ballp.it
Projects => The F Plus => Topic started by: Lemon on March 18, 2013, 09:40:36 pm
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Here's the thing about our AllRecipes episodes: Sure they're stupid, but food actually exists. Welcome to SpellsofMagic.com, a place where you go in knowing that you'll be reading instructions on how to cast magic spells and yet you're still surprised by the poor writing abilities. This week, if you take this podcast as a joke you'll have to restart life.
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Oh man, just looking at the synopsis this already sounds like an amazing episode. Downloading now!
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The voice on the second killing spell DESTROYED ME. I guess this means the spell works?
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The voice on the second killing spell DESTROYED ME. I guess this means the spell works?
Ansemaru, March 18, 2013, 11:35:08 pm
It sounds like Lemon nearly killed Acier with that voice too. I think that second one was the "Mass killing spell" spell upgrade.
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You know, if I could have bet a million dollars on "I've put a spell on you" being in this episode, I would have.
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They can make food appear out of thin air?! Gadzooks, Batman! Someone send an army of pasty white shut-ins to feed impoverished countries! We could fly them in like an honest-to-god Mealitary invasion and never have to worry about starving children again! Why aren't we doing this again?
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Ending with America's "You Can Do Magic" was perfect. I had that song and its video in my head during most of the episode.
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Okay, I couldn't be the only one who wanted to append the majority of those spells with "Burma-Shave!", right?
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The voice on the second killing spell DESTROYED ME. I guess this means the spell works?
Ansemaru, March 18, 2013, 11:35:08 pm
I was seriously laughing and crying the whole while, trying hard not to snuffle into the microphone as best as I could. I honestly don't know what was so damn funny about his voice at that particular moment, but it was a perfect storm of hilarity just then.
Or magic. Surely magic.
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Now I can't help wondering what a Sissy Kiss version of the "Become a Baby Spell Spell" would look like.
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Cat Communication
First, get your cat to sit COMPLETELY STILL in front of you-
Fuck.
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I love a callback-heavy episode.
Also, between the killing spell and Video Game Pain, this may be Lemon's finest moment yet. All the ridiculists were really on, actually.
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Today I was listening to this episode on the train, and my headphone jack got yanked out. My headphones are cruddy and quiet and my laptop has pretty loud speakers, so Boots ended up instructing most of the carriage to put the nail in the condom, tie a knot in it and dispose of it in a nearby trash receptacle. A lad sitting opposite asked me what on earth I was listening to, and I stumbled out that "it is a magic spell from the internet", as if that would make me seem any less peculiar.
So I became
and thus I am
piteous train
spectacle man.
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Today I was listening to this episode on the train, and my headphone jack got yanked out. My headphones are cruddy and quiet and my laptop has pretty loud speakers, so Boots ended up instructing most of the carriage to put the nail in the condom, tie a knot in it and dispose of it in a nearby trash receptacle. A lad sitting opposite asked me what on earth I was listening to, and I stumbled out that "it is a magic spell from the internet", as if that would make me seem any less peculiar.
So I became
and thus I am
piteous train
spectacle man.
Zsa Zsa, March 19, 2013, 04:43:04 pm
I'm paranoid about that happening to me, especially since my favorite episode is the MUD one and I really don't need a quiet room to suddenly hear "AROUND A MAN'S COCK"
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This episode showed me the world is lacking in wizard scientists so I must draw one post haste.
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Today I was listening to this episode on the train, and my headphone jack got yanked out. My headphones are cruddy and quiet and my laptop has pretty loud speakers, so Boots ended up instructing most of the carriage to put the nail in the condom, tie a knot in it and dispose of it in a nearby trash receptacle. A lad sitting opposite asked me what on earth I was listening to, and I stumbled out that "it is a magic spell from the internet", as if that would make me seem any less peculiar.
So I became
and thus I am
piteous train
spectacle man.
Zsa Zsa, March 19, 2013, 04:43:04 pm
My friend! I knew I could not be the only one who has that happen to them.
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What happened to the good old days when you could just throw a bunch of glitter into someone's eyes and yell HUTTAH! BLINDNESS!, then run away?
There's no more reliable spell reagent than glitter. It has many uses! Not this terrible candle and tree-biting shit.
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Loved this episode, that's really all there is to say there. The voices were all spot on and amazing.
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I love a callback-heavy episode.
Also, between the killing spell and Video Game Pain, this may be Lemon's finest moment yet. All the ridiculists were really on, actually.
Neal, March 19, 2013, 04:01:43 pm
I thought Acier was especially on. His little "That was my steak you fucker!" bit and his reaction to the love spell backfiring were hilarious.
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Lost it at Dave Mustaine's Killing Spell.
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It must suck to practice real witchcraft, and to see all these teenage girls and moron poseurs post on the Web, making you look a total fraud.
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Only slightly related (http://watchful-entity.tumblr.com/post/45831744736/rosesgrowamongviolets-masquerade-girl).
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Only slightly related (http://watchful-entity.tumblr.com/post/45831744736/rosesgrowamongviolets-masquerade-girl).
Yossarian, March 20, 2013, 07:08:27 pm
"Nonsecular witchcraft" I fucking can't. W-E's tags are, as always, the most appropriate: "what is it about final fantasy that makes people such complete fucking morons?"
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ITS STILL REAL TO ME DAMMIT
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I thought Acier was especially on. His little "That was my steak you fucker!" bit and his reaction to the love spell backfiring were hilarious.
KingKalamari, March 19, 2013, 08:25:26 pm
Indeed. I can't help but wonder how well that apple and pomegranate held up in the mail, though.
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I thought Acier was especially on. His little "That was my steak you fucker!" bit and his reaction to the love spell backfiring were hilarious.KingKalamari, March 19, 2013, 08:25:26 pm
When I get my new graphics tablet, I am totally going to draw a goofy animatic of Acier's love spell backfiring.
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son of a bitch i completely lost it at the vampire spell
EYES.......PICK A COLOUR
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The thing about the baby and vampire spell is (in fine esprit d'escalier) that the spells were aught more than a wishlist for the attributes you wanted, and the casters were utterly unimaginative and short-sighted.
So if I was casting magic to become a baby vampire, why would I want to be weak to "vervian" and sunlight? Why not cast the "Spell to become a vampire better than all those other vampires spell"? Why not go the whole hog and cast "Spell to become like unto a god spell"?
Hell, that's easy: "I want to be utterly awesome in all regards, with physical attributes superior to those of all other men, eyes whatever colour my whims fancy, and with no flagging self-esteem issues."
I'm such an expert at this shit!
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Hell, that's easy: "I want to be utterly awesome in all regards, with physical attributes superior to those of all other men, eyes whatever colour my whims fancy, and with no flagging self-esteem issues."
I'm such an expert at this shit!
Acierocolotl, March 25, 2013, 09:03:56 am
Haha! I spotted a flaw in your plan. Now here's my spell! "I want to be utterly awesome in all regards, with physical attributes superior to those of all other men and women, eyes whatever colour my whims fancy, and with no flagging self-esteem issues."
There. Now I'm more awesome than you.
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Hell, that's easy: "I want to be utterly awesome in all regards, with physical attributes superior to those of all other men, eyes whatever colour my whims fancy, and with no flagging self-esteem issues."
I'm such an expert at this shit!
Acierocolotl, March 25, 2013, 09:03:56 am
Haha! I spotted a flaw in your plan. Now here's my spell! "I want to be utterly awesome in all regards, with physical attributes superior to those of all other men and women, eyes whatever colour my whims fancy, and with no flagging self-esteem issues."
There. Now I'm more awesome than you.
montrith, March 25, 2013, 10:19:19 am
Oh shiiiiiiiit!
"I want to be utterly awesome in all regards, with physical attributes superior to whatever Montrith comes up with, eyes whatever, blah blah blah look just make me better than Montrith's uberperson thingie okay kthx!"
But before I cast that Spell of Better than Montrith's Awesome Spell, perhaps we should negotiate some kind of treaty to put a hard upper limit on just how awesome we could be. Mostly I just want to go, "Montrith! Take these spell-walls down!"
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Acier and Montrith's awesomeness spell fight
This is like the magical equivalent of little kids playing cowboys and indians. "The powers that be verify that I have hit you with a killing spell!" "Nuh-uh, the powers that be totally gave me a shield against killing spells!" "But the powers that be gave me a killing spell that could pierce killing spell shields!" and so on.
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For the record, I'm pretty sure Verviridian City or however they spelled it is a misspelling of "vervain", a secondary name for the herb verbena (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Verbena). I'd never heard of vampires being vulnerable to it before, though, so I looked it up with the expectation that some chucklefuck went "weeeeh werewolves have wolfbane we want a special snowflake flower tooooo".
In the series of young adult novels The Vampire Diaries, author L. J. Smith uses vervain to protect humans from vampires,[17] in an extension of vervain's fabled magic-suppression powers against witches. In The Struggle, Volume II, the vampire Stefan instructs the human Elena that vervain can "protect you against bewitchment, and it can keep your mind clear if vampire or an other supernatural that is using Powers against you."[18] He tells her how it is prepared and used, "Once I've extracted the oil from the seeds, you can rub it into your skin, or add it to a bath. And you can make the dried leaves into a sachet and carry it with you, or put it under your pillow at night", but gives her an unprepared sprig for protection in the meantime.[19]
I hate it when I'm right. On the other hand, this nails down the age demographic pretty hard.
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Finally got around to listening to this last night. I was trying to follow along with the document but since things were out-of-order this time it was a little tough. I was a bit disappointed with how the "get 90-100% on any exam" spell didn't end up in the podcast but I'm guessing the jokes were a bit too obvious, what with how the spell was basically just "study the damn material, and here's some placebos to make you think you'll do better."
But yeah I loved the love spell and the disappearing steak. Definite highlights of the episode.
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Oh man, all powers from up and down gimme some food...my kind of spell. Ok, I'm totally into the wizard life now so I've got my own spell.
How to Make a Magic Wand Spell Spell
You will need the following items for this spell:
- glass of water
- one of your hands (or both for double magic)
- a screwdriver
Casting Instructions for 'How to Make a Magic Wand Spell Spell':
1. Be at home, alone.
2. Go to wherever your breaker panel is. Search for a strange metal (usually dark grey) square on one of your walls (check garage if present) with a little black handle. Pull the handle. Verify that all of the switches inside are pointed toward the center of the panel. That means they're on. That's good.
3. Take your glass of water into the kitchen.
4. Concentrate. Then whisper 'true magic has no color' at the water. That makes it magic wand water.
5. Place at least 5 of your fingers in the glass. Make sure they're all very wet (soak them for at least 60 minutes, repeating the magic whisper).
6. Locate a kitchen wall socket that does not have a cute little button in the middle like some of them have (the button is a ward against magic).
7. Reach inside (IMPORTANT: use the hand(s) you just soaked in the magical water). If you reach far enough, you should begin to feel a long rod. This is your magic wand. If you don't feel it at first, reach deeper. Once you do, pull hard on it until it is magically released.
Sometimes this doesn't work. If it doesn't then repeat all steps, replacing magic hand(s) with magic tongue. Soaked in magic water first of course, 60 minutes.
Got a second one for conjuring unlimited wishes too, it only needs two items. Oh by the way don't feed your sex angel, even in the daytime.