Secrets of the admins of a right-wing memes page

[Zekka]

I'm not gone.

It's Slowbeef.

I had to drive four hundred miles-per-hour in a stolen car to get here.

In the flesh.

Dendi gave me the story. They started the game without you. They thought you wouldn't throw. Vince the caster took your place, but there's an empty spot on the Korean team.
Their jungler is dual-boxing.



The auditorium is empty. Nobody's even watching but the match is being played.

You're going to be famous.

Their jungler is not only dual-boxing. He's playing Enchantress on one terminal and... Slark on the other!

그들은 게임을 던지고있다.
타워 및 사료를 이동합니다.

Boots elbows their jungler in the arm and takes the right seat -- then prepares to click. But Slark isn't there, nor is the game. In its place is code.

At this point he's receiving two sensory experiences which both contradict his apparent past and circumstances. For one, although he doesn't understand what they're saying, he's pretty sure he can respond to it.

괜찮아요. 나는 게임을 저장 왔어요. 나는 무슨 일이 일어나고 있는지 이해합니다.  당신은 비디오 게임에 좋다.
이 소름이 끼치는이다.

The other thing is that he's pretty sure he knows how to read this code. Not well enough to interpret it, but well enough to respond to it. The code is telling him to upgrade his ultimate ability, then pilot an attack on the enemy's middle tower. More broadly, it's telling him to move his mouse a certain distance, right-click the part of the screen that his mouse position corresponds to, and mash until it transmutes. He can almost see the game board underneath, but it's so easy he literally can't think about it.

Try throwing the Korean players off their game by making random gossip, only instead of using names, use [you]. Bonus points if you make inflammatory accusations that turn them on one another.

그는 우리 던져 파괴된다.
우리는 충분히 빨리 공급되지 않습니다.
당신은 파괴되고 아무것도 걱정할 필요가 없습니다.
나는 [you], 건강에 해로운 무게라고 생각합니다.
뭐?
말도 안되는 얘기하지 마십시오!
나는 완전히 심각한되고 있어요.
그것은 사실입니다.

The audience is empty, but he can hear a dull roar behind. The auditorium looks dark, even to Boots.

그것은 단지 나 아니면 관객이 없습니다?
당신과 함께 통해서입니다.
그냥 비디오 게임을 재생할 수 있습니다.

The argument seems tense. The game continues. This is a slow one, with a lot of grinding and not much fighting, but Boots makes an earnest effort to gank the middle and their jungler reluctantly gives him permission to continue. The casting is present, but sounds distant. Boots' linguistic faculties are being taxed to exhaustion.

[you] 독이있다.
극적인하지 마십시오.
당신과 함께 통해서입니다.

Teamfight won. Although it seems semivoluntary -- almost as if the Koreans are intentionally playing badly -- the code is working. Boots can follow it.

그를 이길 않도록하십시오.
나는 승부 조작 싫어.

The champagne cart gradually crosses the front row -- Boots can't help but notice that the servers appear to be the only people actually in the audience, and even they fade into blackness every time the center screen flashes bright. One of them unseats the sauce bowl and licks the rim eagerly before accidentally tumbling to the ground.

Teamfight two won. Tower push continues. The Koreans continue to fight for their own defeat.

이 지루한입니다.
그냥 그를 잃게합니다. 그는이 요청했다.

Teamfight three. Won.

The American base is down. The lights appear and briefly, right at the edge of the stage, Boots sees a wave of reflected light. Then the crowd appears. Everyone has the remains of a bowl of chips.

That's was the world's worst hero play.
They were throwing and that's bad. The match was probably fixed in our favor. You did the right thing.
I know what you think you did to me, and you're wrong.





One of the photographers comes up, just to the edge of the stage.

Come with me offstage for a second.

Someone in the crowd has come alarmingly close to the stage.

Wait! I'm a big fan.

They rush offstage before he can come, but it looks like the crew door was left open.

MYSTERY_LIZARD, you have awesome teeth. I think we should make that part of your brand direction.
You still need to pick a Dota handle, by the way.
You're from ESEX? Take our picture.
I usually charge for this...
I'm a fan.
Can you promise you won't ask for a re-take?
Probably not.

Click.

The film develops.

It's two empty suits of clothing.

Remember the promise I didn't make?
It completely slipped your mind.

He leaves without looking back.

I've never seen anyone play Slark like that. Your whole team threw you to shit and you didn't even care. Then the other team decided to throw...
I'm kind of an expert. People don't respect that.
It's weird, though. I didn't even see you till the end of the match. I thought that guy was playing two heroes at once.
I came in kind of late. He dual-boxed till I got in.
You have to try this sauce, by the way. It's fucking amazing.

Feed the enemy team and then kill them to get the shutdown gold.

You posted this about four seconds before I finished draft one of this update. Maybe next time!

MYSTERY_LIZARD (STILL NEEDS A NEW NAME!)
EXTREME DOTA KOBOLD
LIMITED EDITION BADGES

[Sherman Tank]

Name yourself Canada Reptile. Then win this damn strange contest for whoever Boots is trying to win it for, I dunno.

[moooo566 (taylor's version)]

Mystery lizard should be named Richard Lewis.

[Gyro]

I nominate "AchillesHeelies" as our gamertag.

Give PewDiePie the stimulant you probably still have in your ear. Nothing could possibly go wrong with giving PewDiePie stimulants, right? Also, ask Slowbeef if he has any of those blood vials from his Bloodborne Let's Play on hand in physical reality so you can drink up.

Huddle with your team, try to create a team comp that actually works as a team rather than just all playing random bullshit - while you're at it, avoid playing Slark to avoid distracting PewDiePie's loins.

Try to ignore the fact that quantum bullshit is happening in the auditorium.

[Zekka]

Mike --

Keep going with the game-fixing. I don't care about the game 2 mixup and neither do the shareholders.

I spilled coffee on my JPEG encoder again, but here are the slides from our midnight meeting. I bolted them onto last week's employee presentation. Some of those shareholders are going to be coming downstairs to speak with you, and they may get "grabby" about the details -- many of them are old men, and quite lecherous, and they're all very eager to hear the details.

Let me know if anything happens that will disturb the next game.

-- The Boss






















P.S. Even the investors think "MYSTERY_LIZARD" is a shitty name. Were you drunk?

[Bodark]

I have no idea what's going on anymore, but I know I love it.

[Zekka]

The Boss --

What, objectively, is wrong with "MYSTERY_LIZARD?" Please stop using that tone of  voice when you refer to him. I even hear it in your emails.

-- Mike

[Zekka]

The Boss --

What, objectively, is wrong with "MYSTERY_LIZARD?" Please stop using that tone of  voice when you refer to him. I even hear it in your emails.

-- Mike

Mike --

I am not using that voice to make fun of Boots Raingear when I make fun of the nickname, "MYSTERY_LIZARD." I am using it, obliquely, to make fun of you.

-- The Boss

[Zekka]

Try to ignore the fact that quantum bullshit is happening in the auditorium.

Boots isn't all that concerned about it.

Immediately backstage, not far from the marketing chamber, a round 3 planning meeting is being run. But it doesn't look like it's entirely about the game.

Let's think about the future.
Your Korean future?
Stop.

He's wearing a pair of dark sunglasses, and he's changed from his casual casting gear to a more formal-looking outfit. Not a suit or anything though. It's just a... formal-looking T-shirt and slacks.

Some of you are under the impression the first two games were rigged.
We're not rigging any future games. Boots is going to carry you for the next two rounds, making you 2-2.
I have orders from Lena Boll that Boots fix his marketing direction right now.
Who?
The Boss. She wants you to represent ESEX -- I told her I don't think that's going to happen, but she still wants to throw together a marketing campaign. Whether or not you sign.
We'll get Dendi on your team. We can get rid of PewDiePie.
He's not doing it.
Your opinions hold zero weight in this discussion.

Let's settle this huddle and then, I promise, I'm not going to rush games and I'm not going to play. Game 2 was just an anomaly.
Let me help.

Vince's eyes narrow.

I will take Boots' side. I think you're going to take advantage of him otherwise.
There's nothing I can do to keep Boots from walking away. I'm worried he's going to take advantage of me.
What do you think Dendi's opinion is?
Dendi's not allowed to say anything. It's going to be Boots and I alone.
Then he's not doing it.

At this point Vince's face contorts into an angry grin. Having failed to keep his composure, he backs off and takes an enormous swig of coffee. It seems like he thinks he has an ace up his sleeve, but something is more important to him than simply winning this argument.

Plan your builds for game 3. We aren't going to talk about the plan just yet, so don't focus on it.

He runs off.

Huddle with your team, try to create a team comp that actually works as a team rather than just all playing random bullshit - while you're at it, avoid playing Slark to avoid distracting PewDiePie's loins.

I think I can contribute something.
As I mentioned, I am a racist.
I believe that if we rely primarily on Southeast Asian and Aryan heroes, we are guaranteed Dota success.
I think we should start with Batrider, whose negroidic features are counterbalanced by the handsome Asiatic features of his bat. Next is Mirana, who, despite her dark hair, bears apparently Germanic facial features and not inferior Jewish or Slavic ones.
Next is Io, who is a ball of light.
Next is Lifestealer, who is such an unmistakably crude representation of the Jew that he could only have been the birthchild of sly Aryan propagandists.
And next is Riki.
Isn't Riki Greek?
He's a thief too...
No.
Rikimaru is Japanese, and he is not a thief, but an assassin. Also, he was named for a boat, and the boat may have once been docked in Southeast Asia.
I don't believe there can be any further questions.

PewDiePie and Albert-trang gawk at each other for a second and then PewDiePie speaks up.

That's bullshit. I want to play Slark.
That is impossible.
Maybe we should showboat. Make Boots play Meepo or something.
Yes.
No.
Meepo... is Senegalese.
Boots, do what you need. Ashto has an interview with the press-men.

Downstairs in the now-familiar marketing chamber is Vince, along with two of the cameramen. He looks sweaty. And Slowbeef -- who slinks away through the back exit as soon as he sees Boots. Well, maybe it's just bad timing -- but it looks like more than that.

Lena thinks MYSTERY_LIZARD is a bad name.
We also think that.
What have you got instead?

I nominate "AchillesHeelies" as our gamertag.

How about AchillesHeelies?
It's better than MYSTERY_LIZARD.
No it's not. Are you for real?
It's shorter.
It's actually longer.
It's all "l"s and "i"s. It'll typeset better. We can shrink it a little by lowercasing it.
The underscore in MYSTERY_LIZARD is a killer... I don't like that at all.
Wait, I've got more.

Vince adjusts his glasses to better capture his glare.

This is outrageous.

Name yourself Canada Reptile.

"Canada Reptile"
Spaces or no spaces?
No spaces.
No, spaces.
That name sucks. It's multiple words.

Mystery lizard should be named Richard Lewis.

"Richard Lewis."
Spaces?
Yeah, and put a dot at the end of it.
It's going to look so asymmetric with a clan-tag next to it.
At least it's heavy on the first word, not the second.
We could play that up. "Richaaaaaaard."
I think that's some guy's actual name.
That's not bad by itself.
"Oliver Cromwell"? "Cleopatra"? Those are both pretty good.
We need a name that sounds serious.
Let's work on achieving visual balance.

They quickly fill a page:

- Achilles Heelies
- Achilles Lewis
- Achilles Reptile
- Canada Heelies
- Canada Lewis
- Canada Reptile

Are we going serif or sans serif?
Both. Worse, the Koreans use monospace.
Better do the other three then.

- Richard Heelies
- Richard Lewis
- Richard Reptile

Wow...
You neglected something.

- Lizard Lewis
- Mystery Lewis

Liz Lou!
Sounds like a woman...
Lizman Lou?
I'm not feeling it.
How about MYSTERY_LIZARDMAN?

He shuts his trap and leaves the room.

Let's go with short and simple... for Korean TV. You're already popular in Korea. Canrep. Richrep. Lizlew.
What do they call me right now?
"Boots." It pisses me off too.
Let's transliterate into Korean. "MISEUTERI_RIJADEU."
"Richard" and "Lizard" -- they're the same word!
They're the same transliteration...
"Rijadeu," final answer. What do you say?
It's not exciting...
"RijaLeu"

Shit. It feels like someone just looked inside his soul and named it.

I'll take it.
Welcome to fame.



Boots is done just about in time to see the tail end of Ashto's talk. But even if Ashto's talking, Boots is the only thing on anyone's mind. Boots and the mysterious red sauce.

We can give you another slot if you want, Boots. Since you missed the first one.
Next up is one of the Korean guys. Nobody in the US is going to want to hear what he has to say.

Slowbeef is kicking back on the couch.

Korea's going to want to hear his segment too.
Maybe you should cancel yours.

Vince bites his lip.

I could.
We could kill Dendi's.
Europe won't like that.
You're just an audience member. This is my full-time job.
Maybe you should go back.
I don't think he's causing any trouble.
I really hate it when you guys try to start throwing your weight around. It wouldn't piss me off so much if I had any power.

Also, ask Slowbeef if he has any of those blood vials from his Bloodborne Let's Play on hand in physical reality so you can drink up.

Besides, Slowbeef -- I wanted to ask. Did you have any blood on you?
In my body...?
Just on hand. In vials or beakers or something, like in your YouTube videos..
That's right! This is a problem you have, isn't it?
I don't have a solution right now, but I can ask Lena. Maybe we can find you a dedicated source...
Nah, you guys just chill out for a bit. I'll be done in a moment. Take a nap.

Boots feels a little self-conscious doing this in public, but it wouldn't really be the first time. And they're all friends, after all. And both of them are deep asleep. Pretty soon he's bloated with blood and no longer cares.

[Zekka]

Where's the casters?
Vince probably won't make it. I don't know about Dendi.

Sure enough, there he is in the booth, along with a deep bowl of the red sauce, a spoon, and a paltry serving of pita chips. Maybe it's just the light but he's flickering as if he's constantly on the verge of vanishing. He looks starved for Dota action.

The wait for game 3 is over. Get back to your seats or else you might lose them!
They're picking...

He dips the spoon into the red sauce and savors a giant mouthful.

Give PewDiePie the stimulant you probably still have in your ear. Nothing could possibly go wrong with giving PewDiePie stimulants, right?

You're correct. Right now Boots has one unit of it.

This will help.
Right now I see you as a path to fame. You see me the same way. That doesn't mean we have to like or trust each other.
Fuck off.

Boots jams the vial in PewDiePie's mouth, then strikes him repeatedly in the back of the neck until he swallows it, bottle and all.

Nice job, dumbass! How is it going to get into my bloodstream now?

Punch in the gut. The sound of glass breaking.

Be glad this shell has titanium intestines.

The champagne cart passes. Bowl of red sauce. The attendant doesn't even get around to offering it to the front row before he starts wholeheartedly devouring it. The room flickers. Everyone is gone except Dendi, then Dendi is gone.

Numbers are on the screen. If Boots concentrates he can see past them to Dota. It looks like everyone's making the picks Albert-trang suggested, and he's already been locked into Riki. One of the Koreans picks Meepo and PewDiePie's hand scurries up his pantleg.

Don't.
He can't help it.

It gets worse. The next one picks Slark. The other hand goes up the other pantleg.

Seems like they know him pretty well.

Ursa. Slardar. The legs crawl up there too.

This isn't even a real build. They're just picking all the furries.

Boots looks back at the screen only to hear the confident voice of Dendi on roomwide broadcast.

Puck! Their build makes no sense whatsoever. That's really terrible.

PewDiePie's head vanishes into his jacket. There's no one there. It's just a jiggling torso with arms reaching from top to bottom like backpack straps.

Unfortunately, fifteen minutes into the game, their build appears to have had the intended effect on PewDiePie, who's generated a steady stream of nauseating white froth which Boots' allies can only hope isn't visible from the crowd. (Boots is less creeped out by it than he thought he would be.) The enemy team's strategy has taken the form of a rough striptease -- strategically entering PewDiePie's combat range, triggering taunts in order to intensify his arousal, and then scurrying back off. A faint, ratlike sound of giggling is easily audible from the cavities of PewDiePie's coat. But even those cavities are rapidly filling with acoustically-dampening saliva and foam.

He's not even jerking off.
He's just salivating everywhere.
That means this could go on forever...

Opening the head reveals that the frenzied rodent inside has bitten down on a little rod marked "spit" and is sliding from one side of it to the other like it's riding a fireman's pole. Closing it again does not relieve PewDiePie of the symptoms.

Feed the enemy team and then kill them to get the shutdown gold.

It has its perks, though. Disconnecting PewDiePie from the game, then routing his hero to the center of the board gives Boots a chance to feed, and -- given that Boots is the best micromanager in the world, quickly allows him to generate gold from shutting down their sprees.

It turns out that out of the three matches so far, this is PewDiePie's best play, and it brings in the victory.

Then win this damn strange contest for whoever Boots is trying to win it for, I dunno.

Let's review the series.

DOTASPORT ONLINE
Dota -> eSports General -> Match Transcripts and monster cockysis
== KantrIP vs PewDiePie Invitational Team: Match History ==
Austin++
Caster
1285 posts
----------
This match is being carried out in the city of ballp.it at Trump Condominiums. It marks a possible turning point in the career of rookies Cheapskate, Ashto, and Albert-trang Einstein-nguyen -- all Pacific pros with a background in eSports law who have previously been rejected from more established tournaments for their poor records and lack of deep game knowledge.

It also introduces promising Canadian rookie RijaLeu, endorsed by Dendi at the beginning of his first game as "an adequate substitute for Dendi." However, ESEX monster cockysts Yaru and Potemkin now praise RijaLeu as a potential solo world champion for his shrewd micromanagement and excellent multitasking ability. Rumor implausibly holds that RijaLeu had never played Dota before this match.

It's estimated that tournament success for Cheapskate, Ashto, and Albert-trang will lead to additional funding and future opportunities to play with PewDiePie. We're pretty sure someone's going to offer RijaLeu a billion dollars or something to play on their team since employing him means guaranteed wealth, fame, and power. (Three Korean teams and one North American team already claim to be drafting an offer.)

Watching the feeds? Look for me front, far left of center! (find the orange afro)

EDIT: Match 1: KantrIP beats PDPIT due to PDPIT's poor build and reckless execution of the Demiurge strategy. Rookie offlaner RijaLeu substitutes for Dendi who instead elects to cast.

EDIT: Match 2: PDPIT invites substitute and caster Vince Chaos to substitute for absentee offlaner RijaLeu. RijaLeu briefly defects to Korean team, which attempts to throw, but due to his brilliant micromanagement they still win.

EDIT: Match 3: PDPIT reclaims RijaLeu. KantrIP attempts to seduce PewDiePie. Plan basically works but RijaLeu ganks successfully as Riki, buys six butterflies, and carries game home in style.

Current record: 2-1 favoring KantrIP. PDPIT must win both subsequent games to win tournament.


jain
Member
32 posts
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Pretty disappointing tournament. KantrIP pros are washed up, only promising players are Dendi and the lizardman. And Dendi isn't playing. Vince really sucks.

Sex build is OK but too counterable! (by not putting fucked-up perverts on your team.)


Souichi
Verified
8144 posts
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RijaLeu's micromanagement is F-INg SWEET! 12000MMR. Make him 2v1 against Dendi and Arteezy. Or 5v1.

[Zekka]

DOTASPORT ONLINE
Dota -> eSports General -> Pros Talk Dota -> Ep 18.5: The RijaLeu controversy
== KantrIP vs PewDiePie Invitational Team: Match History ==
Janine
Caster
1444 posts
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This is pretty informal. We brought on some pros from the audience at Trump Condominiums and had them talk a little bit about RijaLeu. The conversation got sidetracked when we got on the topic of the delicious red sauce.

Turns out Martin doesn't like it and I don't like it, but the pros all thought it was pretty great.

We also briefly covered ESEX Vita. Yaru was under NDA though and couldn't tell us most of the details.


CoDA
Verified
1097 posts
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There's a couple loose ends which haven't been covered:
- Why was RijaLeu unseen until the final minutes of game 2?
- RijaLeu obviously has past Dota experience. Furthermore, he is obviously a lizardman. Why is nobody commenting on this?
- I have about 10 minutes of missing time during game 1. I am not the only person to report problems of this nature. Why?
- What's in the red sauce? Why do only certain people like it?
- There appears to be a thin reflective screen separating the stage and the audience. Why?
- Why do my teeth hurt?


agent-dean
Probation
19281 posts
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CoDA posted:
  ----
  - RijaLeu obviously has past Dota experience.
  ----

Game 1 was played on Dendi's account according to the replay. Game 2 was played on a new personal account called MYSTERY_LIZARD. By game 3 the account had been renamed to RijaLeu.

None of these accounts have a match history under "RijaLeu" but we'd probably know if a player this good actually existed. It could be he deliberately played bad for a long time, then just got tired of faking.


CoDA posted:
  ----
  - Why do my teeth hurt?
  ----

Bad dental hygiene?

Needs clarification. I get this too though. It's like something's trying to get out. The red sauce helps. I think it's an anesthetic. I still don't like the pita chips.


CoDA
Verified
1097 posts
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None of the pros liked the pita chips, not even Yaru. Maybe it is an anesthetic. I really like letting it just sit in my mouth for a long time. The pain doesn't go away though.

RijaLeu isn't good the way a newbie would be good at the game. His first game looked newbie-ish -- but games 2 and 3 he pulled every dirty trick in the book, and some that aren't. He plays like a reverse engineer. What really scared me is the way he set up long-term contingencies and triggered them at the last minute. He could stick a group of neutral creeps somewhere seemingly irrelevant, then trigger them in the middle of a teamfight, break pathfinding, and wind up unscathed.

If he is new he has incredibly strong pattern recognition and a very experimental mindset. But the way he deliberately introduces complexity makes me think he's skilled, not talented. Most people who are merely talented are natural simplifiers -- they can see past the bullshit and otherwise do as well as anyone else who can see past the bullshit. He intentionally made the game more complex.

Maybe he's just a genius. Stuff that looks hard for us is easy for him.


agent-dean
Probation
19281 posts
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He didn't really pull any tricks that a normal human couldn't have pulled off in his first game. It's unlikely a normal human would have, but still -- it's possible, especially if you learn fast.


CoDA
Verified
1097 posts
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I think you and I have completely different definitions of "normal human." He's not a human, of course. He's not even a mammal afaict.

Could be he just has insane reflexes. He's only dealing with LAN lag here. If he lives somewhere with bad internet, that'd make him average-to-pro on the online scene and unbeatably skilled in the tournament format.

There were just too many clever tricks though. Even if you don't need to be a mechanical genius to do most of them.

Game 3 was a little less clever but he pulled it off so well. It's just a reminder of how far the best humans in the world are from actual optimal play.


agent-dean
Probation
19281 posts
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You're aware he didn't even buy items game 3, right? He should have lost to right-clicking.


CoDA
Verified
1097 posts
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Not true. He bought boots about 5 minutes in, roughly on time. (although he already had a gank under his belt to put him ahead.) He sold them twenty minutes in and started buying butterflies.

He bought items very suboptimally, then cashed them in later. He basically made a bet with himself that he could last fifteen minutes without trying hard.


carmichael
Probation
40 posts
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oh woow
I'm hard

you are Fucking Nerds

The Process is still talking about the soul


Yaru
Verified
350 posts
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Let me answer some of CoDA's questions.

CoDA posted:
  ----
  - Why was RijaLeu unseen until the final minutes of game 2?
  ----

I don't know why, but I was backstage and I can verify he came in about ten minutes into the game. Before then Selfie (one of the Korean guys) was dual-boxing. The official narrative is confirmably true here.

CoDA posted:
  ----
  - RijaLeu obviously has past Dota experience. Furthermore, he is obviously a lizardman. Why is nobody commenting on this?
  ----

DISCLAIMER: I don't think I'm as good at Dota as RijaLeu is, but I think our skillsets lie in completely different areas. He won several fights that looked totally one-sided to me in favor of his opponents, and when he wasn't winning he had a very graceful juke with no easy counter. He played it like it was a game of perfect information.

At the same time, he made several mistakes that would have cost most pros the game. Mostly involving macro-level strategy. My theory is that he's a transplant from a different game and his skills mapped unexpectedly well to Dota micro.

His reflexes were important but they were less important than his planning, particularly wrt pathfinding and turn rate. Those features all exist to slow down the game and reduce reflex-dependence, and he was more able than most pros to compensate for them.

I don't know any other games that are as micromanagement-intensive as Dota, aside maybe from Starcraft. But he could have probably gotten this good in any game just by having great physical intuition, multiboxing well, and playing strategic moves instead of cheesy ones. (Unlike what most people do when they multibox.)

All I'm certain about is that he didn't get this good by playing Dota. Whatever he played probably had similar controls, turn-rate, and pathfinding mechanics though.

CoDA posted:
  ----
  - I have about 10 minutes of missing time during game 1. I am not the only person to report problems of this nature. Why?
  ----

I want to tie this in with the red sauce comment.

CoDA posted:
  ----
  - What's in the red sauce? Why do only certain people like it?
  ----

I had a brief instance of missing time as well during a meeting with some of the press dudes. I tried the red sauce twice before realizing I liked it. I really hated it at the pre-party near the start of the evening, and other people shared that opinion.

Later I got to try some between games 1 and 2, *after* my missing time. Everyone liked it, including me. The bowl was gone in like 30 seconds.

CoDA posted:
  ----
  - There appears to be a thin reflective screen separating the stage and the audience. Why?
  ----

I observed this but I don't know why. I would infer it's part of the presentation/recording setup. The sheet does not flex or waver as it goes down and does not transmit sound very well, but I was still able to hear a little bit of offstage chatter from behind it. I would guess it's not porous, but also not airtight against the base of the stage. And I would guess it's a hard surface, not cloth or rubber or screen.

CoDA posted:
  ----
  - Why do my teeth hurt?
  ----

I get this too. I have no explanation as to why, other than that it started after the missing time thing.

But I think we might be reading a little much into the missing time thing. It's mysterious, but that doesn't mean it's the answer to everything. It's also later at night and we've had a lot of exertion since then. We don't have that many reports of that happening, and this is a loud event with a lot of colors and lights, which means that even if we did, we're in a situation where it's really hard to actually keep track of time to begin with.

I might be in an unrelatable position for some of you though. RijaLeu has a lot of pros psychologically shaken, in a way I don't think you can understand if you're not a pro.


CoDA
Verified
1097 posts
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I find staring at RijaLeu oddly relaxing, and it realy helps with the teeth thing. Every time I see his canines I feel small and insignificant by comparison, though.

I just realized I have a killer overbite. To the point where my teeth stick out if I close my mouth. I tuck them under my lip and they just pop out again.


Yaru
Verified
350 posts
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If nothing else, his shifty lizard smile can inspire us all to improved dental health. Mine do too BTW. It's normal, especially if you're a nerd who cracks his jaw. =D

Come backstage (I can get you in) and we'll have a quick red sauce meetup. You seem pretty cool! Maybe RijaLeu will come by and grace us with some of his tricks.

[Zekka]

[Frank West]

I am totally down for skyping with isaac, he sounds like a good kid who needs a terrifying, bloodsucking eSports hero.

Then we should go backstage and meet with Yaru and try to figure out what the red sauce is.

[Zekka]

[Zekka]

I am totally down for skyping with isaac, he sounds like a good kid who needs a terrifying, bloodsucking eSports hero.

OK!

Boots gets on one of the backup game computers. It's pretty easy to find Miss Seung on Skype, and it turns out she's already online. Her image looks like a bunch of kids in a classroom playing.

She rejects Boots' call and opts for text chat.

Are you sure you want to do this?
Why do you ask?
This just seems natural for you?
I'm a little starstruck.
I like kids.
You'll like Isaac. He's intelligent, he has a good personality. He doesn't realize it, but the other kids like him.
Jungmin even has a crush...
Anyway! I'll put him on.
One other thing. If there's any evidence of an incident after this, I'll be turning over all relevant information to the authorities.

The phone rings on Boots' end and when he picks it up he sees this face.

Who's talking?
Your eSports idol.
Oh!
I have so many screencaps of you.
At first I thought you were obviously cheating, but then... No, you're just good. Really good. Did Miss Seung tell you I won the tournament?
How did you do that?
Intuition. I'm new to Dota too.
Want to play a round?
Are you sure about this?

The client's already running in the background. Pretty soon Isaac's picture comes up with a match invite.

This is going to be over pretty quick...

Isaac plays a very cagey, defensive game, doesn't die, but doesn't gain any ground, and eventually Boots knocks out his tower.

I could have had that one!
It didn't stretch me. But like you said, I'm new too.
Did you have something you wanted to talk about?
Oh yeah. Where do you get blood?
You know about that.



It was kind of obvious...
Today I've just been sucking my friends dry offstage.
There's not a nonviolent way to do it?
Buying it isn't quite the same.
Why do you ask?

I'm the only Jewish kid at this entire school. I'm American. South American, from Guyana.
A bunch of kids tried to make fun of me by making me eat worms and dirt and stuff and telling me it was Korean food. It turns out I have a taste for that stuff. It didn't stop there. I ate lead and it didn't affect me. They would give me paint chips and I would swallow them whole.
And they always came out the same as they went in. Except for meat, which disappeared.
How much do you know about vampire bat stomachs?
Why would you assume I know anything about vampire bat stomachs?
Sorry, forgot you were a musclehead. A vampire bat stomach has a very thin lining which absorbs blood plasma instantaneously, enabling the bats to piss it out post haste. It turns out I can do that too.
With blood?
With non-red chemicals. If I drink urine it basically comes out urine. If I drink antifreeze I piss blue. None of this stuff affects me.
The other thing is that I don't age. I'm twelve years old right now. I look eight.
Well... my mother drank antifreeze and so did I, and that never happened to me. It's called pica.
I'm not saying being a vampire means you can piss antifreeze.
I'm saying pissing antifreeze means you're probably a vampire.
The other thing. I have pointy ears. I'm incredibly white. I have red eyes: these blue ones are just contacts.
Contacts under your glasses?
Bats have bad eyesight. So do I. But... I can echolocate, meaning that I'm still OK.
You haven't convinced me.
I can ingest anything in this room.
Please don't make me watch you test that.
I have really big teeth for my age.

He shows them off. Honestly, they look pretty fangy. More than Boots expected.

I knew you wouldn't believe me. If only I hadn't spent so much time tanning...
Do you sleep?
I used to. Uh, sometimes I still do. Upside down, feet grasping the ceiling.
Can you make other people go to sleep?
Sure.

Boots scrutinizes him a little carefully. There's no sign of any emotion in his face other than hopefulness. It's devilishly hard to read minds over an internet connection...

Let me give you some advice.
As a human your tongue is fairly short. You will need to use something else to clean your face. I recommend a rag that you can wet with your saliva.
You should probably stick to hunting at night, in places you have a legal privilege to be in.
Those teeth look pretty nasty but not actually very sharp. Be sure to bite the shallow part of the throat if your goal is to make a clean incision. Don't puncture too deep since the sharp part is near the tip.

Isaac blinks rapidly, taking it all in.

Real vampires don't blink.
No, you're thinking of lizards. Vampires can blink if they want to.
I'm still not sold...

Isaac looks a little dejected.

Are you *sure* you're a vampire?
No, I'm not in any doubt about that. I'm mad because you think I'm dishonest.
I think you are suffering from a condition called pica, and an immunity to most known poisons.
I didn't want to get into this but...

Something flits by in the background. Holy shit. He has wings. No arms, just wings. His glasses bounce off the bridge of his nose, but cling on the tip. Between the tip of the nose and the rest of the face is a growing channel -- soon they somersault and flit into the air behind him.

Uh...

His head jitters. A lone contact lens pops off.

At first I was just really into the Torah, fruit and small insects, but then we learned about hematophages in bio class and I got to thinking...
Promise you won't tell Miss Seung?

The left eye squints and the other lens pops away. He's maybe three feet tall still. A little short for his age group.

I am now sufficiently convinced. Go on with whatever you were going to do. Most of my advice still holds.
OK. It was good talking to you!

Boots hear a high-pitched clicking sound and then a flutter of wings. The monitor cracks. The call terminates.

Then we should go backstage and meet with Yaru and try to figure out what the red sauce is.

Bad news. The red sauce ran out ten minutes ago. I hid a bowl, but someone took it.

His nose wrinkles as he begins sniffing surfaces around the room.

People... have a strong odor. They all have that in common. You kind of smell like blood and shit.
We're gonna be tight.
How long have you been sniffing people?
Since game 2.

He holds his hand out to shake it. Boots grasps it a little gently, and then he tightens, so Boots tightens too. Then Yaru flinches and Boots lets him go.

No, it's good. Don't take me seriously. You're the star.

He sniffs the air again. Then he clicks his tongue against the back of his teeth.

Does the red sauce smell like anything in particular?
Smells like taco spices. Just the spices, not tomatoes or anything. It's really rich, brothy. I think you'll like it if we can get some.
Let's look for CoDA. He left five minutes ago to look for the stuff. I think he's going to want to talk to you.

It sounds like some shouting has erupted outside due to the red sauce situation.