ballp.it
Snakes In The Ball Pit => Yay, I get to talk about me! => Topic started by: Wrought on September 11, 2020, 05:01:49 pm
-
Like the fake porn parodies thread but for poetry
I saw the hottest twinks of my generation destroyed by penis,
Cumming hysterical naked
-
in xanadu did kublai khan
a stately pleasure dome decree
where concubines and courtesans
did lightly tickle pubis mons
and suck the khan's penee
-
Here at least
we shall have cum; the Almighty hath not reached around
Here for his lust, will not drive us hence:
Here we may splay secure, and in my choice
to fuck is worth ambition though in Hell:
Better to fuck in Hell, than suck in Heaven.
-
oh what a world, that has such peepees in it
-
fuck your restraints i'm sharing this sexy poem by sexy poet positive stress
(https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/360812970315481098/754086873026265148/unknown.png)
WRITE YOUR OWN POEMS
SUBMIT SINGLE LINES
Just make it look like a gross way a poet would describe sex.
-
I am Ozymandias, king of kings
behold my dick, ye mighty and this pair (of balls)
-
i hope you know
when you fuck other girls
i see it
and it's really hot
--rupi kaur
-
Your chest moons bobble and hobble
As I spit lyrical mistakes
into lyrical miracles
From my truncheon to your trench
-
Because I could not stop for dick he kindly stopped for me
-
my dick and ball
exist for one and all
Rejoice
for my organ of
Choice
when beheld will make you
Moist
-
With my precision needle
I will mend your gash
Your leg milk the perfect lubricant
-
"Rise like lions after cumming
With an irritating humming--
Shake your jizz to earth like dew,
Which mid-jerk had fallen from you--
Ye are many, they are few."
-
Goanna eat ur fern gully
Cuz i'm just that kinda bully
Get ready
For the Zack Attack.
-
I won't apologize for this poem, you can't make me
sexuall posts
on 9/11 a day so important
I love you the most
unaware, my hand slips for an instant
my tower falls
time to clean up ground zero
-
My dick is a gun
I'm ready to fire
It exists for fun
My poetry is dire
-
I'd settle for someone
Who wasn't my palm
But never imagined
I'd fuck my stepmom
-
I want a gamer goth gf
with really big titties
She'd carry me in overwatch
and I'd bust in her kitty
-
Checkin out dat ass
She moves with aplomb
Wiggling her mass
Oh shit. A Butt Bomb
-
fuck you you can't contain me
i love
free verse.
here's some porn poems.
As you spread your vajazzled canopy
o'er my wrinkled traveller
he finally fell asleep.
Do not be upset at me.
You gave me respite.
This recalcitrant staff
is tired of giving
his inner wisdom away.
Worn out from striking
brown mud and frigid stone
let him at least drink a little
of your runny sap, in your mossy, trimmed garden
and tuck himself in,
peacefully.
She opened me up by twisting my tin
can
she cut herself on my rim? My blood
was already rushing; it would
splat her dumb fucking face.
Anyway, it
smells like tuna in here. Hurry up,
before you find out
that it is really just anchovy.
before you drain out
all my milky, pulpy brine
through the holes of your hairy colander.
Nipple, she signed.
Supple, her thighs.
Gorilla grip, her pussy. And my tool,
was perfect
for her opposable thumb to drool
and rub against, in advanced object manipulation.
T'was erect
until the moment of ejaculation.
-
Ne'er shall I simp again
For my dream came to an end
I donated 3000 bits
And then she mentioned
Her boyfriend
-
Her mother's kiss
Upon my prick
Glistens as the dew surrounding us
The sun is generous
The son obliges
-
Premium snapchat
Sale for half off at
Her onlyfans
Will I get in trouble
If I say we're a couple
on instagram?
The boys would all shout
they would give me mad clout
if I took an egirl to bed
But if I were called out
by @babygirlpout
I think that I'd rather be dead
-
As I plow her fertile soils
My seed assures her
Like a malignant tumor
That I am everpresent
-
There is a certain gene se quois to the defining moment
of passing the event horizon of your sex, I think.
A numbness of a different calibre
to blasting rope into the sink.
The waning of my melancholy member
after its annihilation in your light-bending box
must prove to be the somberest reminder
of the evanescent joy of all men's cocks.
-
You are ready and eager
Come and suck on my dick
I'll be your oral besieger
My dirty little slut, Pickle Rick
-
Surrender unto me
I have pillaged your land
I have razed your walls
I have plundered your keeps
I have taken everything
And you give me
Your flower of rebirth
Of your own will
Surrender
-
Unzipped my fly,
Mere nightclub's play
My dextrous hand
Has let it hang.
For I dance,
And drink and sing,
Till some blind hand
shall brush my dingaling.
If cock is life
And strength and breath,
And the want
Of cock is death,
Then shall I
Unzip my fly
If I stand erect,
Or flaccid,
Bye!
-
Zesty carbonara
Nestled in your crevice
My mouth is watering
Seconds please!
-
Yes I'm horny
And online
and while I know it isn't fine
I can't control
Desires so sweet
I want celebs to show their feet
I reply to Emma Stone
I can't survive on porn alone
I wish she'd bare those tasty toes
Stretch them underneath my nose
I comment on a music vid
Ariana Grande flips my lid
Just one foot without a sock
Won't satisfy my hungry cock
Are my needs truly so bizarre,
to wish to suck toes near and far?
I understand you don't like feet,
but I don't belong on @struggletweets.
-
A couplet, for you all to ponder on....
They call me the Nutinsideher Critic
I make her cum so the dildon’t have to
-
I watch you, my fuck goddess
And your pensive, but willing gaze
Stealing quick glances
At my languishing member
Thick with syrupy sensual glaze
-
I crave not breasts, nor ass or feet
A pussy's what I want tout de suite
pearlescent nacre of your clam
to stem your flood I'll be your dam
-
calmly we walk through this september day
lascivious female here and there
in the park sit camera and Pierre
Woodman shooting his most recent film,
for some to enjoy, others to upload
to pornbay and comment: 1st here
internet provides all distances,
it is twenty-twenty now,
many great actors are taken away,
what will become of dick and cum
(this is the school in which bad girls learn...)
besides the tissue and the fun?
(...that monster cock is the fire in which we burn)
-
Put your feetsies in my mouthsies
Before this night goes all southsies
Wanna lick those toesie-wosies
That been through the fields of posies
Ashes, ashes, baby, at the end we all fall down
The grime beneath those heels turns my tongue all kinds of brown
Are you down like the clown?
I’ve been in a sole desert, think it’s time to drown
Girl, that black nail polish calls like siren sound
Ambience is set for the best meal in town
Take me out to eat, be my chef and waiter please
Aromas from the kitchen got me all fucked up like JEEZ!
Stinky gourmet treat, better than a fancy cheese
I don’t make the cheddar, but I’ll cater to your needs
If by “needs” you mean a guy that sits and prays for yummy feets
God sent me to your toesies, time to sample all the meats
I’m so sorry
-
the rooster cries out
ejaculating his sauce
into the pussy
-
I keep the secrets you give me
In my phallic phylactery
And you divulge immortality
From your throbbing pomegranate
My future progeny encased in your tomb
Dark magicks I can only touch
For but a moment
-
the rooster cries out
ejaculating his sauce
into the pussy
A Meat, September 12, 2020, 08:02:12 am
the donkey's harsh bray
spewing his thick, pungent sauce
into the pussy
-
There once was a terrible clown
Who's dick made a godawful sound
He'd honk it all day
In hopes that he may
Shape the shaft into a permanent frown
-
Juicy Lucy, the lovely loose floozy
diddled her slit and now was very oozy
-
Your golden wheat field
Spills forth with gold of its own
I marvel at your underworld
As you rain over me
I abduct you nightly
My piss Persephone
-
My cock harder and harder
And harder still.
Your face aroused, curious
Then concerned
As I shakily pull myself back to my feet
"Baby, you're so sexy you make me lose consciousness"
And I taste the blood from the gash in my forehead.
-
My Tower of Babel
Makes her speak in tongues
The violent thrusts
Against her bashful blush
Are thunder to her enlightening
Her placenta falls to the floor
The angel opens her legs...
-
Keep this snapshot in your mind
If my satisfaction is ever at issue
Your 2008 Hugo nominated husband finds
He turns into an animal in this position.
A meerkat, a deer, a pig in a trough,
A fuck-hungry steer, another King Lear
Erect in your flattering mouth
That beckons my willy
like a flame does a moth.
Engulfing it whole if too near.
A chicken for slaughter, a sloth
Much too slow to escape your teeth, closing
In on this vermin, this shivering rat.
I'm stuck in a glue trap, yet find it
Exalting, to rhythmically rap
On the front doors of your tonsils.
Knock knock! Hello! I am here!
In the moist membranes of your kitchen
It seems I have finally come
to the foregone conclusion that you
have basted my turkey. Well done
on the outside yet tender and twitching.
Mr Jekyll is back, Mr Hyde's back in hiding
In his slimy, jew-defiant cocoon.
A penny dreadful with a print size of zero.
Because, my dear housewife, I find it,
I've penned here a fiction more distant than Dune.
It's been three years since you sucked on my pen0r.
-
i repaired a st andrews cross
at three in the afternoon,
if we support the base here
and apply the ratchet like so
and its owner bought me a beer
and we didn't fuck
true story
-
being gay is kind of like a super power
because all of your friends are also your dating pool
which is to say
i have eaten the pussy
that was in the friend group
forgive me
-
i ask her if she wants to come smoke with me on her balcony.
when i ask her when she started smoking she avoids the question.
earlier that afternoon she dealt us
the three of swords
which portends the end of her relationship
we smoke in silence
wearing one shirt between the two of us
and i blow smoke in her hair
because she says she likes that.
i know what else she likes,
pull the hair just so, from the scalp
and like prometheus (the god of cigarettes)
il faut nous imaginer heureux
-
pussy pussy pussy pussy pussy pussy pussy pussy
-
ass ass ass
-
do you want to go upstairs
i ask my roommate's girlfriend
and she says yes
when anyone should have said no
and then we don't
and when i kissed you that night
it tasted wrong
but not 'hot' wrong
just sickening
-
fuck me on the zamboni
de ice my asshole,
you pervy old rink guy
re-sluice my juices
and make sure the
electronics work just right
make those circles
around my clit
with your
zamboni
-
pussy pussy pussy pussy pussy pussy pussy pussy
chai tea latte, September 13, 2020, 06:52:21 pm
ass ass ass
chai tea latte, September 13, 2020, 06:52:31 pm
Strong contenders for a Porn Beatbox thread
-
I obey your flag
For its fringe matches
Your sovereign waves of grain
Tread on me
Encase me in your cunt prison
The only authority I recognize
And respect
I give you my true name
And deposit within you
My intellectual property
-
Please wait
While I devise
An erotic poem
Based on the Charge of the Light Brigade
By Alfred Lord Tennyson, like all fPlus poems every line of this is longer than the last
-
Half a league, half a league,
Half a league onward,
All in the valley of breast
Rode the six hundred.
“Forward, my dick!
Charge for the tits!” he said.
Into the valley of Breast
Rode the six hundred.
Well here it is, it’s bad. That’s the last time I post drunk poetry on ballpit
-
Here's a classic one.
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I porn-surfed, weak and weary,
Over many a strange and spurious porn-site of "hot chicks galore",
While I clicked my fav'rite bookmark, suddenly there came a warning,
And my heart was filled with mourning, mourning for my dear amour,
"Tis not possible," I muttered, "give me back my free hardcore!"
Quoth the server, "404."
-
the rain
pounds down onto the street
filling puddles and making things glassy smooth.
his cum
pounds down onto my tits
filling acne scars
and making loud wet splattering sounds
and the weather channel
says it'll last
all week
-
if Basho were to see my tits
unsheathed from a silk negligée
while the birds flew away from their perches
and revealed their nests
he would have never written another haiku again
the delicate grasses after rain are like my bosom
the ripples of water in the river are like my gajongajongs
and the snow-capped mountains are like my tits
and so on and so on
until everyone called Basho a hack
and he committed suicide
-
shall i compare your penis to a submarine
(yes)
stealthy submersible spear
armed with a personalized payload
jager-sucher (yeah-good-sucker)
personally inspected by the minister of defence
(and not found wanting)
and
full of sea men
-
dancing in infinite glory
our bodies embrace
from Erato to Terpsichore
and then I cum on her face
-
I follow her snail trail
to her nudibranch snatch
and my benthic dick
spews its ink in her pink
-
In the desert
I saw a creature, naked, infantile,
Who, squatting upon the ground,
Held his clitty in his mouth,
And sucked of it.
I said, “Is it good, friend?”
“It is bittew—bittew” he answered;
“But I wikes it
“Because it is bittew,
“And because it is my cummies.”
-
I chomp down on her bitter greens
Delight in her organic vinegar
This salad is an acquired taste
Here comes the fork
-
Calliope constantly
Pushing me
Driving me berserk
Amusement park muse
Pumping up and down
A force unrestrained
My knob turns your drum
Filling your tent flaps
With jovial air
A sensual carnival
-
jager-sucher (yeah-good-sucker)
chai tea latte, September 23, 2020, 03:39:22 pm
Uhm excuse me but the German ch sound found in Sucher is a voiceless velar fricative and definitely not a ck sound.
I expected better from the ballp.it porn poem thread, smh.
-
jager-sucher (yeah-good-sucker)
chai tea latte, September 23, 2020, 03:39:22 pm
Uhm excuse me but the German ch sound found in Sucher is a voiceless velar fricative and definitely not a ck sound.
I expected better from the ballp.it porn poem thread, smh.
three cats in a self-driving car, September 25, 2020, 09:15:33 am
three cats in a self-driving car has said
I can't speak German. Voiceless fricative?
I act as scribe to voices in my head.
Unconscious currents are indicative
of my pornographic mind delighting
in layered, overlapping homonyms
as I take all my ill-attempted writing
my art, my hack attempts and vomit-ems,
sue the slutty sucher for her sugar,
and tell her that she's got amazing tits
but I maintain my pun's an okay looker,
and visually, but not out loud, it fits.
I struggle to find middle ground between
a beatboxed ass, high verse, and epic peen.
-
Fortieth birthday
Like Moses's Exodus
I part the red sea
-
my neck
my back
my neck
my back
my neck
my back
my neck
my back
my neck
my back
-
Bring your hot spices
To my powerful man stock
Delicious Fuck Soup
~ a haiku
-
Her pussy pogged in Barbadós
While high above the albatross
es's dicks were getting blown
By sultry winds. A fecund crown
Of warty thorns around my glans.
The dick pic taken in advance
In hopes my holy idol, graven,
Would satiate her pussy's cravings
For the ecstasy of revelation.
She lived somewhere under that island nation's
Oppressive government regime.
She told me that she had a scheme
To transfer to me money: in advance
Should I provide credentials to accounts
Wherein she would perform her craft.
Her avatar was pretty and my staff
Arose, so knowing it would part
Her blood-engorged, pulsating heart
Of Guadalupe; her Red Sea, foaming
Around my Moses, penetrating, roaming
For forty days without a rest, inside her.
I sent the image and I tried to
Nudge her into giving it a look
With zeal I hit "Refresh". She took
Her goddamn time yet I should not complain
Considering the months I spent, in vain,
Donating to the vicious succubi
Of that accursed "Twitch TV"! A try
After begotten try to get them to undress
I threw them bits and baubles and I stress
That NO SUM WORKED. A "simp" reduced
To BibleThumps in chat! Too late adduced
The trick these Eves had played on me.
What cruel Liliths did they prove to be.
But now an e-mail, finally arrived,
The smile (emoticon), so warm and wide
And further on, the words "hey sexy"
Reverberated to my testes
Which twitched in joyous exaltation
Aware that their ignoble station
As guardians of an antediluvian amount
Of jism (which would only spout
Once an online female gave assent)
Would be relieved. The pic I sent
was "hot" and "could you type in your address?"
I knew right then that I was blessed,
That nevermore would I be "simp" or "stan"
To a conniving harlot! My IBAN
I shared with her and now it seems
It's been two days, yet vivid dreams
Still haunt my nights, how in that moment
The crested member of her prophet
Had surely made her drool with want
From gaping lips, a veritable pond
Of sticky reverence for me, her saviour.
I wait for her reply with laboured
breaths. The spearhead pricks of doubt
Are merely clock-ticks 'till my dick, devout,
At once ascends, unfastened from this cross.
I know her pussy pogged in Barbadós.
-
The roper of my seminal communion
Slicked forth to lasso in her pretty face.
'Twixt me and her - my cum - a union
To bind the sinner and the chaste.
Diluted wine, the blood of Christ,
Transubstantiative as it be,
The semen, splashing in her eyes
Is prima facie a synecdoche of me.
-
Desdemona
Like a cat in heat
Desperately moaning
As I strangulate her clit.
As I pump her twat with jello
Of the babymaking kind,
As I play her fair Othello
yet her feet are on my mind.
Her toe-sweat — cheesy, sour —
Would taste delectably divine.
Were I but Saturn I'd devour
Those stinky babies in no time.
-
Her pussy straight up guillotine
My head come clean
-
This one came to me unbidden as I laid in bed at 5 AM, unable to fall asleep
removed those spare ribs
a horny ouroboros
he sucked his own dick
-
sensual smell of your sweet cherry pie
delectable morsel made out of flesh
I sink my teeth in your beckoning thigh
freshly baked woman is best eaten fresh
-
Turning my crank
Piercing your lid
I circumvent you
Prying you open
Tuna for lunch
-
My dear, I hope you'll not be sore
If I ask you for a spot of vore
A simple nibble's all I need
A chew, a chomp, it's time to feed!
As I go hurtling past your gums
If you hear a noise, it's just my cums!
How could a man e'er hold it in
When dealing with such epic win
As being vored by his darling wife?
Oh, that would be my perfect life
So carve my brain out of my skull
And place it in the black box hull
And flip the switch and turn it on!
Quick, quick! Before the night is gone
For we've so very much to do
So many vores, so much to chew
But be warned! For you'll face my wrath
If I find out you've had a laugh
At my expense, and lied about
What lies in wait beyond your mouth
For while I'm known to be quite placid
There better not be any fucking stomach acid
-
photographic memory.
i still remember your red room.
i still remember the smell of your corpse plant.
splayed on the rack. coming in focus. in bloom.
and your water was tinkling down. ever dripping.
i remember. you developed my peepee.
-
Amorphophallus titanum
wafts its corpse-like miasma
beckoning your corpse fly eyes
and your Rafflesia lips gape
while my dead man's fingers
caress your apple of death
-
i want to
stick
my Dick
in something
w e i r d
-
Man has the penis
To satisfy the woman
-
Man has the penis
To satisfy the woman
Shell Game, October 23, 2020, 12:25:18 am
Man has the woman
to satisfy his penis
-
woman has the penis?
to satisfy the woman
-
man has the penis
ever satisfied a woman
-
O, Earth Mother,
Whitewash my tree trunk
With your tangy varnish
That smells of bread and chewed tobacco.
I don't want a maggot
To crawl up its crack
And lay eggs in my sap sack.
...Unless?
-
What I Think It'd Be Like To Fuck Certain Poets
T.S. Eliot:
Low expectations, and still, disappointment.
An ejaculation of dust and regret;
No indication it was ever otherwise, for him.
Should have partied with Sweeney or Eugenides.
E. E. Cummings:
The sex: messy, exquisite.
The puns: predictable, insufferable.
James Tate:
Tangents. Changes of costume, position, name.
A nonsense fetish becomes universal.
I am reminded, inevitably and tenderly, of the past --
Good, but maybe not as a sex thing.
William Carlos Williams:
The husband-of-twelve-years experience:
Tender, familiar. Cliche, but who's counting?
Leaves with a kiss and a grocery list.
Charles Bukowski:
You could not pay me enough money
To fuck Charles Bukowski.
-
america
is
eight hanzos
and
one
symmetra
--rupi kaur
-
I stick my partisan
in your deep south red state
ejaculating votes
and soon you'll give birth
to bipartisan electors
as we walk down the aisle
towards the white house altar
-
With force
I cleave in twain
Your pagan resistance
Your gasps
Blasphemous
To us both
-
IV.
Me not
that
kind of
girl.
-
Fisting the loamy soil
Of my garden
Makes me remember Paris
-
I fell in love with a grindcore singer (serious post)
When I see her face
it makes me feel
like the band name on her metal tee.
I can't read my own thoughts around her.
Grindcore girl
every day you are Becoming
and we can taste
the sunrise together.
-
I plunge my iron rod
into your beckoning quicksilver
the process of making an amalgam
is al-cummy
-
All it took for you to become a believer
was to see her face?
Hah. I have seen her other face.
I have smashed my mouth against it.
No trace of doubt in either of us.
-
Fertile fields
Fertile fields
Fertile fields
Fertile fields
Fertile fields
Fertile fields
-
to the tune of miss diana ross' 'I'm Comin' Out'
I'm comin out
i want the world to know
i want to suck your toes
I'm comin out (coming!)
I want to suck your dick
and make you cum so quick (oh)
I'm comin' out! / I want the world to know / I'm gonna fuck those hoes / ♪ / I'm comin' out (coming) / got to suck those toes / got to cum on those (i'm coming!) / ♪
I'm coming out / as being into vore / I tried to show you before
I'm comin' out (coming!) / of a dragon's ass / it shat me out so fast (coming!)
-
The Earth
is flat.
Unlike
that
ASS.
-
Nobody ever told me
that whoring
includes free cocaine.
why not
-
There once was a man who went "fuck it",
-
There once was a man who went "fuck it",
Great Joe, April 22, 2021, 05:52:16 pm
while inserting his cock in a bucket
in the bucket he came
while repeating the name
of the pageboy he wanted to suck it
-
Gamer Girl's Lament
aka A Reply to Ernest Cline
I bet your dick is like Dark Souls
in that it's hard and it's ugly,
and you spent so long beating it
to the thought of Bugs Bunny
clad in a dress. Then your mess
would go on the carpet, again.
Some say "gross", yet a nerd girl like me
finds such things attractive in men...
To be charming and witty,
delivering jokes from 2009
in the sweets isle, with your Pyramid Head shirt
that insists that I "look at the time".
I had bought three huge pastries to eat
for ironic, video game reasons.
I would've work-worked your dick
like a Warcraft 3 peon.
But you quick disappeared
in the mass of noon shoppers
while your wifey-to-be
felt her pussy go poggers
no more... I was stun-locked.
We disconnected for good.
I ate my 3 cakes alone.
I bought me no more food.
My sole reminder of you
is your Dwarf Fortress miasma.
Yet you've been last week's cause
of all this real girl's orgasms. ;)
-
Dialectic clit-elect,
calls on my cock to erect.
Monument to sex congress
makes my dick weep from duress.
Filibuster cunt galore,
politics a dirty whore.
-
what did achilles think,
inside that wooden horse
or Jesus for three days in that cave,
awaiting their rebirths?
me lying in bed with depression,
i'm thinking about your titties
-
in xanadu did kublai khan
a stately pleasure dome decree
where alf, the tv monster ran,
through channels measureless to man
off to a softcore beach.
a porno that i once saw played
(it was an abyssinian maid)
and with her two stepdads she played
while singing of viagara.
could i revive within me?
her confidence and grace?
that then perhaps I would be
like her, so messy-faced,
I would live that scene myself!
That ugly dad! That cuter guy!
All who saw me there would cry
and then within themselves they'd delve
my flashing eyes! my sweaty hair!
spank her hard upon the ass
and close the tab post- all that head
for she on married dads has fed
and drunk the milk of Chad
-
A God sits on a mountain top
yearning for a thicker dame
the summit of beauty of love
his penis was game
she's got tits, yeah, baby, she's got tits
well, I'm your penis, I'm your fire
at your desire
-
i hope you know
when you fuck other boys
it's just like in my yaois
--rupi kaur
-
(https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/838560654445117460/851221506956853279/unknown.png)
-
(https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/838560654445117460/851221506956853279/unknown.png)
chai tea latte, June 06, 2021, 05:10:32 pm
The Kruger for our times
-
Cumstain windowpane
Clouding my judgment yet again
Honey, please, I can explain
It was there, in you, or down the drain
-
i hope you know
when you fuck other girls
i'm having cybersex on WoW
--rupi kaur
-
Heading down to the hardware store of sex
Gonna get myself some wood polish, screws and nails
a couple of nuts and a light switch
-
let my face
be the zine with the glowing review
of your new album
of your cock
-
Taking my dick down to half mast
to honor those who have fallen
the pussyhounds of the past
killed in "action" we call 'em
-
A lady was known as a slut
who only fucked guys who were cut.
Post-coitus, in bed,
she'd cut off their head
and feed the remains to her mutt.
-
A lady was known as a slut
who only fucked guys who were cut.
Post-coitus, in bed,
she'd cut off their head
and feed the remains to her mutt.
A Meat, September 03, 2021, 10:19:15 am
This belongs in The Pearl
-
Prenez, frère,
Mon derrière.
-
I.
My wife for the Horde!
II.
Something be doing?
Jerk, jerk.
III.
Fuck'hard!
IV.
You're annoying my dog.
-
V.
his taz'dingo refilled my Moon Well.
I stand ready
waiting on you
to uproot your
ancient
tree of life.
by the great winds
i come
but where's the great fucking winds
-
saluting the memory
of people who can't
jerk off to 9/11 anymore
because it's no longer a teen
-
Our addiction to friction
Was met without restriction
Skin rubbed skin, making us jubilant
Until bracing for your glazing
I found myself chafing
Next time I'll buy better lubricant
-
you are
the iced coffee
with whom I walk in ten minutes late
And everyone stares
And they're beneath us.
Later tonight,
I'm beneath you
And the iced coffee
is a venti grande mocha
-
My penis is
a Decepticon
a grower
not a shower
My penis is
an Autobot
transform —
and roll out
Your vagina is the AllSpark
-
I'm just a Bill
Yes I'm only a Bill
And I'm putting some pipe into your hill
-
I let a stream of piss
loose from my cockatrice
upon the edifice
of the concept of bliss
-
My pussy lies there dead, and full of honeycomb.
Need dome.
-
i hope you know
when i fuck other girls
it's because i'm gay
and poly
--rupi kaur
-
There once was a forum online,
where posters would porno-opine,
whether neo- or trad-,
the poems....were bad.
but the worst poems, they were all mine
-
There once was an internet poster
who tried to play DOOM on a toaster
The mechanics all worked
And her boyfriend, he jerked
Off on the pop tarts she'd roastered
-
There was a sex.slashdot user
My god, what a bore and a loser
When a woman replies
With a pic 'tween her thighs
He Insightfully goes and plus two's her
-
On ballpit she's limerick-crazy
The posts flow as smooth as the gravy
At Thanksgiving Dinner
In the bleak bleak midwinter
She's trying to conceive a baby
-
A lady who wrote on a forum
would post without any decorum
on porn she'd opine
asking online
if circlejerks count as a quorum
-
Whenever you bulb one of my posts,
My uterus creates some zygotes,
My basest contradictions
Tenor helpless inflictions,
but I'd rather go out on some high notes
-
There once was a lady gamer
who wanted a weird man to tame her
she dressed up as a pet
was all distressingly Het
and noone had sex that was lamer
-
Higgledy piggledy, Président Jefferson
Grew giant tits on the fourth of July
So did John Adams, which proves that such patriots
Propagandistically stiffened my fly
So did George Washington,
founder of national
institute for putting
big tits on guys
this once again proves that
forever and always
its not quite in darkness
democracy dies
but rather in service of
forefathers' cervixes,
Sunday's edition rests
between my thighs
-
Pussy
Popping
Handstand
Wrist joints
Popping
Fingerblasting
-
Whose puss this is, I think i know
Her tits are in the village though
She will not mind me stopping here
To fuck her as hard as can go
My horse must think it rather queer,
He gives his harness bells a shake
To stop, with these two women here,
But, for Dionysian sake,
-
In Xanadu did Kublai Khan
Suck cock and pussy equally
Where Alf, the hottest eunuch, stood
And he proclaimed, my Lord, 'tis good,
for You to fuck, instead of Me
-
because I would not suck off Geoff
he kindly sucked off me
his carriage felt by just myself
and in my mouth he be.
-
his penis
was the
Mohammed Atta
of our picnic
which is to say:
there's no point discussing
his bravery
or anything like that
when
you hijack
a perfectly good orgy
and make it all about you.
in future, we may have to
make people
remove their shoes
and submit
to inspection.
-
the admiral put on his jacket and saluted
to his royal majesty's frigate
covered by naught but square sails
standing at full mast and packed with seamen
-
There once was a young man Online,
Who ordered a flexible spine'd
Bad Dragon horse cock
But then, to his whore's shock,
T'was HE that produced all the slime!
-
Ring around the russy
Pocket full of pussy
A tissue, a tissue,
We all come now
-
In Xanadu did Kublai Khan
Invent a pervy thought or three
He thinks he'd like to try a man
(he's tired of fucking Maude and Fran)
The Khan would rather suck a D
For twice five miles the pages searched
'til finally their prey found perched
A local tavern serving twink
But oh, he reeked of such a stink
they washed and perfumed him at once.
What ho! cried out the sexy twink
this smell is that of perfumed cunts
I'd rather reek of ursine musk
The Khan would like it more, I think
And therefore would my station rise
So come on, fuck me, all you guys
-
the Elden Ring of Kublai Khan
was shattered 'cross the Lands Between
and of the various sights I've seen
the only one worth any joy
was Blaidd the hunky wolfman boy.
-
Languidly, she
loosened her lips
and let latex'd limb
lie still. alas....
whiskey dick
-
you put your
dark souls
in my
blood borne channel
and i said
praise the son
-
The apparition of these faces in the crowd;
Nipples on a fatted sow.
-
I've got a brand new pair of rollerskates
so
let's shoot a brand new porn.
-
Favorite movies: Salò, Serbian Film, In A Glass Cage
Favorite music: Scooter, the glee covers and Rage
Against The Machine.
Do I drink: I am thirty years clean.
Do I smoke: Mostly jerky and ribs.
My dislikes are: A lady that fibs.
What I am looking for in a woman: It depends...
We should have sex but also be friends.
What you should know about me: My plushie collection
may precede you in terms of apparent affection
but don't fret. Sexual stuff: I am very vanilla.
The lights must be off or I sweat and I feel a
kind of stage fright and I retract in my shell.
Inspirational Quote: "Life must be hell
without a nice lady to cook you supper
and it's super nice if you get to fuck 'er!"
Ahem, I hope you like me and my profile
we may not get along at first, but will, after awhile.
Reformed felons are a thing that exists
Even naughty ones make the nice list
if a Miss Santa is there to correct them,
Give them forehead kisses, accept them
AND NEVER EVER TELL LIES
IF SHE DOES THAT MISS SANTA SOON DIES
in terms of my interest towards her.
If you like me then give me a fir
m yes then we'll get it all started.
[picture of a guy with a shirt that says "Who Farted?"]
-
she tells
me that
she's been
to paris, france
to luxembourg
and amsterdam
my hand in sleeve
of her faubourg
she does the
fairest dance
and bucks and squirms
and i'm like damn
-
hot
dog
in a
hallway
and at the end of the hallway
is the elevator from The Shining
and it opens
and the wave engulfs us both
-
Winter, cutting words
and rope and hands and my heart
into small poems.
-
I braid your vagina hair
You wince
The moon is one within us
-
I explore your depths
my canary sings its last
poisonous gas leak
-
I deny your claim
Due to preexisting conditions
My penis inside you
Fuck insurance
Assfuck Actuarial
-
I wandered lonely as a guy
Who spends his time on message boards
For those who find themselves love-shy,
Commiserating in accord.
To be clear, I'm not one of them,
Though sympathizing now and then.
No, solitude is my own choice,
Though still a heavy cross to bear.
In self-control I do rejoice
And to the same degree despair.
My discipline I now should mention:
My manly essence's retention.
I do not jerk; I do not fuck;
I do not dare to spill a drop
Of milky goo, of creamy muck.
No greater failure than to pop.
In palm of hand, in cave of yoni,
Lies mortal threat to my baloney.
And yet for me there is recourse
When swallowed by the tides of lust:
Recirculating inner force
When comes the time for me to bust.
With pretzel spine, I double up,
And in my waiting gullet—glup!
-
https://twitter.com/RichardDawkins/status/441141095565508608
(thanks Shaun on Twitter for retweeting this old classic)
-
This worked once and never again. All further attempts gave me error messages. It's a true Christmas miracle.
(http://i.imgur.com/j0uqpuE.png)