capricorn: love is in the air this week, but it's being filtered out by your mask rn
taurus: staying inside feels natural, and its the best thing to do this week, but look out for more trouble brewing on the horizon
gemini: hope you've got a will, if it's not coronavirus it will be an escaped leopard
pisces: get tested, its probably syphilis because those aren't the coronavirus symptoms at all
aries: there are rewards to be had if you watch your behaviour, practice proper distancing and toilet paper will be in your future