Our favorite bad movies.

[CormansInferno]

One of the great things about living in Los Angeles is being a member of nonprofit movie funhouse The Cinefamily. And one of the great things about Cinefamily in not only are they exhaustive and eclectic and exhaustively eclectic in programming arthouse and foreign cinema, they are also the fines conissuers of video garbage. Here's some real brainbombs:

Dangerous Men - It's a real shame that it will be a very long time before Dangerous Men gets to bee seen by a wider audience due to the fact that the mighty John S. Rad has left this mortal realm and his estate is (allegedly) shithouse crazy towards potential distributors. Rad spent 20 years making this movie whenever he had two cents to scrape togther, which results in about 8 different plotlines that don't actually resolve and a landscape that is going through two decades of changes around the cast like a terrible Torchwood episode. It starts off as kind of a Lady Death Wish and ends with a hunt for a biker named Black Pepper who has nothing to do with anything that happened 15 minutes before he was introduced. Though it's not available on DVD, someone apparently decided to tape the ending scene of Dangerous Men on their cellphone the last time it screened at Cinefamily (it doesn't make any more sense when it's actually in context).

Never Too Young To Die - John Stamos is James Bond Jr. Stargrove! Vanity is Danja! Gene Simmons is the gonzoist Tim Curry imitation he can muster! Stargrove has to stop hermaphrodite mad scientist VELVET VON RAGNAR (Gene Simmons in hands down his finest role) and his army of evil punk rock hackers after Ragnar throws his secret agent father out of a helicopter. Not available on VHS or DVD, presumably due to Gene Simmons-related licensing reasons, it can be found in full on YouTube.

Shadowboxer - No description can prepare anyone for Shadowboxer. Just watch the trailer Cinefamily put together.

[Ambious]

[Emperor Jack Chick]

So this weekend I got to see the following:

The Gore Gore Girls - 1972
Werewolves on Wheels - 1971
Blood Freak - 1972 - this is the one about a guy who smokes a joint and gets a turkey head and a taste for blood.
The Corpse Grinders - 1971

They're all amazing.

[fluffy]

I just discovered this thread was here and I'm glad, because I recently saw ghost rider for the first time and almost hurt myself laughing at it.

Probably one of my favorite worst movies is Bitter Lake, aka shitty furry game of thrones.

Whole thing's on YouTube now:

I'm trying to watch it, but the terrible sound design is making me very annoyed more than anything else. It's like they didn't bother trying to place the voices in the soundfield, so it's just like... people talking over a puppet show. Which I guess isn't terribly inaccurate. Of course the faux-British accents are ridiculously muddled and some of them sound Jamaican or something. And I'm just skipping around a bunch but it's mostly... a bunch of people standing around talking, and I lose out on literally nothing by only listening to the audio.

The costumes and sets are surprisingly well-made, though.

[cyclopeantrash]

Well I know what I'm watching tonight!

[Tiny Prancer]

I am fucking thrilled I finally have more people to make fun of it with because every time I've tried to make friends watch it they've mysteriously wanted nothing to do with it (actually I know exactly why and even if I find it hilarious it's hard to blame them, because really)

The reason the sets are that nice is because they rented out a lakeside cottage thing to shoot it, and then despite putting actual effort into decoration, failed to actually redecorate them to make them look like they fit in the time period. It's kind of stunning (and depressing) how much money they obvious sunk into this thing and it's still awful because the plot is boring as shit and the majority of the film is "LET'S STAND AROUND AND TALK ABOUT TRADE ROUTES WHILE THE CAMERA PANS BACK AND FORTH ACROSS THE SCENE" and there's the barest minimum of trying to physically act anything out even for "action" scenes.

As for the fursuits, all of them were suits that the people acting already owned, I think kirin-lady got brought on just because she had that suit. coolguy horned black wolf is none other than the director's own fursona, apparently.

also, please make sure to note why the final hour badguy says he did all the things he did at the end because it's easily the best line in the entire movie.

[fluffy]

also, please make sure to note why the final hour badguy says he did all the things he did at the end because it's easily the best line in the entire movie.

hahahaha oh my goodness yes that is... wow. Sounds like it came straight from the author's LiveJournal.

[Tiny Prancer]

the person who introduced me to that movie referred to that line as "furaffinity summed up into one sentence" and that still strikes me as the truest thing about that entire film.

[Chaymie]

Samurai cop is the best worst movie.

[chai tea latte]

Samurai cop is the best worst movie.

It really is.

[Chaymie]

The sequel isn't bad. It certainly suffers from fan service syndrome, but every moment with Tommy Wiseau is gold. Joe's dream sequence is a highlight.

[Sherman Tank]

Has anyone said Lifeforce yet? Because the answer is Lifeforce.

NSFW content. Click to show.

[lazzer grardaion?]

So, you may have seen this wonderfully spooky gif, at some point in your time on the internet.



There's a really freaky looking horse-dog thing, but you only see it for a fraction of a second, so you only have time to process the fact that its legs and knees aren't quite working in a way that we're familiar with (maybe it's a bird of some kind?). Shit's spooky, and it's from a movie called XTRO. The premise is that a kid's father is abducted by aliens, and the only witness to the fact is the kid himself. The mother believes that the father just ran off, and she's moved on with her life, but the kid is certain that someday he's going to be coming back; then he does. The father comes back, but he's a little different, and he wants to take his son back with him, away from his mother, to wherever it is that he's been.

This movie gets fantastically weird at parts: the father starts altering the son, giving him telekinetic powers that he uses to bring his toys to life, in a sequence that is equal parts creepy and hilarious. And man, this movie is really, really good! The effects are solid, and the lighting and framing are used in a way that mostly hides their shortcomings. The actors are believable, the central conflict is interesting (it's basically a child custody/divorce drama, which I've never seen done quite like this), and I just fucking love this movie.

Also, if you don't want to take it from me, you can also take the advice of the RedLetterMedia people, who watched this as part of their 'Best of the Worst' series (skip to 20m14s, if the video doesn't go there automatically).

[NutshellGulag]

The father comes back, but he's a little different

Oh man, Xtro. The way the father comes back is, well, very gooey and  highly unfortunate for the lady involved, and was also used in Warlock 2 to bring back the titular character. Yay Julian Sands!

[Digital Walnut]

The Cat is one of my favorites that hasn't been mentioned already. It's a Hong Kong film where a cat from outer space helps save humanity from an alien mushroom/jellyfish thing that starts fires and controls zombies.

Creating Rem Lezar is a film made by new-age psychotherapists from Silicon Valley in the late 80s, featuring two children that create a superhero using their belief in imagination and love. The whole movie has been uploaded to Youtube:

There's a Turkish version of E.T. called Badi. I saw it a bit ago and I don't know what the hell I watched.

Inseminoid is a low-budget knock-off of Alien where a woman on a space exploration mission gets impregnated by an alien and that causes her to try to murder the rest of her crew.