Snakes In The Ball Pit => Yay, I get to talk about me! => Topic started by: Goose Goose Honk At Me Now on July 12, 2013, 03:22:17 pm
Title: Sleep Texts From Juice Unlimited
Post by: Goose Goose Honk At Me Now on July 12, 2013, 03:22:17 pm
Juice and I are, as you may have inferred by now, buddies. Recently I learned that he has a unique ability I can only dream of possessing.
He sleep-texts.
Here are some of the texts I have received since this phenomenon began.
----------- We have been the most important things to be able I am going through a variety of different ways to get a good idea * * * (received as a tweet) To summon ur 2d gf into this plain 1st build appropriate altar on second rack of oven, turn gas 2 max, insert head n shoulders ------------
Sadly, my phone's deleted most of the others, but watch this space. I've asked him to dig up some other gems, because I know he's got them.
Title: Sleep Texts From Juice Unlimited
Post by: A Whirring Bone-White Gleech on July 12, 2013, 03:46:24 pm
To summon ur 2d gf into this plain 1st build appropriate altar on second rack of oven, turn gas 2 max, insert head n shoulders Cuddlesquid, July 12, 2013, 03:22:17 pm
I wish there was some way to give Juice a bulb for that.
Title: Sleep Texts From Juice Unlimited
Post by: chai tea latte on July 12, 2013, 03:59:01 pm
yeah that's utterly beautiful.
Title: Sleep Texts From Juice Unlimited
Post by: cyclopeantrash on July 12, 2013, 06:50:05 pm
KNEEL BEFORE THE PROPHET JUICE! JUICE ALONE WILL GUIDE US THROUGH THE ENDTIMES!
What other commands does Juice have for us!?
Title: Sleep Texts From Juice Unlimited
Post by: icarus on July 12, 2013, 08:42:18 pm
never tell us how this dark magic comes to be
i'm really enjoying my mental image of juice sleep-talking these things and the phone transcribing them
Title: Sleep Texts From Juice Unlimited
Post by: Goose Goose Honk At Me Now on July 12, 2013, 10:06:35 pm
I have no idea how it works. I just know that I wake up in the morning to texts timestamped between 2 and 3 AM that are... well... that.
Once he went to sleep early enough that I got a weird text around midnight or so. It didn't make a lot of sense, so I asked him if he was asleep. His reply? "Not yet." First thing next morning he informed me I'd been lied to by sleep-Juice.
Title: Sleep Texts From Juice Unlimited
Post by: Yossarian on July 13, 2013, 12:11:12 am
I now live in fear before the almighty.
Title: Sleep Texts From Juice Unlimited
Post by: NutshellGulag on July 13, 2013, 12:27:12 am
I do this if someone calls me on the phone when I am asleep.
Title: Sleep Texts From Juice Unlimited
Post by: TheCrawlingChaos on July 13, 2013, 04:23:02 am
We have been the most important things to be able I am going through a variety of different ways to get a good idea Cuddlesquid, July 12, 2013, 03:22:17 pm
But has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like? (I admit, both of those made me LOL. Funny sleep behavior stories are the best. Apparently I have been known to surf for porn in my sleep, for instance.)
Title: Sleep Texts From Juice Unlimited
Post by: count_actuala on July 13, 2013, 10:08:56 am
This thread was posted with my permission, jsyk.
Within my family, specifically those of us who share DNA with my father, there is a colorful history of what some might call 'sleep problems.' The present manifestation of my sleepy time shenanigans is fairly harmless, but I started sleepwalking when I was about six and kept it up for around seven years. The earliest incident, at least in my memory, involved me waking up in our neighbor's hay field. I was so young that I didn't register the gravity of the situation, and figured "Well, I guess I'm in a hay field now."
ETA: From my phone archive, some more sleep texts:
"I made a mistake and delete the following link to the next few days ago on the phone"
"A raw food diet will be a good day to all of your business and look at the end"
Title: Sleep Texts From Juice Unlimited
Post by: Yossarian on July 13, 2013, 10:16:16 am
Are you Mike Birbiglia?
Title: Sleep Texts From Juice Unlimited
Post by: count_actuala on July 13, 2013, 10:18:30 am
No, but I sympathize with his plight. If my dad is any indication this shit only gets weirder.
Title: Sleep Texts From Juice Unlimited
Post by: Alpha Starsquatch on July 13, 2013, 10:56:54 am
Juice you're like a werewolf, except instead of transforming into a wolf in the night, you become horse_ebooks.
Title: Sleep Texts From Juice Unlimited
Post by: Goose Goose Honk At Me Now on July 13, 2013, 04:55:35 pm
Juice you're like a werewolf, except instead of transforming into a wolf in the night, you become horse_ebooks. Al, July 13, 2013, 10:56:54 am
Juice_ebooks.
Title: Sleep Texts From Juice Unlimited
Post by: Chaz on July 13, 2013, 08:45:35 pm
Title: Sleep Texts From Juice Unlimited
Post by: cyclopeantrash on July 13, 2013, 11:50:24 pm
THE PROPHET HAS SPOKEN!
COMMIT YOURSELF FULLY AND HASTILY TO NOT BEING A NIHILIST!
JUICE HAS SPOKEN!
Title: Sleep Texts From Juice Unlimited
Post by: count_actuala on July 14, 2013, 12:01:28 am
Neighbor's car alarm scared me awake and I saw my phone was on. Popped on to add the messages, but Goose was ON THE DAMN CASE.
Title: Sleep Texts From Juice Unlimited
Post by: Goose Goose Honk At Me Now on July 14, 2013, 12:10:51 am
Now I guess I have to go find some cracked apatite tomorrow.
Title: Sleep Texts From Juice Unlimited
Post by: Fax on July 14, 2013, 08:23:57 am
Shouln't be too hard, just go to a rock and mineral store and look for some of this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apatite Its nice and brittle so its almost sure to be cracked. Though I have no idea what you'd do with it once you've found it.
Title: Sleep Texts From Juice Unlimited
Post by: Sherlockian on July 14, 2013, 02:23:52 pm
Shouln't be too hard, just go to a rock and mineral store and look for some of this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apatite Its nice and brittle so its almost sure to be cracked. Though I have no idea what you'd do with it once you've found it. Fax, July 14, 2013, 08:23:57 am
Manufacture fertilizer, if Wikipedia is to be believed.
Title: Sleep Texts From Juice Unlimited
Post by: count_actuala on July 14, 2013, 03:57:34 pm
Title: Sleep Texts From Juice Unlimited
Post by: Delcat on July 15, 2013, 06:21:26 pm
I apparently used to bark in my sleep as a little kid. I haven't done that since, but I still talk, scream, yell at people and God knows what else, that's just what I know from waking myself up. I woke up on a trip once because my sister threw a pillow at me, citing in the morning that I had been smacking my lips and saying "Yeeeeah" in falsetto repeatedly. I still don't know what that was about, or how she managed to peg me square in the face from across the room.
On the other hand, when my sister was a kid, she once got up, got fully dressed, put her glasses on, crossed the house to our parents' bed, got in, and promptly went back to a normal sleep state. She was utterly confused but said she was dreaming about how she had to go outside and find all the hamsters.
My sister's girlfriend talks in her sleep constantly, but I'd have to ask before posting anything she says, it's only polite. Insane, wonderful stuff, though.
Title: Sleep Texts From Juice Unlimited
Post by: chai tea latte on July 15, 2013, 07:28:21 pm
I apparently used to bark in my sleep as a little kid. I haven't done that since, but I still talk, scream, yell at people and God knows what else, that's just what I know from waking myself up. I woke up on a trip once because my sister threw a pillow at me, citing in the morning that I had been smacking my lips and saying "Yeeeeah" in falsetto repeatedly. I still don't know what that was about, or how she managed to peg me square in the face from across the room.
On the other hand, when my sister was a kid, she once got up, got fully dressed, put her glasses on, crossed the house to our parents' bed, got in, and promptly went back to a normal sleep state. She was utterly confused but said she was dreaming about how she had to go outside and find all the hamsters.
My sister's girlfriend talks in her sleep constantly, but I'd have to ask before posting anything she says, it's only polite. Insane, wonderful stuff, though. Delcat, July 15, 2013, 06:21:26 pm
Why are you listening to your sister's girlfriend in her sleep?
Title: Sleep Texts From Juice Unlimited
Post by: Delcat on July 15, 2013, 07:30:47 pm
I would go back and clarify that this is secondhand information, but she's actually drifted off while we're all watching movies and mumbled stuff a fair few times, come to think of it.
Title: Sleep Texts From Juice Unlimited
Post by: cyclopeantrash on July 15, 2013, 07:33:54 pm
Does she say really specific but incoherent stuff that I could interpret as prophecy!?
Title: Sleep Texts From Juice Unlimited
Post by: Delcat on July 15, 2013, 07:48:58 pm
Well, I asked my sister and apparently she does it so much there's a gorrang tag for it on her Tumblr so maybe, here goes!
(Note: My sister is polyamorous, it's her, Smeg, and Ari.)
"No penguins. No penguins, and then the fish…they go flopflopflopflop…with their TAILS."
Smeg: *slumped over Xbox controller and mumbling into her chest* I...can...play...the fuckin...lute... Me: Honey? You're sleeping. Smeg: Nmmmnot. Me: Yeah, you are. Smeg: My...eyes are...open... Me: No. No, actually, they are not. Smeg: They're....*opens her eyes* HEY.
Smeg: *asleep on my shoulder* Sammitch. Me: Sammitch? Smeg: Tasty. Me: Do you want something to eat, or are you just saying words? Smeg: *happily* Worrrrrrds.
"Chalkboards…evil chalkboards going rahr rahr rahr…with their TEETH…metaphorically."
"Okay, but no polka dots. Or the pig will get it." — Smeg talking in her sleep (she claims she was telling us to deposit a check.)
Ari: Ow. Ow. Me: What? Ari: Smeg, honey, wake up. You're poking me. Smeg: Nnnnmmm. Piannnn. O. Me: Apparently you're a piano, honey. Ari: Smeg, wake up. I am not a piano. Smeg: Nnnno. Sexier... Me: Ari is sexier than a piano? Smge: *decisively* Peanut butter.
"Walruses…no, misunderstanding."
While talking in her sleep, Smeg has been known to affectionately refer to pillows/blankets/us as “soft like bunny kitty."
Smeg: No, the Odyssey's fine...but I'm glad I'm...not a minivan. Me: Me too, honey. Smeg: They're too big. There's too much...a lot...there...of them...in. Ari: You're not a minivan, honey. Smeg: Odyssey comes with...with panthers..should plate them. Chrome...plate them... Ari: Chrome plate their whiskers and all? Smeg: Wha...no. Noooo. Not the WHISKERS. *flails a hand over to my shoulder* Ari's...she's got funny ideas sometimes...
"Puff the magic parrot lived by the…the…the FOREST" — Smeg, singing rather than talking in her sleep for once and recognizing that parrots do not swim. Later insisted, still asleep, that Jackie Paper dies at the end of the original song.
Me: Ari, I know what I want for my birthday. Ari: Wh-- Smeg: *asleep on couch* BITCHES. Me: Yes. That, too.
Title: Sleep Texts From Juice Unlimited
Post by: cyclopeantrash on July 15, 2013, 07:53:42 pm
Not entirely qualified for loony prophecy. But she is perfect to form the basis of a new form of transhumanistic post-modern philosophy. You have my sympathies for that.
Title: Sleep Texts From Juice Unlimited
Post by: Yossarian on July 15, 2013, 07:55:52 pm
Occasionally I'll send a message to someone and I'll be awake but not fully and when I look back later all I'll find is word salad where I clearly remember a coherent message.
Title: Sleep Texts From Juice Unlimited
Post by: Goose Goose Honk At Me Now on July 15, 2013, 09:58:49 pm
Does she say really specific but incoherent stuff that I could interpret as prophecy!? MicroMissles, July 15, 2013, 07:33:54 pm
Well, if you know anything about fartomancy, I could record myself sleeping and you could see if you can get any prophecies from that.
Title: Sleep Texts From Juice Unlimited
Post by: Isfahan on July 17, 2013, 10:47:52 am
I think Juice has successfully recreated, through entirely organic means, the word-choice algorithm that spam e-mailers use.
His texts sound just like them.
Title: Sleep Texts From Juice Unlimited
Post by: Goose Goose Honk At Me Now on July 19, 2013, 05:51:32 pm
I think Juice has successfully recreated, through entirely organic means, the word-choice algorithm that spam e-mailers use. Isfahan, July 17, 2013, 10:47:52 am
Either that or he's the second coming of Dr. Pepper:
Title: Sleep Texts From Juice Unlimited
Post by: Goose Goose Honk At Me Now on July 20, 2013, 12:33:13 am
HELLO SLEEP JUICE, WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO SAY TODAY
Juice (1:33 AM) Share your experience in the field of of the young men
Title: Sleep Texts From Juice Unlimited
Post by: A Whirring Bone-White Gleech on July 20, 2013, 05:52:31 am
HELLO SLEEP JUICE, WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO SAY TODAY
Juice (1:33 AM) Share your experience in the field of of the young men Cuddlegoose, July 20, 2013, 12:33:13 am
S'got just a little bit of a Walt Whitman feel to it.
Title: Sleep Texts From Juice Unlimited
Post by: NutshellGulag on July 21, 2013, 03:58:43 pm
I think Juice needs to start a sleep podcast.
Title: Sleep Texts From Juice Unlimited
Post by: count_actuala on July 21, 2013, 06:15:28 pm
I do not, to my knowledge, talk in my sleep. However, Cuddlesomething and I have designs to do a monthly podcast during which we eat Taco Bell and talk urbanely about issues of the day.
Title: Sleep Texts From Juice Unlimited
Post by: cyclopeantrash on July 21, 2013, 06:19:14 pm
I do not, to my knowledge, talk in my sleep. However, Cuddlesomething and I have designs to do a monthly podcast during which we eat Taco Bell and talk urbanely about issues of the day. Juice Unlimited, July 21, 2013, 06:15:28 pm
Would you accept donations in bitcoins and liberty dollars?
Title: Sleep Texts From Juice Unlimited
Post by: count_actuala on July 21, 2013, 06:31:27 pm
I do not, to my knowledge, talk in my sleep. However, Cuddlesomething and I have designs to do a monthly podcast during which we eat Taco Bell and talk urbanely about issues of the day. Juice Unlimited, July 21, 2013, 06:15:28 pm
Jesus, you should, uh, like, be careful. Right now your sleepwalking is resulting in ZANY ANTICS but what happens when you wake up at the bottom of a flight of stairs with your neck sideways?
Title: Sleep Texts From Juice Unlimited
Post by: count_actuala on August 05, 2013, 12:10:08 pm
I choose to believe I got hungry late at night and went on a Doritos mission my brain forgot to record for posterity. At the same time I'm sort of relieved that my bedroom door locks.
Title: Sleep Texts From Juice Unlimited
Post by: Goose Goose Honk At Me Now on September 06, 2013, 04:09:15 am
From several days ago. Note the time stamp:
Juice (11:07 PM): KAW KAW GOD MORNING
From three hours ago:
Juice (2:01 AM): All roofs least one to be budget
Title: Sleep Texts From Juice Unlimited
Post by: cyclopeantrash on September 06, 2013, 04:28:04 am