Hey did someone say Christmas ornaments?! Well fuck you, it's CHRISTmas ornaments because we're going fucking BRONNERS nerds!
Bronners is the Winchester mansion of Christmas ornaments and decor, open all year. I know you can't all make it to Frankenmuth, but never fear, they have a
virtual tour! Just make sure you light a bunch of very overpowering holiday candles and put a photo of Jesus next to you, to really get the full effect.
Here are some amazing ornaments you can foist on your grandchildren and get super mad when they break the incredibly cheap glass.
One is dumb, but if I had a whole tree of these it might kick ass
Feels like a threat, besides being out of date.
Only $20 to remember the lighthearted side of the pandemic!
Remember the supply chain fuckery and scalping? Oh what fun!
Turn your tree into a panopticon, with the elf on the shelf as jailer.
Might be the worst emoji ornament? Have not broken the bottom of the barrel yet
Found in the Hobbies section, because the damn kids and their phones these days
Besides being hideous, every ornament version of a controller looks like it was purchased at a flea market or from the trunk of someone's car.
Engineers
love the curlz font. And don't worry, there are sixteen other professions with the same style and terrible puns.
Even professions that really shouldn't have shit.
"What do you mean you don't want to go back to Dr. Boden's office kids?"
Only $23 and you can get an ornament about spin class, painted by someone while they were in spin class.
Not a terribly designed ornament, but certainly a gift for a parent you hate.
Real talk, I love this little dude and he's perfect.
Onto the Travel & World ornaments, and have you considered getting an ornament of Bronners itself? Half of the ornaments in this section are for either Frankenmuth or Bronners.
O____________O
Seems a bit much to not only remind kids a pet is dead, but that the pet is waiting to kick their ass
I'm only on page one of thirteen of animals, and I'm already afraid.
For real, I've barely gone through a third of these, so feel free to look through for more. Until then, I leave you with this:
