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Topic: Our favorite bad movies.  (Read 46160 times)

chai tea latte

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Our favorite bad movies. #15
Fuck all y'all badmouthing The Cage / Con Air, I have a bizarre love for all of his movies. His acting just...works...for me.

Hey, fuck you, I never professed to have good taste.

I'm also kind of amazed that nobody has mentioned The Apple. It's a bizarre musical about a pair of ingenues who come second in pseudo-eurovision and are offered a chance to sign a recording contract with a man who is literally the devil. She accepts, he refuses, becomes destitute, moves back in with his mother, and pines over her. Meanwhile, said recording company has conquered the world, which is now a glittery fascist hellscape where literally everybody stops work for an hour a day to do jazzercise (there's a montage of some surgeons, a gay firemen's choir, and assembly-line workers who all drop their time-sensitive tasks to dance). Also the record-company-CEO/devil's right-hand-man is a sassy drag queen with a penchant for evil glares and spandex (also glitter) who uses mind control(? this is never explained) to help Mr. Boogalow (the devil) take over the world.

Characterization is shoddy, the musical numbers are mind-numbing, and at the end the plot turns seriously evangelically mormon out of absolutely nowhere. It's fucking amazing.

Delcat

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Our favorite bad movies. #16
And, my all-time favorite; Australian horror-comedy Undead, an unholy combination of comets, aliens, zombies, and men punching fish.

Al, April 17, 2013, 04:17:11 pm

bwahaha YES
God, that movie is great.  Just fantabulously great.  Everyone should watch it.

I haven't even been able to make it through the Rifftrax version of The Room, it just straight-up gives me the jaggies.  I dunno, maybe it's because I had absolutely no idea what I was in for when I started watching it.  I have never been so confused in my LIFE.

I reckon with my reputation, I've gotta throw something animated in the ring, so go watch Rock and Rule.  You can thank me a LOT after.

count_actuala

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Our favorite bad movies. #17
Fuck all y'all badmouthing The Cage / Con Air, I have a bizarre love for all of his movies. His acting just...works...for me.

Hey, fuck you, I never professed to have good taste.
kal-elk, April 17, 2013, 10:39:51 pm
Nic Cage was destined for the stage. I'm not even kidding. If I were directing a big budget production of Hamlet, I'd call him up in an instant, the general public's reception of a middle aged man playing Ophelia be damned.
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Ansemaru

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Our favorite bad movies. #18
Montrith, that song isn't just from the Homestuck fandom.

That song is on one of the official Homestuck albums.

http://homestuck.bandcamp.com/track/nic-cage-song I shit you not.

PurpleXVI

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Our favorite bad movies. #19
Fuck all y'all badmouthing The Cage / Con Air, I have a bizarre love for all of his movies. His acting just...works...for me.
kal-elk, April 17, 2013, 10:39:51 pm

Drive Angry is also a pretty excellent Nick Cage movie.

As for the actual bad ones... most of my favourite bad movies have already been listed(largely by Geremy), but one that not many have seen is "Cubbyhouse," which is about a shed which is possessed by Satan and the power of shitty CGI. It's not quite Troll 2/The Room bad, but it's pretty awful, yet one you can laugh at rather than just wince at.

Alpha Starsquatch

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Our favorite bad movies. #20
Fuck all y'all badmouthing The Cage / Con Air, I have a bizarre love for all of his movies. His acting just...works...for me.

Hey, fuck you, I never professed to have good taste.
kal-elk, April 17, 2013, 10:39:51 pm
Nic Cage was destined for the stage. I'm not even kidding. If I were directing a big budget production of Hamlet, I'd call him up in an instant, the general public's reception of a middle aged man playing Ophelia be damned.
Juice Unlimited, April 18, 2013, 01:50:15 am

Just the mental image of Nic Cage singing about Hamlet, scattering flowers about and twirling in place... Glorious.

I'm surprised no one has mentioned The Wicker Man yet! That was just... special. The death scene at the end was one of the funniest things I've ever watched.

icarus

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Our favorite bad movies. #21
look i
actually enjoy
the ewok movies.

not return of the jedi, i mean "caravan of courage" and "the ewok adventure"

i also really enjoy "barbarella" and "zeta one" but i think those just tap directly into the joy gland in my brain through no fault of their own

Acierocolotl

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Our favorite bad movies. #22
Oh bollocks.  I entirely forgot to mention Zardoz.

I actually kinda liked Zardoz but I may have been a bit tipsy at the time, the speedos notwithstanding.

icarus

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Our favorite bad movies. #23
Oh bollocks.  I entirely forgot to mention Zardoz.

I actually kinda liked Zardoz but I may have been a bit tipsy at the time, the speedos notwithstanding.
Acierocolotl, April 18, 2013, 08:38:46 am

you also forgot to include the mandatory video


why that youtuber failed to include the tail end of this scene where the giant stone head literally vomits hundreds of guns, i'll never understand.

Geremy Tibbles

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Our favorite bad movies. #24

Deadfall is probably Nic Cage's best movie and he's only a supporting character.

Ansemaru

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Our favorite bad movies. #25
Oh, I just remembered another good one. Young Van Helsing. I mean, Van Helsing is also a wonderfully bad movie, but Young Van Helsing, which is related to it pretty much only by title, blows it out of the fucking water.

For that matter, Carnosaur 3 is an enjoyable terrible movie.

...and Waterworld. Don't forget Waterworld.

Lemon

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Our favorite bad movies. #26
I'm not sure the definitions we're using here, but Crank: High Voltage is a stunning piece of cinema. Once upon a time, someone made a movie where Jason Statham has to constantly experience adrenaline highs or he'll die. Then someone else said this out loud: "That movie we made about the guy who consantly had to experience adrenaline? I think we should make a sequel but make it more over the top."

The very first scene in the movie and Jason Statham is dead. He's brought back to life and now he needs to keep electrocuting himself or he'll die again, at which point they'll need to imagine something even more preposterous. Bai Ling plays the role she was destined to play: Crack Whore. Ginger Spice slaps a child. Jason Statham fucks Amy Smart in the middle of a racetrack. There's a... Actually, let me just copy/paste this paragraph.
Chelios is dragged behind a motorboat to an island where El Hurón awaits. It is revealed that El Hurón is, in fact, the brother of Ricky and Alex Verona, both of whom Chelios killed in the first film. He reveals Ricky Verona's head is being kept alive long enough to watch El Hurón kill Chelios. El Hurón is about to kill Chelios when Orlando, Venus and Ria show up, each with their own group of gunfighters. As a gunfight ensues, Verona's head is killed by Chelios. As Chelios starts to slow down, he climbs a nearby telephone pole and grabs a pair of live wires to recharge. He is flung off the pole and set on fire by the massive current. While on fire, he kills El Hurón. Chelios walks towards the camera, giving the middle finger to the audience in the final moment of the film.Quote from

This movie was written by two naked men sharing a desk drawer full of cocaine. They wrote the entire script in a four-day weekend. One would hammer on the Macbook Pro keyboard with hands permanently frozen in claw formation, which sometimes would lead to words being typed, but other times it would add more quarters into the pornographic virtual pachinko game they also had running on the computer the the whole time. The other would stand a few inches behind the writer, furiously stroking both their cocks and shouting words of encouragement like "Yeah man, fuckin' yeah! You fucking wrote that!" After a few hours, they'd switch places. The laptop died and it took them three hours to notice. Twice, they forced themselves to sleep, but later agreed the decision was detrimental to their process.

After the script was financed, it was time to start filming. The writers of Crank:High Voltage are also the directors (it's a auteur project, as the results will demonstrate), and so those same two men were on set every day. The studio had complained about their public nudity, and so they both stood behind cameras wearing filthy long sleeve Motley Crue tour shirts around their waists as loin cloths. A collaborative team, they would trade off duties of Crew and Talent. Handling the crew meant rummaging through all the electrical equipment to see if anything had an intensity setting that could be turned up (frequently the answer is no, sometimes  they would glue shit on). Handling the Talent meant providing the actors with helpful notes like "Act the shit out of this bitch, Statham!" "Imagine the audience literally shitting themselves blind, and then make them shit!"

For focus groups, they managed to get a test-screening made up entirely of people who were just about to go bungee jumping. Instead of the THX logo, the movie started with an instructional film that said "If the bathroom doors are locked. PISS YOUR PANTS!". Many did. After the screening, instead of handing out opinion cards, the directors brought the audience into a room and said "If you didn't like the movie, you can punch me in the face. If you liked the movie, feel free to punch me in the fucking face!" The studio received the data of 100% face-punching rate among viewers and released the film. It lost ten million dollars.

A few of those facts are not true, but are facts nonetheless.
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« Last Edit: April 18, 2013, 01:15:56 pm by Lemon »

montrith

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Our favorite bad movies. #27
That sounds absolute amazing. I'm browsing around for a copy right now.

I should probably get that dog dancing movie too while I'm at it.

Boots Raingear

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Our favorite bad movies. #28
Southland Tales

Southland Tales is Richard Kelly's follow up to Donnie Darko, which was a neat movie with an fairly unconventional plot. Since it was Kelly's first movie, there was a lot of influence from producers on casting, plotting, and direction. Donnie Darko made a killing in DVD sales, which allowed Kelly to make his next movie however the fuck he wanted. That is probably not going to happen again.

Southland Tales has an ensemble cast of famous actors including:
  • The Rock
  • Sarah Michelle Gellar
  • Sean William Scott
  • Justin Timberlake
  • Mandy Moore
  • Jon Lovitz
  • Cheri Oteri
  • Bai Ling
  • John Larroquette
  • Wallace Shawn
and more. You know, big powerful actors who can really carry a film with a lot of depth. Kelly's direction encouraged the performers to adapt unique personality traits, thus The Rock is constantly tapping his fingers against each other as if each hand thinks the other hand is a tiny piano.

Southland Tales takes place in the near-future in an America that is on the verge of war. The Rock plays an action film star with amnesia. Sarah Michelle Gellar plays a porn star on a Reality TV show, Sean William Scott plays twin brothers (one is a soldier, the other a Marxist), and Justin Timberlake plays a war vet. Throughout the course of the movie, these characters do a bunch of pointless nonsense and converse in implausible ways.

Then there's this:

And this:

Also a big musical number with Justin Timberlake.... who is lip synching a Killers song.

If you really want to get an understanding of this movie, watch the last 2 minutes of it, which includes Janeane Garofalo's entire 1 second of screen time in the whole film. This is also probably the best final line in a film ever:

Reviews of the film were mixed, most reviewers complaining that it was incomprehensible nonsense while others praised it for taking chances and not conforming to Hollywood standard. Said others are idiots, this movie is incomprehensible nonsense.
Lemon

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Our favorite bad movies. #29
Van Helsing is a guilty pleasure of mine. Say what you will about Stephen Sommers (and who hasn't, really), the man has one goal when he makes a movie, and that is to make it fun.

I may own a replica of the Dracula ring from the movie but that's neither here nor there

Hudson Hawk is great when you're piss-drunk, and the concept of a heist musical could be awesome in the hands of someone super-capable, but in the sober light of day it's kind of a hot mess.