Projects => The F Plus => Topic started by: Lemon on February 14, 2013, 11:51:57 pm
Title: Episode 94: I'm Really More Of An Idea Guy
Post by: Lemon on February 14, 2013, 11:51:57 pm
Politicians would insist that American ingenuity is the reason for American exceptionalism. They are, of course, lying. All it really takes to be exceptional is the belief that you are exceptional, everything else is just details. Fortunately for the subjects of tonite’s episode (the members of InventorSpot and AHHHA) details aren’t important. They have an idea. They haven’t given it any thought, they won’t give it any effort, and it’s not a good idea in the first place, but they have an idea. This week, pay attention or it's the naughty chair again.
Title: Episode 94: I'm Really More Of An Idea Guy
Post by: Chaz on February 15, 2013, 02:08:36 am
Oh boy, a new F Plus episode for me, on my birthday? :D I'm going to listen to this once I've had some sleep. (Otherwise I won't be able to sleep for laughing and/or puking). I have no idea if this is the terrible mind-breaking episode that Montrith has been teasing on the boards, but either way, new episode!
Title: Episode 94: I'm Really More Of An Idea Guy
Post by: Isfahan on February 15, 2013, 02:14:52 am
This isn't That Episode.
In fact, I think "That Episode" will be the perfect title for That Episode when it comes up.
Edit: i just got to mealitary oh god let me tell you about this idea
Edit edit: hahahaha Boots, man, you called it
Title: Episode 94: I'm Really More Of An Idea Guy
Post by: chai tea latte on February 15, 2013, 04:51:00 am
Happy birthday, Chaz GELF!
I'm just listening to this now but I think this is bound to be one of my favourite episodes so far.
Isfahan: I quake in fear of That Episode.
EDIT: I just worked out what the land sea air vehicle is! It's a small horse! With wings. That floats. And runs on android. ... Okay, but "small horse" works for at least five or ten of that dude's points.
Title: Episode 94: I'm Really More Of An Idea Guy
Post by: icarus on February 15, 2013, 05:24:37 am
this reminds me of ......two people i know of.
one is from my spouse's job. there's a temp there who is just full of ideas. his great ideas include: - buying an old cop car and selling ice cream out of it. use the siren to attract customers! in his words, "it's a stupid idea, but it's smart." - having a white guy who plays a classic prog blend on guitar attempt to sign with the def jams rap label ("but you have to go to def jams uk cause he's white there") - once signed with def jams the guitar guy WILL cast him in a music video where he will be pushed into a pool by sexy girls. he was very clear on this. which made both my spouse and i kinda wonder if that's a fetish (obviously it is now) - put huge shiny aftermarket rims on a 99 subaru outback. you know. this car. (https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRixfD3500SLCDhfiu5xI_9I19i6pc8ckMUykylr__F5j377Bot)
the second guy recently joined a MUD. his great ideas include: - write poetry for valentines day! the more cliche, the better! in his words, "i like cliche! cliche is good!" - BRING BACK FLOPPY DRIVES. someone tried to explain to him that this had already been done by modding the floppy but he was adamant his way was different and better.
edit: additionally, at about 47 minutes in, it sounds like someone's baby woke up during recording. if that is what happened that is kind of adorable.
Title: Episode 94: I'm Really More Of An Idea Guy
Post by: PurpleXVI on February 15, 2013, 10:00:35 am
This reminded me of the Kickstarter episode.
I really do love the fucking ignorance and bizarre logic deployed in some of these ideas, like the fucking invincicar.
Title: Episode 94: I'm Really More Of An Idea Guy
Post by: fruit power on February 15, 2013, 10:16:36 am
So basically this is the internet equivalent of a bunch of stoners sitting around and playing "Wouldn't it be cool if?"
Title: Episode 94: I'm Really More Of An Idea Guy
Post by: icarus on February 15, 2013, 11:24:42 am
This reminded me of the Kickstarter episode.
I really do love the fucking ignorance and bizarre logic deployed in some of these ideas, like the fucking invincicar. PurpleXVI, February 15, 2013, 10:00:35 am
i found the landwatersea car hilarious. mostly because there's a reason flying cars never took off (hohoho)
that being to actually fly one you'd still need a piloting license. and a suitable runway to take off and land on. as a novelty and on paper it seems like a fun idea, but the practicality is pretty much not there at all.
amphicars have just as many shortcomings. most notably being that on land they feel like you're driving a fucking boat.
two not-so-great flavours that certainly don't taste great together.
Title: Episode 94: I'm Really More Of An Idea Guy
Post by: Zsa Zsa on February 15, 2013, 11:37:25 am
Wow Lemon you weren't kidding, Matt Crowe (http://ahhha.com/u/matt-crowe/) is thick as two short planks.
Title: Episode 94: I'm Really More Of An Idea Guy
Post by: Adept on February 15, 2013, 12:14:43 pm
This episode was hilarious. Thank you, readers!
I like how one of Matt Crowe's specialties is 'Getting Sh*t Done'. Because clearly, that's what this website is about.
Title: Episode 94: I'm Really More Of An Idea Guy
Post by: Valuable_Sandwich on February 15, 2013, 02:50:40 pm
Oh god, this was a great episode. Thank you readers!!
I listen at work and it was really hard to stifle my laughter on this one. I try to make it sound like I'm coughing. I'm Awkward.
Title: Episode 94: I'm Really More Of An Idea Guy
Post by: montrith on February 15, 2013, 03:11:29 pm
This was one of the few episodes that made me giggle by myself when I was collecting the material. I still can't believe more than one people thought arranged kidnappings were a great idea.
Out of all the things you didn't use, I think Moon Pies is my favorite. It's just so pathetically unfunny and lazy at the same time.
Title: Episode 94: I'm Really More Of An Idea Guy
Post by: icarus on February 15, 2013, 03:56:25 pm
This was one of the few episodes that made me giggle by myself when I was collecting the material. I still can't believe more than one people thought arranged kidnappings were a great idea.
Out of all the things you didn't use, I think Moon Pies is my favorite. It's just so pathetically unfunny and lazy at the same time. montrith, February 15, 2013, 03:11:29 pm
i made myself ill on moonpies in highschool (my dad sent a store-stock sized box of them since he was living near the factory) do i even want to know?
Title: Episode 94: I'm Really More Of An Idea Guy
Post by: fruit power on February 15, 2013, 04:02:22 pm
This was one of the few episodes that made me giggle by myself when I was collecting the material. I still can't believe more than one people thought arranged kidnappings were a great idea.
Out of all the things you didn't use, I think Moon Pies is my favorite. It's just so pathetically unfunny and lazy at the same time. montrith, February 15, 2013, 03:11:29 pm
i made myself ill on moonpies in highschool (my dad sent a store-stock sized box of them since he was living near the factory) do i even want to know? icarus, February 15, 2013, 03:56:25 pm
God. My redneckness is showing here because I think the Moon Pies idea is actually kind of cute. You can add a glass bottle of RC as a wang for the full effect.
Title: Episode 94: I'm Really More Of An Idea Guy
Post by: Alpha Starsquatch on February 15, 2013, 05:32:38 pm
"A comedy group that makes fun of conspiracy theorists", eh?
Well, Wcoltd can at least cross that one off the list.
Title: Episode 94: I'm Really More Of An Idea Guy
Post by: Yossarian on February 16, 2013, 12:00:26 am
Someone beat that guy to his kidnapping idea. http://traveltweaks.com/pretend-kidnappings-as-vacation-3134/ (http://traveltweaks.com/pretend-kidnappings-as-vacation-3134/) someone had better ask if you can be wrapped up in [clingfilm]
You guys should release episodes when I have long drives, because this one was nicely timed.
Title: Episode 94: I'm Really More Of An Idea Guy
Post by: 🍆 on February 16, 2013, 02:13:43 am
STOG totally won this episode, with Portaxx coming in at a close second. Not that all the readers weren't great :P but those two were amazing.
Also, yeah, the arranged kidnapping definitely exists, or it did ten years or so ago... I read about it in Rolling Stone a long while back.
Title: Episode 94: I'm Really More Of An Idea Guy
Post by: Isfahan on February 16, 2013, 04:00:39 am
Okay, so. Mealitary.
First off, I'm pretty sure cafeterias exist already, so this idea is just a cafeteria with no decorations in the dining area which you pay a premium to eat in. Let's put that aside, however.
Military chow halls do not serve fine cuisine, and fine cuisine cannot be served chow-hall style. Cafeterias—and especially institutional cafeterias—are designed such to serve a large quantity of people in a short amount of time. This means entrées which are easily cooked in large quantities and able to be served from chafing dishes. Items which do not qualify as baked goods are designed to be easily scoopable or spoonable. Lasagna is about as fancy as it gets, though this, too, will probably be scooped. If the guy behind the counter is putting caviar in your tray with an ice-cream scoop (or, more accurately, probably a melon baller), you're in for a bad time. I would not trust that caviar.
The military breakfast is bulk sausage, scrambled eggs (again, easily scoopable), a biscuit, grits if you like grits (scoopable), and on a good day, maybe Eggo waffles. Not terrible, but not haute cuisine, and certainly not worth whatever these jokers are imagining they'll charge. If you want toast, there's some fucking Wonder bread and a twenty-year-old toaster oven at the end of the line. Go toast it. Jam? Get the fuck out of here, where do you think you are? IHOP? Go out into the ville and pay money if you want that fancy jam shit.
Lunch is probably veal and instant mashed potatoes (the ultimate scoopable food, mashed potatoes are present at every meal). The Army has a disturbing abundance of veal; I ate it three times a week in basic training, and less often once I was done there, but it was at every chow hall everywhere. At least they called it veal, and since I've never had veal outside of a chow hall I don't really have a frame of reference. It was chicken-fried... meat, very dark, too thin and spongy to be beef. It could have been ground-up raccoon for all I know. Now I know what you're thinking: veal is almost or could conceivably be considered part of haute cuisine if it's prepared right. Trust me, though, if they served in Mealitary what soldiers get served, they'd be out of business and the place would probably be burned down by a mob of irate yuppies within a week. There is also the stereotypical shit on a shingle: creamed chipped beef. That still shows up plenty often. Well, the "shingle" portion of that combination has since faded from the limelight a bit. You want toast? You want a shingle for your shit? Do what you did at breakfast.
Dinner is whatever didn't get eaten at lunch. It's probably been reheated, because Uncle Sam loves his nieces and nephews, yes he does.
Nobody takes drink orders, much less "floating around" while they do it. You get a cup and a soda fountain, there's your drinks. You want water? Hold down the little thing which makes water come out instead of soda. And there's no ice. There's never ice. The military has lost the technology behind making ice. 10th Mountain Divison comes back from exercise and everyone crowds around them, saying "Did you see ice? Was it cold? Tell me what the ice was like!*" The syrup hookup for the Dr. Pepper is busted, and has been forever. You will never have Dr. Pepper. There is only Pepsi and Orange Slice until you change duty station, but the Dr. Pepper will probably be busted at the next chow hall too.
AND FURTHERMORE COMMA chow halls on permanent military installations are made of cinder block, not concrete, and sure as shit not marble. Walls are decorated with glossy white paint to drive home that mental-hospital feeling along with the finest lowest-bidder hotel-room artwork available from the local strip mall. There are probably plastic potted plants lining the divider sections, but if they are there, they will be dusty, because the only clean which counts in the military is a clean floor. There can be black mold growing in the ceiling tiles and the fabric on all of the Cold-War-era chairs can be covered with the mystery stains of ten thousand asses and meals, but God help you if that floor is not mopped and buffed.
In other words, Mealitary is not meal-spec**.
* this joke is super funny, folks, trust me ** this one too
Title: Episode 94: I'm Really More Of An Idea Guy
Post by: montrith on February 16, 2013, 11:44:19 am
Hey, I just had an AHHHA moment! If we take the sampling arm from the Stool monster cockyzer and combine it with the Microwave Bar-code Reader Portaxx doesn't have to come up with a new invention?
Where can I collect my money for this idea?
Title: Episode 94: I'm Really More Of An Idea Guy
Post by: ham burger on February 16, 2013, 01:39:57 pm
Hey, I just had an AHHHA moment! If we take the sampling arm from the Stool monster cockyzer and combine it with the Microwave Bar-code Reader Portaxx doesn't have to come up with a new invention?
well i mean this works up until the point that you decide to use the toilet while heating up dinner
Title: Episode 94: I'm Really More Of An Idea Guy
Post by: Runic on February 16, 2013, 09:44:35 pm
The reason for so few collaborations must be because, as we have learned, pushing that button is so much damn work. So my invention is a machine that will push the collaborate button for you, thus taking that onerous duty away from your fragile fingers. You're welcome!
Title: Episode 94: I'm Really More Of An Idea Guy
Post by: Chaz on February 17, 2013, 12:11:11 am
And there's no ice. There's never ice. The military has lost the technology behind making ice. 10th Mountain Divison comes back from exercise and everyone crowds around them, saying "Did you see ice? Was it cold? Tell me what the ice was like!"Isfahan, February 16, 2013, 04:00:39 am
That's a shame, I was going to suggest a detachment of the mealitary dedicated to supplying drink ice. Wake Island Ice Cubes, anyone?
Title: Episode 94: I'm Really More Of An Idea Guy
Post by: Isfahan on February 17, 2013, 12:16:52 am
I'm pretty sure these Mealitary clowns are the sort of people that the inventors of those one-use ice cube trays had in mind as a target market.
Title: Episode 94: I'm Really More Of An Idea Guy
Post by: 🍆 on February 17, 2013, 03:03:51 am
Relistening to the episode at work: realized I forgot to comment on my favorite part, the dog dancing movie.
That totally could be a hit, too. I worked at a theater when Beverly Hills Chihuahua came out and that shit was PACKED.
Title: Episode 94: I'm Really More Of An Idea Guy
Post by: Chaz on February 17, 2013, 12:40:57 pm
Relistening to the episode just now, I realised you missed an opportunity with the "Nail Saloon" joke in the first part. Someone should've said "Gimme four fingers" or words to that effect.
Title: Episode 94: I'm Really More Of An Idea Guy
Post by: Delcat on February 18, 2013, 03:21:23 pm
Okay, so basically what I'm getting here is that as soon as we figure out a way to polish cinder block to look like white marble, we're golden.
I'm really perplexed by that, to be honest. The idea seems to be no-holds-barred all-expense restaurant in the shittiest setting possible, but they're not willing to spring for actual marble? Be as absolutely ridiculous and extravagant as you want except when it comes to flooring, and then investors will go "Yeah, this guy has some business sense, he may want to give all of the cafeteria guys hoverboatcars for transportation, but he's savvy about the tiling."
I'm probably dating myself here, but I remember some site on Portal of Evil called "Jose's 27 Poops" or something similar (it's been a long time, the number of poops and the owner of them may not be accurate) and the stool-monster cockyzer guy would have fit right in there. From what I recall, it was some kind of forum based on obsessive cataloging of shit. The one anecdote that sticks out is a guy that had a freaking photo album of every shit he had taken for years, and when a doctor asked him about his bowel health, he eagerly whipped it out and showed her. He only realized after the bleak, horrified silence that followed that "maybe it's not that common for people to keep poop diaries".
I remember this because I have no choice in the matter. It does put me in mind of another too-creepy-for-the-F+ forum I found once, though...
Title: Episode 94: I'm Really More Of An Idea Guy
Post by: Notm on February 18, 2013, 06:07:36 pm
Something that's a little unclear in terms of the outro: Is Matt Crowe the sole owner of AHHA, or did he come up with the website alongside those extra CEO's that helped him with finance and other areas?
Regardless, very funny episode though it did leave me wondering if any of the ideas on the site had a successful collaboration with other people in order for it to come into existence. I doubt any good working ideas have, but it would be interesting to know...
Title: Episode 94: I'm Really More Of An Idea Guy
Post by: KingKalamari on February 22, 2013, 07:59:35 pm
Anyone else notice during the faked kidnapping pitch you can very faintly hear one of the ridiculists (STOG?) calling for help in the background? It was so faint I'm almost questioning if I heard it or not...
Title: Episode 94: I'm Really More Of An Idea Guy
Post by: STOG on February 23, 2013, 12:26:22 am
Anyone else notice during the faked kidnapping pitch you can very faintly hear one of the ridiculists (STOG?) calling for help in the background? It was so faint I'm almost questioning if I heard it or not... KingKalamari, February 22, 2013, 07:59:35 pm
You heard right! You have good ears.
Title: Episode 94: I'm Really More Of An Idea Guy
Post by: One Of The Crappy Pokemon That Nobody Likes on February 23, 2013, 12:32:51 am
Anyone else notice during the faked kidnapping pitch you can very faintly hear one of the ridiculists (STOG?) calling for help in the background? It was so faint I'm almost questioning if I heard it or not... KingKalamari, February 22, 2013, 07:59:35 pm
Title: Episode 94: I'm Really More Of An Idea Guy
Post by: Isfahan on February 23, 2013, 06:44:02 am
Concurrent kidnappings help send a stronger message of professionalism and coordination. People are more likely to pay if they know you can hit several locations because you employ the type of motherfuckers who synchronize watches before a job.
Title: Episode 94: I'm Really More Of An Idea Guy
Post by: Delcat on February 23, 2013, 07:09:17 pm
Anyone else notice during the faked kidnapping pitch you can very faintly hear one of the ridiculists (STOG?) calling for help in the background? It was so faint I'm almost questioning if I heard it or not... KingKalamari, February 22, 2013, 07:59:35 pm