The F Plus conquers ancient China!

[Dr. Buttplug]

Usurper, usurper! Down with the false emperor!

[Shell Game]

option 5

[Cheapskate]

With most of China allied against us, we’re going to have to get ready for all-out war. I start by assigning a deputy in the south. He Qi has orders to send men, gold, and supplies to our cities on the border.



As the year starts, Guangling is under attack. We march out to meet them, and prepare a diversionary attack against their base city of Xiaopei.




Our defenses and counterattack force a retreat, with GirlKisser420 getting his first combat experience.



But the real center of campaigning this year is Xuchang, which we take near the start of the year. It gives us majority control of Yu Province, plus the Jujube Spear.





This also gets me to level up. I give the extra advisor slot to someone who knows how to set falling rock traps, which will come in handy when we proceed into the mountains.




But Yuan Shang isn’t going to let Xuchang go easily. He sends wave after wave of men against the city.




Chai Tea Latte and K. Thor Jensen are heading up the defense, and use their skill in duels to whittle down the opposition. Even Dian Wei and Zhou Tai can’t defeat them.




I’m frantically issuing orders to try to relieve the city, spending money on sabotage efforts until we’re practically broke. We have to sell a village to Sun Ce to keep the money flowing.




Xuchang is down to its last seven thousand men, with morale fading, and Yuan Shang personally leading the forces against the city. I sent out Lu Bu and Chai Tea Latte for a last-ditch effort to drive him off.




Yuan Shang is defeated, but escapes our wrath. I try to press the advantage with an attack on Wen. Sadly for us, Wen Chou is there waiting for us, and defeats the attackers. But, happily, we capture him. He won’t work for us and he’s too dangerous to allow to live, so I have him executed.




With money going into defense, we have fewer resources to spend on inciting revolts this year, but we do convince Liu Yi on the Korean border to rise up against Yuan Shang.



And even with their surplus resources going to help the army in the north, cities in the south continue to grow.




Meanwhile, Sun Ce is attempting an attack on Liu Mao by crossing rivers and mountains into a heavily-defended territory. Good luck, I say.



The year is over, and we’ve defended our gains. The coalition against us will expire this year.






Some options:

1. Move west to take out Li Jue’s city of Hanzhong. It’s poorly defended and gives us a foothold in the mountains.

2. Now that both Shangyong and Xuchang are firmly under our control, attack Yuan Shang’s western city of Wan (the one with 15,060 men) from both directions. A victory here would give us the majority of Jingzhao Province and open up a second trade route with foreign lands.

3. Go straight north from Xuchang to Chenliu (the one with 10,885 men). This would require Yuan Shang to cross the Yellow River for future reinforcements and set up easy conquests of the rebel warlords Guan Ping and Guo Yuan.

4. Make a move against Xiaopei in the east (13,733 men). This could force Yuan Shang to send men from his well-defended city of Xiapi to help defend, letting us whittle them down. A victory here gives us majority control of Xu Province and causes our city walls to be more effective.

5. Our counterattack strategy took Yuan Shang from 417,893 men to 328,593 last year, with us actually gaining troops. Do that again.

What say you?

[Shell Game]

Option 2. Particularly for the foreign trade. Our funds will just give out again with everyone jealous of our poetry and art, so let's get non-haters to keep us solvent no matter who turns against us in the future.

We should then probably do something else but I'm personally more interested in us writing a whole bunch of longform poetry reminding those just outside our borders how rad we are even with all of China against us.

[Dr. Buttplug]

I agree with Shell and we should be focusing our energies against Yuan Shang. His Usurping the throne and raising a coalition against us was costly. We should establish allies and sew distrust for this false Emperor.

[Cheapskate]

We’ve decided to spend this year focusing on capturing Wan, and even though it doesn’t have many troops, its location in the mountains will make it a challenge, especially because every time we ride out from Xuchang to fight, Yuan Shang tries to take the city. We’ll have to send a group north from Xinye.




The defense of Xuchang isn’t much of a challenge, but it keeps us tied down. Fortunately, they don’t have any mountain-expert generals in Wan, which means that our Shanyue warriors can ride circles around them—literally, in this case.



We’ve cut them off from resupply, but the men inside the city put up a terrific fight. It isn’t until spring that we can capture the city.



Now that we control 35% of China, we’d normally ask the Emperor for permission to become a Duke. But there’s no Emperor at the moment, so I crown myself, Napoleon-style.




The duchy gives us no extra XP, but we do get a round of promotions, and I spread the wealth around by handing off gifts to some loyal retainers.




We’ve also opened a new trade route to Anxi. This route runs overland and takes longer than the India trade, but it’ll be more profitable as we sell the Parthians our great works of literature (which probably consist of Chinese translations of airport novels).




The coalition against us disbands, but that doesn’t make us any more popular. I’m buttering up Sun Ce and also trying to establish relations with Ma Teng, who controls far northwest China and is in a good defensive position.




We encourage two more rebellions against Yuan Shang, both of which are of some interest. The first is Wei Zhen’s revolt in Chenliu, which is just north of Xuchang.



It’s quickly put down, but the city walls are damaged, and I get an opportunity attack. After Wei Yan kills the enemy commander in a duel, we capture the city to begin the autumn.




The other is in Chang’an, the former capital, and is led by Gongsun Zan. This is the westernmost edge of Yuan Shang’s territory, and it’ll be a challenge for him to retake it. Gongsun Zan also brought the beloved officer Liu Bei with him. I’m going to try to establish good relations and maybe convince them to surrender to us.



The year ends with us even more firmly in command, and with a second trade route on the way, we’re going to get rich.






Some ideas for next year include:

1. Guan Ping controls the city of Luoyang and nothing else. If we move west from Chenliu, we can probably take the city without much of a fight. This would open up a third trade route to a land even more exotic than Parthia.

2. Same, but send Guan Ping a bunch of money and convince him to surrender.

3. Xiaopei is only defended by 9,733 men, and while there’s a clear path to reinforce it, it would really exhaust Yuan Shang to do that. Move north, take the city, and bask in our new ability to build stronger forts.

4. Xiapi, just north of Guangling on the east coast, is somewhat better defended, but if it falls, the rest of the east will be easy prey.

5. Consolidate gains and focus on diplomacy. With luck, we might be able to convince a few minor warlords to surrender to us.

Also, because we’re now flush with cash, I’m ready to offer up more marriages! If you’d like me to find a spouse for you, tell me what qualities you want in a husband or wife and I’ll see what I can get you.

[Shell Game]

DIPLOMACY

and sculpture

also i wanna marry someone who is very into building walls and is also frank west

[chai tea latte]

1 , not 2. Why buy his city when we can take it?

RE 3....I think we shouldn't attack Xiaopei - Yuan Shang will have to commit supply lines and troops to sustaining a vestigial nub, and we might even get to do some tricky and fun timing of our eventual opened front with Yuan Shang if we make him overcommit to the wrong supply lines.

[Shell Game]

I'll agree to 1 if 5 is the secondary priority.

[Cheapskate]

also i wanna marry someone who is very into building walls and is also frank west

I listed the two of you as sworn siblings when we started the game, so you can’t marry Frank West. Sorry.

[Dr. Buttplug]

Weren't we able to take a city that rebelled against Yuan Shang before without attacking? or am I misremembering?

[Cheapskate]

Weren't we able to take a city that rebelled against Yuan Shang before without attacking? or am I misremembering?

Yes, Zhang Fei gave up rather than fight us.

[moooo566 (taylor's version)]

I'm personally intrigued by option 3, but number 1 seems fine since it's got other takers.

I'd like to marry someone who is very good at intellect and politics, to make up for my flaws and become the ultimate power couple.

[Shell Game]

also i wanna marry someone who is very into building walls and is also frank west

I listed the two of you as sworn siblings when we started the game, so you can’t marry Frank West. Sorry.

I would like to sell all your secrets to your most powerful rival.

[Cheapskate]

The holiday weekend means you get an early report!

While we regroup for our upcoming attack on Luoyang, we should take care of some business. Princess Diana Memorial Ballpit Poster, say hello to your new wife, Da Qiao. She’s quite a catch: in real life she married Sun Ce.



Now that we’re moving west, we’re going to have to deal with gates sometimes. Gates sit on mountain passes and are defended like cities, but otherwise act like villages. Attacking them is going to slow down our campaign somewhat.



Once we cut down the gate separating us from Gongsun Zan, he realizes he’s a goner, and gives up. This gives us access to his deputy Liu Bei, whom we send off to forge an alliance with Ma Teng in the northwest.




Li Jue is also keen on saving his own skin. His surrender includes lots of low-ranking officers, just what we need to fill out our homefront cities.



This gives us enough of China to pick up a crown with a sword.




Our efforts to incite rebellion among Yuan Shang’s cities aren’t working so well, as everyone even slightly disloyal has left his employ, and he’s now using a strategy followed by many modern dictators: prevent rebellion by using total incompetents as your governors.



Once we’ve built up our forces, we launch the attack against Luoyang. The city doesn’t last long.




With that, we open our new trade route to the faraway land of Daqin. We’re sending over crates full of artwork and literature, and making some requests for things to get in return: I’m asking for Claudius’ treatise on the Etruscan language and for Lives of Famous Whores.



We’re getting more goodies from our existing trade routes and from our newly-captured city.





“Why buy a city when you can take it by force?” asked Chai Tea Latte. Well, because when you march off to conquer a city, Yuan Shang sees his chance to take Chenliu. He’s not fucking around: the invasion force will eventually include 86,000 of his 324,000 men. Sauce, Chai, and Cao Cao are riding out to meet them in the field while I try to rush reinforcements under Lu Bu and K. Thor.




The year ends with Yuan Shang on the march.






Provided we repel Yuan Shang, we’ll have a few options.

1. Yuan Shang drained his east coast city of Xiapi down to about 20,000 men for this attack. We have 100,000 men in Guangling to the south. The odds aren’t good for him.

2. Just to the west of Xiapi is Xiaopei, reduced to 15,000 men. We have 70,000 to the south. Conquest of Xiopei would help relieve pressure on Chenliu.

3. Liu Mao isn’t at all prepared for an attack in the southwest. We could march men through the mountains to take his poorly-defended southwestern cities of Jianning and Yunnan.

4. Defend until I see an opening, then take it.

Only three more cities until I become Emperor!