So I had a spare moment and decided to read through this thread. Now it has been filled with tasty morsels and I am richer for having read it. However, I am also filled with great sadness and disappointment. You see, I was certain that a particular cinemasterpiece would be mentioned on the first page, if not the first post. But here we are on the fourth page and there is not even a faint whisper about the most glorious film failure in history. No "Favorite Shitty Movies" discussion can really begin without preaching the word of
DOLEMITE.
Dolemite, sweet Dolemite. How do I love thee? Let me just share my favorite part of your gospel.
We have the greatest supporting actor performance that your unworthy eyes will ever see. Creeper is what all other supporting actors shoot for. Vainus Rackstraw must have been taking directions from the Crank Twins because he acted the SHIT out of this role. He was so fucking good that they made a theme song (around 0:20 in the clip) for a character with less than three total minutes of screen time. Creeper was Mr. Rackstraw's one and only role, ever. When you've achieved perfection, why bother continuing?
Wait! I forgot about Joe Blow: THE Lover Man! He is a brothel patron and aspiring gynecologist. Ladies, you should take note of his helpful advice regarding douche powder. Also, you should be paying him.
Wait! Wait! I forgot about the fights!! Look at this shit! At 0:15, Dolemite is so badass that he has harnessed the power of telekinetic force when kicking a guy! Look at his Telekicknesis and thank your god for allowing Dolemite to grace this earth.
Ok, so it is impossible to pick out my real favorite part of this movie. There's the beautiful theme song. There's the endless boom mics in the corners of the screen (You can see the mic
and the sound guy during the Creeper/Dolemite hug in the first clip). There's Queen Bee emoting like a motherfucker in one of the opening scenes. Every part of this movie is the best part of this movie.
Now, for all you folks that didn't know Dolemite, before,
GO WATCH DOLEMITE. For all you folks that already knew Dolemite before, well... I'm sure you're not reading this because, as soon as your eyes scanned D-O-L-E-M at the beginning of this post, you screamed
"Holy Shit! Why am I not watching Dolemite right now, goddammit?!?!? I gotta go watch Dolemite!!!!!!"