273: Flashlight Enthusiasts?

[Macho Masc Sangy Savage]

Can we have the tag "Fetish Adjacent"? For all the times there's no actual sexual acts involved, but it has all the same trappings as a baffling fetish.

[Sherman Tank]

This might be the strangest group of people ever featured on the podcast.

[krytton]

they're fetishists in every way except sexual and i'm not sure how i feel about that

[DetectiveSlowpoke]

[rhorsman]

Have to admit, when it first came up my reaction was "A flashlight with downloadable firmware? Hmmm, tell me more..." But then I shook it off.

Anyway, here's a picture of my new mousepad, caught in the glorious beam of my TK-12(ver b.2) 40 gigalumen continual burst monthly carry. I'm sure you've noticed the delicate rose shading to the tonsure of the pernumbulatic field, and yes that is the result of loading GhostFaceKlickah420's mod of the community's already great "Lumentations of Your Enemies" firmware. Thanks, GFK420!



P.S. - I AM BOTH HARD AND WET RIGHT NOW

[DetectiveSlowpoke]

I mean I did buy the flashlight that you see above but I'm not creepy enough to go in add all these crazy attachments or custom firmware to it. The fact that it's incredibly durable and has different modes is more than enough for me. But I won't lie the first time I saw that photo before I bought the light I did laugh quite a bit because it was just so ridiculous. Although I  wouldn't buy it now because since it isn't produced as much the prices jumped up like $40 and that is too much money.

EDIT: I ARE PUNCTUATION GOOD

[EYE OF ZA]

Have to admit, when it first came up my reaction was "A flashlight with downloadable firmware? Hmmm, tell me more..." But then I shook it off.

"I can emulate Doom on my flashlight!"

[nudna]

I couldn't believe there wasnt anything sexual at all about this so I went to look for some flashlight erotica and now I can't believe how many people misspel fleshlight!

Thanks for a great episode guys :)

[Sherman Tank]

A lot of these flashlight obsessives sound exactly like those gun owners who insist they have to carry their gun everywhere.  In fact I suspect there's a sizeable crossover between the two groups.

As evidence I present this deep cut from the Something Awful forums:

[nudna]

A lot of these flashlight obsessives sound exactly like those gun owners who insist they have to carry their gun everywhere.  In fact I suspect there's a sizeable crossover between the two groups.

As evidence I present this deep cut from the Something Awful forums:

Good thing he tagged who the nerd is or else I would've never guessed (?)

[xX_sp00ks_Xx]

Good thing he tagged who the nerd is or else I would've never guessed (?)

Guest
             \
               \
                 \
               Nerd

[nudna]

Good thing he tagged who the nerd is or else I would've never guessed (?)

Guest
             \
               \
                 \
               Nerd

Oh shit, did I forget to take the tag off when I bought this body??

[Macho Masc Sangy Savage]

Good thing he tagged who the nerd is or else I would've never guessed (?)

Guest
             \
               \
                 \
               Nerd

Oh shit, did I forget to take the tag off when I bought this body??

Nah, most of us are a part of the nerd catch-and-release program, studying basement migration patterns

[Knitting Machine]

A lot of these flashlight obsessives sound exactly like those gun owners who insist they have to carry their gun everywhere.  In fact I suspect there's a sizeable crossover between the two groups.

As evidence I present this deep cut from the Something Awful forums:

I kept thinking the same thing throughout the whole episode. There's even that whole "they laughed at me for carrying a gun/flashlight around but look who is laughing now!". Considering I've also heard that sort of thing from guys who carry knives all of the time maybe it's all part of the same  survivalist fantasy?

[Dr. Buttplug]

As for knives I think we've all been in the situation where someone buys a package or something and the guy with the knife is the one to help open it. You could justify carrying that damned knife around through these scenarios and never make the connection that a Swiss army knife with a corkscrew and bottle opener would be that much more useful and probably cheaper than your titanium plated gravity open buck knife off the knife channel. The only use case that a Swiss army knife or multi-tool doesn't work for is burying it in a human skull.

So you know, priorities.

Flashlights have similar use cases. What makes it even more absurd is that almost everyone has a much more useful object in their pocket that usually comes with a flashlight function: a cell phone. Nobody really needs a light that can cause permanent blindness from thirty meters away. I don't need a computer that can render Doom (2016) in 4k 60 fps to do my job as a graphic designer, but I do.