F Plus Quotes Thread

[Fatty Bo Batty]

"All right, show of hands real quick... Who wants rape?" -Jack Chick, 2014

[Bobalay]

"(scattered applause)" -- the crowd

[EYE OF ZA]

"READ IT, READ IT, READ IT, READ IT!"

"So he chooses Jane at this fuckin' elementary school, cause they're both four-year-olds,"

"WHAT?"

"Yeah.  Yeah."

"DON'T READ IT, DON'T READ IT, DON'T READ IT, DON'T READ IT!"

[EYE OF ZA]

Also, between this and the Running Gags--every time either someone in the audience or the reader themselves goes "what?" like they can't believe what they just read out loud.

[McMillan and Waifu]

"I bought a dildo at the store, and when I brought it home it was used and tasted like shefuck-"
"WOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH"

[John Toast]

Portaxx: “Spoof Porn II from Studio Cumlouder”
Boots: “Are they the New England Cumlouders?”

No one else laughed at this, but I did!

Hey, that was me, not Boots!

Also thank you.

[nigeline]

Portaxx: “Spoof Porn II from Studio Cumlouder”
Boots: “Are they the New England Cumlouders?”

No one else laughed at this, but I did!

Hey, that was me, not Boots!

Also thank you.

Not our fault you two sound *and* look alike!

I also loved this joke.

[Mister Smalls]

I know it's an oldie, but "The theory of relativity!  Koo-koo-ka-jello!" still gets me every time.

[crow]

"I think she would say, uh, quim?"

[Ramona Chingona]

Not necessarily an "F Plus" quote, but Adam's interpretation of kelby393's graduation photo experience had me in tears, no exaggeration. Probably my favorite reading yall have done.

And the whole of the BlurtIt episode was gold. Everyone was on a roll the whole time.

Isfahan: Make a paste of tea Nnn tomatoes, Nnn use it on your penis at least 15 days regular.
Lemon: Eat up Penis, I love you! Oh, Penis isn't eating lately, he must be sad!

Also anything Jimmyfranks read in that episode was basically great.

[crow]

Steiner Stained Recliner is the greatest phrase ever uttered

[Fatty Bo Batty]

Steiner Stained Recliner is the greatest phrase ever uttered

Except for anything Scott Steiner has said, of course.

[Lemon]

I forgot about Baby Drug Pusher.

[nigeline]

I forgot about Baby Drug Pusher.

All the glory of Wittle Baby Bunny Bwead with none of the absolute terror.

[chai tea latte]

Lemon: "but, ironically, I was still turned on by it?"

this haunts me and i remember none of the context. please enlighten me, thread?

(it might be "but i was, ironically, turned on by it?" but that's still pretty close)