Spent the weekend just gutting cleaning my house, and even with the bags of shit I threw away and the boxes of stuff by the door to donate I STILL have too much stuff. Just the idea of having to move with all of this shit is killing me. Also, it's really brought to light how much capitalism is bullshit. Like I bought this dumb thing and I never used it? Or I bought this thing to make this cool thing in true ADHD form, and all it is now is a physical manifestation of a failure to do something or a failed promise and that shit just isn't healthy.
Maybe it's also just in light of a collapsing environment that I look at things and go "This is still good, why should I bother to buy new?" Or "Do I really want this thing? Is it really going to make my life better?" I worry that IF there comes a day I make more money, will I be strong enough to hold that conviction?
One last drunk thought: so you have this objects you buy that from the moment of purchase are imbued with intent or purpose. Doesn't matter if it's "real" (I should get a couch so I stop sitting on the floor) or "fake" (I should get a couch because this one is out of style). Then when it isn't fulfilled, you gift it to someone. Being the youngest in the family means in given a lot of hand me downs. Like, most of my house is hand me downs. No hate here, because without them I wouldn't have a third of the furniture I do have. But it really feels that when someone gifts you a chair or whatever they're also passing on their feelings and intents for the object, but also the guilt about not fulfilling that intent, like some manifest object destiny that you are now supposed to fulfill. And if you donate it or throw it away, you're betraying them somehow, and it's not just a piece of wood arranged in the shape of a chair.