Sleep Texts From Juice Unlimited

[Delcat]

Well, I asked my sister and apparently she does it so much there's a gorrang tag for it on her Tumblr so maybe, here goes!

(Note: My sister is polyamorous, it's her, Smeg, and Ari.)

"No penguins. No penguins, and then the fish…they go flopflopflopflop…with their TAILS."

    Smeg: *slumped over Xbox controller and mumbling into her chest* I...can...play...the fuckin...lute...
    Me: Honey? You're sleeping.
    Smeg: Nmmmnot.
    Me: Yeah, you are.
    Smeg: My...eyes are...open...
    Me: No. No, actually, they are not.
    Smeg: They're....*opens her eyes* HEY.

    Smeg: *asleep on my shoulder* Sammitch.
    Me: Sammitch?
    Smeg: Tasty.
    Me: Do you want something to eat, or are you just saying words?
    Smeg: *happily* Worrrrrrds.

"Chalkboards…evil chalkboards going rahr rahr rahr…with their TEETH…metaphorically."

"Okay, but no polka dots. Or the pig will get it."
— Smeg talking in her sleep (she claims she was telling us to deposit a check.)

    Ari: Ow. Ow.
    Me: What?
    Ari: Smeg, honey, wake up. You're poking me.
    Smeg: Nnnnmmm. Piannnn. O.
    Me: Apparently you're a piano, honey.
    Ari: Smeg, wake up. I am not a piano.
    Smeg: Nnnno. Sexier...
    Me: Ari is sexier than a piano?
    Smge: *decisively* Peanut butter.

"Walruses…no, misunderstanding."

While talking in her sleep, Smeg has been known to affectionately refer to pillows/blankets/us as “soft like bunny kitty."

    Smeg: No, the Odyssey's fine...but I'm glad I'm...not a minivan.
    Me: Me too, honey.
    Smeg: They're too big. There's too much...a lot...there...of them...in.
    Ari: You're not a minivan, honey.
    Smeg: Odyssey comes with...with panthers..should plate them. Chrome...plate them...
    Ari: Chrome plate their whiskers and all?
    Smeg: Wha...no. Noooo. Not the WHISKERS. *flails a hand over to my shoulder* Ari's...she's got funny ideas sometimes...

"Puff the magic parrot lived by the…the…the FOREST"
— Smeg, singing rather than talking in her sleep for once and recognizing that parrots do not swim.  Later insisted, still asleep, that Jackie Paper dies at the end of the original song.

"Noooo…bumblebee…nose…bzzz bzzz bzzz….no, wait, butterfly…butterfly…nose…fwip fwip fwip…fwip"

"Pants. Pants pants pants pants pants. Pant….s."

    Me: Ari, I know what I want for my birthday.
    Ari: Wh--
    Smeg: *asleep on couch* BITCHES.
    Me: Yes. That, too.

[cyclopeantrash]

Not entirely qualified for loony prophecy. But she is perfect to form the basis of a new form of transhumanistic post-modern philosophy. You have my sympathies for that.

[Yossarian]

Occasionally I'll send a message to someone and I'll be awake but not fully and when I look back later all I'll find is word salad where I clearly remember a coherent message.

[Goose Goose Honk At Me Now]

Does she say really specific but incoherent stuff that I could interpret as prophecy!?

Well, if you know anything about fartomancy, I could record myself sleeping and you could see if you can get any prophecies from that.

[Isfahan]

I think Juice has successfully recreated, through entirely organic means, the word-choice algorithm that spam e-mailers use.

His texts sound just like them.

[Goose Goose Honk At Me Now]

I think Juice has successfully recreated, through entirely organic means, the word-choice algorithm that spam e-mailers use.

Either that or he's the second coming of Dr. Pepper:

[Goose Goose Honk At Me Now]

HELLO SLEEP JUICE, WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO SAY TODAY

Juice (1:33 AM)
Share your experience in the field of of the young men

[A Whirring Bone-White Gleech]

HELLO SLEEP JUICE, WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO SAY TODAY

Juice (1:33 AM)
Share your experience in the field of of the young men

S'got just a little bit of a Walt Whitman feel to it.

[NutshellGulag]

I think Juice needs to start a sleep podcast.

[count_actuala]

I do not, to my knowledge, talk in my sleep. However, Cuddlesomething and I have designs to do a monthly podcast during which we eat Taco Bell and talk urbanely about issues of the day.

[cyclopeantrash]

I do not, to my knowledge, talk in my sleep. However, Cuddlesomething and I have designs to do a monthly podcast during which we eat Taco Bell and talk urbanely about issues of the day.

Would you accept donations in bitcoins and liberty dollars?

[count_actuala]

I do not, to my knowledge, talk in my sleep. However, Cuddlesomething and I have designs to do a monthly podcast during which we eat Taco Bell and talk urbanely about issues of the day.

Would you accept donations in bitcoins and liberty dollars?

yes. :y Also guest stars if we stick with it.

[Goose Goose Honk At Me Now]

Juice (1:09 AM)
Be sure to check
Be be bp

Me (1:09 AM)
what am i checking for

Juice (1:10 AM)
Hungry but it would take a moment

[NutshellGulag]

You could collect the week's sleep texts and do a dramatic reading.

[count_actuala]

Sleepytime update: Earlier this week, I awoke to a bowl of nachos beside my bed.

I do not recall obtaining them in the night.