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Cat Planet:
Since Lemon doesn't want people discussing the documents he purged from the list in the announcement thread, I'm starting this one. I doubt that making a new thread for each one in there is going to be a good idea, so let's make it a catch-all. I'll start with the Tao of D&D.

"She fights you," says the DM, and the player realizes that her hand might in that moment reach for the dagger she has hidden. "I hold on tight." The DM pronounces that the player is successful. The woman doesn't speak, and asks if the player says anything else. The player, daring, says, "I tell her that her husband left her." The DM rolls a die, says the woman breaks free and punches the fighter. He takes a point of damage. "DAMN YOU!" the woman says. The fighter doesn't give in. "He gave you all he had and now he has left you. He's left you here, alone, and you know that there's nothing else he can give you!"

A roll. The DM says the woman stands her ground, furious, trying with all her strength to hold herself together, but clearly she's too overwhelmed to speak.

The fighter says, "I speak to her very gently. I tell her she's not alone. I tell her there are others here who won't leave. Who will fight with you, win with you ... and die WITH you. If you will open your eyes."

She looks at the fighter. The DM announces that she is overwhelmed. He says that the woman lifts a hand, half-heartedly, towards the fighter.

The fighter responds, "I seize the hand. I use it to pull her tight against me. If she makes no protest, I kiss her hard. I make her understand I've meant every word."

The DM says she doesn't fight. She gives in. She yields. The fighter says, "I press her down to the sand. I'm very careful not to push too hard, not to hurry. I want her to understand that this is not sex, this is me caring for her. I want her to understand that I'm willing to be there for her."

The DM judges the moment, chooses 2d6, decides that if its a 7 or more, then she returns the feeling; if it's a 6 or less, she has merely weakened, but she is still thinking about her husband.

The DM rolls a 9.

"She understands," the DM says.Basement Denizen
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Make a difficulty 20 Fortitude save against here +2 Mace Spray

Psammetichus:
Holy God, the Wikipedia talk page doc is gold:

Assuming no stretching, this is the Schwarzschild radius for roughly 27 septillion kilograms. The density of cum is around 1,014g/mL..., so I'd have roughly 68,5kg of semen ejaculated inside me every day. Divide the former to the latter, and you get about a sextillion years. So in roughly a sextillion years, older than the known age of the universe, about when the sun spends the last remnants of its energy and cools down completely, after aeons of being cummed inside, my slutty loli womb will have so much semen in it that it'll turn into a black hole.)
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I think the question here is whether real life African Americans want to accept Peter Griffin as a fictional black man?
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I say that unless Hillenburg explicitly states that Sponge and Pat are gay, we should leave all this sheer and utter nonsense out.
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Q3: I would like to upload a picture of my penis.
A3: Unfortunately, the realities of supply and demand are not in your favor. There is a large supply of Wikipedia editors willing to photograph their penis in the name of science.
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arctile dose not talk about the use of the butt museles in sex
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This article is about Die Hard, a 1988 action film starring Bruce Willis. For the related medical condition, see Death erection.
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infromation is onformation, what your proposing is censorship.
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Runic:
I'm going to quote one of those in full because it is the creepiest goddamn thing I have ever read.

The anime television series, produced by Kyoto Animation, which is know for animating cute little girls (Little girls can improve everything. Take, for example, human innards. Normally, one wouldn't think of his spleen or kidneys as being adorable, but once you imagine them as cute little girls, even human viscera can be worth falling in love with. Your kidneys, for example, would be identical twins wearing the adrenal glands as their hats, gladly devoting themselves to their rather disagreeable job with a warm smile on their faces so that your body can be free of waste products. Your bladder would be a shy, clumsy loli under the kidneys' guidance, trying her best to hold in your urine but occassionally falling and spilling pee everywhere. Your liver would be a reliable onee-sama type who oversees the blood sugar levels in your body and detoxifies harmful chemicals, she'd always be concerned over your well-being and admonish you if you don't watch your food and alcohol intake; but despite being a strict, no-nonsense class president type on the surface (she'd probably wear glasses too) she'd secretly be a perverted lolicon in an incestous lesbian relationship with her little sister gallbladder-tan. Your stomach would be a womanizer despite being a little girl, frequently kissing both oesophagus-tan and small intestine-tan mouth-to-mouth with the excuse of "transferring digestive contents", but she'd do this even if you haven't eaten in days. As the alchemists of old believed that gold was the ideal form of all metals, I believe the ideal form of humankind to be adorable young maidens. I pray that once we die, the afterlife awaits us will involve all /a/ users turning into elegant young ladies and taking it easy until the end of times.3 liters? That's quite a lot. Let's say I turned into a immortal little girl today and allowed my body to be constantly violated until my mind breaks and all I can feel is the warmth of the semen gushing inside my small womb. Since the refractory period is about 15 minutes (for 18 year old males, no way I'll let older men cum inside me), and assuming a 8-hour sleep for those otaku, it would seem that one of them can have sex 64 times every day, ejaculating about 45 mililiters every time (that's about three tablespoons, vastly higher than the average volume). Since my loli body would be irresistibly erotic, let's assume that any man who violates me will ejaculate instantly, taking about a minute in average before my slutty womb drinks all of their semen. Since those are responsible men, they will only cum inside my tight vagina, so at this point, I would have 67,5 liters of cum sprayed inside me every day.

Since my body is immature, my womb would be rather small, say, roughly a sphere about 4cm in diameter (the average womb is a bit larger, and not a sphere, it's more elliptical). Assuming no stretching, this is the Schwarzschild radius for roughly 27 septillion kilograms. The density of cum is around 1,014g/mL (By the way, there's a study on this. They decanted semen into graduated cylinders and weighed it.), so I'd have roughly 68,5kg of semen ejaculated inside me every day. Divide the former to the latter, and you get about a sextillion years. So in roughly a sextillion years, older than the known age of the universe, about when the sun spends the last remnants of its energy and cools down completely, after aeons of being cummed inside, my slutty loli womb will have so much semen in it that it'll turn into a black hole.)
--- End quote ---

I don't know who wrote this or why, but I am damn certain that there are bodies in his motherfucking crawlspace.

Fatty Bo Batty:
No one seems to appreciate the lesser-known Soundgarden single "Black Hole Cum."

Mister Smalls:
My least favorite thing about that post is how massive the parenthetical is.

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