ballp.it
Snakes In The Ball Pit => Yay, I get to talk about me! => Topic started by: montrith on June 25, 2014, 12:11:29 pm
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I recently caved in and made myself a Twitter, mainly just to make certain things easier to track. However, I don't want to be known as the guy who just follows "Furry asexual MRAs for brony pride", so I'd appreciate if someone could recommend me some Twitters that are not embarrassing to follow.
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I'd recommend following Iron_Spike (https://twitter.com/Iron_Spike), who's a comic artist I utterly adore and has managed four comic kickstarters that were not only excellent but were very specific about paying the artists involved. She also posts a lot about documentaries about weird shit she watches and stuff about history she feels like talking about, she likes trolling around places like free republic and raptureready for kicks, and she's super funny in general. One of her friends used to be collecting some of her twitter ramblings on tumblr, so here's a few to give you a taste of why her twitter's worth following:
Watching a doc about mummy in a British museum. When put into the context of ancient Egyptian civilization, the person was basically damned.
She’s misnamed on her coffin, called “Lord of the House” instead of Lady. Being properly named meant a lot, and the scribes botched her sex.
(This was a time when like 5% of the population was literate, so they could get away with it relatively safely.)
Secondly, her embalming job was horrible, she’s partially rotted. And finally and most horribly, her windpipe is missing.
Egyptians believed you would be required to speak your name before the gods to enter the afterlife. With no windpipe, this woman couldn’t.
Also, her corpse shows signs of having been murdered. Somebody really, really hated this lady. Killed her in both lives.
Here’s a torrent of that mummy doc.http://www.torrentday.com/details.php?id=172042
Oh hay, Fallout: New Vegas! I think I’ll play this through goody-two shoes, I wanna be a good guy, tee hee!
Okay wow was that NPC sass? That was NPC sassmouth. No. *kills old man, takes over his casino, enslaves his robots*
But wait I’m still good right? I killed the sexual sadist in the whorehouse, THAT MAKES ME GOOD, RIGHT?
Uggggh why does everyone hate meeeeee, peppering the New Vegas strip with missile-launching security-bots is a DEFENSIVE MEASURE
Now I know what Dr. Doom feels like. I put myself in charge because I’m fittest for the job, you drunken drug-addled irradiated shits. >:C
TRUST IN MY GENTLE BENEVOLENCE OR I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU ALL.
So, a swindler cheated me out of 25 bucks. If I pickpocket him to get my money back, I lose rep. If I kill him and loot his corpse, I don’t.
I like the way this town works.
The world needs “Intolerable Florentine Divas” comics. Seriously, Raphael, Michaelangelo and Da Vinci were the cattiest bitches.
When Michelangelo revealed the partially-finished Sistine chapel ceiling at an event, Raph took to Pope aside and said HE should finish it.
"Uh yeah look srsly Julius I mean it’s all right, It’s not shit, but seriously, those ladies, the ceiling needs ladies who look like ladies"
And Michelangelo and Da Vinci were slap-fighting in the streets like cheerleaders in a locker room, sending pissy letters about each other.
"Hay did you know Mike’s a sculptor? Roofle. Like basically a stone mason, walking around with marble dust in is hair. Weak!"
"LOL, at least i can FINISH a statue. Hey tell me again about your awesome equestrian statue that doesn’t exist cuz you suck."
And then another rangy lookin’ dude is all ‘HOW CAN YOU ARGUE ABOUT THIS WHEN WE ARE ALL DOOMED TO BURN IN HELL FOREVERRRRR”
And everyone else is all “Dang Botticelli I liked you WAY better back before you got all Christian on us and painted sexy nymphs and stuff”
ANYWAY just saying.
http://fuckyeahterribleart.tumblr.com Is my new boyfriend. ♥ ♥ ♥
I wonder if the guys in My Chemical Romance know how many of their fans are picturing them impregnating one another.
fuckyeahterribleart makes me think about how adolescent female sexual expression probably has more freedom than ever before, these days.
Teen girls communally sublimating their first smoldering urges produce some of the weirdest shit there is to be had online. MPREG, y’all.
A culture with a female purity obsession + need for non-threatening males to ease you into sexuality = “Here’s me gettin’ raped by WaLuigi.”
Re-watching “I Think We’re Alone Now” for the umpteenth time. Makes me wonder if any enterprising souls have attempted a Chris-Chan doc.
It sounds like a Sundance slam dunk. I can picture the opening credits. “CHRIS-CHAN” in blocky crayon. Sonic the Hedgehog theme playing.
And an opening scene with Chris tour-guiding us through his bedroom, possibly lingering on the Megan shrine and homemade Pokemon cards.
Then, an interview with the parents about his youth, with emphasis on their fight to keep him out of special ed classes. (Good job, folks.)
The tail-end of the intro would be, of course, Sonichu, and Sonichu’s aid in finding “father” and Boyfriend-Free Girl. (No blacks.)
And the doc wouldn’t be complete without a half-hour dedicated to the people who have been unwaveringly harassing him for THREE YEARS.
Seriously, who wants a fucking selection at Telluride and an jury prize at South by Southwest, I am basically handing you one, here.
Note: TAZ is Templar, Arizona (http://templaraz.com/), the webcomic she makes that's been on indefinite hiatus for some time now due to her managing multiple comic projects over the last few years. It's about various people living in an alternate universe version of our world where technology developed differently and a few wars may not have happened and there are a whole lot of weird social movements and cults. It's pretty excellent.
"We… strive very hard to have a diverse [DC Comics Universe]. I mean, we have green, pink, and blue characters." AHAHAHA.
A senior story editor at DC said this, when asked why so many nonwhite legacy characters were being killed off and replaced with white ones.
Interesting timing, considering the TAZ page I’m inking right this second.
Of course, the flipside to ignoring genuine racial, cultural & ethnic diversity and calling it “being colorblind” is grotesque caricature.
Like the genius on Something Awful blithering about how Scipio isn’t black, and “the author of Templar needs to meet a real black person.”
Cuz, as we all know, skin color instantly imparts a culture, mode of speech, lifestyle, and dress code. Didn’t you get the memo?
I don’t name-and-shame the poor little fool on Twitter, because she’s just some dumb little sheltered suburbanite. She’s hardly unique.
And I’ll be dropping what she said into interviews as My Dumbest Criticism Ever until the end of time, so really, I should thank her, eh?
I found a decent copy of Avatar, but I will spare you all any twitter-riffing. Besides, gotta put this page to bed.
(Okay except I have to say this spaceship looks like genitals)
(Four-nutted space genitals)
(Also, glad they explained the “You guys can whole grow transgenic bodies in tanks but can’t fix a spine??” thing. Limp, but I’ll take it.)
(Who climbs in the tanks with the cat-person stiff and braids its hair? Izzat protocol? This is what happens when you let girls do science)
(Woman we are trying to drive these big trucks in space, there is no time for My Little Na’vi)
(Find something else to do, like figuring out why the arrows in my truck have feathered flights on an alien planet, Cuz that is weird)
(♥♥♥ Sigourney ♥♥♥)
OKAY NO, NO TIME FOR THIS, STOPPING.
(Hello my name is Giovanni Ribisi, I will be playing the role of Cardboard Bastard, oh so cruel and two-dimensional)
(THESE ARE OUR ZILLION-DOLLAR NA’VI AVATARS, SO VALUABLE *neglects to install basic tracking device, loses one instantly*)
(Oh, is this where the Tarzan style racefail starts? Lemme guess, the kamikaze wildlife here woulda DESTROYED a native, but NOT OUR HERO.)
(Jesus Christ If I’d know we were touching down on Planet Blacklight I woulda brought some glowsticks or a poster or something)
(I’m special, trees like me. TELL THE HORSE NEURONS TO TAKE ME TO THE THE MOST IMPRACTICALLY HIGH CONCENTRATION OF HUNTER-GATHERERS EVER.)
(Wait what)
(Okay yeah, thought so. http://is.gd/9LyK3 (NWS) Cat Mom, why are you wearing a Dinka woman’s beaded cape? You haven’t got any cattle.)
(Hey Avatar could you racefail a little harder, because it’s not quite funny yet, just annoying. TIA.)
(If Giovanni Ribisi’s character isn’t listed as “Pointlessly Gleeful Cunt” in the credits I will be so disappointed)
(Have they even mentioned what Unobtanium is for yet? If they did, I missed it. Gonna pretend it facilitates 6-month-long orgasms.)
(If Barlowe didn’t do the creature designs for this, whoever did needs to peel themselves off his dick and get some air once in a while.)
(There are not going to be able to explain these floating mountains in any way that will satisfy, are they)
(Oh, and you stuck a trailer park right on top of one, good, nice, can’t figure out why the space savages hate you, total mystery)
(This space kitty is seriously wearing purple buttless chaps. You pulls those out just for JAKE SOO LEE, sugar?)
(I just noticed Love Interest has eight fingers while Dances with Smurfs has ten.)
(Looks like all the real Na’vi have 8, 10 fingers must be the result of being transgenic? No wonder they don’t trust your ass, Earth Man.)
(Dude all showing up in MY backyard with twelve fingers, dressed in a space outfit telling me to move, I wouldn’t listen to him either)
(TRUST MEEEEEEEEEEE *runs twelves fingers all over your butt and shoulders, looks sincere*)
(So there is basically no useful animal on this planet that is not more Plug-N-Play than an iPod Touch, huh.)
(Control-on-demand over major megafauna, and yet, they still live in trees. In rattan panties. That only seems weird to me, doesn’t it.)
(AAAAAUGH CRESTED CARNIVOROUS LOWRIDER DIVE DIVE DIVE)
(“No one ever gets to fly a Lowrider! NO ONE DOES IT UNLESS THEY ARE REALLY SPECIAL.” Nope, no one like that here. RIGHT, TARZAN?)
(Oh, and now Karo body art. http://is.gd/9LNI7. I am not supposed to recognize this stuff or something, I guess)
(That wasn’t much of a manhood ceremony, you sure you guys don’t wanna hack off a bioluminescent blue foreskin or something)
(This tree appears to be made of LED tube lights. I SEE YOU, CREEPY SWINGER COUPLE’S LIVING ROOM.)
(The voices of our ancestors are in these tube lights. the ancestors say “chill out, have a margarita, get in the jacuzzi, want a backrub”)
(Why do aliens know how to kiss. What has the science team been doing here exactly.)
(Is the bulldozer-and-machine-gun route seriously more effective than the vodka-and-Christianity route? I have my doubts.)
(Giovanni demands a scientific explanation of Na’vi spirituality, gets one, dismisses it. Makes you wonder what WOULD have been acceptable.)
(So I’m assuming Sigourney’s kitty won’t be surviving this.)
(This eradicate-the-natives scene needs a dose of “Flight of the Valkyries.”)
(“Gassing, firebombs, monster-piloting! NOTHING budges our patented Stay-Pee-Gee feathered nipple pasties! Available in kitty cat size!”)
(Oh hey they actually knocked the damn tree down I’m surprised. Ewoks coulda prevented that shit, but not 10-foot-tall cats? Y’all suck.)
(Nothing believable about this culture at all. There seriously seem to be no gender roles defined. Primitive cultures LOVE gender roles.)
(Also Love Interest looks about 23-25-ish, stone-agers like that would be on their tenth wedding anniversary.)
(I guess I’m supposed to believe she was a virgin when she banged hair neurons with Tarzan, because that made them “mated?” Oh, Hollywood.)
(Oh yeah, and her Dad’s dead or something.)
(For a movie full of soldiers, these people are remarkably bad at taking orders. but I guess that’s what we all like to believe we’d do, eh?)
(*I* woulda thrown the gates of Auschwitz open. *I* woulda NEVER given the Pontiac the smallpox blankets. *I* woulda warned the Zulu.)
(Gimme a break.)
(All. My. Friends. Know tha Low-RIDE-ah.)
(And don’t think I missed that Maasai beaded necklace. http://is.gd/9M2vb You’re not gonna win this one. I know you’re not creative.)
(I just noticed that somewhere between boning Tarzan and the decimation of her people, girlfriend here found time to get her hair did.)
(Your priorities are awesome, you totally deserve to exist.)
(Why is Sigourney Weaver dressed like Tinkerbell.)
(Yeeeeah, didn’t think Sigourney would survive. Too hip for the room.)
(“They can take our lives…. but they can never take… OUR FREEDOM!”)
(Where are these feathers coming from, I haven’t seen a single feathered creature on the entire planet.)
(Yep, only about 20 minutes left. Better hurry up and save the day, white guy.)
(Okay boys, be careful with the mecha, we have to get them back to Zion in one piece before Neo and Morpheus get to bitchin’)
(Oh huh, I was wondering where Weedy Scientist Guy’s avatar had wandered off to. Countdown to HIS annihilation begins now.)
(Great copter canopy glass! Bulletproof, bombproof, fireproof, airtight, and nukeproof. But no arrows, okay? Any arrows and you’re FUCKED.)
(HEY C’MON WHAT DID I JUST TELL YOU)
(So when does the acting chief get iced to clear the way for King White Boy? Ten minutes? Fifteen?)
(You can’t play, strangely rebellious copter pilot. Kitties only. Go home.)
(FOUR minutes. Bye, acting chief.)
(SUPPORTING CAST MASSACRE)
(The planetary consciousness does not take sides, you guys. Except when it does.)
(I have more respect for Commander Scarface than anyone else here. FUCK YOU, FIRE. I DO NOT HAVE TIME TO BE BURNED. MAKE AN APPOINTMENT.)
(♫♪ Yes his gun and his mecha are bared, be pre-paaaaaaaaaaaaared! ♪♫)
(Okay we gotta wrap this up. Shoot the girlfriend. We all know females exist in film so their injury or death motivates the men.)
(Mecha-scale Bowie knives? I’ll have to ask the manager, I think those are special order items.)
(“How does it feel to betray your own race?” Shoot, I get asked that walking down the street with @Matt_Sheridan.)
(The correct answer? It feels AWESOME because it makes YOU angry and also me and my new friend are gonna bone so hard tonight just for you.)
(That is the second time Pocahontas has dragged your butt out of the bonfire, kiddo.)
(You know the humans are just going to come back with nukes, right?)
(Okay yeah, the end. Nothing about this whole goddamn film any of us didn’t see coming, correct?)
(White people, seriously, you need to stop making movies like this. I’m telling you this as a friend.)
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@RealTimeWWII is pretty cool. I also like:
@greatartbot
@pentametron / @anagramatron
@qtyahooanswer
@vice_is_hip
@pushinghoops
@craigslistlove
@tinysubversions
(and a ton of weird twitter accounts but i'm not sure if you're interested in that)
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I should perhaps clarify that I definitely DON'T want to follow anything that's too serious. Twitter is not the platform I wish to use to discuss relevant issues of today, but purely for entertainment. In other words, bring on the weird! Thanks for the recs, I'll check those out when I have a bit more time.
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@fanfiction_txt is really fun, and most of the .txt twitters are amusing, just find one that has dumb quotes from something specific that you like (or like to mock).
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Well, you need bitcoin.txt (https://twitter.com/bitcoin_txt) and ButtCoin (https://twitter.com/ButtCoin) which compile amusing bitcoin related crazyness, of which there is a ton. Sample crazy from both twitters respectivly.
Calling Dollars Money is an Insult to Bitcoin!!!
and
if you wanna be my lover
you gotta get with my left-wing libertarian beliefs
make it last forever
bitcoin never ends
You might not be as amused by bitcoin as me, I don't know.
And you have to follow The Iron Sheik on twitter for such nuggets of wisdom as
(https://twitter.com/the_ironsheik)JUSTIN BIEBER YOUR MOTHER DESERVE SUPLEX ON HER HEAD #RIPMichaelJackson
and
Suarez I bite your fucking balls off make you are miss piggy dead dog you no good mexican cocksucker jabroni piece of shit go fuck yourself
Sometimes he calls people Jews and I am legitimately unsure whether that is intended as a compliment or not. The man is a fucking poet.
Florida Man (https://twitter.com/_FloridaMan) will enlighten you as to why people in Georgia and Alabama and such can still feel superior in that at least we aren't Florida. We may have an alarming number of Neo-Confederates and our states are objectively shitty places to live, but at least we aren't that crazy.
TNG Season 8 (https://twitter.com/TNG_S8) gives us synopsis of what honestly probably wouldn't have been the scripts for a hypothetical eighth season of Star Trek: The Next Generation, but should have been.
All missions are put on hold until Worf locates his contact lens. The crew nervously waits in silence as he angrily crawls the corridors.
I saved the best for last though. And the best is Birds Rights Activist (https://twitter.com/ProBirdRights)
""glueten free"" is affront to MY LIBERTY. what next, they take away every cakes????? Sorry but NO THANK YOU. #FreedomOfWheat
You notice how bagel have a hole in them? But where is the extra bagel go????? WAK UP AMERICA. #GovormentBaggelConspiracy
Dear medical: what if instead of "doctor" and "obamahealth" we have breadicine? #iHaveCuredScience
Every tweet from them is like a little present delivered directly to your computer.
EDIT: More tweets from @probirdrights
Just because squirrel are the most dumb (it is a science fact) does not make me the bingot. Maybe you are the real bigotry against TRUTH????
My ice cram cone melt before I have it all. THANKS GLOBAL WARMING ALARMISTS. #scienceKills(icecram)
I'd entire a biscuit if my face big enough.
A marry between a man and woman people sloppery slop;then what is prevent a bird from marriage my sandwich??? I'm in love my samdich.
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In other words, bring on the weird!
montrith, June 25, 2014, 03:59:56 pm
This twitter consists almost entirely of internet links. (https://twitter.com/ShawnElliott) They could be cute animals, horrifying pictures, or internet oddities. Most of the time you can't determine what the link is until you click on it. It accounts for roughly half of my browser history clearings.
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😍
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@mobile_aa & @kaomojicafe - weird japanese emojis
@TriciaLockwood - funny person
@trumpetcake - funny person
@gudetama_sanrio - funny sanrio thing
@AccidentalMoz - People accidentally inventing new Morrissey lyrics
@FootballerWikis - enlightening quotes from footballers' wiki articles
@meganamram - funny person
@zizek_ebooks - out of concept bits of Slavoj Zizek's writing
@wwwtxt - quotes from '80s and '90s usenet
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@stockfinds- terrible stock photos of questionable usefulness
@tlftravelalerts- There's something dreadfully wrong with Great Britain's public transit.
@prehistbirds- cool stuff about dinosaurs (and sometimes extinct things that are not dinosaurs)
@gamecubefacts- definitely true facts about the Nintendo Gamecube
@ProBirdRights- bird rights activist
@petermolydeux- You know Peter Molyneux? The guy who made Fable? This isn't him, but it's a very close approximation.
@ActualPerson084- definitely a normal human being
@large_boss- to be fair, only relevant if you like the MGS games, but if you do, fucking hilarious
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Insane
@ChickenRepublic - Insane Nigerian fast food chain that occasionally writes posts celebrating Gaddafi's blood running through the streets and uses images of the crucifixion to sell chicken.
@_FloridaMan
@_FloridaWoman
@sweden - Every week, a different Swede curates Sweden's official Twitter. Quality of contributors goes from boring to insane to good, worst case it will give you a different Swede to hate every week.
@planetjedward - JEDWARD
Comedians / Other
@missdianemorgan - British Comedian who performs as Philomena Cunk on Charlie Brooker's Weekly Wipe.
@IAmMaggieMull
@riobauer
@JohnSafran
Historians
@EJBrand - Historian who seems to be obsessed with posting bizarre and vulgar illustrations and excerpts from the 17th - 19th century.
@Lucy_Worsley
Scientists / Skeptics
@ProfBrianCox - Professor Brian Cox
@DrAliceRoberts - Dr Alice Roberts
@LKrauss1 - Lawrence Krauss
@SLSingh - Simon Singh
@DrBrianMay - Loves posting about the badger cull in the UK.
@aspaul
@michaelshermer - Michael Shermer
@bengoldace - Ben Goldacre
@pzmyers - PZ Myers
@RichardWiseman - Richard Wiseman
@BadAstronomer - Phil Plait
@BrianDunning - Brian Dunning from Skeptoid.com
@DoctorKarl - Dr. Karl Kruzelnicki
@elakdawalla - Emily Ladawalla
Edit: In retrospect, most of these aren't too weird, but @ChickenRepublic can be absolutely nuts depending who gets their hands on that account.
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Just reviving this thread to say if you use Twitter, use TweetDeck (https://about.twitter.com/products/tweetdeck). I wish I'd found it sooner.
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Just reviving this thread to say if you use Twitter, use TweetDeck (https://about.twitter.com/products/tweetdeck). I wish I'd found it sooner.
Lemon, September 12, 2014, 10:07:56 pm
I love TweetDeck so much that I refuse to use the Twitter app on my phone. There's no better way to keep up on your favorite hashtags - sounds like phony marketing speak, but it's true. I've found so many excellent, off the beaten track essays by following #longreads.
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I’m going to recommend the Twitter feed of authors James Lileks (who runs the immense pop culture site lileks.com) and James L. Erwin (who went to college with me).
If nothing else, "Happy Valley" has taught me that Yorkshire is so poor no one can afford the definite article "the."
When the 80s band "The The" played Yorkshire, the poster just had a big blank space
I no longer hear radio ads about why this is a great time to buy gold, which leads me to think this is a great time to buy gold.
Now to watch "The Killing" to get this week's quotient of pasty people looking blankly at rain and/or arterial sprays
Quote from
I want to travel back in time and see HP Lovecraft's face when I tell him that a lot of Americans eat placentas now
The Devil went down to Georgia. He was in a bind cause he was way behind. Who the hell is the Devil answering to?
"Drops of Jupiter are actually superheated hydrogen at 10,000 degrees and should not go in your hair" - Neil DeGrasse Tyson
"Il0v3thmus1c0fK4teBush+l4urI3Andrs0n" is a strong but sensitive password
Quote from
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John Darnielle (of the mountain goats) has a pretty good twitter @mountain_goats
A lot of it is stuff about various creative projects, but there's also tweets about metal, and tweets like this
for he is the cleanest in the use of his forepaws of any quadruped #21ReasonsWhyWeLoveNiall
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I love TweetDeck so much that I refuse to use the Twitter app on my phone.
nigeline, September 14, 2014, 03:10:45 am
Plume (http://www.myplume.com) is the TweetDeck experience on a phone. Same basic idea with the build a column thing. I dont think it's quite as clean, but it's still a big improvement over the Twitter app.
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https://twitter.com/M_PF/lists/museumbot-appreciationbot
two great tastes that Taste Great Together
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https://twitter.com/nihilist_arbys
Enjoy watching human men crushing and destroying each other as you continue to lazily decay. Arby's: we too know the super bowl is on.
People who say 'never surrender' are fools. None of us has any choice but to one day surrender and die. Arby's: surrender to deliciousness.
Drain the blood, cure and slice the flesh, season and fry the potatoes, feed them the sugar water. Be born. Toil. Die. Arby's. We sell food.
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Of all the .txt accounts I've found, I think my favorite by far is For Exposure (http://"https://twitter.com/forexposure_txt"). People who can't pay artists for their work, but don't see that as a problem.
This is an UNPAID GIG, but if you stick with us we will provide benefits including booster packs for Magic the Gathering, Pokemon and Ejuice
I'm looking for someone who is a film student/YouTube enthusiast. I'm into pranks. No pay.
We are looking for anartist who understands the difference between a Coho and Chinook. If interested submit a drawing of a Chinook Salmon.
Want to hang out with a manic faux-Jewish girl and her writing partner she met off Craigslist personals? Make graphics for our clip.
I'd like some shots in Tanner Park and Jordan Parkway. YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO FIGURE OUT I AM REAL FROM MY DESCRIPTION OF LOCAL LOCATIONS.
I have need for a series of edgy photographs of me (a male) I am looking specifically for a FEMALE photographer. No pay.
If you e-mail me with prices then I'll know you haven't read this properly and thus are not easy to work with.
I have never writen a book or a script. However, I have written in role playing games and I have been very good at it.
I am a writer. To be fair… I would use that term losely.
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That last line is wonderful. I can totally see him typing the sentence and then getting to the last word and being all
"Well, uh... hm. I know that 'lose' is spelled with two Os, so 'loose' must just have one O because those two words are totally different!"
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Erowid Recruiter uses Markov chains to tie together tech recruitment emails and Erowid trip reports. It's amazing.
https://twitter.com/erowidrecruiter
https://twitter.com/erowidrecruiter/status/561992287983398912
https://twitter.com/erowidrecruiter/status/560932206688755712
https://twitter.com/erowidrecruiter/status/561247121383256065