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Projects => The F Plus => Topic started by: Lemon on August 15, 2018, 12:15:04 pm

Title: 'Twas The Night of Jack Chickmas
Post by: Lemon on August 15, 2018, 12:15:04 pm
(https://i.imgur.com/sWGH1wZ.gif) (https://thefpl.us/episode/twas)
Title: 'Twas The Night of Jack Chickmas
Post by: Sherman Tank on August 15, 2018, 01:05:12 pm
Sweet Jesus, Jack.

EDIT: Twas the night before tag suggestions and "christmas", "drunks", "literature", "nerds", "pop culture", "soul destroying" and to all a good night.
Title: 'Twas The Night of Jack Chickmas
Post by: Wrought on August 15, 2018, 01:07:54 pm
Jack Chick finally gets some alone time to do what he loves most in the world
Title: 'Twas The Night of Jack Chickmas
Post by: SHAMBA~1.SBB on August 15, 2018, 04:55:04 pm
I'm just happy that the typo in the title got fixed so quickly.
Title: 'Twas The Night of Jack Chickmas
Post by: cat_examiner on August 15, 2018, 07:33:27 pm
what the fuck

edit: oh fuck its real

Title: 'Twas The Night of Jack Chickmas
Post by: KingKalamari on August 15, 2018, 08:17:18 pm
Twas the night before Jack Chickmas
And all through the site
Not a creature was stirring
Except for Jack Chick because he was reading terrible poetry for The F Plus
Title: 'Twas The Night of Jack Chickmas
Post by: Ashto on August 15, 2018, 09:34:43 pm
Twas the night before Jack Chickmas
And all through the site
Not a creature was stirring
Except for Jack Chick because he was reading terrible poetry for The F Plus
KingKalamari, August 15, 2018, 08:17:18 pm

The words were all written without prose or good rhyme,
not even good stanza which Jack thought was a monstrosity
Title: 'Twas The Night of Jack Chickmas
Post by: EYE OF ZA on August 15, 2018, 09:46:16 pm
twas the night of getting drunk for jack
and reading poems pulled from a buttcrack
he drank so much whiskey we'll never get him back
but at least we got a fun episode out of it
Title: 'Twas The Night of Jack Chickmas
Post by: stupidname on August 15, 2018, 10:15:28 pm
Look at the other people in this thread, doing things in half measures. I only put zero effort into fourteen lines and those were so that I could insult Cat Examiner.

'Twas the night of Jack Chickmas, when thro' the podcast;
Not a person was listening, not even Frank West;
The readings were hung in the hopper with care,
In hopes a ridiculist soon would be there;

The readers were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sissykiss lurked in their heads
And Jack in his t-shirt, with liquor in hand,
dwelled on what he could not understand—‌

When out on the speaker arose such a clatter,
He sprang from his thoughts to see what was the matter.
Away to the keyboard he flew like a flash,
Woke up the monitor, and saw some new trash.

The site had new documents it wished to show,
Giving terrible light to “art” from below;
When, what to Jack's wondering eyes should appear,
But his favorite poem about reindeer,
with anapestic meter, lively and quick,
He knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.

But changes abounded, for obsessed nerds came
And altered the poems with topics, to name:
“Now! Tracer, now! Shopper, now! Endor and German,
“On! Lifter, on! Furries, on! Reform and Ryan;
"To the top of reddit! To the top of my wall!
"Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"

As Pringles from their new spring-loaded-can fly,
When that invention launches them to the sky;
So Icarus-like these poems they flew,
With contrived scansion—‌and St. Nicholas too:
And then with a mis-step, they give us proof
that poems have rules, as they crash and cry “Oof”.

As Jack read out the doc, and was pouring a drink,
Outside Cat Examiner stopped to think:
He was dress'd all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnish'd with ashes and soot;
A bundle of toys was flung on his back,
And he look'd like a peddler just opening his pack:
His eyes‍—‌how they twinkled! His dimples: how merry,
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry;
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face, and a little round belly
That shook when he laugh'd, like a bowl full of jelly:
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And He laugh'd when he saw his new self;
For before he had an idea into his head
To prepare a set of poems to be read.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
Searched Reddit; keeping eye out for a jerk,
Reading through his verse, at first he was glad,
but parodies began to drive him quite mad.
His Santa-kin self like a Juggalo grew,
until it became all Examiner knew:
For now he exclaimed, to drive others from sight‍—‌
Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night.
Title: 'Twas The Night of Jack Chickmas
Post by: Sovereign on August 15, 2018, 11:55:49 pm
Look at the other people in this thread, doing things in half measures. I only put zero effort into fourteen lines and those were so that I could insult Cat Examiner.

'Twas the night of Jack Chickmas, when thro' the podcast;
Not a person was listening, not even Frank West;
The readings were hung in the hopper with care,
In hopes a ridiculist soon would be there;

The readers were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sissykiss lurked in their heads
And Jack in his t-shirt, with liquor in hand,
dwelled on what he could not understand—‌

When out on the speaker arose such a clatter,
He sprang from his thoughts to see what was the matter.
Away to the keyboard he flew like a flash,
Woke up the monitor, and saw some new trash.

The site had new documents it wished to show,
Giving terrible light to “art” from below;
When, what to Jack's wondering eyes should appear,
But his favorite poem about reindeer,
with anapestic meter, lively and quick,
He knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.

But changes abounded, for obsessed nerds came
And altered the poems with topics, to name:
“Now! Tracer, now! Shopper, now! Endor and German,
“On! Lifter, on! Furries, on! Reform and Ryan;
"To the top of reddit! To the top of my wall!
"Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"

As Pringles from their new spring-loaded-can fly,
When that invention launches them to the sky;
So Icarus-like these poems they flew,
With contrived scansion—‌and St. Nicholas too:
And then with a mis-step, they give us proof
that poems have rules, as they crash and cry “Oof”.

As Jack read out the doc, and was pouring a drink,
Outside Cat Examiner stopped to think:
He was dress'd all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnish'd with ashes and soot;
A bundle of toys was flung on his back,
And he look'd like a peddler just opening his pack:
His eyes‍—‌how they twinkled! His dimples: how merry,
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry;
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face, and a little round belly
That shook when he laugh'd, like a bowl full of jelly:
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And He laugh'd when he saw his new self;
For before he had an idea into his head
To prepare a set of poems to be read.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
Searched Reddit; keeping eye out for a jerk,
Reading through his verse, at first he was glad,
but parodies began to drive him quite mad.
His Santa-kin self like a Juggalo grew,
until it became all Examiner knew:
For now he exclaimed, to drive others from sight‍—‌
Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night.
stupidname, August 15, 2018, 10:15:28 pm
I'm starting a petition to have this etched into Jack Chick's headstone.
Title: 'Twas The Night of Jack Chickmas
Post by: Ambious on August 16, 2018, 01:45:32 am
Me listening to the intro: Fuck yeah, Jack Chick solo episode, this is gonna be awesome!!!
Me at ~01:39 as soon as Jack Chick starts reading the actual fucking poem: FUCK!
Title: 'Twas The Night of Jack Chickmas
Post by: Sovereign on August 16, 2018, 02:36:47 am
Me listening to the intro: Fuck yeah, Jack Chick solo episode, this is gonna be awesome!!!
Me at ~01:39 as soon as Jack Chick starts reading the actual fucking poem: FUCK!
Ambious, August 16, 2018, 01:45:32 am

Me at approximately 44:23

(https://i.imgur.com/QXGvQ1O.jpg)
Title: 'Twas The Night of Jack Chickmas
Post by: A Meat on August 16, 2018, 05:50:42 am
I gotta say, it's hard to decide which was worst

The WoW:Legion one in the beginning is a contender for sure though
Title: 'Twas The Night of Jack Chickmas
Post by: rhorsman on August 16, 2018, 11:08:51 am
I'm only 10 minutes in and I'm ready to hang myself by the chimney with care.
Title: 'Twas The Night of Jack Chickmas
Post by: TheCrawlingChaos on August 16, 2018, 12:19:28 pm
Is is possible to die of second-hand embarrassment? Asking for a friend.
Title: 'Twas The Night of Jack Chickmas
Post by: Macho Masc Sangy Savage on August 16, 2018, 07:48:41 pm
I listened to this episode as Jack would have wanted
Drinking a beer and cooking, undaunted
Title: 'Twas The Night of Jack Chickmas
Post by: Emperor Jack Chick on August 16, 2018, 07:51:36 pm
I listened to this episode as Jack would have wanted
Drinking a beer and cooking, undaunted
Sanguinary Self-Help Novel, August 16, 2018, 07:48:41 pm

so uh

this was a thing, huh.
Title: 'Twas The Night of Jack Chickmas
Post by: Macho Masc Sangy Savage on August 16, 2018, 08:03:07 pm
I listened to this episode as Jack would have wanted
Drinking a beer and cooking, undaunted
Sanguinary Self-Help Novel, August 16, 2018, 07:48:41 pm

so uh

this was a thing, huh.
jack chick, August 16, 2018, 07:51:36 pm

Collard greens and chicken were cooking away
While I sipped on the beer I wanted all day
When I looked up from my post with a jerk
This goddamn thread is nothing but cursed
Title: 'Twas The Night of Jack Chickmas
Post by: cat_examiner on August 16, 2018, 08:38:26 pm
I listened to this episode as Jack would have wanted
Drinking a beer and cooking, undaunted
Sanguinary Self-Help Novel, August 16, 2018, 07:48:41 pm

so uh

this was a thing, huh.
jack chick, August 16, 2018, 07:51:36 pm

yeah, i think so.

unforgettable.
Title: 'Twas The Night of Jack Chickmas
Post by: Agent (gobble, gobble) Coop on August 17, 2018, 01:22:22 am
Catch 22!
Title: 'Twas The Night of Jack Chickmas
Post by: krytton on August 17, 2018, 04:45:39 am
hey cat examiner way to start off with the one most likely to make me, specifically, extremely mad
Title: 'Twas The Night of Jack Chickmas
Post by: eldritchhat on August 17, 2018, 07:43:12 am
Merry Chickmas to all and to all a good night!

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DkzWrNfU0AAtNUr.jpg)
Title: 'Twas The Night of Jack Chickmas
Post by: Puppy Time on August 17, 2018, 02:59:49 pm
Me listening to the intro: Fuck yeah, Jack Chick solo episode, this is gonna be awesome!!!
Me at ~01:39 as soon as Jack Chick starts reading the actual fucking poem: FUCK!
Ambious, August 16, 2018, 01:45:32 am

I was the inverse:
"Oh, a solo episode... I'm not sure this'll work without other people commenting."
A few minutes later, just tittering with glee.
Title: 'Twas The Night of Jack Chickmas
Post by: Dawnswalker on August 17, 2018, 03:36:44 pm
Yay Jack Chick!
Title: 'Twas The Night of Jack Chickmas
Post by: MyFaceBeHi on August 18, 2018, 05:27:30 am
CHRISTMAS WAS A MISTAKE!
Title: 'Twas The Night of Jack Chickmas
Post by: EYE OF ZA on December 20, 2018, 03:14:45 pm
Title: 'Twas The Night of Jack Chickmas
Post by: EYE OF ZA on June 10, 2019, 02:20:31 am
So listening to the Garbage Day Jack Chickmas, I started wondering:

Why does every poem retain the " When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter." couplet?