Movies We've Seen Recently

[Wrought]

I watched this last night and it is now my favourite bad movie in the entire world. There's just so much shit going on at any given time that it's difficult to keep up. Van Helsing wears a printed out picture of a crucifix around his neck, Renfield eats raw meat on camera at one point (with accompanying close ups) and there's an Italian stereotype named Vinny, and whenever he shows up, the movie blasts Tarantella Napoletana (or if you're Canadian, the east side mario's commercial music). It's free on youtube and it's the easiest recommendation I've ever given.

Minor content warning for a mention of rape and a scene of sexual terror between two men

[duz]

Two of the 2020 movies that made the internet rounds when announced:

Jiu Jitsu featuring Nic Cage, Tony Jaa and Frank Grillo.  It was kind of dull.  A way too long fake single take fight that at the end started going in and out of first person perspective.  The other fight scenes weren't much either.  The plot is mostly Predator but plot isn't something you are supposed care about for these types of movies.  It's the fights you're supposed to care about and they were too gimmicky to be really entertaining in this.

Fatman starring Walton Goggins and Mel Gibson.  Walton Goggins is hired by a rich kid who recieved coal to kill Santa Claus played by Mel Gibson.  Santa has taken a military contract to help make ends meet which makes the showdown slightly more violent but not nearly enough.  It felt like it was right on that line of if you don't add the CG blood they probably could've had a PG-13 Christmas day release, which I would wager was the pre-covid plan.  But covid, so more blood and a bit more violence to get the R, but not the level of violence you're expecting from the trailer.  Mel is an entertaining Santa, shame he's such a terrible person in real life.  If you don't want to watch it because of him, you aren't missing anything.

[Sorrel]

I wanna recommend Attack the Block, I watched it recently and it really cheered me up on a pretty bad day.

It's a little-known British alien invasion movie set in and around a London tower block on bonfire night.  You can tell it was made with love and care, it's gripping, very funny, really sincere and (at least I think) has a theme of solidarity. 
It's super creative and combines a whole bunch of different genres very well. It's short too, with no fat at all

It's got John Boyega pre Star Wars, Nick Frost, Jodie Whittaker which is funny because the film does kinda feel like the perfect doctor who episode. I think it's on amazon prime or you can rent it on youtube.

Seriously watch it it's fucking great.

[Agent (gobble, gobble) Coop]

If I was humphrey bogart in "a lonely place" I'd just explain that I didn't kill anybody and go back to making sheetkittens (or whatever dudes in the 50s called sex)

[Agent (gobble, gobble) Coop]

We Need To Talk About Kevin (Who's Possessed By A Demon) would have been a much better movie

[chai tea latte]

Battle In Seattle (2008) is about the '99 WTO protests in Seattle. A lot of 'things' sort of 'happened' over the course of the film but I spent most of it obsessed with Isaac de Bankolé's performance as the African delegate who crashes the official proceedings, and with Andre 3000 randomly turning out to be a main character in the movie. Andre 3000 spends about 45 minutes in a cardboard sea turtle costume so honestly if you're looking to watch a movie where that happens, this is probably your only option. 2/5?

Judas and the Black Messiah (hbo max, 2021) was dope as fuck. Daniel Kaluuya is an INCREDIBLE Fred Hampton and Lakeith Stanfield (who I love) is perfectly hateable as Bill O'neil. Martin Sheen playing Jed Bartlett plays J Edgar Hoover as a sort of central casting villain. I wish we'd gotten into Hoover's frilly underwear but I guess there just wasn't time. I've heard people say that this movie disappointed them but personally speaking I thought it was baller as fuck, revolutionary in its aesthetic and ideals, and simultaneously a good fucking movie. 5/5

The Death Of Stalin  (Armando Ianucci) has become my 'chicken soup movie'. I've been sick with covid-adjacent symptoms the last couple of days (but then tested negative), and being high as shit and in bed somehow makes Steve Buscemi's performance as Kruschev even funnier, Jason Isaacs' Zhukov even manlier and more impressive, and sir beale's performance as Beria even slimier and more repugnant. 5/5, just clean good fun

[sambair]

Finally got around to watching Sorry To Bother You last night, and I can't recommend it strongly enough. I was basically cracking up and also horrified through pretty much the whole thing. Definitely go in as spoiler-free as you can.

[Seth "Slimy" Rollins]

i watched The Snyder Cut last night and while it had some really good points in it any nice thing I could say about it would be undermined by the fact that it's four fucking hours long and does not justify at any point being four fucking hours long

[Agent (gobble, gobble) Coop]

The suspiria remake takes out all the fun and puts in some history bits instead. Nice try dork.

[Agent (gobble, gobble) Coop]

They were showing Hellboy 2 (Guillermo del Toro) on TNT. Life is abundant

[Queen Buttpirate]

The Child’s Play reboot is a lot of fun and Mark Hamill is great as Chucky, no idea why people got so mad about this movie.

[Dr. Buttplug]

If you like seeing giant monsters fight, then you can't go wrong with Godzilla VS. Kong. The monster/human balance is almost as spot on as Kong: Skull Island and the battles easily surpass Godzilla: King of Monsters.

The best low key best part is that the movie wears how dumb it is on its sleeve. There's a character introduced early on who could have easily been an F+ subject He's spewing stuff about hollow earth, flouride and bathes in bleach. him, scenery chewing villains, and the hammy cast keep you entertained between giant gorilla sucker punches.

[accepting change]

logging a rare post to say that mortal kombat absolutely whipped sack and its great

[sambair]

logging a rare post to say that mortal kombat absolutely whipped sack and its great

i saw it on a cinemark xd screen, and while half the seats are kept empty for covid reasons, it was packed with elementary school aged children and a few groups of nerds, and it was amazing


edit: i feel i should add that i was at the "fully vaccinated" stage a couple days before going to the movie, please do not do shit like movie theaters without getting vaccinated

[accepting change]

by good fortune i am in australia and as thus can go to the cinema more or less freely due to 0 community transmissions in months. most recently (in cinema) i've seen Mortal Kombat, Godzilla vs Kong, Cosmic Sin and Monster Hunter also i went to a showing of Blade Runner when we were still in semi-lockdown