For best effect, imagine this is being said to you by a stranger on an eight-hour flight.So hey, have you heard about this movie called
The Killer Tongue? No? My sister and I got it for like a buck at Family Video once. There's this meteorite that falls in the desert, right, and part of it cracks open and there's stuff inside, kind of like Creepshow or The Gate or actually any movie with a meteorite in it, except in this movie, there's this lady hiding out from her boyfriend in the desert and she finds it and thinks it's food. So she eats some of it herself and feeds some of it to her poodles--did I not mention the poodles? There are poodles, four of them, all dyed different pastel colors. Anyway they turn into drag queens with dresses that correspond to their fur dye and they kind of act like dogs during the movie and kind of not, but when she eats it her tongue changes instead, it grows to like eight feet long and starts talking like the snowman in Jack Frost. Not the kids' movie Jack Frost, the Jack Frost with the carrot rape. Actually it rapes her at one point, she's arguing with it and it starts raping her so she's, like, being raped by her own tongue but her tongue is an evil alien, so she stops it by cutting it off with scissors, but then it escapes and goes around killing people and I guess finds another host body or something? So that's like forty minutes into the movie before you get the title, but other stuff is happening, like her boyfriend gets out of prison and he finds a bigger chunk of the meteorite and he literally orgasms to death just from looking at it. And then a nun finds the same chunk, but I guess since she's like a nun and stuff, she doesn't orgasm to death, she just turns into a sexy drum majorette, and she finds the lady who ate the meteorite tongue soup and I think they end up fighting it in a church? I dunno, at a certain point things get kind of hazy and I start thinking I had a really elaborate fever dream, but there was a single about the tongue and it has a
music video and everything, so I guess it's real.
Why are you trying to jump out of the plane?