.

Guts
----
- Security, occasional bartender.
- Can't let anyone into the convention or the residences.
- Just a little curious about what's going on inside.
- Sympathetic to the cause!

[Frank West]

Levi should use the confidence that the clingfilm bracers give him and inform guts that, as a dragon, he doesn't need to follow human rules, and can therefore go to the top floor.

[Guts Going Nutz]

I don't think we've seen solid proof that Levi is in fact a dragon. He needs to terrorize some villagers before I'm convinced.

[Nifty Nif]

Boots needs to move, but not too far. He should hunt for a (willing?) blood donor.

This is Levi's moment. Maybe if he befriends Guts he'll feel a little better. Extol the virtues of PewDiePie to Guts while making a clingfilm friendship bracelet.

[Ashto]

Once Levi has Guts' support, he should convince him to trade clothes with Boots, so that Boots can gain access to the building by pretending to be one of the workers.

[Zekka]

Sorry about the hiatus! Here is a diagram that explains what is going on!

LIFE QUALITY
+
|\
| \
|  \
|   \
|    \
|     \
+------+
LP Update Frequency


And a second diagram explaining what I've been doing in that time:



The good news is that I'm planning to have a pretty shitty next week.

I don't think we've seen solid proof that Levi is in fact a dragon. He needs to terrorize some villagers before I'm convinced.

OK! Well, he's not, because I haven't hit the dragon button yet. As previously established, hitting the dragon button would surely cause his continued depression and suicide. However, I hinted that there would be consequences if I didn't hit it, and since it's been a week I figure I should document what those consequences are, since now they're happening. In the Trump Condominiums, on the second floor from the top, Kool Keith has been growing hantavirus or something.








The terminal overflows. The hantavirus is free.

This is Levi's moment. Maybe if he befriends Guts he'll feel a little better. Extol the virtues of PewDiePie to Guts while making a clingfilm friendship bracelet.

Levi should use the confidence that the clingfilm bracers give him and inform guts that, as a dragon, he doesn't need to follow human rules, and can therefore go to the top floor.

There's something I haven't told you.
It's probably not going to change my mind.
I can breathe fire.

He feels sick to his stomach. He doesn't want to be a dragon. He wants to be a raven, or a peregrine falcon, or a mudskipper or something. But it's true and it's inevitable.

I made this wish on an internet forum. It's going to happen any minute, I swear...
It's interesting that you say that.
I'm a dragon too.

He guides Levi down a hidden stairway to an enormous vault.



What you're gonna see in this room is, frankly, going to disturb you. It might devastate you. But it might make you whole. Take the next right.



Every day some rich idiot is on the golf course without Trump's permission. Usually after dark or else right before dawn. Quite a lot of them have gold jewelry, gold watches... gold clubs. That's what I collect. Some dragons like to melt this stuff down: make a bed out of it, or cover the walls with it. But I'm a collector. I like it the way it comes in.

Once Levi has Guts' support, he should convince him to trade clothes with Boots, so that Boots can gain access to the building by pretending to be one of the workers.

Can I ask you a favor?
I'll probably decline.

Levi pulls out his mobile phone and, reluctantly -- fighting every fiber of his embarrassment, scrolls to this thread on ballp.it with the goal of finding Boots' location.

You've got to have more than one set of clothes like that. Can you, maybe, leave an outfit or something near the VIP entrance? A friend of mine just -- doesn't -- have the fashion sense. He would look good in a pinstripe navy suit. And I think if we don't do it he's going to go out in public in a T-shirt.
Well, we don't take VIPs who won't wear suits.

Levi desperately flaunts his Charisma 9.

I can make this worth your while. Uh, I want to be friends with you... totally straight. I think you should wear this.

He tears his clingfilm bracelet in half all along the middle, stressing but not breaking the knot in the center, teasing it until finally he has two duplicate bracelets.

I'm gonna wear this for you. Yeah, not over my suit, and not because I like it. But you don't look like you're having a good time. You're too anxious. I want to make you less anxious. You seem like a very trustworthy person.
Can you let me up too?
What? Why? You can just fly there, if you're a real dragon.
I'm a pretty big dragon. Someone would probably spot me.
Take my spare key.
One more thing. PewDiePie is good.
You're for real? Maybe I will take a peek inside.

Boots needs to move, but not too far. He should hunt for a (willing?) blood donor.

OK! At the VIP back door appears e-sports legend Dendi with an entourage of Russian women, uniformed in orange. One of them accidentally stomps on on an attractive, navy-blue pinstripe suit hidden right outside the door.



I just need something to take the edge off.

The women trail off chattering excitedly in Russian, apparently into the secret VIP entrance and VIP club. One of them drops her perfume, which lands on the ground and breaks. Peculiarly, it smells like ash. None of them even appears to notice Boots, who shrieks desperately in a last-ditch effort to attract their attention. The one in the back looks back, grabs two of the others' shoulders, and they all scurry quickly past a guard checkpoint inside.

Dendi, on the other hand, scurries off to an even more secret VIP entrance underground. The ceiling is high enough that Boots can bypass the guard by scurrying along the top. It leads to this luxurious casino floor, completely empty. You're pretty sure this is where actual celebrities go.


Hey, I want --
Are you from Reddit?
No.
Next question: are you with the Condominiums?
I will be able to help you.

Boots licks his own eyeball as a sign of affection. He tries to hide the fang on the other side with his lower lip. It comes out almost looking like a conventional smile. Dendi mirrors the expression.

Right now I have three problems. The ESEX guys are going to be solving two of them, once they're finished with their girls in the other lounge. The third task involves stealing, but it's not technically illegal. Are you good at stealing?

Boots giggles and snorts. He crouches down to waist-level, buries his arms under his shirt, and sneaks effortfully around to Dendi's back. Once he's completely behind, he mimes pinching a coin out of Dendi's pocket, then shrugs.

I just need you to prove you won't let someone else catch you. Go behind the bar and get me something that's not on the menu.
Anything?
Well, something I'd like.

Boots peeks around the bar and finds several unlabeled vials of thin white powder behind the counter. Sniffing it makes his nostrils go numb -- he decides against it. Instead he bites down really hard on the bartender's throat and releases, spending about thirty or forty seconds collecting the blood in a cocktail shaker before getting impatient, pinching the Adam's apple with his claws, and finally dumping the body into the trash compactor chute when nothing else appears to be coming out.

That's not how you take a hint. But sure, you're in.

Boots sinks his teeth into the shaker's plastic lid and sucks it empty. Re-gifts are the best gifts.

I was planning to make GuardiaN do this, but whatever. PewDiePie wants me here to promote his new Dota team. Then he wants me to join it. I want the exposure, but I don't actually want to play for him.

What I need is for you to stage an accident for me. If you could steal my stuff, hide me in a dumbwaiter or something, and play my games yourself, there's a nonnegligible chance you would be offered the position instead. I mean, you've got the charisma. You have kind of an "angle," I guess you could say. If you can get me out of your trap early, I'll cast your games. You'll look really good.

You've just got to wreck the first forty minutes of my day, get onstage early, and impress PewDiePie with your social skills or something. Make some cartoony faces so fan-girls can trace you for DeviantArt. When I get out, be enough of a sensation that Pewds will let me cast instead of playing.

Let me give you my room number. It's an executive suite.