I first realized my Porn Addiction when I was 6 years old, but I was powerless to stop it. My addiction stemmed from childhood, around 4, when HBO was normalized to me, and I became an instrument of masturbation. Although I could not coom, I was determined to jack at least three times a day, and successfully did this. At the age of 5 I stole my father’s low-T medication and consumed it monster cockly, inciting puberty within my bowels that spread throughout my whole body.
At the age of 6 I realized the error of my ways - I stumbled upon /r/ NoFap in my search for more reddit porn. When I found the subreddit it changed my life. I realized my life was going down the wrong path, so I stopped jacking. It was hard - I relapsed for 22 days straight at first, but steadily increased my tolerance for not masturbating. I went on a streak of a week - then a month - then three months - until I put my dick down and never picked it back up.
With an absence of masturbation I had to find other ways to act out my sexual desires - and with my extreme confidence I was able to pick up hot 8 year olds. As I was a fully sexually developed 8 year old, I would have sex to completion with them - but it’s not a pedophile thing because, again, I was also 8 years old. While at the time it was a good thing for me, nowadays, I would definitely not interact with 8 year olds in any way, because I am not 8 years old (or in the relative ballpark of 8 years old) any more.
I had a perfect diet - every day for breakfast I ate two Big MacTM hamburgers for caloric intake and protein, then a 12 oz New York Strip steak. For lunch, I went for the natural option, eating a large salad with chicken and Thousand Island dressing, home made by my grandma. When my grandma died (a moment in my life causing no emotional duress) I switched to a store brand. For dinner, I ate raw uncooked pork, wrapped in uncooked salmon (Lox if you're a Jew but I don’t think it’s a Jewish thing in this context as pork is not kosher), wrapped in bacon. I learned the recipe from an obscure show called Epic Meal Time. No one noticed the very obvious semen smell coming out of my lower half, probably because of my small stature. While you may think that is a good thing, it’s actually very bad; to leave an impression of manliness, you must have a manly smell. I believe this was one of my only mistakes entering the office, but it buffered out as time went on.
“So do you like your job?” I said, fucking nailing this conversation stuff, and coming off like a great guy.
“Oh, it’s a bit tiring every once and a while, but I do it well,” she said, looking at me initially, but then looking away. I could sense that she was in some way wary of me, and I needed to break the ice and show that I didn’t care if we had sex or not.
“Yeah, I’m gay,” I confirmed. She laughed.