Episode 96: HOCUS BOGUS!

[montrith]

Today I was listening to this episode on the train, and my headphone jack got yanked out. My headphones are cruddy and quiet and my laptop has pretty loud speakers, so Boots ended up instructing most of the carriage to put the nail in the condom, tie a knot in it and dispose of it in a nearby trash receptacle. A lad sitting opposite asked me what on earth I was listening to, and I stumbled out that "it is a magic spell from the internet", as if that would make me seem any less peculiar.

So I became
and thus I am
piteous train
spectacle man.

My friend! I knew I could not be the only one who has that happen to them.

[STOG]

What happened to the good old days when you could just throw a bunch of glitter into someone's eyes and yell HUTTAH! BLINDNESS!, then run away?

There's no more reliable spell reagent than glitter. It has many uses! Not this terrible candle and tree-biting shit.

[PurpleXVI]

Loved this episode, that's really all there is to say there. The voices were all spot on and amazing.

[KingKalamari]

I love a callback-heavy episode.

Also, between the killing spell and Video Game Pain, this may be Lemon's finest moment yet. All the ridiculists were really on, actually.

I thought Acier was especially on. His little "That was my steak you fucker!" bit and his reaction to the love spell backfiring were hilarious.

[JT]

Lost it at Dave Mustaine's Killing Spell.

[Down10]

It must suck to practice real witchcraft, and to see all these teenage girls and moron poseurs post on the Web, making you look a total fraud.

[Yossarian]

Only slightly related.

[Alpha Starsquatch]

Only slightly related.

"Nonsecular witchcraft" I fucking can't. W-E's tags are, as always, the most appropriate: "what is it about final fantasy that makes people such complete fucking morons?"

[Adam Bozarth]

ITS STILL REAL TO ME DAMMIT

[Neal]

I thought Acier was especially on. His little "That was my steak you fucker!" bit and his reaction to the love spell backfiring were hilarious.

Indeed. I can't help but wonder how well that apple and pomegranate held up in the mail, though.

[Chaz]

I thought Acier was especially on. His little "That was my steak you fucker!" bit and his reaction to the love spell backfiring were hilarious.

When I get my new graphics tablet, I am totally going to draw a goofy animatic of Acier's love spell backfiring.

[icarus]

son of a bitch i completely lost it at the vampire spell
EYES.......PICK A COLOUR

[Acierocolotl]

The thing about the baby and vampire spell is (in fine esprit d'escalier) that the spells were aught more than a wishlist for the attributes you wanted, and the casters were utterly unimaginative and short-sighted.

So if I was casting magic to become a baby vampire, why would I want to be weak to "vervian" and sunlight?   Why not cast the "Spell to become a vampire better than all those other vampires spell"?  Why not go the whole hog and cast "Spell to become like unto a god spell"?

Hell, that's easy:  "I want to be utterly awesome in all regards, with physical attributes superior to those of all other men, eyes whatever colour my whims fancy, and with no flagging self-esteem issues."

I'm such an expert at this shit!

[montrith]

Hell, that's easy:  "I want to be utterly awesome in all regards, with physical attributes superior to those of all other men, eyes whatever colour my whims fancy, and with no flagging self-esteem issues."

I'm such an expert at this shit!

Haha! I spotted a flaw in your plan. Now here's my spell! "I want to be utterly awesome in all regards, with physical attributes superior to those of all other men and women, eyes whatever colour my whims fancy, and with no flagging self-esteem issues."

There. Now I'm more awesome than you.

[Acierocolotl]

Hell, that's easy:  "I want to be utterly awesome in all regards, with physical attributes superior to those of all other men, eyes whatever colour my whims fancy, and with no flagging self-esteem issues."

I'm such an expert at this shit!

Haha! I spotted a flaw in your plan. Now here's my spell! "I want to be utterly awesome in all regards, with physical attributes superior to those of all other men and women, eyes whatever colour my whims fancy, and with no flagging self-esteem issues."

There. Now I'm more awesome than you.

Oh shiiiiiiiit!

"I want to be utterly awesome in all regards, with physical attributes superior to whatever Montrith comes up with, eyes whatever, blah blah blah look just make me better than Montrith's uberperson thingie okay kthx!"

But before I cast that Spell of Better than Montrith's Awesome Spell, perhaps we should negotiate some kind of treaty to put a hard upper limit on just how awesome we could be.  Mostly I just want to go, "Montrith!  Take these spell-walls down!"