Title: 'Twas The Night of Jack Chickmas
Post by: Sherman Tank on August 15, 2018, 01:05:12 pm
Sweet Jesus, Jack.
EDIT: Twas the night before tag suggestions and "christmas", "drunks", "literature", "nerds", "pop culture", "soul destroying" and to all a good night.
Title: 'Twas The Night of Jack Chickmas
Post by: Wrought on August 15, 2018, 01:07:54 pm
Jack Chick finally gets some alone time to do what he loves most in the world
Title: 'Twas The Night of Jack Chickmas
Post by: SHAMBA~1.SBB on August 15, 2018, 04:55:04 pm
I'm just happy that the typo in the title got fixed so quickly.
Title: 'Twas The Night of Jack Chickmas
Post by: cat_examiner on August 15, 2018, 07:33:27 pm
what the fuck
edit: oh fuck its real
Title: 'Twas The Night of Jack Chickmas
Post by: KingKalamari on August 15, 2018, 08:17:18 pm
Twas the night before Jack Chickmas And all through the site Not a creature was stirring Except for Jack Chick because he was reading terrible poetry for The F Plus
Title: 'Twas The Night of Jack Chickmas
Post by: Ashto on August 15, 2018, 09:34:43 pm
Twas the night before Jack Chickmas And all through the site Not a creature was stirring Except for Jack Chick because he was reading terrible poetry for The F Plus KingKalamari, August 15, 2018, 08:17:18 pm
The words were all written without prose or good rhyme, not even good stanza which Jack thought was a monstrosity
Title: 'Twas The Night of Jack Chickmas
Post by: EYE OF ZA on August 15, 2018, 09:46:16 pm
twas the night of getting drunk for jack and reading poems pulled from a buttcrack he drank so much whiskey we'll never get him back but at least we got a fun episode out of it
Title: 'Twas The Night of Jack Chickmas
Post by: stupidname on August 15, 2018, 10:15:28 pm
Look at the other people in this thread, doing things in half measures. I only put zero effort into fourteen lines and those were so that I could insult Cat Examiner.
'Twas the night of Jack Chickmas, when thro' the podcast; Not a person was listening, not even Frank West; The readings were hung in the hopper with care, In hopes a ridiculist soon would be there;
The readers were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of sissykiss lurked in their heads And Jack in his t-shirt, with liquor in hand, dwelled on what he could not understand—
When out on the speaker arose such a clatter, He sprang from his thoughts to see what was the matter. Away to the keyboard he flew like a flash, Woke up the monitor, and saw some new trash.
The site had new documents it wished to show, Giving terrible light to “art” from below; When, what to Jack's wondering eyes should appear, But his favorite poem about reindeer, with anapestic meter, lively and quick, He knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
But changes abounded, for obsessed nerds came And altered the poems with topics, to name: “Now! Tracer, now! Shopper, now! Endor and German, “On! Lifter, on! Furries, on! Reform and Ryan; "To the top of reddit! To the top of my wall! "Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"
As Pringles from their new spring-loaded-can fly, When that invention launches them to the sky; So Icarus-like these poems they flew, With contrived scansion—and St. Nicholas too: And then with a mis-step, they give us proof that poems have rules, as they crash and cry “Oof”.
As Jack read out the doc, and was pouring a drink, Outside Cat Examiner stopped to think: He was dress'd all in fur, from his head to his foot, And his clothes were all tarnish'd with ashes and soot; A bundle of toys was flung on his back, And he look'd like a peddler just opening his pack: His eyes—how they twinkled! His dimples: how merry, His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry; His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow, And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow; The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth, And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath. He had a broad face, and a little round belly That shook when he laugh'd, like a bowl full of jelly: He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf, And He laugh'd when he saw his new self; For before he had an idea into his head To prepare a set of poems to be read. He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work, Searched Reddit; keeping eye out for a jerk, Reading through his verse, at first he was glad, but parodies began to drive him quite mad. His Santa-kin self like a Juggalo grew, until it became all Examiner knew: For now he exclaimed, to drive others from sight— Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night.
Title: 'Twas The Night of Jack Chickmas
Post by: Sovereign on August 15, 2018, 11:55:49 pm
Look at the other people in this thread, doing things in half measures. I only put zero effort into fourteen lines and those were so that I could insult Cat Examiner.
'Twas the night of Jack Chickmas, when thro' the podcast; Not a person was listening, not even Frank West; The readings were hung in the hopper with care, In hopes a ridiculist soon would be there;
The readers were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of sissykiss lurked in their heads And Jack in his t-shirt, with liquor in hand, dwelled on what he could not understand—
When out on the speaker arose such a clatter, He sprang from his thoughts to see what was the matter. Away to the keyboard he flew like a flash, Woke up the monitor, and saw some new trash.
The site had new documents it wished to show, Giving terrible light to “art” from below; When, what to Jack's wondering eyes should appear, But his favorite poem about reindeer, with anapestic meter, lively and quick, He knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
But changes abounded, for obsessed nerds came And altered the poems with topics, to name: “Now! Tracer, now! Shopper, now! Endor and German, “On! Lifter, on! Furries, on! Reform and Ryan; "To the top of reddit! To the top of my wall! "Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"
As Pringles from their new spring-loaded-can fly, When that invention launches them to the sky; So Icarus-like these poems they flew, With contrived scansion—and St. Nicholas too: And then with a mis-step, they give us proof that poems have rules, as they crash and cry “Oof”.
As Jack read out the doc, and was pouring a drink, Outside Cat Examiner stopped to think: He was dress'd all in fur, from his head to his foot, And his clothes were all tarnish'd with ashes and soot; A bundle of toys was flung on his back, And he look'd like a peddler just opening his pack: His eyes—how they twinkled! His dimples: how merry, His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry; His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow, And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow; The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth, And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath. He had a broad face, and a little round belly That shook when he laugh'd, like a bowl full of jelly: He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf, And He laugh'd when he saw his new self; For before he had an idea into his head To prepare a set of poems to be read. He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work, Searched Reddit; keeping eye out for a jerk, Reading through his verse, at first he was glad, but parodies began to drive him quite mad. His Santa-kin self like a Juggalo grew, until it became all Examiner knew: For now he exclaimed, to drive others from sight— Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night. stupidname, August 15, 2018, 10:15:28 pm
I'm starting a petition to have this etched into Jack Chick's headstone.
Title: 'Twas The Night of Jack Chickmas
Post by: Ambious on August 16, 2018, 01:45:32 am
Me listening to the intro: Fuck yeah, Jack Chick solo episode, this is gonna be awesome!!! Me at ~01:39 as soon as Jack Chick starts reading the actual fucking poem: FUCK!
Title: 'Twas The Night of Jack Chickmas
Post by: Sovereign on August 16, 2018, 02:36:47 am
Me listening to the intro: Fuck yeah, Jack Chick solo episode, this is gonna be awesome!!! Me at ~01:39 as soon as Jack Chick starts reading the actual fucking poem: FUCK! Ambious, August 16, 2018, 01:45:32 am
Me at approximately 44:23
(https://i.imgur.com/QXGvQ1O.jpg)
Title: 'Twas The Night of Jack Chickmas
Post by: A Meat on August 16, 2018, 05:50:42 am
I gotta say, it's hard to decide which was worst
The WoW:Legion one in the beginning is a contender for sure though
Title: 'Twas The Night of Jack Chickmas
Post by: rhorsman on August 16, 2018, 11:08:51 am
I'm only 10 minutes in and I'm ready to hang myself by the chimney with care.
Title: 'Twas The Night of Jack Chickmas
Post by: TheCrawlingChaos on August 16, 2018, 12:19:28 pm
Is is possible to die of second-hand embarrassment? Asking for a friend.
Title: 'Twas The Night of Jack Chickmas
Post by: Macho Masc Sangy Savage on August 16, 2018, 07:48:41 pm
I listened to this episode as Jack would have wanted Drinking a beer and cooking, undaunted
Title: 'Twas The Night of Jack Chickmas
Post by: Emperor Jack Chick on August 16, 2018, 07:51:36 pm
I listened to this episode as Jack would have wanted Drinking a beer and cooking, undaunted Sanguinary Self-Help Novel, August 16, 2018, 07:48:41 pm
so uh
this was a thing, huh.
Title: 'Twas The Night of Jack Chickmas
Post by: Macho Masc Sangy Savage on August 16, 2018, 08:03:07 pm
I listened to this episode as Jack would have wanted Drinking a beer and cooking, undaunted Sanguinary Self-Help Novel, August 16, 2018, 07:48:41 pm
Collard greens and chicken were cooking away While I sipped on the beer I wanted all day When I looked up from my post with a jerk This goddamn thread is nothing but cursed
Title: 'Twas The Night of Jack Chickmas
Post by: cat_examiner on August 16, 2018, 08:38:26 pm
I listened to this episode as Jack would have wanted Drinking a beer and cooking, undaunted Sanguinary Self-Help Novel, August 16, 2018, 07:48:41 pm
Title: 'Twas The Night of Jack Chickmas
Post by: Agent (gobble, gobble) Coop on August 17, 2018, 01:22:22 am
Catch 22!
Title: 'Twas The Night of Jack Chickmas
Post by: krytton on August 17, 2018, 04:45:39 am
hey cat examiner way to start off with the one most likely to make me, specifically, extremely mad
Title: 'Twas The Night of Jack Chickmas
Post by: eldritchhat on August 17, 2018, 07:43:12 am
Merry Chickmas to all and to all a good night!
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DkzWrNfU0AAtNUr.jpg)
Title: 'Twas The Night of Jack Chickmas
Post by: Puppy Time on August 17, 2018, 02:59:49 pm
Me listening to the intro: Fuck yeah, Jack Chick solo episode, this is gonna be awesome!!! Me at ~01:39 as soon as Jack Chick starts reading the actual fucking poem: FUCK! Ambious, August 16, 2018, 01:45:32 am
I was the inverse: "Oh, a solo episode... I'm not sure this'll work without other people commenting." A few minutes later, just tittering with glee.
Title: 'Twas The Night of Jack Chickmas
Post by: Dawnswalker on August 17, 2018, 03:36:44 pm
Yay Jack Chick!
Title: 'Twas The Night of Jack Chickmas
Post by: MyFaceBeHi on August 18, 2018, 05:27:30 am
CHRISTMAS WAS A MISTAKE!
Title: 'Twas The Night of Jack Chickmas
Post by: EYE OF ZA on December 20, 2018, 03:14:45 pm
Title: 'Twas The Night of Jack Chickmas
Post by: EYE OF ZA on June 10, 2019, 02:20:31 am
So listening to the Garbage Day Jack Chickmas, I started wondering:
Why does every poem retain the " When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter." couplet?