ballp.it
Snakes In The Ball Pit => Yay, I get to talk about me! => Topic started by: Ambious on April 06, 2016, 08:25:19 am
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To make a long story short: I'm 32 and currently have a silly minor crush on a 17y/o girl. It's creepy (though legal here)* - but it raises the question:
Assuming it was legal - would you date a person below the arbitrarily agree upon "half your age plus 7" line? Have you before? Do you think it makes a difference?
Barring the creep/legal factor - do you think such relationships can even work? Does age play a factor in a relationship?
Share your thoughts/experiences/advice.
* - I don't intend to do anything about that girl because I personally find it a bit creepy and even if I didn't she has a boyfriend and it's just a silly crush and nothing serious anyway.
- edited multiple times for typos and grammar because me english no so good -
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i cannot imagine how well your tastes as a 32 y/o would align with a 17 y/o's. like, you and them will have totally different plans/goals for how the next xxx # of years are going to go, and so it really would just disintegrate under its own weight. that said, if shit works, shit works.
in general as I've gotten older I've found younger people to be more and more tedious/frustrating to deal with. especially Guest
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i cannot imagine how well your tastes as a 32 y/o would align with a 17 y/o's. like, you and them will have totally different plans/goals for how the next xxx # of years are going to go, and so it really would just disintegrate under its own weight. that said, if shit works, shit works.
in general as I've gotten older I've found younger people to be more and more tedious/frustrating to deal with. especially Guest
jack chick, April 06, 2016, 12:22:56 pm
I agree, the reason I didn't immediately shut her out as a child is that I met her at the University and had no idea she was so young until well after we've already talked a lot (mostly about Star Wars and Legend of Korra and shit), and then one day she came to the University in her high-school uniform (apparently she's part of a program where high-school kids go to university in the afternoon and a get a degree way even before they enlist), I probably wouldn't have even started talking to her if I suspected she was that young, just because I don't wanna be a creep - and yes, I do feel like one now.
But yeah, I definitely wouldn't have followed up on a relationship with someone so much younger than me even if it WAS an option. I can barely manage relationships with women my own age.
I'd make an exception for Guest though.
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It really depends on so many things I can't say. Over 30 dating teenagers is creepy to me, but after 20 it's really up to individuals. My mom and dad met when my mom was 16 and dad was 20 and they've been happily married now for over 30 years, so even relationships started out young work out sometimes.
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I think that before the age of 21-22, the age should be fairly similar, a three to four year difference at most, since there are aspects of that person's personality still forming and solidifying in that "post high school" age. A large gap poses some issues with a power dynamic between a relatively confused and aimless person, and a person who's pretty much figured out who they are. After that age though, who gives a fuck?
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I have a worryingly large amount of experience on this topic because I was the younger partner multiple times. It, uh, kind of worked sometimes? Like it wasn't great. I was super young. I was really dumb and did a lot of stupid things because I was horny. It was all legal! So I dated, more or less consecutively (month or so gap in between):
- a 35-year-old when I was 16-17, long-distance, for 1 year (least okay, this was really fucked up)
- a 21-year-old when I was 17, medium-distance, for like 2 months (not super okay. ended in a meltdown, not good because he was in college and I was not)
- a 27-year-old when I was 18, close-distance then long-distance, for 1 year (actually was the most okay by far, turned not okay when I--surprise--went to college)
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in general as I've gotten older I've found younger people to be more and more tedious/frustrating to deal with.
jack chick, April 06, 2016, 12:22:56 pm
Yeah. I'm just too old and grumpy to deal with a younger guy at this point. Assuming I left the house and found one.
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Aaaaargh, that 'you' thing got me AGAIN.
Ennyhoo, oysh, I was in this situation, kind of, as there was a younger girl I knew who was obsessed with me. I was almost 30 and she lied about her age, so I had no idea she was 16. I didn't even talk to her for ages after I found out.
I'm 41 now and my dating profile specifies nobody under 30, because anyone younger than that is just so different in terms of goals and experiences and whatnot that it's like they're from another planet.
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I really don't understand what's in it for the older partner in most cases. It takes an interesting kind of person to knowingly and willingly date someone who is literally less than half their age--and I'm being pretty charitable here by saying "interesting". There are definitely less extreme cases, but even so most of those aren't mutually fulfilling.
I asked someone I knew about this because she dated a high schooler while she was in college. She wasn't really able to explain what she got out of the relationship, but that's probably because she's incredibly shallow and likes to treat dumb, pretty men like accessories. I think they broke up because he was too young to buy her drinks.
My boyfriend is a year younger than me, and I think he's the only person I've seriously dated who is younger than me. I can't imagine dating anyone significantly younger than me. I would absolutely lose patience with them. I got such a huge kick out of dating older men when I was a teenager because "boys my age are immature" and "men are experienced~" and it made me feel cool and sexy. When I look back on it and I realize that I lost my virginity to a man in his 30s whom I met through our WoW guild, not only do I think "dear lord, that could have been so much worse," but also, "why couldn't he find someone his own age?"
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I would like to correct my poll answer, please?
It should be "I'm asexual, goodbye!" :P
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I think that before the age of 21-22, the age should be fairly similar, a three to four year difference at most, since there are aspects of that person's personality still forming and solidifying in that "post high school" age. A large gap poses some issues with a power dynamic between a relatively confused and aimless person, and a person who's pretty much figured out who they are. After that age though, who gives a fuck?
FattyBoBatty, April 06, 2016, 01:03:48 pm
Aaaaahahahahahaha
hahahahahaha
I'm still getting my shit sorted at 32, some people don't figure out they're gay until they're over 50. If you're sitting there at 22 saying "arright, puberty's over, I've graduated college, now I have solved the riddle of identity," then I've got some bad news.
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I bulbed both posts cause I'm a moody asshole, so what about it.
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I have feelings for someone who is older than me. It's not that big an age gap but it's enough to be a problem for her. Even guys her own age aren't to her standard.
Does anyone have any tips for giving up hope?
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I have feelings for someone who is older than me. It's not that big an age gap but it's enough to be a problem for her. Even guys her own age aren't to her standard.
Does anyone have any tips for giving up hope?
Carbon, April 10, 2016, 10:55:13 pm
Sure.
http://www.wikihow.com/Deal-With-Heartbreak (http://www.wikihow.com/Deal-With-Heartbreak)
http://www.wikihow.com/Stop-Loving-the-Girl-of-Your-Dreams (http://www.wikihow.com/Stop-Loving-the-Girl-of-Your-Dreams)
http://www.wikihow.com/Give-Up-on-Girls (http://www.wikihow.com/Give-Up-on-Girls)
http://www.wikihow.com/Give-Up (http://www.wikihow.com/Give-Up)
[heart] Hope this helps.[heart]
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http://www.wikihow.com/Give-Up (http://www.wikihow.com/Give-Up)
Victor Laszlo, April 11, 2016, 04:46:43 pm
I can't believe someone who knows how and when to give up didn't give up writing that article.
Not much help but thanks anyway. I think I'll just bury that shit deep down and let it eat at me, like a real man.
Is this too obvious for damn.dog?
(http://pad1.whstatic.com/images/thumb/3/3b/Give-Up-Step-1.jpg/aid667777-728px-Give-Up-Step-1.jpg.webp)
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http://www.wikihow.com/Give-Up (http://www.wikihow.com/Give-Up)
Victor Laszlo, April 11, 2016, 04:46:43 pm
I can't believe someone who knows how and when to give up didn't give up writing that article.
Not much help but thanks anyway. I think I'll just bury that shit deep down and let it eat at me, like a real man.
Is this too obvious for damn.dog?
(http://pad1.whstatic.com/images/thumb/3/3b/Give-Up-Step-1.jpg/aid667777-728px-Give-Up-Step-1.jpg.webp)
Carbon, April 11, 2016, 05:08:38 pm
(http://i.imgur.com/o6QOBtE.jpg)