ballp.it

Snakes In The Ball Pit => Yay, I get to talk about me! => Topic started by: Zekka on February 26, 2016, 06:16:43 pm

Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Zekka on February 26, 2016, 06:16:43 pm
(http://imgur.com/dS4Iq5W.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/wJtLf80.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/wggR4BS.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/OUF9bdM.png)

YOUR CHOICE

(http://i.imgur.com/2flwGEq.png)

first person to pick gets it
Title: I am the admin of a right wing meme page
Post by: Zekka on February 26, 2016, 06:24:46 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/577vBWT.png)

The pick was E.
Title: I am the admin of a right wing meme page
Post by: Zekka on February 26, 2016, 06:31:09 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/Z22mh1d.png)

The pick was E.
Title: I am the admin of a right wing meme page
Post by: Zekka on February 26, 2016, 06:45:48 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/dOlxVXX.png)

The pick was C.
Title: I am the admin of a right wing meme page
Post by: Zekka on February 26, 2016, 06:52:03 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/8OpJYAy.png)

The pick was D.

FYI the build you picked so far is pretty close to optimal.
Title: I am the admin of a right wing meme page
Post by: Zekka on February 26, 2016, 06:59:23 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/V1Vf6zE.png)

The pick was D.
Title: I am the admin of a right wing meme page
Post by: Zekka on February 26, 2016, 07:24:55 pm
D
Turkeyvolumeguessing, February 26, 2016, 07:21:26 pm

That one is going to have consequences.

(http://i.imgur.com/hRcEtly.png)

The pick was B.
Title: I am the admin of a right wing meme page
Post by: Zekka on February 26, 2016, 07:28:09 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/mKMzgh1.png)

The pick was B.
Title: I am the admin of a right wing meme page
Post by: Zekka on February 26, 2016, 07:44:40 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/BykhRzv.png)

The pick was E.
Title: I am the admin of a right wing meme page
Post by: Zekka on February 26, 2016, 07:49:37 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/DzZExfl.png)

The last character creation question.

The pick was D.
Title: I am the admin of a right wing meme page
Post by: Zekka on February 27, 2016, 01:34:59 am
(http://i.imgur.com/VwBCWMP.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/eFsUEbd.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/CtJdyEl.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/D7GA9lA.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/ldV7MRu.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/4E4jNga.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/irbhDMr.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/1VVFw38.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/fzM6sUG.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/7qYbcLc.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/QWNbszu.png)

Suggest anything on or off this list. Process is no longer first-come first-served.
Title: I am the admin of a right wing meme page
Post by: Zekka on February 27, 2016, 11:42:50 am
Post on ballp.it
Guts Going Nutz, February 27, 2016, 10:22:24 am

OK!

(http://i.imgur.com/TTb1VWh.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/e1EPpNf.png)

Steal Credit card numbers
goombapolice, February 27, 2016, 10:07:13 am

OK! I'm going to try to steal enough to afford a car, because that will open up some options. (Due to a minor error on my part, the image got slightly cut off. I'm sorry! These will be the worst screenshots in the thread, I promise

(http://i.imgur.com/bOsdsZS.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/t3zWhIZ.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/uwsfmbA.png)




While doing that, this happened.

(http://i.imgur.com/4A76QI5.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/4DW9QFV.png)

That hacking built up some Heat, increasing our likelihood of being raided by the cops. So to avoid that I've moved us to the Abandoned Drill Factory.

Go to Trump's Used Cars and get some wheels, you liberal pussy. With a wisdom of 1 only the best liberal decisions will do.
montrith, February 27, 2016, 02:59:19 am

OK!

(http://i.imgur.com/HKO9J7n.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/IR1M4E6.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/i5aBFYu.png)

Those options don't work for Boots, so...

(http://i.imgur.com/QuixtWH.png)


Burn down Trump Pawn & Gun.
Sherman Tank, February 27, 2016, 05:31:22 am

OK!

(http://i.imgur.com/MUCPuml.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/9aYu20V.png)

Not enough cash right now... but maybe later!

Go to the internet cafe and recruit some programmers.
Cheapskate, February 27, 2016, 02:55:15 am

You've played this before, haven't you? OK! Due to our Doom-hacking expertise, our computer skill is just slightly below the median for the Programmer creature archetype, so we should probably only try to hire better programmers than us. But you neglected a detail, so I'll leave that for the rest of the bunch: do we persuade them or seduce them?

(http://i.imgur.com/I2sGpja.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/0P2xlqi.png)
Title: I am the admin of a right wing meme page
Post by: Zekka on February 27, 2016, 01:01:46 pm
OK!

(http://i.imgur.com/XfPoHHW.png)
Title: I am the admin of a right wing meme page
Post by: Zekka on February 27, 2016, 01:05:22 pm
OK!

(http://i.imgur.com/KPHp9iq.png)
Title: I am the admin of a right wing meme page
Post by: Zekka on February 27, 2016, 01:44:37 pm
OK! That gets us this menu. You've already seen many of the submenus, but we do have a few more options now that we have a car. We're probably stopping by the internet cafe as Cheapskate has requested before we do anything else, but the floor is still open to suggestions for after that.

(http://i.imgur.com/ifaPv4J.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/tJNvQDW.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/Uvgkxky.png)

The current task being recruitment, this question still remains: seduce or persuade?
Title: I am the admin of a right wing meme page
Post by: Zekka on February 27, 2016, 02:30:50 pm
persuade, please.
Lemon, February 27, 2016, 01:50:39 pm

OK! Wisely chose, as persuasion makes far better use of our recruitment cap.

(http://i.imgur.com/CbGw5mB.png)

We arrive per usual and convince some programmers to talk to us.

(http://i.imgur.com/OcSJyJJ.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/vF3Z0jE.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/5YJh4ta.png)

I accidentally flub the hotkeys and take this girl hostage. But I let her go because kidnappees are really time consuming and can gimp your stats.

(http://i.imgur.com/L5GjQdj.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/qLPz3Ds.png)

After a brief scrape with a lab tech I interview candidates. One I immediately drop because his natural aptitude is far lower than average.

(http://i.imgur.com/PEpO5te.png)

One I keep on because he has a slightly higher aptitude and good skill.

(http://i.imgur.com/0U4eLM6.png)

Offscreen I interview a bunch of other candidates. These are the ones I pick.

(http://i.imgur.com/zpfZbLi.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/5Ed7bX8.png)

Can we get Bitcoin in this game? I feel like we need some Bitcoin.
montrith, February 27, 2016, 02:01:39 pm

OK! All currency is now in BTC.



Looks like Boots' persuasion has gone up as a result of that escapade.

(http://i.imgur.com/2u5KZJw.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/G8ZCMvd.png)

It's time to suggest more things!
Title: I am the admin of a right wing meme page
Post by: Zekka on February 27, 2016, 04:07:04 pm
What is this whacky-ass game you're playing? I wanna play too, seems hilarious.
NERRRRD, February 27, 2016, 03:52:11 pm
Reality.

We need weed rights for otherkin!
montrith, February 27, 2016, 03:05:27 pm

OK! Easily done.

(http://i.imgur.com/mACXXZb.png)

We're a vampire, a kobold, AND a demon, but I'm pretty sure we're still using "he/him/himself". That's gotta change.
Frank West, February 27, 2016, 03:50:54 pm

OK! Pronoun is now 'yei.' (yei/yeir/yem)

Create an elaborate paper trail that somehow pins the credit card fraud on Mike Jeschke, who once gave Boots Raingear a bloody nose in Grade 10 gym.

Fuck off, this thread just got good.
Boots Raingear, February 27, 2016, 03:57:44 pm

OK! If only you could see behind the curtain.

Write angry screeds to newspapers about the lack of racial diversity in clown porn.
Lemon, February 27, 2016, 03:02:49 pm

(http://i.imgur.com/vEjD9sm.png)

SPECIAL GUEST, please PM me a description of yourself including favored attributes, skills, and special abilities. The final selection is nonanonymous and will not necessarily be first-come first-served.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Zekka on February 28, 2016, 11:08:08 am
http://ballp.it/index.php?topic=1991.msg62677#msg62677 (http://ballp.it/index.php?topic=1991.msg62677#msg62677)

Hey Zekka, you should make a new thread for your game so that we don't have to keep coming to this one.
montrith, February 28, 2016, 09:00:34 am

Agreed 100%; My vote this election year is to let this thread wither away!
Nikaer Drekin, February 28, 2016, 09:07:25 am

OK! If someone figured out how to get the me-parts of that thread placed in this thread before this post, that would be cool. Otherwise I'll edit them all into this post myself later.

Boots' Accomplishments
======================
- burning down Trump Pawn & Gun
- buying a green Volkswagen bug
- stealing credit card numbers
- posting on ballp.it (the thread is clsoed)
- recruiting two programmers to the cause
- changing the slogan twice
- taking a hostage and immediately letting her go
- otherkin weed rights
- inventing a new pronoun, "yei"
- converting all currency to bitcoin
- oh, if only you could see behind the curtain
- furry AND republican
- clown representation screed

Boots is open to all kinds of new objectives, but in addition, he has received a secret note telling him to go to the Trump Condominiums for a SPECIAL GUEST. Any prospective SPECIAL GUEST has been directed to PM me a description of him or herself including favored attributes, skills, and special abilities. The final selection is nonanonymous and will not necessarily be first-come first-served.

(http://i.imgur.com/vEjD9sm.png)

The State of the Union
======================
(http://i.imgur.com/2u5KZJw.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/mACXXZb.png)

Wheels in Motion
================
Problem: Mike Jeschke
Resolution: Wheels within wheels.

Problem: Donald Trump
Resolution: Political activism.

Problem: NERRRRD
Resolution: Don't think I forgot about this one.

Problem: Special guest
Resolution: Near future destination: Trump Condominiums.

Problem: Not drinking enough blood, hoarding enough gold, or communing enough with Satan.
Resolution: There's always opportunities.

Problem: Arson.
Resolution: Arson.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Sherman Tank on February 28, 2016, 11:11:02 am
Set fire to more things please.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Agent (gobble, gobble) Coop on February 28, 2016, 11:16:28 am
Shitpost on Ballp.it
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Guts Going Nutz on February 28, 2016, 11:30:38 am
Yeah that guy got banned. Get shitfaced on sharpies.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Frank West on February 28, 2016, 12:01:46 pm
I want to say go visit our special guest, but I guess if you haven't gotten the PMs/haven't chosen one yet, we should teach our liberals about urban warfare and then preform liberal disobedience, ideally with guns.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Zekka on February 28, 2016, 12:28:51 pm
I want to say go visit our special guest, but I guess if you haven't gotten the PMs/haven't chosen one yet, we should teach our liberals about urban warfare and then preform liberal disobedience, ideally with guns.
Frank West, February 28, 2016, 12:01:46 pm

I've gotten some PMs but I haven't chosen yet. If I got literally no more PMs I could resolve it but I want to give everyone a little more time, meaning I'll probably resolve the SPECIAL GUEST narrative this evening or tomorrow evening. I'll probably resolve these other suggestions at least once before then.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Boots Raingear on February 28, 2016, 12:42:20 pm
Merged thread. Hopefully that didn't break the whole forum!
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Zekka on February 28, 2016, 01:21:30 pm
Merged thread. Hopefully that didn't break the whole forum!
Boots Raingear, February 28, 2016, 12:42:20 pm

Strangely enough, I can see past posts in this topic if and only if I'm making a new post. Let's see if it's cleared up after I make this post.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Frank West on February 28, 2016, 01:35:07 pm
I don't think this post move worked quite right, it looks like the new posts made in this thread were deleted, and also this thread is set to permanently new.

EDIT: now it is fine
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Sherman Tank on February 28, 2016, 01:37:47 pm
I can't even see any posts other than Zekka's.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Boots Raingear on February 28, 2016, 01:39:30 pm
I think I fixed it now.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Zekka on February 28, 2016, 01:40:54 pm
I think I fixed it now. I only moved zekka's posts from the previous thread over.
Boots Raingear, February 28, 2016, 01:39:30 pm

What was wrong? I had a PM window out ready to guess you a diagnosis but I couldn't find anything in the three relevant queries. Probably PM me, it's not super important.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: DrakkyTheDragon on February 28, 2016, 02:47:38 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/jp2TK3S.jpg)

dam
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: DrakkyTheDragon on February 28, 2016, 02:48:50 pm
Make Levi a Dragon. http://www.dandwiki.com/wiki/SRD:Green_Dragon .
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: DrakkyTheDragon on February 28, 2016, 02:49:15 pm
My Favoirte Is the Grene Color.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: DrakkyTheDragon on February 28, 2016, 02:49:52 pm
Lemon Has Only Posted Once...
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: DrakkyTheDragon on February 28, 2016, 02:50:09 pm
May I say I'm Intimidated By most of you
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Zekka on February 28, 2016, 02:50:49 pm
Set fire to more things please.
Sherman Tank, February 28, 2016, 11:11:02 am

OK!

(http://i.imgur.com/UimeI3n.png)

Shitpost on Ballp.it
AgentCoop, February 28, 2016, 11:16:28 am

OK! Levi registers an account. Unfortunately the paywall is so steep that he exhausts the rest of the squad's money to do that. (bitcoins are worth about 20 cents each, it turns out) We're gonna buy guns and stuff to do an armed insurrection or something pretty soon, but we just don't have the cash.

(http://i.imgur.com/Qa2kN5i.png)

Boots Raingear is getting kinda hungry though, so he's going to go on a vampire rampage and kill a few people at the coffee stand.

(http://i.imgur.com/HfjTiD4.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/qRbOExB.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/xs2L6bz.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/ya9zyXd.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/LdxAW0x.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/V1ggfdq.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/TFnbbuc.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/3JYq2JB.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/Dt4ocLt.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/h5Pcq1t.png)

It's not quite enough to buy a gun, but it's enough to go to the art store and get some craft supplies for the next campaign.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: DrakkyTheDragon on February 28, 2016, 02:51:05 pm
I make waves If You Want To Find Out...
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: DrakkyTheDragon on February 28, 2016, 03:38:37 pm
Wait I Change My Mind Do This http://www.dandwiki.com/wiki/Dracanpire_(3.5e_Template)
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: DrakkyTheDragon on February 28, 2016, 03:56:18 pm
Guys I'm Making The Best Posts I Can you really need to Grow Up if you think your NEGATIVE CHEEVOS are affecting me

Zekka give Levi fire breath so he can Burn The Forums
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: STOG on February 28, 2016, 05:51:20 pm
Guys I'm Making The Best Posts I Can you really need to Grow Up if you think your NEGATIVE CHEEVOS are affecting me

Zekka give Levi fire breath so he can Burn The Forums
DrakkyTheDragon, February 28, 2016, 03:56:18 pm

Somewhere, 71 year old Rocky Balboa is running up the steps of the Philadelphia Museum of Art with a tablet in his hand.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Agent (gobble, gobble) Coop on February 28, 2016, 05:53:41 pm
What is happening on these ballpits
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: DrakkyTheDragon on February 28, 2016, 06:02:26 pm
This Thread is Now Drakky Plays Roller Coaster Tycoon 2

(http://i.imgur.com/xHyBob6.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/RO9PXOJ.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/2rBgcTQ.png)
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: DrakkyTheDragon on February 28, 2016, 06:19:07 pm
please ignore the signs they were a mistake
(http://i.imgur.com/d1nO6VH.png)
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Guts Going Nutz on February 28, 2016, 06:21:43 pm
Don't ruin this thread again.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Zekka on February 28, 2016, 06:26:35 pm
Shitpost on Ballp.it
AgentCoop, February 28, 2016, 11:16:28 am

(http://i.imgur.com/ekDpjXs.png)

Don't ruin this thread again.
Guts Going Nutz, February 28, 2016, 06:21:43 pm

OK! Shitposting complete, Levi collapses in a heap of used markers.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Sherman Tank on February 28, 2016, 07:25:20 pm
Ask Rob the Helpful Parrot for guidance and advice.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Zekka on February 28, 2016, 09:53:15 pm
Ask Rob the Helpful Parrot for guidance and advice.
Sherman Tank, February 28, 2016, 07:25:20 pm


OK! Guys, I've got bad news.

It sounds like Levi was sure you'd like his posts a lot better than you did. He's so crushed that you didn't like his marker-huffing antics that he doesn't even want to be a dragon any more. He wants to switch out his kintype for something darker, like... a raven, or a peregrine falcon.  At first he was all about the dragon powers, but then he realized he saw something warm in Boots. Not romance. Friendship. He doesn't want to breathe fire or have scales or wings or live in a cave full of gold -- he just wants the love and affection of his internet friends, which now he fears will be denied to him forever. He also wants attention, but he got plenty of that and that's no longer a priority for him.

He's also been eating less, and his hygiene has suffered. He's been eating the wrong food -- not dragon food like goat steak and beef jerky, human food like Chupa Chups and Beanie Weenies. For want of a better word, he's molting. His pasty skin is turning gray and peeling off, revealing an even pastier layer beneath. His eyes look like saucers. He can't close them because if they budge an inch he'll start crying, and the tears will roll down his face and make it look dark (I really can't emphasize how pasty and white he is) and make him look totally goth. (which he's not!)

He doesn't want to be in any more updates. Of course, he's going to have to be, because if we're on a group mission and he's in it he'll be on the character list. But he's not going to pose for any character sheets. He's not "DrakkyTheDragon" any more. He's just "Drakky." If you're gonna look at him he's gonna be sleeping, with his eyes open as previously mentioned. He won't lay down. He just stands there sighing. Poor Levi.

I asked him what it would take to make it up to him. He kind of flexed his arm awkwardly next to this funky credenza and "accidentally" knocked a few pages full of cool vampire drawings and Boots Raingear fanfic on the ground, but when he saw I wasn't looking at it he sobered up and said all he wants is an apology. From Guts Going Nutz and everyone else who anticheevoed him. And he said he has ways of knowing! But I had to give him the bad news: I have no way of making that happen. Why? He never asked for it in the topic. And he's in too much trauma to ask for it now. Even thinking about it makes his eyes bug out and his pulse speed up.

It might surprise you but we're in the greatest of all possible universes. We're in a universe of wish-granting and hope, which is guaranteed by my favorable response to every request made here. This world can get a whole lot darker without a whole lot of effort if I ignore even one request. And as of now my last logged request from him is to be a dragon, which -- according to him -- he no longer wants. In fact, I think it would make his species dysphoria worse. (and that is a real medical condition)

What that means is that I have no choice but to dragon-ify him. Doing otherwise... well, it could kill people. Good people, sane people. For starters, J.W. Friedman and Chris Collision. Maybe also Renata Sancken and Andrew Jupin. But I know giving him that former wish would make him unhappy. He might even kill himself, although dragons are pretty tough so it'd be hard to do that. I hate to think of the effects a dragon suicide would have on Boots: kobolds love dragons!

The only thing I can foresee that could save this situation is a talking parrot. That, or a sufficiently well-chosen SPECIAL GUEST, or a sufficiently strong audience recommendation. It seems like there are still some routes to save this life which as-of-yet have not been explored.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Bodark on February 28, 2016, 10:10:54 pm
There are so many possibilities, and we can't focus our liberal rage on our own. We need the guidance of Rob the Helpful Parrot. He'll know what to do!
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: moooo566 (taylor's version) on February 29, 2016, 12:21:29 am
Check Inventory.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Zekka on February 29, 2016, 12:48:25 am
Check Inventory.
moooo566, February 29, 2016, 12:21:29 am

OK!

(http://i.imgur.com/DNxeSj5.png)

There are so many possibilities, and we can't focus our liberal rage on our own. We need the guidance of Rob the Helpful Parrot. He'll know what to do!
Bodark, February 28, 2016, 10:10:54 pm

OK! I happen to agree.

(http://i.imgur.com/g0WTtI1.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/JpMgKb0.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/baTybHj.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/BIvVRG5.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/jVCL5o3.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/5q6cNVr.png)

That was very enlightening! Thank you, Rob!

(http://i.imgur.com/ZGtdsVU.png)
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: moooo566 (taylor's version) on February 29, 2016, 01:47:22 am
This isn't a specific command, but we should beeline for somewhere we can pick up clingfilm. I've only ever played on adventure game but it was very useful there.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Afraid of Audio on February 29, 2016, 02:12:22 am
This isn't a specific command, but we should beeline for somewhere we can pick up clingfilm. I've only ever played on adventure game but it was very useful there.
moooo566, February 29, 2016, 01:47:22 am

If we could procure a terrapin at the same time that would be great.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Guts Going Nutz on February 29, 2016, 06:53:56 am
Tell Drakky we will all die alone and he has to learn to accept that.
Title: I am the admin of a right wing meme page
Post by: Gyro on February 29, 2016, 10:33:37 am
Horribly off-topic here but

(http://i.imgur.com/8OpJYAy.png)

The pick was D.

FYI the build you picked so far is pretty close to optimal.

Zekka, February 26, 2016, 06:52:03 pm

now I want a game where you play as a kobold ninja. I want one real bad.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Sherman Tank on February 29, 2016, 11:17:48 am
We should definitely obtain a terrapin and some clingfilm.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: moooo566 (taylor's version) on February 29, 2016, 12:29:41 pm
I'd go so far as to say we need many, many rolls of clingfilm.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Sherman Tank on February 29, 2016, 03:06:43 pm
I'd go so far as to say we need many, many rolls of clingfilm.
moooo566, February 29, 2016, 12:29:41 pm

Possibly even more than that.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Zekka on February 29, 2016, 10:44:28 pm
Horribly off-topic here but now I want a game where you play as a kobold ninja. I want one real bad.
Dog Magma, February 29, 2016, 10:33:37 am

This isn't a specific command, but we should beeline for somewhere we can pick up clingfilm. I've only ever played on adventure game but it was very useful there.
moooo566, February 29, 2016, 01:47:22 am

If we could procure a terrapin at the same time that would be great.
Afraid of Audio, February 29, 2016, 02:12:22 am

OK! Fantasy is reality! Wheels are in motion!

Tell Drakky we will all die alone and he has to learn to accept that.
Guts Going Nutz, February 29, 2016, 06:53:56 am

OK! I left a note in his closet, which is full of dark-colored outfits and cloaks. Which he can't wear because he's not goth. We might have to take more overt means to make sure he discovers it!

In happier news, there's fortunately a plastics factory right in town, so clingfilm isn't going to be a problem. June wants to attend, but this isn't likely to turn out well -- she's not statted out for stealth or disguise, although she has some potential to become good at disguise if we help her grind it. She just spends the day modding the guests from Roller Coaster Tycoon 2 to look more like kobolds.

Boots heads in.


(http://i.imgur.com/HuchYzd.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/wurjlaz.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/FnYkuEg.png)

Clingfilm! In industrial size!

(http://i.imgur.com/dE2Lhl5.png)

Destroying this machinery boosts Boots' stats by generating tons of Juice.

(http://i.imgur.com/phJ2Evu.png)

However, in that trip, Boots didn't break enough machines to level up from Activist to Socialist Threat.

(http://i.imgur.com/rxA4kCA.png)

Legislation occurs.

(http://i.imgur.com/cVjWFRR.png)

This looks pretty good for us. Those green propositions both advance our agenda. We don't like the red proposition, but it was basically inevitable.

(http://i.imgur.com/kNvDLaD.png)

He has that power, it turns out.

(http://i.imgur.com/jJ4KQYM.png)

We could make more cash by selling more of our loot. But the most effective way to get ahead in this game is to design clothing, since it's very low-risk and you can generate about a half a raid worth of loot every day.

After a quick second raid, Boots has Socialist Threat status, and corresponding stat gains.


(http://i.imgur.com/MFsI2HG.png)

But there's also something else. You may remember what I said, which is that this is industrial-size clingfilm. There are a lot of ways to bundle clingfilm: traditionally rolls, which can be subdivided into smaller rolls, but also bundles folded across hundreds of times like antique computer paper. At first glance this one particular bundle looked like one of the latter -- but instead Boots found it was concentric, like a roll -- wrapped around something square and barely visible through the faintly translucent plastic.

(http://i.imgur.com/lRbE8sk.png)

What you see at the bottom when all the wrappings are gone is an old film photograph, slightly torn, as if it's been handled by someone. It's been only slightly distorted by the heat and weight of its plastic coat.

It depicts a rotund old man having fat cheeks, a long beard, and a shaggy mop of thick white hair. The man is most assuredly not Santa Claus.

Something about the exposure has turned his eyes plutonium green.


(http://i.imgur.com/WGTzidu.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/u4TPriC.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/EU9shbf.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/dev3OPZ.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/sGdtCI1.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/giPFMnS.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/DUACQfn.png)
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Sherman Tank on February 29, 2016, 11:45:18 pm
This is some intense shit. Obviously Levi needs immediate help. Boots should use the Kadir-Buxton Method to heal him quickly.

After that, Boots needs to power up as fast as possible. He needs A PYRADYNE HEADGEAR PYRAMID
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: montrith on February 29, 2016, 11:47:15 pm
Suggesting our eventual clothes line be complely clingfilm and pyramid hat based.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Bodark on February 29, 2016, 11:47:37 pm
We're wanted for credit card fraud, so now sounds like a good opportunity to talk to a SPECIAL GUEST who can give us legal assistance.

I'm sure yei has always wanted to see the view from the top floor of Trump Condominiums, anyway.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: LINDA on March 01, 2016, 12:27:09 am
is this Undertale
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Zekka on March 01, 2016, 12:31:29 am
is this Undertale
LINDA, March 01, 2016, 12:27:09 am

I never got past like the first level of Undertale. Is this what happens? Go figure. I got into this stuff from old FMV games.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Sherman Tank on March 01, 2016, 01:57:21 am
None of this changes the fact that Levi needs the Kadir-Buxton Method and Boots needs a Pyradyne™ headgear pyramid.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: moooo566 (taylor's version) on March 01, 2016, 03:39:49 am
Having stolen clingfilm, I think we need the special guest to provide some legal aid.

As a second priority, we should arm non-Boots just in case legal aid isn't enough and escape is needed.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Lemon on March 01, 2016, 05:15:09 am
We cannot ignore the suffering of Levi and/or Drakky. We need Boots to provide either semen or menstrual blood (whichever is more convenient) to improve morale.

Some crimes would be helpful, can we file false patents claiming that we own Mickey Mouse? That or arson.

Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Lemon on March 01, 2016, 05:18:05 am
Oh, also
console.log(rob.brain)
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Gyro on March 01, 2016, 09:55:07 am
Examine the photograph of the rotund, white-haired man to see if it's actually Richard Stallman.

If it is him, investigate the Linux Nerd / clingfilm connection.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Ashto on March 01, 2016, 11:00:24 am
I would go as far as to wrap Levi in clingfilm. Just trust me on this, I'm fairly certain that its special properties will stop corruption from setting into his heart, as well as healing him of his ails.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Gyro on March 01, 2016, 11:11:43 am
I would go as far as to wrap Levi in clingfilm. Just trust me on this, I'm fairly certain that its special properties will stop corruption from setting into his heart, as well as healing him of his ails.
Ashto, March 01, 2016, 11:00:24 am

Seconding this, but make sure to do it completely.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Zekka on March 01, 2016, 12:53:58 pm
Examine the photograph of the rotund, white-haired man to see if it's actually Richard Stallman.

If it is him, investigate the Linux Nerd / clingfilm connection.
Dog Magma, March 01, 2016, 09:55:07 am

OK! It is not obviously Richard Stallman. It appears to be an East Asian man or pacific islander in his 50s-70s. He has a very round face and large eyes, suggesting southeast Asian descent in particular -- perhaps Thai or Cambodian?

Oh, also
console.log(rob.brain)
Lemon, March 01, 2016, 05:18:05 am


OK! It appears to be a terse implementation of Constraint Handling Rules in the pattern of KU Leuven's, followed by a series of inference rules all in this form.

agubar, aqbar <=> aqbarre
aqb(Agubar) <=> bqbarre, bbar(Qqbar)
bbar(Qqbar) <=> qqbarre

You do a quick pass at minimizing the number of states and come out with about forty large blocks of English language text, followed by several thousand lines of monster cockysis rules on it. They appear to implement some kind of parser. Here's the contents of the first few blocks:

- a Plato corpus
- an Aristotle corpus
- a G.K. Chesterton corpus
- a BoredIRC corpuse Station 13 channel on Goonstation
- some biology text books
- some chemistry textbooks
- some documentaries about hip hop (transcript)
- a complete transcript of the Jersey Shore

There's also some ASCII-art of a parrot. But it's way better than the ascii art you see in the game.




We cannot ignore the suffering of Levi and/or Drakky. We need Boots to provide either semen or menstrual blood (whichever is more convenient) to improve morale.
Lemon, March 01, 2016, 05:15:09 am

OK! What you're saying is "effectively, Boots needs to be a mammal." That's pretty offensive.

I would go as far as to wrap Levi in clingfilm. Just trust me on this, I'm fairly certain that its special properties will stop corruption from setting into his heart, as well as healing him of his ails.
Ashto, March 01, 2016, 11:00:24 am

None of this changes the fact that Levi needs the Kadir-Buxton Method and Boots needs a Pyradyne™ headgear pyramid.
Sherman Tank, March 01, 2016, 01:57:21 am

Suggesting our eventual clothes line be complely clingfilm and pyramid hat based.
montrith, February 29, 2016, 11:47:15 pm

OK! We can do this, but we're going to need a designer for the clingfilm outfit and pyramid. Consider it noted on the priorities list.



This is some intense shit. Obviously Levi needs immediate help. Boots should use the Kadir-Buxton Method to heal him quickly.
Sherman Tank, February 29, 2016, 11:45:18 pm

OK! We can do this one right now.

(http://i.imgur.com/QE3hHa2.png)

Wow! That significantly boosted his base stats, except for Wisdom, which is now a 1. (Don't tell him I took this screenshot. I did it while he was sleeping.) Unfortunately he's still pretty morose.



We're wanted for credit card fraud, so now sounds like a good opportunity to talk to a SPECIAL GUEST who can give us legal assistance.

I'm sure yei has always wanted to see the view from the top floor of Trump Condominiums, anyway.
Bodark, February 29, 2016, 11:47:37 pm

is this Undertale
LINDA, March 01, 2016, 12:27:09 am

OK! But rule 1: this isn't Undertale. And first, A SELECTION OF ENGLISH-LANGUAGE WIKIPEDIA CHOSEN AT COMPLETE RANDOM WITH NO BEARING ON THE METAPLOT

Dianetics uses the image of an exploding volcano, both on the covers of post-1967 editions, and in advertising. A giant billboard built in Sydney, Australia, measured 33 m (100 ft) wide and 10 m (30 ft) high and depicted an erupting volcano with "non-toxic smoke."[64] Hubbard told his marketing staff that this imagery would make the books irresistible to purchasers by reactivating unconscious memories.[65] According to Hubbard, the volcano recalls the incident in which galactic overlord Xenu placed billions of his people around Earth's volcanoes and killed them there by blowing them up with hydrogen bombs.[66][67] A representative of the Church of Scientology has confirmed in court that the Dianetics volcano is indeed linked with the "catastrophe" wrought by Xenu.[68]

(http://i.imgur.com/kzmQG4O.jpg)

Let's take a closer look at how this situation came about. It looks like Boots ran off to Trump Condominiums mostly on his own. The main entryways are a road route that leads from the parking lot to a valet dropoff zone, and a VIP back entryway, and out of those two he elected to take the back. Kobolds hate being spotted.

There's a classy little club inside, mostly for actors and entertainers, decorated in New Orleans style where Patricia, a Louisiana transplant, serves traditional Bayou specialties and her friend Grieg (from Japan) prepares a much more flamboyant range of food. Other than that, it quickly opens up to the consumer floor, full of slot machines, champagne, and European waiters.

Patricia, specifically, lives in this house. (that's her in the front) If you look for Boots in this image, you probably won't find him. He's hidden pretty well.

(http://i.imgur.com/2xdUlZ7.jpg)

Levi doesn't want to appear on camera, but this is a public place, and being real, if we want to film him there's nothing he can do to stop us. He manages to impress the valet pretty easily with his nine charisma, and soon he's in the lobby. He tightens his clingfilm cufflink for comfort. (he made it himself before leaving.)

(http://i.imgur.com/unRau2B.jpg)

He has a problem, which is that the majority of the Trump Condominiums is off-limits due to a convention being hosted on the bottom floor, and the residence wing is open to owners only to prevent mischief. The other problem is this: he's got to be searched.

(http://i.imgur.com/XQgiR4X.png) Could you leave your bag on the counter? We're just going to go through and look for electronics.

Levi has a little pouch which is just fat enough to stick out of his pocket. He takes it out and sets it down.

(http://i.imgur.com/oshLzM2.png) I'm not in the mood for this.
(http://i.imgur.com/WshZ1BC.png) You know, most people who come in here, they're rich. And they're happy.
(http://i.imgur.com/oshLzM2.png) Are they really happy?
(http://i.imgur.com/nNOETag.png) Yeah, of course! And why not? They have their money.
(http://i.imgur.com/AgMSjRU.png) Hey, do you mind if I ask your name? This is my first time.
(http://i.imgur.com/WshZ1BC.png) Listen... Levi. <he's looking at the wallet> No matter how it may seem, I want everyone here to have a good time. Getting over your grief, most of the time, that's a prerequisite. There's rich guys who come in here and they aren't happy -- and they enjoy themselves for a while, and then they drift over to the bar, have a few drinks, and go to bed early. For them, that's fine. Some of them are on vacation, some of them live here. But if they really want to live it up they need to give up whatever it is they're taking seriously. What was I getting to? Oh, that's right. I can't get you into anywhere. That convention isn't my scene. So let's not get too personal.
(http://i.imgur.com/oshLzM2.png) Don't you want to know what's in there?
(http://i.imgur.com/WshZ1BC.png) We get a million events like these a year. It's not that I'm not curious, it's just that... do you want the truth? I've snuck into these places before. None of them are as exciting as they sound. Maybe this PewDiePie dude is different from the rest, but I don't think so. You said this was your first time, right? Let me give you some advice: come in in a week, visit the bar, play some slots. On Thursdays I work bar. My name is Guts. I'll attend to you properly.
(http://i.imgur.com/nKzse9Q.png) Gus?
(http://i.imgur.com/fjtpusx.png)Guts.

(http://i.imgur.com/frDeqUx.jpg)

THE SITUATION AS IT STANDS
==========================
Boots Raingear
--------------
- Outside behind the condominiums, has not been given permission to come inside.
- Sticks out like a sore thumb.
- Probably going to have to suck someone's throat before day is out.
- Wants to get to the top floor.

Levi Gao
--------
- Stuck in the lobby with Guts.
- Still lost and depressed.
- Enjoying his new Charisma 9!
- Clingfilm wristband brings some confidence.
- Wants to get to the top floor.

Guts
----
- Security, occasional bartender.
- Can't let anyone into the convention or the residences.
- Just a little curious about what's going on inside.
- Sympathetic to the cause!
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Frank West on March 01, 2016, 01:42:12 pm
Levi should use the confidence that the clingfilm bracers give him and inform guts that, as a dragon, he doesn't need to follow human rules, and can therefore go to the top floor.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Guts Going Nutz on March 01, 2016, 02:18:06 pm
I don't think we've seen solid proof that Levi is in fact a dragon. He needs to terrorize some villagers before I'm convinced.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Nifty Nif on March 03, 2016, 02:04:02 pm
Boots needs to move, but not too far. He should hunt for a (willing?) blood donor.

This is Levi's moment. Maybe if he befriends Guts he'll feel a little better. Extol the virtues of PewDiePie to Guts while making a clingfilm friendship bracelet.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Ashto on March 05, 2016, 10:50:22 am
Once Levi has Guts' support, he should convince him to trade clothes with Boots, so that Boots can gain access to the building by pretending to be one of the workers.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Zekka on March 06, 2016, 01:49:14 pm
Sorry about the hiatus! Here is a diagram that explains what is going on!

LIFE QUALITY
+
|\
| \
|  \
|   \
|    \
|     \
+------+
LP Update Frequency

And a second diagram explaining what I've been doing in that time:

(http://i.imgur.com/1CJ2aPx.gif)

The good news is that I'm planning to have a pretty shitty next week.

I don't think we've seen solid proof that Levi is in fact a dragon. He needs to terrorize some villagers before I'm convinced.
Guts Going Nutz, March 01, 2016, 02:18:06 pm

OK! Well, he's not, because I haven't hit the dragon button yet. As previously established, hitting the dragon button would surely cause his continued depression and suicide. However, I hinted that there would be consequences if I didn't hit it, and since it's been a week I figure I should document what those consequences are, since now they're happening. In the Trump Condominiums, on the second floor from the top, Kool Keith has been growing hantavirus or something.

(http://i.imgur.com/SygcQMw.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/QepUgoD.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/hl8u2T9.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/FhWcU9M.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/DkWyQC1.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/zxwjTOS.png)

The terminal overflows. The hantavirus is free.


This is Levi's moment. Maybe if he befriends Guts he'll feel a little better. Extol the virtues of PewDiePie to Guts while making a clingfilm friendship bracelet.
Nifty Nif, March 03, 2016, 02:04:02 pm

Levi should use the confidence that the clingfilm bracers give him and inform guts that, as a dragon, he doesn't need to follow human rules, and can therefore go to the top floor.
Frank West, March 01, 2016, 01:42:12 pm


(http://i.imgur.com/nKzse9Q.png) There's something I haven't told you.
(http://i.imgur.com/WshZ1BC.png) It's probably not going to change my mind.
(http://i.imgur.com/nKzse9Q.png) I can breathe fire.

He feels sick to his stomach. He doesn't want to be a dragon. He wants to be a raven, or a peregrine falcon, or a mudskipper or something. But it's true and it's inevitable.

(http://i.imgur.com/nKzse9Q.png) I made this wish on an internet forum. It's going to happen any minute, I swear...
(http://i.imgur.com/nNOETag.png) It's interesting that you say that.
(http://i.imgur.com/XQgiR4X.png) I'm a dragon too.

He guides Levi down a hidden stairway to an enormous vault.

(http://i.imgur.com/UMKcFuU.jpg)

(http://i.imgur.com/nNOETag.png) What you're gonna see in this room is, frankly, going to disturb you. It might devastate you. But it might make you whole. Take the next right.

(http://i.imgur.com/yeYoIIO.jpg)

(http://i.imgur.com/nNOETag.png) Every day some rich idiot is on the golf course without Trump's permission. Usually after dark or else right before dawn. Quite a lot of them have gold jewelry, gold watches... gold clubs. That's what I collect. Some dragons like to melt this stuff down: make a bed out of it, or cover the walls with it. But I'm a collector. I like it the way it comes in.


Once Levi has Guts' support, he should convince him to trade clothes with Boots, so that Boots can gain access to the building by pretending to be one of the workers.
Ashto, March 05, 2016, 10:50:22 am


(http://i.imgur.com/oshLzM2.png) Can I ask you a favor?
(http://i.imgur.com/Djc2PGT.png) I'll probably decline.

Levi pulls out his mobile phone and, reluctantly -- fighting every fiber of his embarrassment, scrolls to this thread on ballp.it with the goal of finding Boots' location.

(http://i.imgur.com/5QWML6Z.png) You've got to have more than one set of clothes like that. Can you, maybe, leave an outfit or something near the VIP entrance? A friend of mine just -- doesn't -- have the fashion sense. He would look good in a pinstripe navy suit. And I think if we don't do it he's going to go out in public in a T-shirt.
(http://i.imgur.com/lBMsniL.png) Well, we don't take VIPs who won't wear suits.

Levi desperately flaunts his Charisma 9.

(http://i.imgur.com/nKzse9Q.png) I can make this worth your while. Uh, I want to be friends with you... totally straight. I think you should wear this.

He tears his clingfilm bracelet in half all along the middle, stressing but not breaking the knot in the center, teasing it until finally he has two duplicate bracelets.

(http://i.imgur.com/WshZ1BC.png) I'm gonna wear this for you. Yeah, not over my suit, and not because I like it. But you don't look like you're having a good time. You're too anxious. I want to make you less anxious. You seem like a very trustworthy person.
(http://i.imgur.com/AgMSjRU.png) Can you let me up too?
(http://i.imgur.com/nNOETag.png) What? Why? You can just fly there, if you're a real dragon.
(http://i.imgur.com/nKzse9Q.png) I'm a pretty big dragon. Someone would probably spot me.
(http://i.imgur.com/fjtpusx.png) Take my spare key.
(http://i.imgur.com/nKzse9Q.png) One more thing. PewDiePie is good.
(http://i.imgur.com/fjtpusx.png) You're for real? Maybe I will take a peek inside.


Boots needs to move, but not too far. He should hunt for a (willing?) blood donor.
Nifty Nif, March 03, 2016, 02:04:02 pm


OK! At the VIP back door appears e-sports legend Dendi with an entourage of Russian women, uniformed in orange. One of them accidentally stomps on on an attractive, navy-blue pinstripe suit hidden right outside the door.

(http://i.imgur.com/YHgN8TV.jpg)

(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) I just need something to take the edge off.

The women trail off chattering excitedly in Russian, apparently into the secret VIP entrance and VIP club. One of them drops her perfume, which lands on the ground and breaks. Peculiarly, it smells like ash. None of them even appears to notice Boots, who shrieks desperately in a last-ditch effort to attract their attention. The one in the back looks back, grabs two of the others' shoulders, and they all scurry quickly past a guard checkpoint inside.

Dendi, on the other hand, scurries off to an even more secret VIP entrance underground. The ceiling is high enough that Boots can bypass the guard by scurrying along the top. It leads to this luxurious casino floor, completely empty. You're pretty sure this is where actual celebrities go.

(http://i.imgur.com/fFmKusr.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Hey, I want --
(http://i.imgur.com/voRubTP.png) Are you from Reddit?
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) No.
(http://i.imgur.com/voRubTP.png) Next question: are you with the Condominiums?
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) I will be able to help you.

Boots licks his own eyeball as a sign of affection. He tries to hide the fang on the other side with his lower lip. It comes out almost looking like a conventional smile. Dendi mirrors the expression.

(http://i.imgur.com/voCvWoF.png) Right now I have three problems. The ESEX guys are going to be solving two of them, once they're finished with their girls in the other lounge. The third task involves stealing, but it's not technically illegal. Are you good at stealing?

Boots giggles and snorts. He crouches down to waist-level, buries his arms under his shirt, and sneaks effortfully around to Dendi's back. Once he's completely behind, he mimes pinching a coin out of Dendi's pocket, then shrugs.

(http://i.imgur.com/voCvWoF.png) I just need you to prove you won't let someone else catch you. Go behind the bar and get me something that's not on the menu.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Anything?
(http://i.imgur.com/QWCboAh.png) Well, something I'd like.

Boots peeks around the bar and finds several unlabeled vials of thin white powder behind the counter. Sniffing it makes his nostrils go numb -- he decides against it. Instead he bites down really hard on the bartender's throat and releases, spending about thirty or forty seconds collecting the blood in a cocktail shaker before getting impatient, pinching the Adam's apple with his claws, and finally dumping the body into the trash compactor chute when nothing else appears to be coming out.

(http://i.imgur.com/b1c5vRa.png) That's not how you take a hint. But sure, you're in.

Boots sinks his teeth into the shaker's plastic lid and sucks it empty. Re-gifts are the best gifts.

(http://i.imgur.com/BEbraYG.png) I was planning to make GuardiaN do this, but whatever. PewDiePie wants me here to promote his new Dota team. Then he wants me to join it. I want the exposure, but I don't actually want to play for him.

(http://i.imgur.com/D1b7ofn.png) What I need is for you to stage an accident for me. If you could steal my stuff, hide me in a dumbwaiter or something, and play my games yourself, there's a nonnegligible chance you would be offered the position instead. I mean, you've got the charisma. You have kind of an "angle," I guess you could say. If you can get me out of your trap early, I'll cast your games. You'll look really good.

(http://i.imgur.com/BEbraYG.png) You've just got to wreck the first forty minutes of my day, get onstage early, and impress PewDiePie with your social skills or something. Make some cartoony faces so fan-girls can trace you for DeviantArt. When I get out, be enough of a sensation that Pewds will let me cast instead of playing.

(http://i.imgur.com/D1b7ofn.png) Let me give you my room number. It's an executive suite.

Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Gyro on March 07, 2016, 09:42:56 am
Accept Dendi's offer. Also, while you're here, go grab those vials of white powder you turned up earlier. They will come in handy later. [freakout] Boots: Rather than stuffing Dendi into a dumbwaiter like some kind of plebian, we're going to wrap him in clingfilm - do you still have any in your inventory? Make way to Dendi's suite by saunter-crawling confidently along the ceiling, as that is the fashionable way to walk among Trump acolytes.

Levi: Inquire as to the location of PewDiePie's suite, and then attempt to seduce him with your 9 charisma and draconic wiles.


I've listened to literally hundreds of episodes of The FPlus and I never knew Boots was a horrifying blood-sucking lizardman. Huh.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Zekka on March 07, 2016, 10:45:58 pm
Accept Dendi's offer. Also, while you're here, go grab those vials of white powder you turned up earlier. They will come in handy later. [freakout] Boots: Rather than stuffing Dendi into a dumbwaiter like some kind of plebian, we're going to wrap him in clingfilm - do you still have any in your inventory? Make way to Dendi's suite by saunter-crawling confidently along the ceiling, as that is the fashionable way to walk among Trump acolytes.

Levi: Inquire as to the location of PewDiePie's suite, and then attempt to seduce him with your 9 charisma and draconic wiles.


I've listened to literally hundreds of episodes of The FPlus and I never knew Boots was a horrifying blood-sucking lizardman. Huh.
Dog Magma, March 07, 2016, 09:42:56 am

OK! Let's take these one by one.

Inquire as to the location of PewDiePie's suite, and then attempt to seduce him with your 9 charisma and draconic wiles.
Dog Magma, March 07, 2016, 09:42:56 am
OK!
(http://i.imgur.com/oshLzM2.png) Do you know where PewDiePie's suite is?
(http://i.imgur.com/WshZ1BC.png) We usually book performers in the executive suites, on the sixth and seventh floor. Most of those are full right now, but if he's a top-billed performer, there's a pretty good chance we made space. Probably by bumping someone to the fifth floor.
(http://i.imgur.com/oshLzM2.png) What happens to the people you bump?
(http://i.imgur.com/WshZ1BC.png) Usually we take someone who already reserved a room and hasn't arrived yet, then comp them free meals and two adjacent rooms right underneath instead. They usually don't know they've been downgraded -- but in terms of floor space and service, it's actually an upgrade. If you ask me. They even get to use an executive suite card.
(http://i.imgur.com/5QWML6Z.png) Do those cards still function?
(http://i.imgur.com/lBMsniL.png) They'll get you into the associated seventh-or-sixth floor room. I tell you what. You didn't hear this from me. If you want to get into PewDiePie's suite, maybe you'd better knock door to door on the fifth floor, see who was bumped, and see if you can get their key.







I'll spare you the sidequest. Levi gets the key and emerges triumphant on the sixth floor. After trying every door exactly one opens.

(http://i.imgur.com/Zk4eKad.jpg)

His lungs jitter and seize.




Also, while you're here, go grab those vials of white powder you turned up earlier.
Dog Magma, March 07, 2016, 09:42:56 am

Not a problem. Boots didn't really bring a backpack, nor has he found a usable container, so he slides all three into his left ear. Unfortunately. this screws a little bit with his ability to perceive sounds directionally, so he takes one out and slides it into the other ear. Directional sound still not working. So he takes one more out and hands it to Dendi. Directional sound restored.

(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Maybe you want this.
(http://i.imgur.com/voRubTP.png) Is this from behind the bar?
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Yeah.
(http://i.imgur.com/voRubTP.png) Then this is performance-enhancing. Cool. But if you're going to play Dota, you'll probably need this more than I will.

He takes it, though, after Boots tells him he has two of them.


Accept Dendi's offer.
Dog Magma, March 07, 2016, 09:42:56 am


(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Are you going to give me your key?
(http://i.imgur.com/voRubTP.png) No, I can't do that, but I can give you my copy of the ESEX key. I'm guessing you can get to my room from there by jumping balconies, since they're adjacent, outward-facing, and both on the seventh floor.
(http://i.imgur.com/voCvWoF.png) Sorry. It's not like I don't want to help you. But we're doing equipment roll call in a few minutes and I'm going to be expected to fetch some mice and keyboards out of my room. I think the best way to do this is like this, actually. I'm going to be on my second pass about a half-hour in to get some CPUs -- they're heavy, and I'll wait around, and you just have to --


Make way to Dendi's suite by saunter-crawling confidently along the ceiling, as that is the fashionable way to walk among Trump acolytes.
Dog Magma, March 07, 2016, 09:42:56 am


(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) I'm probably not going to have to jump.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Can you leave a window unlocked?
(http://i.imgur.com/BEbraYG.png) It sounds like there's a lot of common ground between your plan and my plan. Do you need anything brought up to the room?


Rather than stuffing Dendi into a dumbwaiter like some kind of plebian, we're going to wrap him in clingfilm - do you still have any in your inventory?
Dog Magma, March 07, 2016, 09:42:56 am


(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) How long do you have before you're going up there?
(http://i.imgur.com/BEbraYG.png) Less than an hour.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Go to the restaurant and order some cheesecake or something. Then say you're not hungry -- don't finish your plate. Make them wrap it in clingfilm. No matter what, it's not enough clingfilm. Get mad and say they're not doing it right. Convince them to let you have the clingfilm.
(http://i.imgur.com/D1b7ofn.png) That sounds conspicuous.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Try saying "please."
(http://i.imgur.com/voCvWoF.png) I'll get you your clingfilm.

Boots scratches his ear and looks longingly at the shaker.

(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Also, can you pick up some candy cigs?
(http://i.imgur.com/voRubTP.png) I don't think they have that here. But there's tiramisu at the restaurant. That's good.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Well, what I could really use is something to suck on.
(http://i.imgur.com/QWCboAh.png) How about a jelly donut?

Boots licks his lips. His tongue catches on his left fang.

(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Better, get two.

(http://i.imgur.com/BAxxbHQ.jpg)

A brief saunter along the underside of the staircase later, Boots is in ESEX's hotel room. Dendi's room, of course, is just right of the windowsill. The balcony is glass and paper-thin. On the far bed, facing the opposite wall, is a vivacious-looking graphics designer peeking through a veritable landscape of PewDiePie images on his laptop display. A vivacious-looking journalist is talking about Dendi's victory record while arranging some sushi in the kitchenette.

Neither seems aware that the door's been opened. Or else they're just not particularly concerned.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Sherman Tank on March 09, 2016, 02:56:38 am
Steal their bandwidth and/or search for a bottle of J&B in case the Guy from Harlem shows up.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Zekka on March 11, 2016, 12:22:07 am
Steal their bandwidth and/
Sherman Tank, March 09, 2016, 02:56:38 am

OK! It turns out these guys are cheating Trump Condominiums by wirelessly repeating their $10 internet connection to most of the floor. What penny-pinchers!

The router is mounted on the nightstand by the near bed, with a little bit of double-stick tape. Boots doesn't even have to cross a gap to get access to it. He doesn't actually have a computer to access it with, so thinking fast he holds his ear to the CAT5 cable and cycles the power. BOOTS HACKING MODE ENGAGED.

(http://i.imgur.com/ucxzWKZ.png)

NOT CLEAR. He shuffles the vial around in his ear to see if he can get the signal any clearer.

(http://i.imgur.com/oe8yMLJ.png)

He power-cycles it to see if he can find something else.

(http://i.imgur.com/4TgZsPH.png)

PACKETS DETECTED. NARROWING DOWN.

(http://i.imgur.com/1Q31v1Q.png)


or search for a bottle of J&B in case the Guy from Harlem shows up.
Sherman Tank, March 09, 2016, 02:56:38 am

Too late. A clang sounds from across the hall. Not a loud clang, a soft clang, like someone sneaky just failed a stealth roll. A sudden sharp pain throbs in Boots' ear.

(http://i.imgur.com/3GCGMBs.jpg)


(http://i.imgur.com/GmXjbt7.png) It's peculiar. I feel fine.

A little black door has opened down the hall. Levi is floating -- or else being carried so gently...

(http://i.imgur.com/5u2gUQ1.png) This man is sick. He needs medical care. There are infected rats on this floor of the building. What's that feeling I'm getting?

Boots' ear feels cold and wet. He licks it. Blood. He must have scraped it on the router, turning around.

(http://i.imgur.com/KeHKGkB.png) You know him, don't you?
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Drop his ankle for a second.

To understand what Boots is seeing you have to understand Levi's pose. The fumigator is carrying him -- yes, by his ankles -- but he's floating so gently. He looks like he might bounce up to the ceiling, provided nothing holds him back.

(http://i.imgur.com/FI7kIf4.png) Leave me be.
(http://i.imgur.com/fBdBWhi.png) There's something here that I want. I don't know what. Let me tell you who I am.

Arteries in Boots' eyes, dead from total disuse, have begun to constrict causing a feeling that they've begun to stretch. The part of his tongue that touched the ear has gone numb. A bloody shard of glass falls to the floor.

(http://i.imgur.com/Gb7r0FL.png) Trump wants me to do cocaine again. It smells like piss. Is that what this is about?

His grip on Levi's ankle loosens. Levi's lips reach the ceiling and he projectile-vomits a rat right out the open window. Oh. It was a closed window.

(http://i.imgur.com/pm9A6Dx.png)

(http://i.imgur.com/KeHKGkB.png) Trump wants me to be the reason racists vote for Trump.

Overcome by a cocaine frenzy, the fumigator buries his nose in Boots' ear and inhales deeply. Glass flies everywhere. Soon the fumigator is covered in  dead kobold blood, blackish-red, thin like wine. Undissolved shards of cocaine surface between bloats of cranial fluid.

(http://i.imgur.com/rodHPoq.jpg)

Incomprehensible ecstasy. The scent of piss. Rats scurrying from wall to wall. Boots and the fumigator are becoming cocaine-satisfied.

(http://i.imgur.com/RFVe9Jq.png) I'm being played by two distinct black people.
(http://i.imgur.com/StqitDk.png) ... feel... different

But if this is what satisfaction feels like... why does it hurt so bad?

(http://i.imgur.com/0ch0Uji.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/kpzWDGZ.jpg)

Boots awakens in a secluded private changing room by the public swimming pool, a jelly donut on either fang. Through a glass wall he can see everyone partying out there like nothing's happened.

(http://i.imgur.com/IzK204o.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/voRubTP.png) We can't do the plan in my room.
(http://i.imgur.com/D1b7ofn.png) There's been a disaster up there.
(http://i.imgur.com/QWCboAh.png) You're going to come up with a version of your plan that works down here.

The sheet of clingfilm is nearly eighty yards long!

(http://i.imgur.com/StqitDk.png) I geel lighe shit.
(http://i.imgur.com/voRubTP.png) Take a suck.

The flavors of raspberry and strawberry blend in Boots' mouth. At first he tries to pretend it's not so achingly sweet, but then he realizes -- jelly's not bad!

(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Is my ear fucked up?
(http://i.imgur.com/voRubTP.png) Much less than it was upstairs. I think you'll photograph pretty well.
(http://i.imgur.com/BEbraYG.png) The ESEX guys had my old uniform.

It's a yellow jumpsuit that says NaVi on it.

(http://i.imgur.com/voCvWoF.png) Put it on! It's your color.

It hangs kind of loosely over Boots' shoulders, but it stretches surprisingly tight once he gets his legs into it. It looks almost but not completely fitted. He wraps the midsection with a little clingfilm to keep it tight.

(http://i.imgur.com/BEbraYG.png) OK! Now do your plan.

He leaves Dendi thoroughly tied, underneath a bench in the private changing room, which he props open with the end of the donut box. Then he slinks off to what appears to be the performance area.



PewDiePie has already started mic testing, Boots realizes -- but with Dendi nowhere to be seen, he's both testing and listening for his own voice. An attendant waiting in the audience is trying to tell him that there's feedback, but PewDiePie seems unable to distinguish it over the feedback he's ignoring.

Then Boots detects a subtle, hateful grin. PewDiePie's doing it on purpose.

The ESEX production team is present but looks a little battered from the sixth-floor experience. Slinking along the ceiling Boots finds a little hatch that leads to a catwalk stretching all the way backstage. The cries of RAPE and further millenial comedy fade into the distance.

(http://i.imgur.com/VRStXeb.jpg)

For those of you who don't know, the green room is where performers get ready for whatever it is they're about to perform. This one is literally green. That's where Boots is. The door opens, just a sliver.

(http://i.imgur.com/d4olapZ.png) Who is this fucker? I think he barfed lighter fluid on my coat.

Levi's body hangs sheetlike over his shoulder, a dull fire still burning in its open eyes. He hurls it to the ground, then musses up the hair with his sneakers. Then he cusses and swears a little bit more at the mousey-looking stagehand who's waiting at the door, before coming inside the room himself.

Boots doesn't speak.

(http://i.imgur.com/eQBfVNi.png) You look like an internet meme.

His teeth are a dull, faded pink. He's just eaten a jelly donut, Boots thinks.

(http://i.imgur.com/zr1cptu.png) You have ten seconds to make me laugh, make me impressed, or make me better at Dota. You lose? I kick your ass.

Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Zekka on March 11, 2016, 12:24:00 am
(http://i.imgur.com/ocwYklg.png) And just a tip. If you think what I do is talentless, vulgar, or base, I will kill you.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Guts Going Nutz on March 11, 2016, 07:56:25 am
Channel the spirit of Daniel Tosh and then tell him League of Legends is better anyways.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Zekka on March 11, 2016, 10:09:17 am
Channel the spirit of Daniel Tosh and then tell him League of Legends is better anyways.
Guts Going Nutz, March 11, 2016, 07:56:25 am

OK! Boots pinches his nose. Given his vocal anatomy, it doesn't modulate his voice as much as he was hoping.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Sexy girls...
(http://i.imgur.com/eQBfVNi.png) What?
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) They should get jobs...
(http://i.imgur.com/KsFAJV3.png) You're shitting me.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) ... sucking my cock. League of Legends is better.
(http://i.imgur.com/eQBfVNi.png) What's your favorite lane composition?
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Rapists...

The room is briefly silent. The last three seconds of time tick by.

(http://i.imgur.com/ocwYklg.png) Don't talk like that in public. I'm giving you ten more seconds, completely unearned.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Guts Going Nutz on March 12, 2016, 07:20:12 am
Remember your b-ball training and make sick three-pointers.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Zekka on March 12, 2016, 04:21:14 pm
Remember your b-ball training and make sick three-pointers.
Guts Going Nutz, March 12, 2016, 07:20:12 am

(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Do you play b-ball?
(http://i.imgur.com/KsFAJV3.png) Yes. It hasn't helped me improve at Dota.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Show me your three-point shot technique.
(http://i.imgur.com/ocwYklg.png) Just pretending to shoot?
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) I'll explain after.

PewDiePie mimes a three-point shot. It looks a little sluggish

(http://i.imgur.com/ocwYklg.png) Satisfied?
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Watch my arms.

Boots simulates a much harder toss, tensing his arms and holding the ball all the way to his chest before throwing.

(http://i.imgur.com/zr1cptu.png) I don't get it.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Really, watch my arms.

Boots does it again, with a little bit of flair.

(http://i.imgur.com/KsFAJV3.png) Is the joke here... that you have large shoulders?

Boots mimes another shot but uses just his forearms this time.

(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Reflexes! That's what you need to play Dota.
(http://i.imgur.com/KsFAJV3.png) Right, but you weren't reacting to anything. I don't see why I should assume

The fist is egg-shaped, deep tan, and just about the size of a jumbo pretzel. The hair on the knuckles is wispy and brown-white, like the fuzz on a peach, only instead of resting on the knuckles it peeks dangerously out of the crevices like an impassive observer.

In every fight, just before the first blow lands, is a moment when time seems to stop. After that point the violence becomes real, and people who looked like people before just look like meat. But that's not PewDiePie's brain works. In the second of Boots' ascent he smells ambition, oxytocin, and a wave of throbbing, artery-clogging goodwill.

(http://i.imgur.com/eQBfVNi.png) Nice dodge.

Boots drops from the ceiling, landing steadily on two feet.

(http://i.imgur.com/ocwYklg.png) Those are some swell Dota reflexes. 10 more seconds.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Sherman Tank on March 12, 2016, 04:37:12 pm
Kill and eat PewDiePie.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Guts Going Nutz on March 12, 2016, 04:44:05 pm
It'll balance out the bad karma from eating the other guy.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Bodark on March 12, 2016, 05:40:59 pm
Ask if he has an oculus rift. Pewdie's gotta have one, right? Tell him that he needs to be wearing it to fully comprehend your advice, then, while he can't see you, knock him out so he can't fight back, kill him, and eat him. A meal that famous should stave off Boots' kobold-vampire hunger for a pretty long time.

ETA: if Boots only wants to knock him out, not kill him, before eating him, that's cool, too. I won't judge how other people choose to eat internet stars.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Zekka on March 13, 2016, 12:49:19 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) If you don't get hit, people can't hurt you. As a rule.
(http://i.imgur.com/eQBfVNi.png) Dota attacks land automatically.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) It sounds like you kind-of suck at video games.
(http://i.imgur.com/zr1cptu.png) Fuck off. I just suck for the ratings.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Did I hit a sore point?
(http://i.imgur.com/KsFAJV3.png) People don't "get" this. I'm not emotionally vulnerable. I am doing this to be polite to a fan.


Ask if he has an oculus rift. Pewdie's gotta have one, right? Tell him that he needs to be wearing it to fully comprehend your advice, then, while he can't see you, knock him out so he can't fight back, kill him, and eat him. A meal that famous should stave off Boots' kobold-vampire hunger for a pretty long time.

ETA: if Boots only wants to knock him out, not kill him, before eating him, that's cool, too. I won't judge how other people choose to eat internet stars.
Bodark, March 12, 2016, 05:40:59 pm
OK!
(http://i.imgur.com/I0rjFuI.png) OK, new line of questioning. Do you have an Oculus?

PewDiePie's eyes start to glaze over. He feels surrounded by a comforting heartbeat.

(http://i.imgur.com/ocwYklg.png) You can't play Dota on an Oculus.
(http://i.imgur.com/G9QsUR6.png) What demos do you have?
(http://i.imgur.com/ocwYklg.png) ... the porn one.
(http://i.imgur.com/sfRffrY.png) Which?
(http://i.imgur.com/ocwYklg.png) ... the one with Slark.

He takes it out of his oversized pants pocket and staring through the lid Boots sees a blue Dota fishman with a hungry expression, along with a polygonal representation of a cock.

(http://i.imgur.com/fyY0R3u.png) Why did you admit that?
(http://i.imgur.com/KsFAJV3.png) Because I'm serious about Dota?

PewDiePie's breathing has become very slow and his eyes keep getting stuck when he blinks. His shoulders are so relaxed they've failed to support his head, which has kind of rolled back and turned to the ceiling fan, exposing a long, slender, juicy-looking track of throat. This is the real deal. Fame is running through those arteries.

Boots grabs his head and forcefully reorients it to face him.

(http://i.imgur.com/EMHsmjJ.png) Do you enjoy it?
(http://i.imgur.com/KsFAJV3.png) I don't know.
(http://i.imgur.com/CgBz1XP.png) You wouldn't have bought it if you didn't like it.



(http://i.imgur.com/u9xS0rn.png)


PewDiePie's teeth begin to gnash.

(http://i.imgur.com/KsFAJV3.png) Put it on. Do what you want.

The simulation starts. The combination of Boots' trance and the intensity of the fishsex action onscreen is too much and PewDiePie's body goes as loose and numb as it surely would have done if the spirit had exited the body.

Boots gingerly bites the tasty famous throat. Only he doesn't. It's made of plastic. He struggles a little bit and finds a live copper cable. It looks like it's mostly gears, plastic, and switches underneath the skin. Then, peeling open the little crevice next to the spinal column with his finger, he follows it up to the brain, which is empty. Wait...


(http://i.imgur.com/q1OGoOH.png)


It's a dazed-looking lab rat watching Slark go down in stereo on a pair of tiny retina displays. It looks like a special second feed from the Oculus Rift.

(http://i.imgur.com/6zwkrU7.png) Don't worry! The Slark-fucking hasn't ended here, rodent friend.

The rat closes its eyes, now immersed in peaceful dreams of Slark-fucking. As Boots jams it into his pocket it whispers something tender in a faint Swedish accent -- but the real magic seems to be a voice modulator in PewDie-robot's larynx, which he smuggles out.

There's not a lot of blood in a rodent, but he takes a quick, embarrassed nibble before trying to stop the flow of blood with his finger tip. It doesn't appear to be healing all too quickly, but pretty soon it looks like the immediate problem has gone away. He wraps its neck with a little bit of clingfilm to keep it from starting again. What he really needs at this point is a cage, some peanut butter, a little jerky, maybe a papaya, and some woodshavings for the floor.

He also bites the voice modulator. No blood in that.

(http://i.imgur.com/kpzWDGZ.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/D1b7ofn.png) You probably shouldn't be here. The event hasn't started and I haven't been discovered yet.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) What do you know about caring for a rat?
(http://i.imgur.com/BEbraYG.png) Tell me you're joking.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) I'm not.
(http://i.imgur.com/b1c5vRa.png) You asshole! He's very sensitive about that condition.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) What condition?
(http://i.imgur.com/D1b7ofn.png) He got cursed by a witch in Croatia.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) No, that's bullshit. I used to be a witch. There's no such thing as a rat curse.

Boots is interrupted by a passionate moan from his jumpsuit pocket. He wraps the rat's crotch up in clingfilm too, before a disaster happens.

(http://i.imgur.com/fyY0R3u.png) Things are going very well with you and Slark. He will call you tomorrow morning.

It groans with now-platonic pleasure.

(http://i.imgur.com/D1b7ofn.png) You should probably get him back in his body before the event starts. You can eat him after he gives us free publicity.

Boots can't really help himself. He takes another long swig of rat blood only to find its breathing is slowing.

(http://i.imgur.com/voCvWoF.png) That is a shitty idea. You should stop doing that.
(http://i.imgur.com/sfRffrY.png) I'm hungry. How about you take a nap till someone finds you?

Dendi looks real dizzy for a couple seconds and then falls asleep. Boots sips a little more from the rat's tiny throat.

(http://i.imgur.com/VRStXeb.jpg)

He jams the rat into the PewDiePie suit and tries to restore the voice modulator back to its original condition. It rocks left and right for a little while. Then its eyes suddenly open.

(http://i.imgur.com/zr1cptu.png) Intense!
(http://i.imgur.com/eQBfVNi.png) Well done Dendi. Call curtain... you in... you're on... ten minutes? Agh!

His diaphragm inflates and deflates rapidly like the bellows of a pipe organ. The voice sounds like a bassoon. Maybe he got that modulator in backwards.

(http://i.imgur.com/ocwYklg.png) Someone give me some beef jerky. Left ear. Fish balls, fast! RAPE!

Permanent brain damage from oxygen deprivation. His target audience is going to love him for the rest of his life.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Bodark on March 13, 2016, 02:08:10 pm
WELL I CAN'T SAY I EXPECTED THAT.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Zekka on March 13, 2016, 02:38:19 pm
WELL I CAN'T SAY I EXPECTED THAT.
Bodark, March 13, 2016, 02:08:10 pm

You shouldn't request things that are going to make you unhappy!
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Bodark on March 13, 2016, 03:10:46 pm
You shouldn't request things that are going to make you unhappy!
Zekka, March 13, 2016, 02:38:19 pm

What? No! That was better than I ever could've dreamed.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Gyro on March 14, 2016, 01:22:14 am
Play solo-lane Slark, and don't forget to mutter the true names of the demiurge beneath your breath while drawing the sephirot on your desk in your own blood. Oh, also, build armlet since that's pretty good on Slark and gank mid as soon as you hit level 6.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Zekka on March 15, 2016, 01:08:22 am

Boots still smells like blood.

(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) I need something for my breath.

A stagehand looks Boots up and down and promises to get him something appropriate.

Play solo-lane Slark, and don't forget to mutter the true names of the demiurge beneath your breath while drawing the sephirot on your desk in your own blood. Oh, also, build armlet since that's pretty good on Slark and gank mid as soon as you hit level 6.
Dog Magma, March 14, 2016, 01:22:14 am

OK! First I think we should take a quick look at the stage. Boots has seen it, but we haven't.

(http://i.imgur.com/1AQP1a9.jpg)

This is an example of an e-sports stage. It's color-coded and there are two viewing areas: one for each team. There's a section in the middle with viewing for both teams.

This is one of two philosophies for constructing an esports stage. The other is to place the players in two little cubbies, like this -- where each cubby limits visibility the other team's view.

(http://i.imgur.com/OcaiUSJ.png)

Trump Condominiums doesn't really have the resources or the budget for such elaborate accommodations, but they've roughly coopted the second design by dividing the stage with a sheet and putting the two teams on opposite sides of it. It's curiously elegant for an e-sports event.

(http://i.imgur.com/Wkr6lEz.jpg)

This is a view from center-stage. Of course, Boots isn't seeing this now -- this is more-or-less what he saw while he was coming in. Right now the lights are low and PewDiePie is out. He looks like he's still in mic test mode, but the audio hasn't been turned on, so he's just ranting and raving silently into an endless black void. Quiet chattering and popcorn-eating completely drown him out.

The spotlights come on, bathing the computers in light. Boots can't even see the sheet.

(http://i.imgur.com/mwwYJFv.jpg)

One by one, the monitors flicker on. Boots imagines it must be center-out, although of course he can't see the other side.



(http://i.imgur.com/k5maagJ.png)


In the distance, at the back of the white void, Boots can see a little sheet with words projected onto it. What does it say?

(http://i.imgur.com/CHWfqev.png) RAPE.

Here comes the audio.

(http://i.imgur.com/zr1cptu.png) --AAAAAAAAAAAAAAPE

The ground shakes with thunderous applause.

(http://i.imgur.com/CHWfqev.png) Introducing <...> Dendi.
(http://i.imgur.com/d4olapZ.png) Tonight we have show with Slark and Dendi.

PewDiePie looks over his shoulder. No one pops out from either side of stage.

(http://i.imgur.com/CHWfqev.png) Introducing <...> Dendi.
(http://i.imgur.com/d4olapZ.png) Dendi!

A second stagehand grabs Boots' arm and urges him to go onto stage. The first stagehand pops through the door and -- although Boots can't hear it, he can see an argument beginning to emerge between them. He hurries out, still wearing Dendi's jumpsuit, then assumes a more natural walk once the light is on him.

Probably to coordinate with his nice yellow jumpsuit, the stage operators put on a cool blue backdrop. It feels a little gross... kind of like being outside.

(http://i.imgur.com/CHWfqev.png)Dendi is a professional. He's good at Dota, unlike me.
(http://i.imgur.com/d4olapZ.png) Look at how he smells!

PewDiePie takes a long, inappropriate sniff. Something rolls out along the waxed stage floor.

(http://i.imgur.com/eLkvCYe.png)Here I am: Dendi!

It tastes like a breathmint. Somehow he suspects this is not helping him pull this off.

(http://i.imgur.com/CHWfqev.png) This is a good matchup. We've brought in Dendi, formerly of Natus Vincere, along with never-before-seen superstar collaboration KantrIP, for a five-game series sponsored by ESEX.
(http://i.imgur.com/zr1cptu.png) Tonight's games are going to be excellent I'm going to play Dota for you, good luck.

Another e-sports professional peering out from the other side of the curtain helpfully shouts out the fact that Boots isn't Dendi.

(http://i.imgur.com/fyY0R3u.png)Take a nap.

Still hungry, unfortunately. Which makes sense, seeing that a rat only contains about 15ml of blood, and he probably only drank 10. Another cricket rolls in along the stage. He sucks on its legs before swallowing. His lips feel cold and numb, making it a lot harder to tell if his teeth are sticking out.

(http://i.imgur.com/eLkvCYe.png) I'm looking forward to this.
(http://i.imgur.com/CHWfqev.png) Let's take a look at the caster's desk, where ESEX's Vince Chaos is casting.

Dendi isn't there. Neither are any ESEX guys. It's a squat, empty booth, facing the stage.

(http://i.imgur.com/KsFAJV3.png) Let's play Dota immediately, without any hesitation whatsoever.

He rushes over to the bank computers, grabbing the mouse for the one in the middle. He instantly picks Slark and locks him in.

(http://i.imgur.com/eQBfVNi.png) He told me he would call me...

He's just staring down his screen. Obviously the computer character isn't flinching. It's a computer character. Third cricket.

(http://i.imgur.com/eQBfVNi.png) I'm waiting...

Boots comes over behind his shoulder and touches PewDiePie's cheek with his claw, just trying to get his attention. He licks the neck's fake skin, reminding himself it's just a suit. The scaly texture seems to have had the wrong effect on PewDiePie, who embraces the arm and salivates.

(http://i.imgur.com/a3Tkc1K.png) It's over.
(http://i.imgur.com/ocwYklg.png) It's not... friend...

He slips his kiddish, round head under Boots' armpit.

(http://i.imgur.com/w78wSId.png) I've moved on.
(http://i.imgur.com/ocwYklg.png) I have a thing for cuckoldry...
(http://i.imgur.com/w78wSId.png) With Meepo.
(http://i.imgur.com/ocwYklg.png) Oh...

It occurs to Boots that, perhaps, he should have clingfilmed PewDiePie's human crotch too.

(http://i.imgur.com/1jwcgid.png) Rubick?

PewDiePie looks too shaken ever to beat off again.



(http://i.imgur.com/yDpqpTk.png)


(http://i.imgur.com/eLkvCYe.png) I'll be Slark. Solo offlane.

He elbows PewDiePie one seat over, then takes the seat off the very end and swaps it over to PewDiePie's previous computer. A stagehand helps the shaken, semiconscious PewDiePie lock in Meepo. You hear a sound like a balloon deflating as PewDiePie suddenly tightens his fist around the mouse. His elbow drops to his thigh and he doesn't stop moaning.

(http://i.imgur.com/RtPLy4P.png) What's the game plan?

Looks like a teammate.

(http://i.imgur.com/eLkvCYe.png) What does Dendi usually do?
(http://i.imgur.com/tbmzYOj.png) Not Slark. At least not under today's team composition.
(http://i.imgur.com/eLkvCYe.png) I'm not really a Dota expert...

Boots draws a Dota board.

(http://i.imgur.com/SoWKe3R.png)

(http://i.imgur.com/eLkvCYe.png) Oh yes, what am I drawing with? My own blood.

He looks down at his arm. Looks like PewDiePie bit it while he was fantasizing, but it's already almost healed.

(http://i.imgur.com/tf2CVJm.png)

After adding a few more points to the figure, and using a couple Hebrew letters to denote shops, he's satisfied with it.

(http://i.imgur.com/2QcmA8U.png) This is adequate.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) I was just... uh, freeballing?
(http://i.imgur.com/2QcmA8U.png) Looks like the Demiurge strat.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Who are you guys?
(http://i.imgur.com/uIq1s3j.png) Team RICHeS. Formerly five, now the three finest legal minds in Dota. I'm Ashto.
(http://i.imgur.com/vFstGKL.png) Although I'm only licensed for e-sports law in Guam, we figured this was going to be our big break...
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Interesting...

Where's the third legal mind? He doesn't appear to have arrived.

(http://i.imgur.com/2QcmA8U.png) Usually there's a chant that goes with this build. Uh, we don't need to do that... Cheapskate usually does it. You really just need to worry about ganking mid at level six.
(http://i.imgur.com/4wtmtQK.png) I'll prompt you if I need help.
(http://i.imgur.com/uIq1s3j.png) Who are you anyway? You seem kind of pro-tier.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) A friend of Dendi's. Amateur.
(http://i.imgur.com/2QcmA8U.png) Crap. We're carrying two.

The game starts. It looks like Ashto manually assigned the not-yet-seen teammate to Pudge.

(http://i.imgur.com/2QcmA8U.png) Just in case Dendi gets here first.

There's a little rattle from the stairs leading up from the casting desk, though.


(http://i.imgur.com/MO1QjtE.png)


It appears to be the fifth member -- and also the man from the mysterious clingfilm photograph, long ago. Dendi has not yet been seen.

(http://i.imgur.com/Wbse8TP.png) You aren't Dendi. No need to explain.
(http://i.imgur.com/Bri4K5B.png) I am Albert-trang Einsten-nguyen. I used to be a chess grandmaster, then a backgammon grandmaster. I played professional poker for a while. Now I'm a Dota grandmaster. I am a racist.
(http://i.imgur.com/5d9Wo3y.png) Build Armlet.

They sit down and start clicking. Soon it's twenty minutes in and miraculously, no progress has been made on any lane. But no ganks either -- just close, tense teamfights that seem to run into each other almost without pause. But soon it's obvious that Boots' disadvantage seems too great -- despite his masterful reflexes, PewDiePie's brain damage is too much to account for. KantrIP, the team on on the other side of the divider, is really good.

The auditorium is eerily quiet. Cheapskate, Boots, Ashto, and sometimes Albert desperately whisper each other advice, while the folks on the other side of the curtain speak Korean at conversational volume. All the audience hears is PewDiePie's continuous theatrical whoops.

The audience doesn't cheer or boo: it just looks on in horror at the quality of play and Boots' emerging cricket habit. He must have eaten eight or nine of them by this point. He doesn't even have to look away from the game.

The thirty-minute mark is reached. Then a familiar Ukrainian voice sounds from the so-far silent casting desk.

(http://i.imgur.com/D1b7ofn.png)Game 1 and all is well. The time has come to get serious about Dota. It looks like Demiurge build versus... a normal build. And here I thought we were going to be tournament-legal!
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Sherman Tank on March 15, 2016, 01:14:00 am
Kill and eat PewDiePie. Or call Slowbeef for help.

I have no fucking reference point for any of this e-sports shit.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Zekka on March 15, 2016, 01:27:16 am
I have no fucking reference point for any of this e-sports shit.
Sherman Tank, March 15, 2016, 01:14:00 am

==== E-Sports Quick Reference ====

Dota is a round-based competitive role-playing game e-sports game! The Dota board looks like this:
(http://i.imgur.com/SoWKe3R.png)

There are two teams of five people. One team starts on the bottom left and the other on the top-right. There are monsters on every line segment (of which there are six) and tougher monsters in-between. Before the game everybody picks a character to roleplay as and kill monsters with. Your goal is for your team to grind monsters faster than the other team does, Diablo-style -- then kill the giant tower in their base.

However -- the other team can fight you! They can attack you at a time that's really bad for you, like when you're alone and they're together. That is bad, because when you are dead you are not grinding. A fight involving more than two people is called a team-fight, and they're very important because they can prevent more than one person from grinding! Killing people who weren't expecting it is called ganking. That is what Slark is good at doing!

You win if they lose. They lose if their base is dead. The same is true for them with regard to you.

Sometimes you craft stuff. "Armlet" is an example of a thing you can craft.

ESEX is an e-sports clip.

Dendi, in the highly-competitive Dota industry, is famous for playing really really well. His favorite character to play is Pudge, because he is so good at it. He is widely considered to be a genius!

ESEX and Dendi are the only real e-sports entities featured so far. PewDiePie is a real person, but that's stretching it.


Kill and eat PewDiePie. Or call Slowbeef for help.
Sherman Tank, March 15, 2016, 01:14:00 am
Advice noted!
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Bodark on March 15, 2016, 02:16:11 am
Surely we can channel the spirit of a great, omniscient sage to help us win.

Help us, Robi-wan Parroti, you're our only hope.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Sherman Tank on March 16, 2016, 06:37:46 pm
Surreptitiously install that Rick and Morty DOTA voice pack.

That's literally the only thing I know about DOTA.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Ashto on March 16, 2016, 08:12:43 pm
Try throwing the Korean players off their game by making random gossip, only instead of using names, use [you]. Bonus points if you make inflammatory accusations that turn them on one another.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Yavuz on March 16, 2016, 08:46:06 pm
I cast "Summon Bunnybread" to make fun of this dumb esports stuff.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: eldritchhat on March 16, 2016, 08:59:03 pm
What would happen if you silently changed the game to League of Legends, so that you instill mass chaos?

Or is that too dark a technique?
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Agent (gobble, gobble) Coop on March 16, 2016, 09:04:40 pm
What would happen if you silently changed the game to League of Legends, so that you instill mass chaos?

Or is that too dark a technique?
eldritchhat, March 16, 2016, 08:59:03 pm
That's how this year's UEFA is going to end
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: eldritchhat on March 16, 2016, 09:23:08 pm
What would happen if you silently changed the game to League of Legends, so that you instill mass chaos?

Or is that too dark a technique?
eldritchhat, March 16, 2016, 08:59:03 pm
That's how this year's UEFA is going to end
AgentCoop, March 16, 2016, 09:04:40 pm
AgentCoop, your avatar reminds me, what is Boots's stand? Why has this vital information not been revealed yet?

Does his stand randomly change MOBAs?

I must know this to prepare a proper strategy.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Agent (gobble, gobble) Coop on March 16, 2016, 09:26:33 pm
What would happen if you silently changed the game to League of Legends, so that you instill mass chaos?

Or is that too dark a technique?
eldritchhat, March 16, 2016, 08:59:03 pm
That's how this year's UEFA is going to end
AgentCoop, March 16, 2016, 09:04:40 pm
AgentCoop, your avatar reminds me, what is Boots's stand? Why has this vital information not been revealed yet?

Does his stand randomly change MOBAs?

I must know this to prepare a proper strategy.
eldritchhat, March 16, 2016, 09:23:08 pm
(http://assets.rollingstone.com/assets/images/album_review/lewis-news-sports-1368720254.jpg)
I know the name for certain
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Guts Going Nutz on March 17, 2016, 12:50:16 am
Feed the enemy team and then kill them to get the shutdown gold.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Zekka on March 17, 2016, 01:21:31 am

The sound has been turned very low for post-game commentary. Unusually, it's down both for the game *and* for the commentators. Furthermore, the lights are on and the screens look dim. It looks like post-game commentary isn't going to be a centerpiece of this event. A champagne cart is traveling down the aisle, along with two bowls of chips, a white sauce, and a curious red sauce that's almost empty. The serving staff at the back, however, seems to have access to an endless supply.

(http://i.imgur.com/voCvWoF.png) Wow! That was a surprisingly slow loss for how esoteric the decisions were.
(http://i.imgur.com/voRubTP.png) Thanks to the actions of fake Dendi, who I wholeheartedly endorse as an adequate substitute, I only caught the last ten minutes.
(http://i.imgur.com/voCvWoF.png) I would probably attribute that loss to PewDiePie, who appears to have spent maybe half the round collecting runes, the other half eating trees, and the third half feverishly clicking Slark. For those of you new to Dota, that means he spent the whole time intending to compete over non-scarce resources, which is economically unsound. Nobody give him the Federal Reserve. By the end of it, he was level... four! Out of twenty five. That's pretty terrible.
(http://i.imgur.com/BEbraYG.png) Fake Dendi was... pretty good! He held top lane basically the entire game against Disruptor and Chaos Knight. That's one of the hardest things to hold top lane against! That is totally respectable. He never left the lane either.
(http://i.imgur.com/QWCboAh.png) Ron Paul fans might consider giving him the Federal Reserve. Throughout the game he collected the most gold and never spent a coin of it on anything past his starter items. Excecpt -- oh, maybe twenty minutes in he bought an armlet. That's pretty good.
(http://i.imgur.com/LVnvTod.png) In summary, one player was effectively useless, one was literally useless, two were playing a defective build and Cheapskate was getting the demiurge chant wrong.
(http://i.imgur.com/D1b7ofn.png) Thank you Vince.
(http://i.imgur.com/QWCboAh.png)Go get me some churros!

It looks like whatever Boots wanted to do didn't work. But he gets two-to-four second chances, depending on how the next few matches go.



The curtains go down and the lights go out. All the lights. There's a brief reflective shimmer as they drop, right at the edge of the stage, which Boots can't account to physical reality.

Boots can still see, but it looks like the rest of the players are having trouble. He swallows the cricket leg stuck between his teeth. He can't feel it on his tongue anymore, and the sense of taste is gone. His mouth is totally numb, but there's a muscle in his gut that tenses deeply whenever he swallows -- his heart? -- and, with his adrenaline nearly gone, the lurching sensation has started to make him seasick instead of enthused.

Who's that behind the stage? It's color commentator Vince Chaos from ESEX.

(http://i.imgur.com/F4gFbJy.png) We're punching up the next few games. And changing the format.
(http://i.imgur.com/gjTfdTx.png) Fake Dendi, go do some promotional stuff by the marketing booth. You have about 20 minutes. It's been requested that you lose the next game, then win the next two. Team KantrIP has already been briefed.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Did they agree?
(http://i.imgur.com/eVTjPo3.png) They didn't, but that's the thing. You're really good. Dendi says you can probably swing the next three games by yourself, with a little coaching right beforehand.
(http://i.imgur.com/F4gFbJy.png) I guess they could throw.

He trails off ominously, balling his hand into a fist.

(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Is Dendi on board with this?
(http://i.imgur.com/LVnvTod.png) Don't volunteer any information.

Kill and eat PewDiePie.
Sherman Tank, March 15, 2016, 01:14:00 am

Unexpectedly, looking down at his hands, he sees a little rat, crotch wrapped in clingfilm, which he's been playfully batting from hand to hand. It occurs to him that PewDiePie went suddenly silent during the hurried final seconds of the end of the game, and that he hadn't been watching where his hands had gone.

Impulsively, at the first sign of sensation in his fangs, he takes a really deep bite and -- oops, head clean off.

(http://i.imgur.com/gjTfdTx.png) Interesting. Can you do that onstage?
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) You do know who that was, right?
(http://i.imgur.com/F4gFbJy.png) No, I don't. That's an old shock-rock trick, though.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) You don't know about PewDiePie's secret?
(http://i.imgur.com/eVTjPo3.png) Well, traditionally the role is played by a female rat...

The clingfilm is dripping.

(http://i.imgur.com/LVnvTod.png) If you're sure and you held me to guessing I would guess the female rat was pregnant. This looks like a juvenile.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Are they all suitable for the -- cough -- role?
(http://i.imgur.com/F4gFbJy.png) They're indistinguishable.
(http://i.imgur.com/eVTjPo3.png) There may be three or four of them. I bet you just ate the smart one.

Boots sucks out the last half-ounce, not really feeling satisfied, but every little bit helps.


Or call Slowbeef for help.
Sherman Tank, March 15, 2016, 01:14:00 am

Boots is kind of an anti-authoritarian and an anti-capitalist -- so really, the last thing on his mind is the thought of heading to the marketing booth. Instead he finds a pay phone: suitable apparatus to feed the man in a different way. 50 cents per call; inflation. The destination of the call is New Jersey and the man of the hour is Slowbeef.

I cast "Summon Bunnybread" to make fun of this dumb esports stuff.
Yavuz Sultan Selim, March 16, 2016, 08:46:06 pm

Just as he finishes dialing, an old friend appears.

(http://i.imgur.com/Fb4gDTE.png) You need to cut this e-sports shit.

He doesn't have any legs. He's hovering like a genie or something. Slowbeef picks up.

(http://i.imgur.com/xxItEiN.png) I saw you on TV.

Surely we can channel the spirit of a great, omniscient sage to help us win.

Help us, Robi-wan Parroti, you're our only hope.
Bodark, March 15, 2016, 02:16:11 am

The TV turns on and there's a picture of a parrot on it.

(http://i.imgur.com/diRbMRU.png) I saw you from TV.
(http://i.imgur.com/diRbMRU.png) I'm on the router. I'm in the wires.
(http://i.imgur.com/Fb4gDTE.png) I know you too well, Boots.
(http://i.imgur.com/xxItEiN.png) Don't listen to him. You're great.
(http://i.imgur.com/diRbMRU.png) He's not great. He's passable.
(http://i.imgur.com/xxItEiN.png) What are you talking about? Dendi said he was great. He's missing his own press conference.
(http://i.imgur.com/diRbMRU.png) He needs to go to the green room.
(http://i.imgur.com/Fb4gDTE.png) Don't listen to those suckers! There's nothing in the green room.
(http://i.imgur.com/diRbMRU.png) Levi's not in the green room. Don't you think that's peculiar?
(http://i.imgur.com/xxItEiN.png) Go to the marketing booth. Get some pictures taken. Play real slow and I'll drive real fast. We could hit it so big, you have no idea.

Bunnybread unplugs the TV.

(http://i.imgur.com/Fb4gDTE.png) The show must not go on. You're a loser and a faker.
(http://i.imgur.com/Fb4gDTE.png) Go home right now and forget about everything.
(http://i.imgur.com/Fb4gDTE.png) I'm going to do something I don't ordinarily do. I'm going to tempt you.

For a second there are two symmetrical spots of glint in the air above Bunnybread's hair. It looks like horns. He drops his genie slacks, revealing an indisputable gem of human man meat, then covers them back up and tightens his belt.

(http://i.imgur.com/xxItEiN.png) Go big or go home. Go big or go home. Go big or go home. Go big or go home.

The signal suddenly cuts. It's Bunnybread in stereo.

(http://i.imgur.com/xxItEiN.png) Go home. Go home. Go --
(http://i.imgur.com/Fb4gDTE.png) Go home. Go home. Go --

But then Bunnybread vanishes in a camera flash; if you the scowl on his face can be trusted, not of his own power. He, like Boots Raingear, is a creature of the darkness, and the lights backstage have come on. The Koreans are frozen in a victory pose which Boots has inadvertently placed himself in the background of. Downstairs to the west is the marketing chamber.

(http://i.imgur.com/jAGZIQv.png) What's your Dota name?
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Boots Raingear.
(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) No good. Too many characters.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Just Boots.
(http://i.imgur.com/jAGZIQv.png) Best to think on it and get back to us later.
(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) For now, you're MYSTERY_LIZARD.
(http://i.imgur.com/jAGZIQv.png) You'd better come up with an alternative or we're branding you MYSTERY_LIZARD.
(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) Oh, come over to the mirror.

They snap a bunch of quick shots before he can even respond.

(http://i.imgur.com/jAGZIQv.png) Nice jumpsuit. Always gotta wonder what the inside of one of those looks like.
(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) He doesn't show up on camera.
(http://i.imgur.com/jAGZIQv.png) Mirror either. Try one of those digital cams.

The next picture comes out pretty clear, but something is missing.

(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) No shadow.
(http://i.imgur.com/jAGZIQv.png) Put him in the dark. Just get those eyes... and those cheekbones!
(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) We can light his face.
(http://i.imgur.com/jAGZIQv.png) Do we have one of those white voids they use for fashion shoots?
(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) I won't disappoint.
(http://i.imgur.com/jAGZIQv.png) Light it so it's purple. Lizards look good in purple.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) I'm going to pose?
(http://i.imgur.com/jAGZIQv.png) No, let us pose you. You'll do it wrong.
(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) He looks like a nerd. Tell him to do the tongue thing.
(http://i.imgur.com/jAGZIQv.png) MYSTERY_LIZARD, do the tongue thing.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) I'm doing the tongue thing.
(http://i.imgur.com/jAGZIQv.png) He's all nerdy.

Boots hisses from the back of his throat -- he probably sounds fiercer than he looks.

(http://i.imgur.com/jAGZIQv.png) It's good!


(http://i.imgur.com/6ZSc5Hy.png)


(http://i.imgur.com/jAGZIQv.png) No, needs more postprocessing.
(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) Make it left-to-right for the American audience.
(http://i.imgur.com/jAGZIQv.png) Blue is a good color.

(http://i.imgur.com/QiKDLEC.png)

(http://i.imgur.com/jAGZIQv.png) That jumpsuit doesn't work for his skin tone.
(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) His skin tone needs work.
(http://i.imgur.com/jAGZIQv.png) Just use the "Alien Map" filter.
(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) And posterize.
(http://i.imgur.com/jAGZIQv.png/img] Crop.[img]http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) A star is born!

(http://i.imgur.com/kFog3m7.png)

(http://i.imgur.com/jAGZIQv.png) Good enough to eat.
(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) Maybe we should do a straight take.
(http://i.imgur.com/jAGZIQv.png) With the stetson?
(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) We'll be the richest esports photographers in Korea.

Boots decides -- for now -- that it would be best to leave while things are pointed in a positive direction. The editing machine vomits out a tourney badge which he pins on his jumpsuit.

CONTINUATION TO BE SEEN ON PAGE 8
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Zekka on March 17, 2016, 01:21:38 am

(http://i.imgur.com/fBFVUWk.png) I'm not gone.

It's Slowbeef.

(http://i.imgur.com/RtbmoCT.png) I had to drive four hundred miles-per-hour in a stolen car to get here.

In the flesh.

(http://i.imgur.com/HdgyZVl.png) Dendi gave me the story. They started the game without you. They thought you wouldn't throw. Vince the caster took your place, but there's an empty spot on the Korean team.
(http://i.imgur.com/RtbmoCT.png) Their jungler is dual-boxing.

(http://i.imgur.com/Wkr6lEz.jpg)

The auditorium is empty. Nobody's even watching but the match is being played.

(http://i.imgur.com/fBFVUWk.png) You're going to be famous.

Their jungler is not only dual-boxing. He's playing Enchantress on one terminal and... Slark on the other!

(http://i.imgur.com/v8A1Rxv.png) 그들은 게임을 던지고있다.
(http://i.imgur.com/uFH7arV.png) 타워 및 사료를 이동합니다.

Boots elbows their jungler in the arm and takes the right seat -- then prepares to click. But Slark isn't there, nor is the game. In its place is code.

(http://i.imgur.com/8tRcnVD.gif)

At this point he's receiving two sensory experiences which both contradict his apparent past and circumstances. For one, although he doesn't understand what they're saying, he's pretty sure he can respond to it.

(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) 괜찮아요. 나는 게임을 저장 왔어요. 나는 무슨 일이 일어나고 있는지 이해합니다.  당신은 비디오 게임에 좋다.
(http://i.imgur.com/v8A1Rxv.png) 이 소름이 끼치는이다.

The other thing is that he's pretty sure he knows how to read this code. Not well enough to interpret it, but well enough to respond to it. The code is telling him to upgrade his ultimate ability, then pilot an attack on the enemy's middle tower. More broadly, it's telling him to move his mouse a certain distance, right-click the part of the screen that his mouse position corresponds to, and mash until it transmutes. He can almost see the game board underneath, but it's so easy he literally can't think about it.

Try throwing the Korean players off their game by making random gossip, only instead of using names, use [you]. Bonus points if you make inflammatory accusations that turn them on one another.
Ashto, March 16, 2016, 08:12:43 pm

(http://i.imgur.com/v8A1Rxv.png) 그는 우리 던져 파괴된다.
(http://i.imgur.com/uFH7arV.png) 우리는 충분히 빨리 공급되지 않습니다.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) 당신은 파괴되고 아무것도 걱정할 필요가 없습니다.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) 나는 [you], 건강에 해로운 무게라고 생각합니다.
(http://i.imgur.com/uFH7arV.png) 뭐?
(http://i.imgur.com/v8A1Rxv.png) 말도 안되는 얘기하지 마십시오!
(http://i.imgur.com/uFH7arV.png) 나는 완전히 심각한되고 있어요.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) 그것은 사실입니다.

The audience is empty, but he can hear a dull roar behind. The auditorium looks dark, even to Boots.

(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) 그것은 단지 나 아니면 관객이 없습니다?
(http://i.imgur.com/v8A1Rxv.png) 당신과 함께 통해서입니다.
(http://i.imgur.com/uFH7arV.png) 그냥 비디오 게임을 재생할 수 있습니다.

The argument seems tense. The game continues. This is a slow one, with a lot of grinding and not much fighting, but Boots makes an earnest effort to gank the middle and their jungler reluctantly gives him permission to continue. The casting is present, but sounds distant. Boots' linguistic faculties are being taxed to exhaustion.

(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) [you] 독이있다.
(http://i.imgur.com/uFH7arV.png) 극적인하지 마십시오.
(http://i.imgur.com/v8A1Rxv.png) 당신과 함께 통해서입니다.

Teamfight won. Although it seems semivoluntary -- almost as if the Koreans are intentionally playing badly -- the code is working. Boots can follow it.

(http://i.imgur.com/v8A1Rxv.png) 그를 이길 않도록하십시오.
(http://i.imgur.com/uFH7arV.png) 나는 승부 조작 싫어.

The champagne cart gradually crosses the front row -- Boots can't help but notice that the servers appear to be the only people actually in the audience, and even they fade into blackness every time the center screen flashes bright. One of them unseats the sauce bowl and licks the rim eagerly before accidentally tumbling to the ground.

Teamfight two won. Tower push continues. The Koreans continue to fight for their own defeat.

(http://i.imgur.com/uFH7arV.png) 이 지루한입니다.
(http://i.imgur.com/v8A1Rxv.png) 그냥 그를 잃게합니다. 그는이 요청했다.

Teamfight three. Won.

The American base is down. The lights appear and briefly, right at the edge of the stage, Boots sees a wave of reflected light. Then the crowd appears. Everyone has the remains of a bowl of chips.

(http://i.imgur.com/4wtmtQK.png) That's was the world's worst hero play.
(http://i.imgur.com/2QcmA8U.png) They were throwing and that's bad. The match was probably fixed in our favor. You did the right thing.
(http://i.imgur.com/d4olapZ.png) I know what you think you did to me, and you're wrong.





One of the photographers comes up, just to the edge of the stage.

(http://i.imgur.com/jAGZIQv.png) Come with me offstage for a second.

Someone in the crowd has come alarmingly close to the stage.

(http://i.imgur.com/YsBGCp0.png) Wait! I'm a big fan.

They rush offstage before he can come, but it looks like the crew door was left open.

(http://i.imgur.com/jAGZIQv.png) MYSTERY_LIZARD, you have awesome teeth. I think we should make that part of your brand direction.
(http://i.imgur.com/jAGZIQv.png) You still need to pick a Dota handle, by the way.
(http://i.imgur.com/YsBGCp0.png) You're from ESEX? Take our picture.
(http://i.imgur.com/jAGZIQv.png) I usually charge for this...
(http://i.imgur.com/YsBGCp0.png) I'm a fan.
(http://i.imgur.com/jAGZIQv.png) Can you promise you won't ask for a re-take?
(http://i.imgur.com/YsBGCp0.png) Probably not.

Click.

The film develops.

It's two empty suits of clothing.

(http://i.imgur.com/YsBGCp0.png) Remember the promise I didn't make?
(http://i.imgur.com/jAGZIQv.png) It completely slipped your mind.

He leaves without looking back.

(http://i.imgur.com/YsBGCp0.png) I've never seen anyone play Slark like that. Your whole team threw you to shit and you didn't even care. Then the other team decided to throw...
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) I'm kind of an expert. People don't respect that.
(http://i.imgur.com/YsBGCp0.png) It's weird, though. I didn't even see you till the end of the match. I thought that guy was playing two heroes at once.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) I came in kind of late. He dual-boxed till I got in.
(http://i.imgur.com/YsBGCp0.png) You have to try this sauce, by the way. It's fucking amazing.


Feed the enemy team and then kill them to get the shutdown gold.
Guts Going Nutz, March 17, 2016, 12:50:16 am
You posted this about four seconds before I finished draft one of this update. Maybe next time!

MYSTERY_LIZARD (STILL NEEDS A NEW NAME!)
EXTREME DOTA KOBOLD
LIMITED EDITION BADGES

(http://i.imgur.com/6ZSc5Hy.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/QiKDLEC.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/kFog3m7.png)
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Sherman Tank on March 17, 2016, 01:33:36 am
Name yourself Canada Reptile. Then win this damn strange contest for whoever Boots is trying to win it for, I dunno.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: moooo566 (taylor's version) on March 17, 2016, 06:03:04 am
Mystery lizard should be named Richard Lewis.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Gyro on March 17, 2016, 10:08:05 am
I nominate "AchillesHeelies" as our gamertag.

Give PewDiePie the stimulant you probably still have in your ear. Nothing could possibly go wrong with giving PewDiePie stimulants, right? Also, ask Slowbeef if he has any of those blood vials from his Bloodborne Let's Play on hand in physical reality so you can drink up.

Huddle with your team, try to create a team comp that actually works as a team rather than just all playing random bullshit - while you're at it, avoid playing Slark to avoid distracting PewDiePie's loins.

Try to ignore the fact that quantum bullshit is happening in the auditorium.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Zekka on March 19, 2016, 10:56:02 pm

Mike --

Keep going with the game-fixing. I don't care about the game 2 mixup and neither do the shareholders.

I spilled coffee on my JPEG encoder again, but here are the slides from our midnight meeting. I bolted them onto last week's employee presentation. Some of those shareholders are going to be coming downstairs to speak with you, and they may get "grabby" about the details -- many of them are old men, and quite lecherous, and they're all very eager to hear the details.

Let me know if anything happens that will disturb the next game.

-- The Boss


(http://i.imgur.com/UCJ5vor.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/EQvRdRh.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/A7ZxhWJ.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/gJS46VQ.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/Wd0ZHfD.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/2Yw2GMV.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/8vZ4xsh.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/rOOzstj.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/SIeyBjng.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/dX0EqzW.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/tTSLb34.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/3nUZH1q.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/6YTsMGpg.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/H3hr7mp.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/o8aFlVx.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/hqFfjJog.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/IMIYEoe.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/I93GP2pg.jpg)


P.S. Even the investors think "MYSTERY_LIZARD" is a shitty name. Were you drunk?
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Bodark on March 19, 2016, 11:12:08 pm
I have no idea what's going on anymore, but I know I love it.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Zekka on March 19, 2016, 11:12:14 pm
The Boss --

What, objectively, is wrong with "MYSTERY_LIZARD?" Please stop using that tone of  voice when you refer to him. I even hear it in your emails.

-- Mike
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Zekka on March 19, 2016, 11:20:30 pm
The Boss --

What, objectively, is wrong with "MYSTERY_LIZARD?" Please stop using that tone of  voice when you refer to him. I even hear it in your emails.

-- Mike

Zekka, March 19, 2016, 11:12:14 pm


Mike --

I am not using that voice to make fun of Boots Raingear when I make fun of the nickname, "MYSTERY_LIZARD." I am using it, obliquely, to make fun of you.

-- The Boss
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Zekka on March 20, 2016, 08:49:08 pm
Try to ignore the fact that quantum bullshit is happening in the auditorium.
Dog Magma, March 17, 2016, 10:08:05 am


Boots isn't all that concerned about it.

Immediately backstage, not far from the marketing chamber, a round 3 planning meeting is being run. But it doesn't look like it's entirely about the game.

(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Let's think about the future.
(http://i.imgur.com/4wtmtQK.png) Your Korean future?
(http://i.imgur.com/F4gFbJy.png) Stop.

He's wearing a pair of dark sunglasses, and he's changed from his casual casting gear to a more formal-looking outfit. Not a suit or anything though. It's just a... formal-looking T-shirt and slacks.

(http://i.imgur.com/F4gFbJy.png) Some of you are under the impression the first two games were rigged.
(http://i.imgur.com/gjTfdTx.png) We're not rigging any future games. Boots is going to carry you for the next two rounds, making you 2-2.
(http://i.imgur.com/LVnvTod.png) I have orders from Lena Boll that Boots fix his marketing direction right now.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Who?
(http://i.imgur.com/eVTjPo3.png) The Boss. She wants you to represent ESEX -- I told her I don't think that's going to happen, but she still wants to throw together a marketing campaign. Whether or not you sign.
(http://i.imgur.com/LVnvTod.png) We'll get Dendi on your team. We can get rid of PewDiePie.
(http://i.imgur.com/eQBfVNi.png) He's not doing it.
(http://i.imgur.com/gjTfdTx.png) Your opinions hold zero weight in this discussion.

(http://i.imgur.com/F4gFbJy.png) Let's settle this huddle and then, I promise, I'm not going to rush games and I'm not going to play. Game 2 was just an anomaly.
(http://i.imgur.com/tbmzYOj.png) Let me help.

Vince's eyes narrow.

(http://i.imgur.com/RtPLy4P.png) I will take Boots' side. I think you're going to take advantage of him otherwise.
(http://i.imgur.com/LVnvTod.png) There's nothing I can do to keep Boots from walking away. I'm worried he's going to take advantage of me.
(http://i.imgur.com/uIq1s3j.png) What do you think Dendi's opinion is?
(http://i.imgur.com/LVnvTod.png) Dendi's not allowed to say anything. It's going to be Boots and I alone.
(http://i.imgur.com/2QcmA8U.png) Then he's not doing it.

At this point Vince's face contorts into an angry grin. Having failed to keep his composure, he backs off and takes an enormous swig of coffee. It seems like he thinks he has an ace up his sleeve, but something is more important to him than simply winning this argument.

(http://i.imgur.com/eVTjPo3.png) Plan your builds for game 3. We aren't going to talk about the plan just yet, so don't focus on it.

He runs off.


Huddle with your team, try to create a team comp that actually works as a team rather than just all playing random bullshit - while you're at it, avoid playing Slark to avoid distracting PewDiePie's loins.
Dog Magma, March 17, 2016, 10:08:05 am


(http://i.imgur.com/PTMP2uz.png) I think I can contribute something.
(http://i.imgur.com/Wbse8TP.png) As I mentioned, I am a racist.
(http://i.imgur.com/5d9Wo3y.png) I believe that if we rely primarily on Southeast Asian and Aryan heroes, we are guaranteed Dota success.
(http://i.imgur.com/Bri4K5B.png) I think we should start with Batrider, whose negroidic features are counterbalanced by the handsome Asiatic features of his bat. Next is Mirana, who, despite her dark hair, bears apparently Germanic facial features and not inferior Jewish or Slavic ones.
(http://i.imgur.com/Wbse8TP.png) Next is Io, who is a ball of light.
(http://i.imgur.com/Bri4K5B.png) Next is Lifestealer, who is such an unmistakably crude representation of the Jew that he could only have been the birthchild of sly Aryan propagandists.
(http://i.imgur.com/5d9Wo3y.png) And next is Riki.
(http://i.imgur.com/2QcmA8U.png) Isn't Riki Greek?
(http://i.imgur.com/RtPLy4P.png) He's a thief too...
(http://i.imgur.com/PTMP2uz.png) No.
(http://i.imgur.com/5d9Wo3y.png) Rikimaru is Japanese, and he is not a thief, but an assassin. Also, he was named for a boat, and the boat may have once been docked in Southeast Asia.
(http://i.imgur.com/Wbse8TP.png) I don't believe there can be any further questions.

PewDiePie and Albert-trang gawk at each other for a second and then PewDiePie speaks up.

(http://i.imgur.com/eQBfVNi.png) That's bullshit. I want to play Slark.
(http://i.imgur.com/Wbse8TP.png) That is impossible.
(http://i.imgur.com/2QcmA8U.png) Maybe we should showboat. Make Boots play Meepo or something.
(http://i.imgur.com/d4olapZ.png) Yes.
(http://i.imgur.com/Wbse8TP.png) No.
(http://i.imgur.com/Wbse8TP.png) Meepo... is Senegalese.
(http://i.imgur.com/Bri4K5B.png) Boots, do what you need. Ashto has an interview with the press-men.

Downstairs in the now-familiar marketing chamber is Vince, along with two of the cameramen. He looks sweaty. And Slowbeef -- who slinks away through the back exit as soon as he sees Boots. Well, maybe it's just bad timing -- but it looks like more than that.

(http://i.imgur.com/gjTfdTx.png) Lena thinks MYSTERY_LIZARD is a bad name.
(http://i.imgur.com/jAGZIQv.png) We also think that.
(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) What have you got instead?

I nominate "AchillesHeelies" as our gamertag.
Dog Magma, March 17, 2016, 10:08:05 am

(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) How about AchillesHeelies?
(http://i.imgur.com/jAGZIQv.png) It's better than MYSTERY_LIZARD.
(http://i.imgur.com/F4gFbJy.png) No it's not. Are you for real?
(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) It's shorter.
(http://i.imgur.com/eVTjPo3.png) It's actually longer.
(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) It's all "l"s and "i"s. It'll typeset better. We can shrink it a little by lowercasing it.
(http://i.imgur.com/jAGZIQv.png) The underscore in MYSTERY_LIZARD is a killer... I don't like that at all.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Wait, I've got more.

Vince adjusts his glasses to better capture his glare.

(http://i.imgur.com/LVnvTod.png) This is outrageous.

Name yourself Canada Reptile.
Sherman Tank, March 17, 2016, 01:33:36 am

(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) "Canada Reptile"
(http://i.imgur.com/jAGZIQv.png) Spaces or no spaces?
(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) No spaces.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) No, spaces.
(http://i.imgur.com/LVnvTod.png) That name sucks. It's multiple words.

Mystery lizard should be named Richard Lewis.
moooo566, March 17, 2016, 06:03:04 am

(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) "Richard Lewis."
(http://i.imgur.com/jAGZIQv.png) Spaces?
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Yeah, and put a dot at the end of it.
(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) It's going to look so asymmetric with a clan-tag next to it.
(http://i.imgur.com/jAGZIQv.png) At least it's heavy on the first word, not the second.
(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) We could play that up. "Richaaaaaaard."
(http://i.imgur.com/F4gFbJy.png) I think that's some guy's actual name.
(http://i.imgur.com/jAGZIQv.png) That's not bad by itself.
(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) "Oliver Cromwell"? "Cleopatra"? Those are both pretty good.
(http://i.imgur.com/eVTjPo3.png) We need a name that sounds serious.
(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) Let's work on achieving visual balance.

They quickly fill a page:

- Achilles Heelies
- Achilles Lewis
- Achilles Reptile
- Canada Heelies
- Canada Lewis
- Canada Reptile

(http://i.imgur.com/jAGZIQv.png) Are we going serif or sans serif?
(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) Both. Worse, the Koreans use monospace.
(http://i.imgur.com/jAGZIQv.png) Better do the other three then.

- Richard Heelies
- Richard Lewis
- Richard Reptile

(http://i.imgur.com/jAGZIQv.png) Wow...
(http://i.imgur.com/gjTfdTx.png) You neglected something.

- Lizard Lewis
- Mystery Lewis

(http://i.imgur.com/jAGZIQv.png) Liz Lou!
(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) Sounds like a woman...
(http://i.imgur.com/LVnvTod.png) Lizman Lou?
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) I'm not feeling it.
(http://i.imgur.com/eVTjPo3.png) How about MYSTERY_LIZARDMAN?

He shuts his trap and leaves the room.

(http://i.imgur.com/jAGZIQv.png) Let's go with short and simple... for Korean TV. You're already popular in Korea. Canrep. Richrep. Lizlew.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) What do they call me right now?
(http://i.imgur.com/jAGZIQv.png) "Boots." It pisses me off too.
(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) Let's transliterate into Korean. "MISEUTERI_RIJADEU."
(http://i.imgur.com/jAGZIQv.png) "Richard" and "Lizard" -- they're the same word!
(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) They're the same transliteration...
(http://i.imgur.com/jAGZIQv.png) "Rijadeu," final answer. What do you say?
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) It's not exciting...
(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) "RijaLeu"

Shit. It feels like someone just looked inside his soul and named it.

(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) I'll take it.
(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) Welcome to fame.

(http://i.imgur.com/VRStXeb.jpg)

Boots is done just about in time to see the tail end of Ashto's talk. But even if Ashto's talking, Boots is the only thing on anyone's mind. Boots and the mysterious red sauce.

(http://i.imgur.com/LVnvTod.png) We can give you another slot if you want, Boots. Since you missed the first one.
(http://i.imgur.com/gjTfdTx.png) Next up is one of the Korean guys. Nobody in the US is going to want to hear what he has to say.

Slowbeef is kicking back on the couch.

(http://i.imgur.com/RtbmoCT.png) Korea's going to want to hear his segment too.
(http://i.imgur.com/fBFVUWk.png) Maybe you should cancel yours.

Vince bites his lip.

(http://i.imgur.com/F4gFbJy.png) I could.
(http://i.imgur.com/gjTfdTx.png) We could kill Dendi's.
(http://i.imgur.com/fBFVUWk.png) Europe won't like that.
(http://i.imgur.com/LVnvTod.png) You're just an audience member. This is my full-time job.
(http://i.imgur.com/F4gFbJy.png) Maybe you should go back.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) I don't think he's causing any trouble.
(http://i.imgur.com/eVTjPo3.png) I really hate it when you guys try to start throwing your weight around. It wouldn't piss me off so much if I had any power.

Also, ask Slowbeef if he has any of those blood vials from his Bloodborne Let's Play on hand in physical reality so you can drink up.
Dog Magma, March 17, 2016, 10:08:05 am

(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Besides, Slowbeef -- I wanted to ask. Did you have any blood on you?
(http://i.imgur.com/HdgyZVl.png) In my body...?
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Just on hand. In vials or beakers or something, like in your YouTube videos..
(http://i.imgur.com/F4gFbJy.png) That's right! This is a problem you have, isn't it?
(http://i.imgur.com/eVTjPo3.png) I don't have a solution right now, but I can ask Lena. Maybe we can find you a dedicated source...
(http://i.imgur.com/fyY0R3u.png) Nah, you guys just chill out for a bit. I'll be done in a moment. Take a nap.

Boots feels a little self-conscious doing this in public, but it wouldn't really be the first time. And they're all friends, after all. And both of them are deep asleep. Pretty soon he's bloated with blood and no longer cares.

(http://i.imgur.com/Wkr6lEz.jpg)
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Zekka on March 20, 2016, 08:49:35 pm

(http://i.imgur.com/Wkr6lEz.jpg)

(http://i.imgur.com/uIq1s3j.png) Where's the casters?
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Vince probably won't make it. I don't know about Dendi.

Sure enough, there he is in the booth, along with a deep bowl of the red sauce, a spoon, and a paltry serving of pita chips. Maybe it's just the light but he's flickering as if he's constantly on the verge of vanishing. He looks starved for Dota action.

(http://i.imgur.com/mAZevit.png) The wait for game 3 is over. Get back to your seats or else you might lose them!
(http://i.imgur.com/mAZevit.png) They're picking...

He dips the spoon into the red sauce and savors a giant mouthful.


Give PewDiePie the stimulant you probably still have in your ear. Nothing could possibly go wrong with giving PewDiePie stimulants, right?
Dog Magma, March 17, 2016, 10:08:05 am


You're correct. Right now Boots has one unit of it.

(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) This will help.
(http://i.imgur.com/zr1cptu.png) Right now I see you as a path to fame. You see me the same way. That doesn't mean we have to like or trust each other.
(http://i.imgur.com/ocwYklg.png) Fuck off.

Boots jams the vial in PewDiePie's mouth, then strikes him repeatedly in the back of the neck until he swallows it, bottle and all.

(http://i.imgur.com/eQBfVNi.png) Nice job, dumbass! How is it going to get into my bloodstream now?

Punch in the gut. The sound of glass breaking.

(http://i.imgur.com/d4olapZ.png) Be glad this shell has titanium intestines.

The champagne cart passes. Bowl of red sauce. The attendant doesn't even get around to offering it to the front row before he starts wholeheartedly devouring it. The room flickers. Everyone is gone except Dendi, then Dendi is gone.

Numbers are on the screen. If Boots concentrates he can see past them to Dota. It looks like everyone's making the picks Albert-trang suggested, and he's already been locked into Riki. One of the Koreans picks Meepo and PewDiePie's hand scurries up his pantleg.

(http://i.imgur.com/Bri4K5B.png) Don't.
(http://i.imgur.com/2QcmA8U.png) He can't help it.

It gets worse. The next one picks Slark. The other hand goes up the other pantleg.

(http://i.imgur.com/tbmzYOj.png) Seems like they know him pretty well.

Ursa. Slardar. The legs crawl up there too.

(http://i.imgur.com/RtPLy4P.png) This isn't even a real build. They're just picking all the furries.

Boots looks back at the screen only to hear the confident voice of Dendi on roomwide broadcast.

(http://i.imgur.com/mAZevit.png) Puck! Their build makes no sense whatsoever. That's really terrible.

PewDiePie's head vanishes into his jacket. There's no one there. It's just a jiggling torso with arms reaching from top to bottom like backpack straps.

Unfortunately, fifteen minutes into the game, their build appears to have had the intended effect on PewDiePie, who's generated a steady stream of nauseating white froth which Boots' allies can only hope isn't visible from the crowd. (Boots is less creeped out by it than he thought he would be.) The enemy team's strategy has taken the form of a rough striptease -- strategically entering PewDiePie's combat range, triggering taunts in order to intensify his arousal, and then scurrying back off. A faint, ratlike sound of giggling is easily audible from the cavities of PewDiePie's coat. But even those cavities are rapidly filling with acoustically-dampening saliva and foam.

(http://i.imgur.com/tbmzYOj.png) He's not even jerking off.
(http://i.imgur.com/RtPLy4P.png) He's just salivating everywhere.
(http://i.imgur.com/4wtmtQK.png) That means this could go on forever...

Opening the head reveals that the frenzied rodent inside has bitten down on a little rod marked "spit" and is sliding from one side of it to the other like it's riding a fireman's pole. Closing it again does not relieve PewDiePie of the symptoms.


Feed the enemy team and then kill them to get the shutdown gold.
Guts Going Nutz, March 17, 2016, 12:50:16 am

It has its perks, though. Disconnecting PewDiePie from the game, then routing his hero to the center of the board gives Boots a chance to feed, and -- given that Boots is the best micromanager in the world, quickly allows him to generate gold from shutting down their sprees.

It turns out that out of the three matches so far, this is PewDiePie's best play, and it brings in the victory.


Then win this damn strange contest for whoever Boots is trying to win it for, I dunno.
Sherman Tank, March 17, 2016, 01:33:36 am


Let's review the series.

DOTASPORT ONLINE
Dota -> eSports General -> Match Transcripts and monster cockysis
== KantrIP vs PewDiePie Invitational Team: Match History ==
Austin++
Caster
1285 posts
----------
This match is being carried out in the city of ballp.it at Trump Condominiums. It marks a possible turning point in the career of rookies Cheapskate, Ashto, and Albert-trang Einstein-nguyen -- all Pacific pros with a background in eSports law who have previously been rejected from more established tournaments for their poor records and lack of deep game knowledge.

It also introduces promising Canadian rookie RijaLeu, endorsed by Dendi at the beginning of his first game as "an adequate substitute for Dendi." However, ESEX monster cockysts Yaru and Potemkin now praise RijaLeu as a potential solo world champion for his shrewd micromanagement and excellent multitasking ability. Rumor implausibly holds that RijaLeu had never played Dota before this match.

It's estimated that tournament success for Cheapskate, Ashto, and Albert-trang will lead to additional funding and future opportunities to play with PewDiePie. We're pretty sure someone's going to offer RijaLeu a billion dollars or something to play on their team since employing him means guaranteed wealth, fame, and power. (Three Korean teams and one North American team already claim to be drafting an offer.)

Watching the feeds? Look for me front, far left of center! (find the orange afro)

EDIT: Match 1: KantrIP beats PDPIT due to PDPIT's poor build and reckless execution of the Demiurge strategy. Rookie offlaner RijaLeu substitutes for Dendi who instead elects to cast.

EDIT: Match 2: PDPIT invites substitute and caster Vince Chaos to substitute for absentee offlaner RijaLeu. RijaLeu briefly defects to Korean team, which attempts to throw, but due to his brilliant micromanagement they still win.

EDIT: Match 3: PDPIT reclaims RijaLeu. KantrIP attempts to seduce PewDiePie. Plan basically works but RijaLeu ganks successfully as Riki, buys six butterflies, and carries game home in style.

Current record: 2-1 favoring KantrIP. PDPIT must win both subsequent games to win tournament.


jain
Member
32 posts
--------
Pretty disappointing tournament. KantrIP pros are washed up, only promising players are Dendi and the lizardman. And Dendi isn't playing. Vince really sucks.

Sex build is OK but too counterable! (by not putting fucked-up perverts on your team.)


Souichi
Verified
8144 posts
----------
RijaLeu's micromanagement is F-INg SWEET! 12000MMR. Make him 2v1 against Dendi and Arteezy. Or 5v1.

Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Zekka on March 21, 2016, 12:17:58 am

DOTASPORT ONLINE
Dota -> eSports General -> Pros Talk Dota -> Ep 18.5: The RijaLeu controversy
== KantrIP vs PewDiePie Invitational Team: Match History ==
Janine
Caster
1444 posts
----------
This is pretty informal. We brought on some pros from the audience at Trump Condominiums and had them talk a little bit about RijaLeu. The conversation got sidetracked when we got on the topic of the delicious red sauce.

Turns out Martin doesn't like it and I don't like it, but the pros all thought it was pretty great.

We also briefly covered ESEX Vita. Yaru was under NDA though and couldn't tell us most of the details.


CoDA
Verified
1097 posts
----------
There's a couple loose ends which haven't been covered:
- Why was RijaLeu unseen until the final minutes of game 2?
- RijaLeu obviously has past Dota experience. Furthermore, he is obviously a lizardman. Why is nobody commenting on this?
- I have about 10 minutes of missing time during game 1. I am not the only person to report problems of this nature. Why?
- What's in the red sauce? Why do only certain people like it?
- There appears to be a thin reflective screen separating the stage and the audience. Why?
- Why do my teeth hurt?


agent-dean
Probation
19281 posts
-----------
CoDA posted:
  ----
  - RijaLeu obviously has past Dota experience.
  ----

Game 1 was played on Dendi's account according to the replay. Game 2 was played on a new personal account called MYSTERY_LIZARD. By game 3 the account had been renamed to RijaLeu.

None of these accounts have a match history under "RijaLeu" but we'd probably know if a player this good actually existed. It could be he deliberately played bad for a long time, then just got tired of faking.


CoDA posted:
  ----
  - Why do my teeth hurt?
  ----

Bad dental hygiene?

Needs clarification. I get this too though. It's like something's trying to get out. The red sauce helps. I think it's an anesthetic. I still don't like the pita chips.


CoDA
Verified
1097 posts
----------
None of the pros liked the pita chips, not even Yaru. Maybe it is an anesthetic. I really like letting it just sit in my mouth for a long time. The pain doesn't go away though.

RijaLeu isn't good the way a newbie would be good at the game. His first game looked newbie-ish -- but games 2 and 3 he pulled every dirty trick in the book, and some that aren't. He plays like a reverse engineer. What really scared me is the way he set up long-term contingencies and triggered them at the last minute. He could stick a group of neutral creeps somewhere seemingly irrelevant, then trigger them in the middle of a teamfight, break pathfinding, and wind up unscathed.

If he is new he has incredibly strong pattern recognition and a very experimental mindset. But the way he deliberately introduces complexity makes me think he's skilled, not talented. Most people who are merely talented are natural simplifiers -- they can see past the bullshit and otherwise do as well as anyone else who can see past the bullshit. He intentionally made the game more complex.

Maybe he's just a genius. Stuff that looks hard for us is easy for him.


agent-dean
Probation
19281 posts
-----------
He didn't really pull any tricks that a normal human couldn't have pulled off in his first game. It's unlikely a normal human would have, but still -- it's possible, especially if you learn fast.


CoDA
Verified
1097 posts
----------
I think you and I have completely different definitions of "normal human." He's not a human, of course. He's not even a mammal afaict.

Could be he just has insane reflexes. He's only dealing with LAN lag here. If he lives somewhere with bad internet, that'd make him average-to-pro on the online scene and unbeatably skilled in the tournament format.

There were just too many clever tricks though. Even if you don't need to be a mechanical genius to do most of them.

Game 3 was a little less clever but he pulled it off so well. It's just a reminder of how far the best humans in the world are from actual optimal play.


agent-dean
Probation
19281 posts
-----------
You're aware he didn't even buy items game 3, right? He should have lost to right-clicking.


CoDA
Verified
1097 posts
----------
Not true. He bought boots about 5 minutes in, roughly on time. (although he already had a gank under his belt to put him ahead.) He sold them twenty minutes in and started buying butterflies.

He bought items very suboptimally, then cashed them in later. He basically made a bet with himself that he could last fifteen minutes without trying hard.


carmichael
Probation
40 posts
--------
oh woow
I'm hard

you are Fucking Nerds

The Process is still talking about the soul


Yaru
Verified
350 posts
---------
Let me answer some of CoDA's questions.

CoDA posted:
  ----
  - Why was RijaLeu unseen until the final minutes of game 2?
  ----

I don't know why, but I was backstage and I can verify he came in about ten minutes into the game. Before then Selfie (one of the Korean guys) was dual-boxing. The official narrative is confirmably true here.

CoDA posted:
  ----
  - RijaLeu obviously has past Dota experience. Furthermore, he is obviously a lizardman. Why is nobody commenting on this?
  ----

DISCLAIMER: I don't think I'm as good at Dota as RijaLeu is, but I think our skillsets lie in completely different areas. He won several fights that looked totally one-sided to me in favor of his opponents, and when he wasn't winning he had a very graceful juke with no easy counter. He played it like it was a game of perfect information.

At the same time, he made several mistakes that would have cost most pros the game. Mostly involving macro-level strategy. My theory is that he's a transplant from a different game and his skills mapped unexpectedly well to Dota micro.

His reflexes were important but they were less important than his planning, particularly wrt pathfinding and turn rate. Those features all exist to slow down the game and reduce reflex-dependence, and he was more able than most pros to compensate for them.

I don't know any other games that are as micromanagement-intensive as Dota, aside maybe from Starcraft. But he could have probably gotten this good in any game just by having great physical intuition, multiboxing well, and playing strategic moves instead of cheesy ones. (Unlike what most people do when they multibox.)

All I'm certain about is that he didn't get this good by playing Dota. Whatever he played probably had similar controls, turn-rate, and pathfinding mechanics though.

CoDA posted:
  ----
  - I have about 10 minutes of missing time during game 1. I am not the only person to report problems of this nature. Why?
  ----

I want to tie this in with the red sauce comment.

CoDA posted:
  ----
  - What's in the red sauce? Why do only certain people like it?
  ----

I had a brief instance of missing time as well during a meeting with some of the press dudes. I tried the red sauce twice before realizing I liked it. I really hated it at the pre-party near the start of the evening, and other people shared that opinion.

Later I got to try some between games 1 and 2, *after* my missing time. Everyone liked it, including me. The bowl was gone in like 30 seconds.

CoDA posted:
  ----
  - There appears to be a thin reflective screen separating the stage and the audience. Why?
  ----

I observed this but I don't know why. I would infer it's part of the presentation/recording setup. The sheet does not flex or waver as it goes down and does not transmit sound very well, but I was still able to hear a little bit of offstage chatter from behind it. I would guess it's not porous, but also not airtight against the base of the stage. And I would guess it's a hard surface, not cloth or rubber or screen.

CoDA posted:
  ----
  - Why do my teeth hurt?
  ----

I get this too. I have no explanation as to why, other than that it started after the missing time thing.

But I think we might be reading a little much into the missing time thing. It's mysterious, but that doesn't mean it's the answer to everything. It's also later at night and we've had a lot of exertion since then. We don't have that many reports of that happening, and this is a loud event with a lot of colors and lights, which means that even if we did, we're in a situation where it's really hard to actually keep track of time to begin with.

I might be in an unrelatable position for some of you though. RijaLeu has a lot of pros psychologically shaken, in a way I don't think you can understand if you're not a pro.


CoDA
Verified
1097 posts
----------
I find staring at RijaLeu oddly relaxing, and it realy helps with the teeth thing. Every time I see his canines I feel small and insignificant by comparison, though.

I just realized I have a killer overbite. To the point where my teeth stick out if I close my mouth. I tuck them under my lip and they just pop out again.


Yaru
Verified
350 posts
---------
If nothing else, his shifty lizard smile can inspire us all to improved dental health. Mine do too BTW. It's normal, especially if you're a nerd who cracks his jaw. =D

Come backstage (I can get you in) and we'll have a quick red sauce meetup. You seem pretty cool! Maybe RijaLeu will come by and grace us with some of his tricks.

Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Zekka on March 21, 2016, 08:16:03 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/M01LEAV.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/SLFJ6Ik.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/1Rv5eok.png)
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Frank West on March 21, 2016, 09:21:30 pm
I am totally down for skyping with isaac, he sounds like a good kid who needs a terrifying, bloodsucking eSports hero.

Then we should go backstage and meet with Yaru and try to figure out what the red sauce is.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Zekka on March 21, 2016, 09:25:40 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/KPqvFsW.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/cktVAz4.png)
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Zekka on March 22, 2016, 01:55:19 am
I am totally down for skyping with isaac, he sounds like a good kid who needs a terrifying, bloodsucking eSports hero.
Frank West, March 21, 2016, 09:21:30 pm

OK!

Boots gets on one of the backup game computers. It's pretty easy to find Miss Seung on Skype, and it turns out she's already online. Her image looks like a bunch of kids in a classroom playing.

She rejects Boots' call and opts for text chat.

(http://i.imgur.com/j7jo23t.png) Are you sure you want to do this?
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Why do you ask?
(http://i.imgur.com/j7jo23t.png) This just seems natural for you?
(http://i.imgur.com/j7jo23t.png) I'm a little starstruck.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) I like kids.
(http://i.imgur.com/j7jo23t.png) You'll like Isaac. He's intelligent, he has a good personality. He doesn't realize it, but the other kids like him.
(http://i.imgur.com/j7jo23t.png) Jungmin even has a crush...
(http://i.imgur.com/j7jo23t.png) Anyway! I'll put him on.
(http://i.imgur.com/j7jo23t.png) One other thing. If there's any evidence of an incident after this, I'll be turning over all relevant information to the authorities.

The phone rings on Boots' end and when he picks it up he sees this face.

(http://i.imgur.com/YLGdVGG.png)

(http://i.imgur.com/LaOlFOJ.png) Who's talking?
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Your eSports idol.
(http://i.imgur.com/C07K0Dv.png) Oh!
(http://i.imgur.com/n72syRo.png) I have so many screencaps of you.
(http://i.imgur.com/C07K0Dv.png) At first I thought you were obviously cheating, but then... No, you're just good. Really good. Did Miss Seung tell you I won the tournament?
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) How did you do that?
(http://i.imgur.com/C07K0Dv.png) Intuition. I'm new to Dota too.
(http://i.imgur.com/LaOlFOJ.png) Want to play a round?
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Are you sure about this?

The client's already running in the background. Pretty soon Isaac's picture comes up with a match invite.

(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) This is going to be over pretty quick...

Isaac plays a very cagey, defensive game, doesn't die, but doesn't gain any ground, and eventually Boots knocks out his tower.

(http://i.imgur.com/LaOlFOJ.png) I could have had that one!
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) It didn't stretch me. But like you said, I'm new too.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Did you have something you wanted to talk about?
(http://i.imgur.com/C07K0Dv.png) Oh yeah. Where do you get blood?
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) You know about that.



(http://i.imgur.com/n72syRo.png) It was kind of obvious...
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Today I've just been sucking my friends dry offstage.
(http://i.imgur.com/C07K0Dv.png) There's not a nonviolent way to do it?
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Buying it isn't quite the same.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Why do you ask?

(http://i.imgur.com/C07K0Dv.png) I'm the only Jewish kid at this entire school. I'm American. South American, from Guyana.
(http://i.imgur.com/LaOlFOJ.png) A bunch of kids tried to make fun of me by making me eat worms and dirt and stuff and telling me it was Korean food. It turns out I have a taste for that stuff. It didn't stop there. I ate lead and it didn't affect me. They would give me paint chips and I would swallow them whole.
(http://i.imgur.com/C07K0Dv.png) And they always came out the same as they went in. Except for meat, which disappeared.
(http://i.imgur.com/LaOlFOJ.png) How much do you know about vampire bat stomachs?
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Why would you assume I know anything about vampire bat stomachs?
(http://i.imgur.com/n72syRo.png) Sorry, forgot you were a musclehead. A vampire bat stomach has a very thin lining which absorbs blood plasma instantaneously, enabling the bats to piss it out post haste. It turns out I can do that too.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) With blood?
(http://i.imgur.com/C07K0Dv.png) With non-red chemicals. If I drink urine it basically comes out urine. If I drink antifreeze I piss blue. None of this stuff affects me.
(http://i.imgur.com/LaOlFOJ.png) The other thing is that I don't age. I'm twelve years old right now. I look eight.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Well... my mother drank antifreeze and so did I, and that never happened to me. It's called pica.
(http://i.imgur.com/C07K0Dv.png) I'm not saying being a vampire means you can piss antifreeze.
(http://i.imgur.com/n72syRo.png) I'm saying pissing antifreeze means you're probably a vampire.
(http://i.imgur.com/C07K0Dv.png) The other thing. I have pointy ears. I'm incredibly white. I have red eyes: these blue ones are just contacts.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Contacts under your glasses?
(http://i.imgur.com/LaOlFOJ.png) Bats have bad eyesight. So do I. But... I can echolocate, meaning that I'm still OK.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) You haven't convinced me.
(http://i.imgur.com/C07K0Dv.png) I can ingest anything in this room.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Please don't make me watch you test that.
(http://i.imgur.com/LaOlFOJ.png) I have really big teeth for my age.

He shows them off. Honestly, they look pretty fangy. More than Boots expected.

(http://i.imgur.com/C07K0Dv.png) I knew you wouldn't believe me. If only I hadn't spent so much time tanning...
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Do you sleep?
(http://i.imgur.com/LaOlFOJ.png) I used to. Uh, sometimes I still do. Upside down, feet grasping the ceiling.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Can you make other people go to sleep?
(http://i.imgur.com/C07K0Dv.png) Sure.

Boots scrutinizes him a little carefully. There's no sign of any emotion in his face other than hopefulness. It's devilishly hard to read minds over an internet connection...

(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Let me give you some advice.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) As a human your tongue is fairly short. You will need to use something else to clean your face. I recommend a rag that you can wet with your saliva.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) You should probably stick to hunting at night, in places you have a legal privilege to be in.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Those teeth look pretty nasty but not actually very sharp. Be sure to bite the shallow part of the throat if your goal is to make a clean incision. Don't puncture too deep since the sharp part is near the tip.

Isaac blinks rapidly, taking it all in.

(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Real vampires don't blink.
(http://i.imgur.com/C07K0Dv.png) No, you're thinking of lizards. Vampires can blink if they want to.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) I'm still not sold...

Isaac looks a little dejected.

(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Are you *sure* you're a vampire?
(http://i.imgur.com/C07K0Dv.png) No, I'm not in any doubt about that. I'm mad because you think I'm dishonest.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) I think you are suffering from a condition called pica, and an immunity to most known poisons.
(http://i.imgur.com/LaOlFOJ.png) I didn't want to get into this but...

Something flits by in the background. Holy shit. He has wings. No arms, just wings. His glasses bounce off the bridge of his nose, but cling on the tip. Between the tip of the nose and the rest of the face is a growing channel -- soon they somersault and flit into the air behind him.

(http://i.imgur.com/C07K0Dv.png) Uh...

His head jitters. A lone contact lens pops off.

(http://i.imgur.com/WKgvB9Q.png) At first I was just really into the Torah, fruit and small insects, but then we learned about hematophages in bio class and I got to thinking...
(http://i.imgur.com/PLI3qCM.png) Promise you won't tell Miss Seung?

The left eye squints and the other lens pops away. He's maybe three feet tall still. A little short for his age group.

(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) I am now sufficiently convinced. Go on with whatever you were going to do. Most of my advice still holds.
(http://i.imgur.com/BxQsK3W.png) OK. It was good talking to you!

Boots hear a high-pitched clicking sound and then a flutter of wings. The monitor cracks. The call terminates.



Then we should go backstage and meet with Yaru and try to figure out what the red sauce is.
Frank West, March 21, 2016, 09:21:30 pm


(http://i.imgur.com/KTTRSDJ.png) Bad news. The red sauce ran out ten minutes ago. I hid a bowl, but someone took it.

His nose wrinkles as he begins sniffing surfaces around the room.

(http://i.imgur.com/8fn6puL.png) People... have a strong odor. They all have that in common. You kind of smell like blood and shit.
(http://i.imgur.com/lFMAP8z.png) We're gonna be tight.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) How long have you been sniffing people?
(http://i.imgur.com/8fn6puL.png) Since game 2.

He holds his hand out to shake it. Boots grasps it a little gently, and then he tightens, so Boots tightens too. Then Yaru flinches and Boots lets him go.

(http://i.imgur.com/8fn6puL.png) No, it's good. Don't take me seriously. You're the star.

He sniffs the air again. Then he clicks his tongue against the back of his teeth.

(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Does the red sauce smell like anything in particular?
(http://i.imgur.com/lFMAP8z.png) Smells like taco spices. Just the spices, not tomatoes or anything. It's really rich, brothy. I think you'll like it if we can get some.
(http://i.imgur.com/KTTRSDJ.png) Let's look for CoDA. He left five minutes ago to look for the stuff. I think he's going to want to talk to you.

It sounds like some shouting has erupted outside due to the red sauce situation.

Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Sherman Tank on March 22, 2016, 02:13:09 am
Detonate the atomic bomb.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Gyro on March 22, 2016, 10:12:29 am
Try to calm down the angry people in the hall. Tell them the inspiring story of Jack Chick and the Whiskeynanners, and tell them that if Jack Chick can soldier on through eating those disgusting sulfurous nanners which look like poo-poo, then they can manage to survive eating a total lack of red sauce.

Meet up with CoDA. Ask Yaru and CoDA if they know anything about Lena Boll or the people who run ESEX, and if they think they're good people. Also, ask if it sounds like a good idea to accept Vince's offer. We're gonna Deus Ex NPC dialogue the shit out of this.

Also read that email about the sleep study if you have time, that looks weird yo.

Detonate the atomic bomb.
Sherman Tank, March 22, 2016, 02:13:09 am
If "atomic bomb" is a cocktail and by "detonate" you mean "drink," I'm all for this.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Zekka on March 22, 2016, 12:41:44 pm
Detonate the atomic bomb.
Sherman Tank, March 22, 2016, 02:13:09 am

Acknowledged!

Try to calm down the angry people in the hall. Tell them the inspiring story of Jack Chick and the Whiskeynanners, and tell them that if Jack Chick can soldier on through eating those disgusting sulfurous nanners which look like poo-poo, then they can manage to survive eating a total lack of red sauce.

Meet up with CoDA. Ask Yaru and CoDA if they know anything about Lena Boll or the people who run ESEX, and if they think they're good people.
Dog Magma, March 22, 2016, 10:12:29 am

(http://i.imgur.com/TOkj8kC.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/YSjWn3y.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/VOV8Iuv.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/QqCbvF8.jpg)
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(http://i.imgur.com/qYDU9kA.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/02tXOpB.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/R6miQMA.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/gQOeNTf.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/aEz5weo.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/6T1Bz0T.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/9tMpHXn.jpg)
(http://i.imgur.com/mlP6SoX.jpg)


DOTASPORT ONLINE
Dota -> eSports General -> Fandom -> RijaLeu
== Is the boots@reptoid address real? ==
esports_MIKE
Member
30 posts
--------
RijaLeu is the coolest esports competitor in the world for me right now. I really, really, really want to get a picture with him. I'm willing to use photoshop to make this happen.

I'm at trump condos right now but they're not letting me in since I don't have an evt pass.


Yaru
Verified
358 posts
---------
I didn't really want to respond to this topic, but I felt obligated seeing as I'm the one who leaked it.

Yes it's real. (It's reptoid.me by the way.) Please don't abuse it. He is probably receiving a lot of spam right now from fans and promoters, at least that's what happened when my personal email got leaked.

We're in the green room right now, about to go looking for a friend -- stand somewhere conspicuous, maybe we'll see you. He seems like a really nice dude. You can get in the lobby, right?
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Zekka on March 23, 2016, 11:06:43 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/yMxNfU6.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/1fIeQtU.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/7pEzpL0.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/fK0n4xJ.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/gOcUqKa.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/k5wKdvi.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/vCia8cL.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/YVM9wcr.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/YVM9wcr.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/qrTkNYh.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/ObtNAkq.png)
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Bodark on March 23, 2016, 11:30:50 pm
OH FUCK THAT'S WHY I WAS SUPPOSED TO SAVE THOSE NUMBERS

EDIT TO CLARIFY: I FORGOT TO SAVE THE NUMBERS

EDITED AGAIN: I FUCKED IT UP GUYS I FUCKED IT UP
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Zekka on March 23, 2016, 11:36:55 pm
OH FUCK THAT'S WHY I WAS SUPPOSED TO SAVE THOSE NUMBERS

EDIT TO CLARIFY: I FORGOT TO SAVE THE NUMBERS

EDITED AGAIN: I FUCKED IT UP GUYS I FUCKED IT UP
Bodark, March 23, 2016, 11:30:50 pm

Oh no!
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Bodark on March 24, 2016, 12:15:00 am
OH FUCK THAT'S WHY I WAS SUPPOSED TO SAVE THOSE NUMBERS

EDIT TO CLARIFY: I FORGOT TO SAVE THE NUMBERS

EDITED AGAIN: I FUCKED IT UP GUYS I FUCKED IT UP
Bodark, March 23, 2016, 11:30:50 pm

AS IF BY MAGIC, I SEEM TO HAVE RECOVERED THE NUMBERS WE'RE GOOD
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Sherman Tank on March 24, 2016, 12:36:36 am
Sabotage Trump's supply of hairspray and fancy combs.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Ashto on March 24, 2016, 04:07:47 am
At the first available moment of downtime, head into the bathroom and fashion a miniature piñata out of toiler paper, hand towels, and whatever adhesive material may be available along the way there. Stain portions of it with different colored soaps to provide color. Stow it in your inventory until a later time, as I'm sure it will come in handy as a distraction in the case you want to trick the staff into thinking that there's a roving Mexican loose in the building.

Feeding should probably not be too big of a concern, as bite-marks can be covered up by the required collars and scarves, and the victims simply entranced into forgetting.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: moooo566 (taylor's version) on March 24, 2016, 04:58:30 am
This isn't going in a friendly direction. Regain control of the situation by building a proxy starport in the loos and massing Vikings.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Zekka on March 24, 2016, 11:45:09 am
It sounds like Boots is taking a lavatorial direction. Perfectly OK! Before entering, let's take a quick look at the plans. (as posted in the broom closet)
(http://i.imgur.com/doSCBAP.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/xtJyFuG.png)
(action (not paperwork) will commence with haste)
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Zekka on March 24, 2016, 11:55:30 pm

The weird little white thing that was supposedly a pita rests in Boots' pocket. CoDA is still gasping from minor shock, but he looks totally spaced out.

(http://i.imgur.com/ru42fUM.png) Aren't you going to take a look at it?
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) I'm going to the bathroom.
(http://i.imgur.com/ru42fUM.png) You're not going to... flush it, are you?
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) I might.

Boots' pocket wriggles discontentedly. CoDA yawns.

(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) That's not the reason I'm going though.

Eyes closed with one hand on his throat and the other on his stomach, CoDA haltingly stands and tries to follow.

(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) You're following a stranger into the bathroom? That's weird and creepy.

Tiptoeing out he hears a brief, unsurprising thud inside the room as the doorway shuts, along with loud, undisrupted snoring. Boots has other priorities, but he'll examine the pita under the light if he gets a chance.

Regain control of the situation by building a proxy starport in the loos and massing Vikings.
moooo566, March 24, 2016, 04:58:30 am

Inside the bathroom are about a dozen tall, burly Swedes. They're pretty compliant, though, and soon Boots has urged all of them into one corner, by the hand-dryers.

(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Why are you here?
(http://i.imgur.com/uiB64hz.png) Religious purposes.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Do you want to do me a favor?
(http://i.imgur.com/uiB64hz.png) We'd love to. We have nothing else to do right now.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Cool. Go to the green room and make sure Yaru and CoDA are OK. Then hang out near the orchestra pit or something. Somewhere I can find you.
(http://i.imgur.com/uiB64hz.png) No, can't go outside the bathroom.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Can you go to a different bathroom while I work here?

They squabble a little bit in ancient Norse. Then their leader smiles wryly.

(http://i.imgur.com/uiB64hz.png) We can...not.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Could you, perhaps, hide in the stalls so you don't see what I'm up to?
(http://i.imgur.com/uiB64hz.png) We'd like to, but there's no room. Besides, it would be unfair. There are eleven of us and three stalls.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Maybe you can do it lying down.

Once the last viking is KO'ed, he hauls them one-by-one by their beards into the near stall. By clambering a short ways up the side of the stall he has enough vertical room to stack them up like sardines.

Whatever's in Boots' pocket jitters, stretches, and madly scrambles to escape -- but fortunately, that's what God invented pockets for.

At the first available moment of downtime, head into the bathroom and fashion a miniature piñata out of toiler paper, hand towels, and whatever adhesive material may be available along the way there. Stain portions of it with different colored soaps to provide color. Stow it in your inventory until a later time, as I'm sure it will come in handy as a distraction in the case you want to trick the staff into thinking that there's a roving Mexican loose in the building.
Ashto, March 24, 2016, 04:07:47 am

This doesn't turn out to be that hard to do. All four hand soaps listed on the custodian's notice turned out to be present. And with a little puking Boots finds he contains enough partially-coagulated blood to easily glue the sheets together. The bigger problem is the filling: the bathroom contains numerous soaps, plenty of toilet paper and other craft materials, but nothing to eat. The other problem is carrying it, but Boots cleverly built his globe-shaped pinata in four quadrants, which pack nicely between his skin and his jumpsuit. He makes a mental note to visit the dining gallery and see what he can find.

The other things he finds: some hastily altered Dendi marketing material now bearing his face, and... here it is, in a secret cabinet adjacent to the janitorial closet. This wasn't in the notice. Maybe it was implied.

Sabotage Trump's supply of hairspray and fancy combs.
Sherman Tank, March 24, 2016, 12:36:36 am

It's a Donald Haircare Kit!

The light in the room flickers -- it's just dank and unverifiable enough, alone in this space, for something paranormal to happen. The scent of the Haircare Kit has begun to carry.

His pocket bursts on the inside and he feels something (the pita, he supposes) scamper down his leg with sharp-toed feet. An alternation, actually, of sharp-toed feet and the dull clamp of a soft front limb further down. He grabs his pantleg by the ankle and quickly apprehends the pita by its left wing.

(http://i.imgur.com/9huZjHS.png) Don't worry. I'm nice.

It fixes its stare on Boots.

(http://i.imgur.com/KEWFcqd.png) Let me go.
(http://i.imgur.com/bSqZ2Fw.png) Set me on the ground.

Its eyes dart to the hair equipment.

(http://i.imgur.com/KEWFcqd.png) Give me the haircare kit.

Whatever it was expecting doesn't happen.

(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) You don't look like a pita crisp.
(http://i.imgur.com/KEWFcqd.png) Come on, take a nap.
(http://i.imgur.com/bEP5QVq.png) Those eyelids are so heavy you can barely lift them.
(http://i.imgur.com/DvScaD8.png) You're actually a chicken.
(http://i.imgur.com/opp26MT.png) You have too much blood in your alcoholstream! You will have to lie down and sleep it off.

It bugs out its already-buggy eyes a little further. Then it runs its whole back along Donald's crazy curly comb.

(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Do you want me to pretend what you're doing is working?
(http://i.imgur.com/DvScaD8.png) Just set me down near those guys you were arguing with. I was hoping to take charge here...
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Don't run away on me or anything.
(http://i.imgur.com/KEWFcqd.png) In control or not, there's no one at this event I would rather hang out with.
(http://i.imgur.com/bEP5QVq.png) Although my bets were on KantrIP when the tourney started.
(http://i.imgur.com/DvScaD8.png) Shave my chin a little, right here. It's getting shaggy.

It touches its chin with its thumb. Boots clips it with Donald's crazy curly shaver.

(http://i.imgur.com/KEWFcqd.png) How does hairspray taste?
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Bad.
(http://i.imgur.com/DvScaD8.png) Even to humans?
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Yeah, they hate it.
(http://i.imgur.com/bEP5QVq.png) OK, just do a little, top of the head.

It sorts its fuzz into a mohawk, which doesn't really stand up straight.

(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Hold that.
(http://i.imgur.com/bSqZ2Fw.png) Can't. Let's leave it for now.

Boots punctures the hairspray container and snaps the comb in half. Then he spits on it.

(http://i.imgur.com/opp26MT.png) Aren't you hungry?

The pita quickly mutilates one of the vikings' throats. After it licks away a little blood it scowls, pisses in the toilet, lands gracefully on the flush handle, flaps its wings *upward* to force it down, then comes back.

(http://i.imgur.com/DvScaD8.png) Hate Swedish people blood. My name is Sticks.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) What are you after?
(http://i.imgur.com/bEP5QVq.png) Fame, sustenance, political power? Probably the same sort of stuff you're after.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) We'll see.
(http://i.imgur.com/KEWFcqd.png) By the way, the red sauce is like 90% blood. Humans don't like it.
(http://i.imgur.com/opp26MT.png) My friends do.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) I thought it was OK.
(http://i.imgur.com/bEP5QVq.png) If you're into that... I'm not saying humans can't like it, if they're in the right company.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) I'm not a human.
(http://i.imgur.com/DvScaD8.png) Oh yeah. There's none of that stuff left, is there?
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) None that I know of.
(http://i.imgur.com/KEWFcqd.png) Event protocol dictates we don't start eating people yet.
(http://i.imgur.com/opp26MT.png) It's OK, rules are made to be broken.
(http://i.imgur.com/DvScaD8.png) I'm cold and I'm not used to being this dry. Can you find someone to put me in?

Boots jams Sticks back in his pocket, but there's almost no need. A human pops through the door almost immediately. A human whose trousers are on his shoes.

(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) Listen. I've got to drop a massive deuce. How about you clear out before your entire existence becomes something you regret?

He's holding hands with the other marketer. Whose trousers are also down, apparently in sympathy. He takes a break to high-five his partner over that burn.

(http://i.imgur.com/jAGZIQv.png) He's not kidding. This deuce is set to blow. You'd better watch yourself or else it's going to blow on you.

The pita skitters up Boots' arm, taps his wrist a whole bunch of times, and poises right under his jumpsuit sleeve to strike.

(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) That's a lumpy suitsleeve! Hope it didn't show up on camera. It's almost as lumpy as this giant deuce I'm about to drop.
(http://i.imgur.com/jAGZIQv.png) What a deuce!

You edited his arm out of the take, the pita murmurs.

(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) I always wanted to see someone drop a deuce... with his mouth open.
(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) Anything for a fan, I guess.

In approaching the toilet he passes perilously close to Boots' arm. The lump under the sleeve twitches.

(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) OK, open your mouth.
(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) I'm not dropping it yet. Not in the mood.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Open your mouth to get in the mood.

He sets his hand (well, what you might expect a kobold to have instead of a hand) on the shoulder of the marketer.

(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) Now we're bros.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) It's awesome.
(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) Massage me with your bro hand.
(http://i.imgur.com/9huZjHS.png) OK, perfect.

He cringes and screams in response to the pita foot that's just parked upon his deltoid.

(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) Aaaaaaaa--

The little white blur bounds along the seam of the vest up to the ear, then swings across the temple to the mouth and hops down the marketer's throat.

(http://i.imgur.com/jAGZIQv.png) What?
(http://i.imgur.com/FyvzqkC.png) I look normal.
(http://i.imgur.com/jAGZIQv.png) That looked like a bat. Felt like one, too...
(http://i.imgur.com/FyvzqkC.png) Let's get serious. I'm hanging out with Boots now because he's my friend. You're going to fall asleep now, with no memory of what just occurred.

The other marketer nods and smiles, dazed.

(http://i.imgur.com/FyvzqkC.png) Also, you are now a chicken -- and you can only talk backwards -- and you're four years old -- and you're a ghost -- and none of us are here, it's all your imagination -- and you have the power to set fires with your mind -- and...

After a really confused series of facial expressions the other dude falls to the floor, landing in the corner between the bathroom stall and the door.

(http://i.imgur.com/FyvzqkC.png) OK, hold up.

His skin bleaches white and two little fangs pop out below the lip. He struggles to make just the teeth make contact, then gives up and puckers his lips, holds them to the Adam's apple, and takes a long, messy suck. After adjusting his posture to try to keep his face a little cleaner, he licks the small amount of remaining blood off the throat. His tongue isn't picking up as much as he seems to expect.

(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) I forgot how bad human anatomy was for this sort of thing. Let me wash my face. Then get us out of this bathroom and I'll try to let this dude act naturally, more or less.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Where are we going?
(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) I don't know. Taking a look around the chest cavity, this guy's liver is hosed, not my fault. He'll be dead before he's 30. If you could find me someone cooler to occupy, that would be a start. And then, maybe we could try to get into the secret vault?
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) I have a game soon.
(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) You could just jam me in PewDiePie's braincage and get 2-2 A.S.A.P.
(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) Or we could try to hit the buffet.

He frowns.

(http://i.imgur.com/FyvzqkC.png) Crap. Really did need to drop that deuce.
(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) Just wait outside for me and we'll think of something. I'll find something else to wear. You're a good friend.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Zekka on March 25, 2016, 12:13:21 am
Brief message to Mariscos staff.

There was some concern that the autobiological pita crisps might have been a misdelivery. To alleviate those concerns I am providing an anatomical illustration of what an autobiological pita crisp looks like, complete with helpful diagnostic labeling.

(http://i.imgur.com/3fi6Ee2.png)

-- Lena Boll
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: chai tea latte on March 25, 2016, 03:57:28 am
Find Sticks a super hot body to pilot.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Sherman Tank on March 25, 2016, 04:55:03 am
Shitcan the power to the building.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Gyro on March 25, 2016, 11:50:20 am
If Boots has time, ask Sticks why he was posing as a pita crisp and also what the hell kind of vampirism allows one to mind-control somebody from their insides.

e: I guess putting Sticks in Pewds' brain is probably a good idea (or, at least, if it backfires it'll be hilarious), take him up on that.
Shitcan the power to the building.
Sherman Tank, March 25, 2016, 04:55:03 am
But if we do that we won't be able to play Dota..?
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Zekka on March 25, 2016, 09:27:10 pm
If Boots has time, ask Sticks why he was posing as a pita crisp and also what the hell kind of vampirism allows one to mind-control somebody from their insides.
Quote from

Boots has a little bit of time, but he's waiting outside the bathroom. Doing that would ordinarily necessitate coming in, but there's another option.

(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) HEY.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) YOU IN THERE.

He raps on the door with his thumb.

(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) I STILL HAVE MORE QUESTIONS.

He hears a discontented squeal, but one that sounds like it came from a human larynx.

(http://i.imgur.com/LSckDLJ.png) Go to the buffet and pick up some tapas. This body wants human food.
(http://i.imgur.com/LSckDLJ.png) I am improvising a temporary clothes solution.

Boots raps on the door again.

(http://i.imgur.com/LSckDLJ.png) What is it now?

(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) OKAY.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) SEE YOU IN A BIT.

Shitcan the power to the building.
Quote from

There's a couple ways Boots can do this.
- destructively disable mains (cable-cutting)
- flip mains to 'off'
- strategically disable breakers

The last option carries the most granularity and the least risk of harm, and as a bonus, the switches are well-labeled. The control room is just north of the food court entrance and appears to cover the entire building:

(http://i.imgur.com/JhM1Xob.png)

Most of the building functions appear still to be running. But hypothetically, something interesting might happen if Boots were to turn most of them off.

(http://i.imgur.com/BsaWz4F.png)

"A BOM" sounds too promising to be turned off, and the last three are completely necessary if Boots is going to attain fame and glory -- but lights dim outside suggesting that Dota-unrelated functions have now seized.

This makes it a little bit easier to penetrate the buffet without being surrounded, but it has some disadvantages. Namely, the people who are seeing Boots look a little different.

(http://i.imgur.com/tqjOm7S.png)

(http://i.imgur.com/FyvzqkC.png) Don't worry. You're pretty popular in my demographic.

That's still Sticks. It looks like he replaced the poopy pants, bloody shirt, and poopy shoes with a mix of viking armor and esports gear from the other guy.

(http://i.imgur.com/FyvzqkC.png) Jam a taco in my human mouth and I will eat it until my human stomach stops complaining.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Would getting you into a different body solve this problem?
(http://i.imgur.com/FyvzqkC.png) My ideal carrier is a total anorexic in otherwise good shape with no sex drive. The guy I'm inhabiting now doesn't match any of those characteristics.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Like a model?
(http://i.imgur.com/FyvzqkC.png) No facial hair, that's another thing.
(http://i.imgur.com/FyvzqkC.png) Humans look really shitty with facial hair.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Like a *female* model?
(http://i.imgur.com/FyvzqkC.png) I think of myself more as an "it."
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Oh. You probably want to be a dude. That's the default gender.
(http://i.imgur.com/FyvzqkC.png) But I still want humans to think I look sexy. Or at least subconsciously trustworthy.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) That's saying "model" again.
(http://i.imgur.com/FyvzqkC.png) Humans of either gender.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) What's your marketer brain telling you?
(http://i.imgur.com/FyvzqkC.png) Oh...

He scratches his chin obliquely with the joint at the back of his thumb. Boots feeds a taco delicately through the space between his lips.

(http://i.imgur.com/FyvzqkC.png) Leff go for comflete --

He swallows with difficulty. He obviously isn't impressed with the taste.

Find Sticks a super hot body to pilot.
chai tea latte, March 25, 2016, 03:57:28 am

(http://i.imgur.com/FyvzqkC.png) Let's go for completely average facial features. Unisex yet attractive. High IQ. Contralto-tenor voice type. Pale skin-tone. Late teens to early twenties... let's go late teens. Someone with the "esports" build.
(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) Some minor eSports professionals are arriving backstage before the press conference. Let's stage a photo shoot.



Although the line providing power to the photography rigs is dead, the Dota machines are still kicking, and that includes two spares whose power cords are easily long enough to drag around the wall down to the little soundstage below. Lined up with their faces all against the dark glass are eSports celebrities invited either to fill the filming room or to give interviews themselves.

Closest to the door is is Jeffrey "Trump" Shih. On the ground, asleep, is Sean "Day9" Plott. Many other recognizable celebrities whose names contain quotes have gathered there -- but a second condition, far to the back, seems to be looking to the outside.

(http://i.imgur.com/OmdNZqB.png) Bring someone down with the authority to let us in.
(http://i.imgur.com/7A6mcWP.png) Someone made a mistake and we can't get into the building.
(http://i.imgur.com/qgB1hKo.png) Only the water route is free...
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) We're going to be taking photos very soon, and we'll let you in incrementally.
(http://i.imgur.com/U5FO04a.png) Are you with the hotel?
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) No, I'm an eSports superstar.
(http://i.imgur.com/Tlbl9t2.png) Oh, you're with ESEX!
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) No, I'm one of the players.
(http://i.imgur.com/HPhGmDV.png) Shouldn't you be playing?
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Something happened that's probably going to delay the game.
(http://i.imgur.com/7A6mcWP.png) You can't be fired for letting us in, can you?
(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) I will hold the door.
(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) Don't worry

Boots drags one of the cameras over to the spare Dota rig and pretends they're connected.

(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) I don't know what that lizard dude was being so cagey about. You guys are welcome to stay down here, but there's a panic going on upstairs. So stay out of the crowd.
(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) We're not going to take all the photos quite yet but we're going to start with some promising candidates.
(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) So, for starters, I'm going to have you all line up by apparent weight...
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) This is a test of your intelligence.
(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) If you can't get your pictures taken in order by apparent weight then I don't know what you're doing in Dota.
(http://i.imgur.com/7A6mcWP.png) I'm here for the press interview. Not a photo shoot.

He doesn't look like Sticks' type.

(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) You can pass. Go upstairs and stay out of the audience.
(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) Next up... everyone who works out, take one step from the wall.

Sticks takes advantage of his human hands to count to 3 on his fingers, making sure he hasn't missed a characteristic.

(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) That's right! Everyone who masturbates, take one step back. No sex drives allowed.

About two thirds of the original lineup has stepped to the back.

(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) Everyone close your eyes. No judgment.
(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) If you just lied, take one step back.

Everyone's back is to the wall, save for about six people. One's a woman, but she voluntarily steps back upon seeing Sticks' look of excitement. Out of those left, Sticks points to the thinnest two.

(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) OK, come with me. You are the most desirable bachelors in this room! Boots, take my lead.

The studio down the hall is pitch black and a little bit larger than a studio apartment. The floor is unobstructed and from the walls hang two speakers. (on left and right), a mic (at the back) and two cameras (back and front)

(http://i.imgur.com/dBW2AHg.png) Do you even know our names?
(http://i.imgur.com/0r1blQp.png) I can't see anything.
(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) I will be the judge of whether anyone can see anything.
(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) Don't worry. This is a major promotional opportunity.
(http://i.imgur.com/PsdRrY9.png) I'm not here for a promotional opportunity.
(http://i.imgur.com/lH5YoE9.png) I really just wanted to spectate.
(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) You should have thought about that before taking the eSports entrance.
(http://i.imgur.com/Nx4BkBY.png) I only took the VIP tickets because they were cheap.
(http://i.imgur.com/ZPgmlql.png) I'm actually cool with getting famous. Let's do it.
(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) First you have to tell me if you lied on any of the questions.
(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) I'll give you five seconds to opt out with dignity.

Five seconds pass.

(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) Cool.
(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) You both look kind of thin and have a very generic face type. That gives you a lot of US appeal.
(http://i.imgur.com/FyvzqkC.png) You're pale and have nice smooth throat flesh.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Which is important in portraits.
(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) Yeah! It's going to be easy to light you with a lot of contrast.

(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) Which means we need a tiebreaker...
(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) OK. Both of you want this promotional opportunity, right? We're just about ready to shoot.
(http://i.imgur.com/dBW2AHg.png) Just shoot us both.
(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) You didn't let me finish.
(http://i.imgur.com/dBW2AHg.png) The solution is really simple.
(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) So either I could give the promotional opportunity to this other gentleman, or I could just shoot both of you.
(http://i.imgur.com/Wz9A7Wq.png) I don't even want it.
(http://i.imgur.com/dBW2AHg.png) Just shoot us both. Or shoot me.
(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) It's funny you say that. There's an old tale which goes like this:

16 One day two women came to King Solomon, 17 and one of them said:

Your Majesty, this woman and I live in the same house. Not long ago my baby was born at home, 18 and three days later her baby was born. Nobody else was there with us.

19 One night while we were all asleep, she rolled over on her baby, and he died. 20 Then while I was still asleep, she got up and took my son out of my bed. She put him in her bed, then she put her dead baby next to me.

21 In the morning when I got up to feed my son, I saw that he was dead. But when I looked at him in the light, I knew he wasn’t my son.

22 “No!” the other woman shouted. “He was your son. My baby is alive!”

“The dead baby is yours,” the first woman yelled. “Mine is alive!”

They argued back and forth in front of Solomon, 23 until finally he said, “Both of you say this live baby is yours. 24 Someone bring me a sword.”

A sword was brought, and Solomon ordered, 25 “Cut the baby in half! That way each of you can have part of him.”

26 “Please don’t kill my son,” the baby’s mother screamed. “Your Majesty, I love him very much, but give him to her. Just don’t kill him.”

The other woman shouted, “Go ahead and cut him in half. Then neither of us will have the baby.”

27 Solomon said, “Don’t kill the baby.” Then he pointed to the first woman, “She is his real mother. Give the baby to her.”

28 Everyone in Israel was amazed when they heard how Solomon had made his decision. They realized that God had given him wisdom to judge fairly.
Quote from

(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) What are your names?
(http://i.imgur.com/PsdRrY9.png) You have literally no idea who we are and you want to run our advertising campaign.
(http://i.imgur.com/dBW2AHg.png) I'm out.
(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) You certainly are! You volunteered to divide the promotional opportunity in half. Hence I'm giving it to this dark-haired kid. His higher-contrast features will reproduce better on film anyway.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Which means you're going back with all the others.
(http://i.imgur.com/ZPgmlql.png) I'm not convinced I missed my big break.

The door slams behind him.

(http://i.imgur.com/lH5YoE9.png) How are you going to even take a picture of me in here?
(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) There's plenty of light. This is how we do all our long-exposures.
(http://i.imgur.com/0r1blQp.png) You think this is my first photo shoot. You're full of baloney.
(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) You're what, fifteen?
(http://i.imgur.com/Nx4BkBY.png) That's a terrible guess.
(http://i.imgur.com/tJc6u8V.png) Whatever. Just relax a second.

In an exaggerated, phlegmatic whuff, a familiar smiling face emerges from Boots' friend the marketer. It peers around the room.

(http://i.imgur.com/0r1blQp.png) No.
(http://i.imgur.com/lH5YoE9.png) I didn't see what just happened, but I heard it.
(http://i.imgur.com/lH5YoE9.png) You are not videographers and I'm leaving.


(http://i.imgur.com/yDpqpTk.png)

(http://i.imgur.com/bSqZ2Fw.png) Boots, give me your hand.

He raises the little pita to eye level.

(http://i.imgur.com/DvScaD8.png) OK, open wide. Wait, not yet.
(http://i.imgur.com/bEP5QVq.png) Boots, have you ever heard of hypnotic sculpture?
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) I don't know what that is.
(http://i.imgur.com/DvScaD8.png) Keep staring and say "look at your hands."
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) He can't. He's too busy looking at my eyes.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) But OK.
(http://i.imgur.com/fyY0R3u.png) Look at your hands.
(http://i.imgur.com/Nx4BkBY.png) OK.
(http://i.imgur.com/DvScaD8.png) Shake his hand before he looks down.
(http://i.imgur.com/6zwkrU7.png) Also shake my hand please..

The kid's head slowly rotates until it faces the ground. Judging by his expression, he's about 60deg into his descent when he starts to be aware that there's something untoward and dangerous about what's happening to him, and reaches around Boots for the door.

(http://i.imgur.com/EMHsmjJ.png) Look at your hands.
(http://i.imgur.com/opp26MT.png) SLEEEEEEEP.
(http://i.imgur.com/lH5YoE9.png) Come on, give it a rest.
(http://i.imgur.com/bEP5QVq.png)
I won't give it a rest until you SLEEEEEEEEP.
(http://i.imgur.com/opp26MT.png)
YOU ARE A STATUE
.
The kid sighs, swallows deeply, and turns back up to face Boots' visage.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Zekka on March 25, 2016, 09:27:31 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/GMwxXA1.gif)
SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.

(http://i.imgur.com/0r1blQp.png) OK.

His knees bend as he tumbles backwards into the seat behind him. The little pita climbs the top of his head from the back, then leaps down his nose into his mouth.

(http://i.imgur.com/DvScaD8.png) You have to tell him he's not a statue any more.
(http://i.imgur.com/0r1blQp.png) I'm ghtill a ghtatue.
(http://i.imgur.com/sfRffrY.png) No you're not.
(http://i.imgur.com/Nx4BkBY.png) OK.
(http://i.imgur.com/KEWFcqd.png) And leave him feeling good.
(http://i.imgur.com/G9QsUR6.png) You're glad you're not a statue.
(http://i.imgur.com/lH5YoE9.png) OK.

His mouth closes. The kid sputters for a second and then his eyes shoot left and right through the darkness, relieved.

(http://i.imgur.com/tNwWaZK.png) Good news. This kid is also into bats!
(http://i.imgur.com/xxqoCB2.png) His Hearthstone handle tells me everything I need to know.
(http://i.imgur.com/tNwWaZK.png) For now call me Firebat. Although I still prefer Sticks, with friends at least.


If Boots has time, ask Sticks why he was posing as a pita crisp and also what the hell kind of vampirism allows one to mind-control somebody from their insides.
Dog Magma, March 25, 2016, 11:50:20 am

(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) I'm glad you're so satisfied. Can I ask you those questions yet?
(http://i.imgur.com/HdCMuo5.png) You can try.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Are you a real pita crisp?
(http://i.imgur.com/xxqoCB2.png) Only by fiat.
(http://i.imgur.com/tNwWaZK.png) I am biologically an instance of diaemus youngi, imbued with unholy powers from beyond the grave. And I got genetically engineered a little bit too at one point.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) How old are you?
(http://i.imgur.com/HdCMuo5.png) About a year.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) That's way too old to be a pita crisp. Why are you pretending to be a pita crisp?
(http://i.imgur.com/tNwWaZK.png) To get into people's guts. With pretty high ambitions of getting into the rib cage or something, if there's ever an opening.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Is there a reason you want to do that?
(http://i.imgur.com/AxlQ5CW.png) Not a particularly deep one. Patriotic duty, I guess.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) To what country?
(http://i.imgur.com/HdCMuo5.png) Trump's America. Which, the way things are headed, probably isn't going to be located in the United States -- but that's strictly game 5 subject matter, and we're only just now coming into game 4.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Why does going inside people's guts work so well for you?
(http://i.imgur.com/qwuUvZe.png) It wasn't really my decision.
(http://i.imgur.com/xxqoCB2.png) The original plan was to hide under people's collars and do everything from in there, but then some bright gastroenterologist found out how to breed us into intestinal parasites. So now we have a pretty strong preference for being buried in flesh...
(http://i.imgur.com/tNwWaZK.png) Maddeningly, we also want to look cool. This is probably the worst possible environment to look cool in. And humans are the worst possible species.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Hm. That leaves one other thing.
(http://i.imgur.com/HdCMuo5.png) I'm waiting. You've got me all self-important!
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Don't you need eye contact to get into people's heads?
(http://i.imgur.com/AxlQ5CW.png) Maybe you do. But in my case it's 90% sonar. And every so often I chomp a nerve to put them in a blood frenzy or influence their development.
(http://i.imgur.com/tNwWaZK.png) This stuff is all a little icky, though. Not like me! I'm cute, nice, and people like me.
(http://i.imgur.com/HdCMuo5.png) But I think now's not a good time for an autobiology lesson.

The door busts open. It's Jeffrey "TrumpSC" Shih.

Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Zekka on March 26, 2016, 01:08:46 am
(http://i.imgur.com/KKYHRlJ.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/EF4CPFP.png)
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Zekka on March 27, 2016, 12:25:48 am
what trump condos sounds like right now (http://dl.dropbox.com/u/7567446/HostedOrDepended/TrumpCondominiumsAudioAnnouncement.mp3)
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Sherman Tank on March 27, 2016, 02:07:51 am
What happened to the other guy we were playing, the one who's hanging around with Gilligan. He should sneak up to the roof and set off strategically placed explosives to drain the water tanks into the rest of the building, like the end of The Towering Inferno.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Zekka on March 28, 2016, 01:58:34 am
What happened to the other guy we were playing, the one who's hanging around with Gilligan.
Sherman Tank, March 27, 2016, 02:07:51 am

OK, good question! Let's take a quick census of known persons and their locations before continuing.

agent-dean - unknown
Albert-trang Einstein-nguyen - unknown, but probably onstage or in the buffet
Andrew Vuoc - unknown
Anna Grootbeck - unknown
Ashto - unknown, but probably onstage or in the buffet
Austin++ (caster) - somewhere at Trump Condominiums for event
Boots "RijaLeu" Raingear - in the downstairs photo lab with Sticks
Boots' anonymous fan - last seen after game 2 with Boots backstage
Bunnybread - previously at the event, appears to have been exorcised
carmichael - unknown
Cheapskate - unknown, but probably onstage or in the buffet
CoDA - in the green room, knocked out
Daniil "Dendi" Ishutin - unknown, last seen at casting booth with Vince Chaos
Donald Trump - unknown, but likely in the building
esports_MIKE - in the lobby, locked out of the event
Felix "PewDiePie" Kjellberg - apparently performing onstage with the Black Lotuses
Greenthreat - ZergRush MS Preparatory, South Korea
Grieg - making desserts at the Bayou Clu, if you hurryb
Guts - unknown, last seen with Levi explaining room reservationgs
Helden (caster) - Daegu, South Korea
Isaac - ZergRush MS Preparatory, South Korea, probably sucking someone dry
James "Firebat" Kostesich - in the downstairs photo lab under Sticks' thrall
Jane Seung - ZergRush MS Preparatory, South Korea
Janine (caster) - somewhere at the event
Jaroslav "Yaru" Sienkiewicz - in the green room, knocked out
Jeffrey "TrumpSC" Shih - just burst in on Boots and Sticks in the downstairs photo lab
June Matthews - unknown, last seen before we left for Trump Condominiums
Justin "JAB" Black (red-haired pro) - in the pro play area
Kevin Walker - unknown
Kool Keith - practicing autobiological warfare on the second-to-top floor
Lena Boll - most likely at the event, at an unknown location
Levi "DrakkyTheDragon" Gao - last seen in the green room. His request on record is to become a "dracanpire"
Marketer 1 (no glasses) - sucked dry by Sticks in the bathroom, covered in blood and diarrhea
Marketer 2 (glasses) - unconscious in the downstairs photo lab, having just been released by Sticks
Martin (caster) - possibly ZergRush MS Preperatory, South Korea -- but he was previously present at Trump Condominiums, so unlikely
Mike "Vince Chaos" Jeschke - unknown, last seen at the casting booth with Daniil "Dendi" Ishutin
NERRRRD - unknown
Other Korean kids - home after an intense solo mid tournament
Patricia - Last seen at her home near the top secret Bayou Club
Ray Geppon - unknown
Rob the Parrot - in the wires
Sean "Day9" Plott - sleeping beside the water entrance near the photographers' lounge
slowbeef - Previously at the event, hung out with Vince Chaos in green room -- has not been seen since Boots sucked his blood
Sticks - in the downstairs photo lab controlling Firebat
Team KantrIP - unknown, but probably in the play area or buffet
Terrence the Terrapin - in the wires, concerned mostly with things I haven't been telling you
The Exterminator - unknown, associated with second-to-top floor disaster
Vikings - unconscious, piled up in a bathroom stall, some exsanguinated
Whitethreat - Seoul, South Korea
zendolphin - Daegu, South Korea


He should sneak up to the roof and set off strategically placed explosives to drain the water tanks into the rest of the building, like the end of The Towering Inferno.
Sherman Tank, March 27, 2016, 02:07:51 am

We do not control Guts except as a surrogate through Levi Gao. Although he is currently in Levi's presence, Levi is unconscious. Here is what we are permitted to know about Guts at this time:
- he is a TVTroper
- he is surrounded by golf clubs
- he is typing on a keyboard made out of seized golf clubs (as is his habit)

Instead, let's witness June Matthews, our third, who we have not been adequately paying attention to since starting our expedition to Trump Condominiums.

(http://i.imgur.com/zB9QNtM.jpg)
This looks like a disused theatre somewhere deeper in Trump Condominiums.

(http://i.imgur.com/TRx3YRv.png) June.
(http://i.imgur.com/TRx3YRv.png) If you feel persecuted that's alright. You can even cast your persecution in terms of me. But that's not going to make Donald happy.
(http://i.imgur.com/RtDMv2O.png) Maybe I don't want to make Donald happy.
(http://i.imgur.com/TRx3YRv.png) Boots is a valuable autobiological asset both to ESEX Vita and to Trump's campaign.
(http://i.imgur.com/TRx3YRv.png) Let him into your life so he can thank you for that letter you wrote.

She pulls a pita crisp out of her pocket.

(http://i.imgur.com/TRx3YRv.png) You might need this. They're trained not to change your personality too much.



Whoops. June was teetering dangerously on the boundary between player character and NPC, and it looks like she's just slipped over to NPC. No more POV.

What we do know is this: a steady flow of water is draining into the lower chambers of the building. We don't know what started it or whether it was June. We also know Lena is on the premises.



Let's return to Boots, who is hanging with Jeffrey "TrumpSC" Shih in the photography room.

(http://i.imgur.com/U5FO04a.png) Let's go outside. I now have a pretty good idea who you are.
(http://i.imgur.com/7A6mcWP.png) The Koreans really like you. You should play for them.
(http://i.imgur.com/Tlbl9t2.png) Firebat seems kind of creepy... I don't hang out Cloud9ers that often. Maybe this is normal for him.
(http://i.imgur.com/HPhGmDV.png) But I think it's more likely you put him up to this.

The light from the hall barely illuminates Firebat's face. Enough so that Trump can see what Boots already sees. Firebat's just staring at the prone marketer's neck, fangs dripping spit, skin white as a sheet, eyes slightly bulging. He's grinning discernibly.

(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) We thought this would be good for PR, actually.
(http://i.imgur.com/U5FO04a.png) You're playing up the bat angle way too far.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) It was his idea, sort of.

Boots grits his teeth a little to avoid showing emotion after that lie.

(http://i.imgur.com/qgB1hKo.png) There's nothing stopping you from coming outside, right?
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) I don't want to leave him alone until the pics are developed.
(http://i.imgur.com/7A6mcWP.png) Then we'll talk in here.
(http://i.imgur.com/HPhGmDV.png) What's the marketing message of this supposed to be?
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) We just thought it looked kind of cool...
(http://i.imgur.com/U5FO04a.png) Well.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Don't distract him. He's concentrating.
(http://i.imgur.com/OmdNZqB.png) Am I allowed to say anything at all?
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Nothing that will distract him.
(http://i.imgur.com/U5FO04a.png) Fine. Be like that. I already have a plan to meet you again very shortly.
(http://i.imgur.com/U5FO04a.png) I'm not stupid.


Surreptitiously install that Rick and Morty DOTA voice pack.

That's literally the only thing I know about DOTA.
Sherman Tank, March 16, 2016, 06:37:46 pm

Sticks rips his new host out of this crazed state and forces him to make eye contact with Boots.

(http://i.imgur.com/HdCMuo5.png) This guy gets me really hungry. We're fine so long as he doesn't get control.
(http://i.imgur.com/xxqoCB2.png) Do you watch a lot of TV?
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) I read the internet mostly.
(http://i.imgur.com/tNwWaZK.png) So then you have no idea what Rick and Morty is.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) That's a show, right? Why do you care?
(http://i.imgur.com/HdCMuo5.png) I'm getting a sense of how this kid works. He's an obsessive fan. Let me try to get the full story from him.

He goes slightly crosseyed, and then a faint psychic vibration informs Boots that the original Firebat has -- somewhat -- returned.

(http://i.imgur.com/PsdRrY9.png) I'm not a statue.
(http://i.imgur.com/AxlQ5CW.png) Did you watch Rick and Morty?
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Summarize it.
(http://i.imgur.com/tNwWaZK.png) I'm hungry.

He nonchalantly bites the marketer's neck, shakes back and forth for a while, and turns back around.

(http://i.imgur.com/Nx4BkBY.png) It's a parody of Back to the Future, by Adult Swim. The main characters are time travelers who like to visit alternate universes. Morty is Rick's grandson. Rick is a mad scientist who participates in time travel experiments. You can read all about it on TVTropes.

He stares greedily at the throat, which is gently oozing. The changing strength of the vibration suggests that Firebat's level of presence is increasing.

(http://i.imgur.com/PsdRrY9.png) Let's play some Hearthstone.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) I'm a Dota player. What would it take to get you interested in Dota?
(http://i.imgur.com/Wz9A7Wq.png) You could... hm...

Firebat's signal reaches a critical peak, then, suddenly, drops.

(http://i.imgur.com/AxlQ5CW.png) Feed me blood.

He hurriedly grabs the marketer's neck from the backside, shakes it haphazardly as he lifts it to his face, then loosens his grip and sucks gently.

(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Would that really work as a motivator?

Firebat signal increases. Without dropping the marketer he turns back to Boots and responds.

(http://i.imgur.com/Wz9A7Wq.png) I'm sorry, my impulse control isn't treating me correctly today. This has never happened to me before. I don't even know why I'm here -- maybe I haven't slept well? I need to get something to eat. Something that tastes good. Either that or watch some Rick and Morty.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) I can get you some Rick and Morty.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) There has to be a way.
(http://i.imgur.com/lH5YoE9.png) I have no idea.

His eyes are confused but Sticks has apparently commandeered the lower half of his face to present an eager grin.

(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Let's head upstairs and see what your instincts have to say.

He turns and nibbles the marketer one more time before following.

(http://i.imgur.com/Wkr6lEz.jpg)

Power has mostly been restored. The crowd has been sorted into its seats except for a few stragglers on the edges hunting between the aisles for red sauce. A couple human bodies lying in the aisles suggest an alternate source of red sauce was found.

None of the rest of his team is onstage yet. The air shimmers and the crowd is gone, but the bodies remain. Some serving staff can still be seen far to the back of the auditorium, near the entrance. Maybe an inch of water runs along the floor, in the front section.

(http://i.imgur.com/U5FO04a.png) Last chance to come clean.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) I'm clean as a whistle.
(http://i.imgur.com/HPhGmDV.png) I don't know exactly what it is you're hiding. I have a really strong guess that only gets reinforced every time you open your mouth. I'm telling you, it really isn't the most damaging thing that could happen.
(http://i.imgur.com/7A6mcWP.png) Everyone wants to have a "secret sauce," which for a lot of players is Adderall. (I hear until he quit recently, that was Firebat's.) Your "secret sauce" has shown up on camera loads of times. In your case it's an all-liquid diet -- you know what liquid -- and by failing to disconfirm it you've confirmed it for anyone with eyes and a brain. I watched your replays.
(http://i.imgur.com/U5FO04a.png) I'm going to try to be in the video room when they film you. I'm also good at Dota so maybe I can get them to put me on. If so, whatever you say, I'm going to make it as graceful as I can, so you should embrace it. The truth. The one rule for our conversation is you can't lie. Deal?

Firebat is drooling on the floor again, this time staring in Trump's direction. Boots speaks over Trump's head, hoping to reach whichever agent currently has more control of the body. Although this doesn't seem typical of Sticks, or of Firebat -- no one with this kind of eating problem could weigh less than five hundred pounds without purging.

(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) You have to promise me you're not going to bite anyone during the show. I'm going to have you play game 4.
(http://i.imgur.com/OmdNZqB.png) I'm leaving.

He doesn't leave, but he withdraws to the separate subsection offstage where the curtain is hung.

(http://i.imgur.com/Nx4BkBY.png) There's a side of me that doesn't think it can promise that.
(http://i.imgur.com/lH5YoE9.png) I've always had bad impulse control, just never about stuff like this.
(http://i.imgur.com/tNwWaZK.png) I'm getting hungry again...
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Focus on Rick and Morty.

Set down before Dota, his hands begin to type autonomously. It's just character select at first, until he brings up a steam panel, then a microtransactions list. He flips through the couriers, then the items, then some hero bios, and finally finds a page whose header he scrolls past too quickly to read, but whose contents looks like a list of media properties.

(http://i.imgur.com/Wz9A7Wq.png) There onscreen, Morty!
(http://i.imgur.com/Wz9A7Wq.png) Wait -- errp! Morty!

His hand closes the page before he finishes ogling the image. A window pops up asking him to buy something. Firebat signal lost.

(http://i.imgur.com/tNwWaZK.png) Boots, this is Sticks. I need a valid debit card number since Firebat doesn't remember the last four digits of his. I think you will want to handle this before the game.

Firebat signal returns.

(http://i.imgur.com/qwuUvZe.png) I'm feeling distressed... I need to eat something. I haven't eaten all day... or some caffeine. Maybe some stimulants...

He starts to suck his own thumb. It's not just resting on his lower teeth: it's nestled between two giant canines protruding from the top of his mouth. He shoots Trump a nasty, hungry look.

(http://i.imgur.com/KsFAJV3.png) Boots Raingear.
(http://i.imgur.com/eQBfVNi.png) You took your time showing up. As for me? I just had an interview.
(http://i.imgur.com/KsFAJV3.png) You have one too. We were looking for you all over. You probably still have time to do it, if you hurry.
(http://i.imgur.com/zr1cptu.png) Who is this asshole?
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Your replacement.
(http://i.imgur.com/ocwYklg.png) He's not famous. Unless he's famous for being a thumbsucker.
(http://i.imgur.com/YC3TCyp.png) Apparently, with certain people, he is.

PewDiePie looks a little too peeved to be sarcastic. After some moments of inner conflict he settles on earnestly stating the opposite of his intentions, which is the lowest form of sarcasm.

(http://i.imgur.com/d4olapZ.png) The video room is east of stage. Have fun.

The soles of his shoes look wet. He smells like salt.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Zekka on March 28, 2016, 02:11:04 am
(http://i.imgur.com/gNk5W1H.png)
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Sherman Tank on March 28, 2016, 04:09:18 am
Kill PewDiePie again.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Zekka on April 12, 2016, 01:58:45 am
(http://i.imgur.com/JXzLsfd.png)

Guys, this "Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page" topic is totally stale. Let's forget about it and move on. I spent two weeks working on content for a great new update but it's all shit and no one has any reason to look at it because I'm a shit human being. And like all shit human beings I play and enjoy Dota.

I didn't want to admit it but I started this thread because I had an addiction that couldn't be satisfied -- a deep, hidden longing to fuck Slark^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H play Dota 2 with my internet friends, and the only possible outlet was to produce elaborate Dota fanfiction set in the universe of "Liberal Crime Squad," featuring inane mods.

That isn't enough for me any more. I've failed you and I've failed myself. Therefore I propose we start the F-Plus Dota League.

The only rule of the F-Plus Dota League is that we make every decision based on the picks at http://slarkshotpicks.reptoid.me (http://slarkshotpicks.reptoid.me). And we write down all the things that site tells us, including cryptic, insane things. We take screenshots too. (Those are important) Also, I have some friends from another forum who may want to play with us. And they may have higher availability than I do.

Who's game?
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Bodark on April 12, 2016, 02:52:27 am
Before we forget about the past ten wonderful pages, I still kinda wanna nuke Trump. Can we please nuke Trump?

258 246 129 968 215 523
966 133 616 439 947 666
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Zekka on April 12, 2016, 02:53:43 am
We have forgotten less than you think we have. (http://slarkshotpicks.reptoid.me/admin)

(Maybe we haven't forgotten anything at all. There could be stuff you haven't explored yet. The self-loathing and most of the "I take it back this is worthless" were ironic and meant to serve a storytelling goal. We will see most of the previous characters and events again.)
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Gyro on April 12, 2016, 02:02:17 pm

Who's game?

Zekka, April 12, 2016, 01:58:45 am

I hope you enjoy taking a ride down the fucking toilet because I'd love to play Dota 2 with you guys (and I'm trash at it).

e: Is this for competitive-level play? If so, I'm not so sure. I really do suck shit.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Zekka on April 12, 2016, 04:27:52 pm
I've been told the picker website has suffered major outages and is unreliable.

Those are all blatant lies. No such outages have occurred. ESEX hires only the finest sysadmins to configure their servers.



Who's game?

Zekka, April 12, 2016, 01:58:45 am

I hope you enjoy taking a ride down the fucking toilet because I'd love to play Dota 2 with you guys (and I'm trash at it).

e: Is this for competitive-level play? If so, I'm not so sure. I really do suck shit.
Gyro, April 12, 2016, 02:02:17 pm

You're going to be eSports as hell by the time you finish participating. Don't worry -- DOTASPORT promises its finest celebrity coaches. (At least the ones with time out of their busy schedules.)
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Frank West on April 12, 2016, 05:03:55 pm
Sometimes the conversations on the site also loop themselves, the longer I leave the page open, the more likely they are to replay, eventually multiple times.

(However, I'm still writing down the challenges in a desperate attempt to scry the inside of your brain.)
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Zekka on April 12, 2016, 05:09:03 pm
Sometimes the conversations on the site also loop themselves, the longer I leave the page open, the more likely they are to replay, eventually multiple times.

(However, I'm still writing down the challenges in a desperate attempt to scry the inside of your brain.)
Frank West, April 12, 2016, 05:03:55 pm
Weird! I have a guess as to what might cause that, but it's not particularly plausible. I'll get ESEX to fix it later.

EDIT: First fix was broken, try again!
EDIT2: The missing image is because it's shady.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Frank West on April 12, 2016, 06:09:10 pm
Sometimes the conversations on the site also loop themselves, the longer I leave the page open, the more likely they are to replay, eventually multiple times.

(However, I'm still writing down the challenges in a desperate attempt to scry the inside of your brain.)
Frank West, April 12, 2016, 05:03:55 pm
Weird! I have a guess as to what might cause that, but it's not particularly plausible. I'll get ESEX to fix it later.

EDIT: First fix was broken, try again!
EDIT2: The missing image is because it's shady.

Zekka, April 12, 2016, 05:09:03 pm

(still getting repeats of convos. Outworld devourer really wants me to know about this surprise he's making.)
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Zekka on April 12, 2016, 06:30:15 pm
Sometimes the conversations on the site also loop themselves, the longer I leave the page open, the more likely they are to replay, eventually multiple times.

(However, I'm still writing down the challenges in a desperate attempt to scry the inside of your brain.)
Frank West, April 12, 2016, 05:03:55 pm
Weird! I have a guess as to what might cause that, but it's not particularly plausible. I'll get ESEX to fix it later.

EDIT: First fix was broken, try again!
EDIT2: The missing image is because it's shady.

Zekka, April 12, 2016, 05:09:03 pm

(still getting repeats of convos. Outworld devourer really wants me to know about this surprise he's making.)
Frank West, April 12, 2016, 06:09:10 pm
That's mysterious: my logs don't even show anyone getting that far. None of these bugs occurred locally. ESEX Vita probably have to make a more in-depth fixing pass tonight. Try refreshing the page.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Zekka on April 12, 2016, 09:33:04 pm
Helden pulled some strings.
(http://i.imgur.com/88TIoYX.png)
(http://i.imgur.com/WFYFRSb.png) (http://slarkshotpicks.reptoid.me)
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Zekka on April 13, 2016, 08:28:01 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/AVvGG3w.png)
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Sherman Tank on April 13, 2016, 08:36:43 pm
Boots and the other guy aren't gonna make like the end of The Towering Inferno and wash away all the Trump with millions of gallons of falling water, are they? That makes me sad.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Zekka on April 13, 2016, 08:38:42 pm
Boots and the other guy aren't gonna make like the end of The Towering Inferno and wash away all the Trump with millions of gallons of falling water, are they? That makes me sad.
Big Ole Pear Shaped Sherman Tank, April 13, 2016, 08:36:43 pm

I didn't say that. An argument could be made that nothing I posted even implied that.

Unfortunately I'm kinda locked out until ESEX starts up tourney coverage again.
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: Sherman Tank on April 13, 2016, 08:42:36 pm
Have you even seen The Towering Inferno?
Title: Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page
Post by: STOG on April 15, 2016, 06:41:58 pm
i pick riki. i pick riki, no matter what. pick riki