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Projects => The F Plus => Topic started by: Cat Planet on February 10, 2015, 05:55:35 am

Title: Best F Plus poetry?
Post by: Cat Planet on February 10, 2015, 05:55:35 am

Over the course of the podcast, many poetic works were read. What is your favourite? I vote for the dragon ball busting poem, with the honorable mention going to the ocular degeneration one. [cake]

Title: Best F Plus poetry?
Post by: goombapolice on February 10, 2015, 08:15:59 am

dragon gonads
make him squeal
stomp 'em flat
beneath your heel

Title: Best F Plus poetry?
Post by: moooo566 (taylor's version) on February 10, 2015, 09:55:39 am

When you are young your eyes shine bright;
they focus like lasers even at night.
While myopic kids have to get their eyes tested,
yours are always relaxed, clear and rested.

Then in college headaches start to arise;
the optometrist confirms the problem's your eyes.
“You're a bit farsighted, or hyperopic.
It's quite an interesting visual topic.

Your eyes have to work more than they should;
these mild reading glasses will do you some good.”
For years the glasses work quite well;
you wear them when you read for a spell.

But for distance they really aren't required,
although your eyes do start to feel tired.
And then, at 40, in a dimly lit venue,
you find you cannot read the menu.

Presbyopia is what you are told,
and this diagnosis leaves you feeling old.
Stronger glasses are going to be needed;
your close vision is worse, it must be conceded.

For a couple of years the new glasses work fine,
though you always must have them when you go out to dine.
But your bare-eyed far vision is still very clear
—or at least much better than your near.

Then you look down the hall where a sign is hung,
and you wonder, could I really see that when I was young?
As I stand here now all the letters are blurred,
but my far vision is good—this is absurd!

That night you're reading on the train,
and even with glasses it's a bit of a pain.
The clip is too close, the print is too small;
but without your glasses you can't read at all.

You put off an appointment because you know what comes next,
even though you're still struggling with small text.
You find yourself squinting when driving the car.
Is your vision worse now at near or at far?

But finally you accept your fate,
and your progressive lenses sure work great.
You see better than you have in years;
no more eyestrain, no more tears.

The only problem that you can find
is that now when you're bare-eyed you're practically blind!

Title: Best F Plus poetry?
Post by: Nikaer Drekin on February 10, 2015, 12:45:46 pm

TAB TAB TAB TAB TAB

help... who??

Title: Best F Plus poetry?
Post by: Mister Smalls on February 10, 2015, 01:24:53 pm

I want into Mary's twat.
Her cunt is wet, and very hot!
At Alice's restaurant!

Title: Best F Plus poetry?
Post by: cube abuser on February 10, 2015, 03:53:20 pm

i think of you all day long
while i sit at home playing with my dong

Title: Best F Plus poetry?
Post by: Lady Frenzy on February 10, 2015, 04:21:32 pm

Twas a few days after Christmas, my cock is as hard as a rock

Title: Best F Plus poetry?
Post by: Navigator on February 10, 2015, 04:43:18 pm

On the train...

Not thinking...

About WEED

Title: Best F Plus poetry?
Post by: positive stress on February 10, 2015, 04:53:14 pm

Obviously the best internet poem is Internet Poetry by STOG

Drinking and feeling mentally fucking lost in the wilderness
Drinking more and looking out the window
Thinking about a world abandoned
Facebook never stops blinking
Twitter's just full of shit I subscribe to
I Google for poetry and find myself contemplating
Contemplating fucking on a pile of junk
Getting splinters in my asshole and balls
Exploring new worlds of internet poetry
Harvesting Lisa Frank-style fields of glitter
Slipping and drowning in vats of purple prose poems
Dancing to the worst rhyme scheme in the world
Getting progressively drunk as I find the nexus
Between poetry and performance art
Falling into the zone
Fuck society, Bush, America, conservatives, Bush Hitler
Malls, doctors, Gatorade, high school, George Carlin, Reddit, libertarian
Wake up, America! Wake up, America! Wake up, America!
Bringing my bottle of booze to bed with me
Sleeping on top of it, feeling the glass shards puncturing my flabby gut
Charles Bukowski would be proud
Tool comes on but I can't hear it

Title: Best F Plus poetry?
Post by: crow on February 12, 2015, 06:12:14 am

I MADE A DEAL WITH GOD

Title: Best F Plus poetry?
Post by: Neal on February 14, 2015, 11:49:48 am

Obviously the best internet poem is Internet Poetry by STOG

Drinking and feeling mentally fucking lost in the wilderness
Drinking more and looking out the window
Thinking about a world abandoned
Facebook never stops blinking
Twitter's just full of shit I subscribe to
I Google for poetry and find myself contemplating
Contemplating fucking on a pile of junk
Getting splinters in my asshole and balls
Exploring new worlds of internet poetry
Harvesting Lisa Frank-style fields of glitter
Slipping and drowning in vats of purple prose poems
Dancing to the worst rhyme scheme in the world
Getting progressively drunk as I find the nexus
Between poetry and performance art
Falling into the zone
Fuck society, Bush, America, conservatives, Bush Hitler
Malls, doctors, Gatorade, high school, George Carlin, Reddit, libertarian
Wake up, America! Wake up, America! Wake up, America!
Bringing my bottle of booze to bed with me
Sleeping on top of it, feeling the glass shards puncturing my flabby gut
Charles Bukowski would be proud
Tool comes on but I can't hear it

fruithag, February 10, 2015, 04:53:14 pm

Oh, come on, there's no way that poem is entirely left-justified.

Title: Best F Plus poetry?
Post by: positive stress on February 14, 2015, 02:04:56 pm

Sorry, fixed

Title: Best F Plus poetry?
Post by: Neal on February 14, 2015, 02:10:54 pm

There you go. (It would probably be best if it were all over the page like a Susan Howe piece, but that's also probably beyond the forum software's capabilities.)

Title: Best F Plus poetry?
Post by: Old_Zircon on March 23, 2015, 12:55:00 pm

Rabelais, but that doesn't really count since it was satire to begin with.

I've had "What our privy says to the skiters" memorized since 10th grade.

Title: Best F Plus poetry?
Post by: Old_Zircon on March 23, 2015, 01:02:27 pm

You've really got to get the right translation, though. Rabelais was a monk in addition to being a doctor and boozer, so he didn't miss an opportunity to poke fun at monks but the best (if least accurate) translation was done by two Englishmen who had been excommunicated in I think the 17th century and they added so much deliberately offensive stuff about the church that their translation is 5 books long instead of the original four.  Also the lists were expanded so that some of them (the games of Gargantua and one that's I think the books in his or one of his childrens' libraries) are something like three pages long in their version.  It's my favorite.

Title: Best F Plus poetry?
Post by: chai tea latte on March 23, 2015, 01:04:28 pm

Fertile Earthly Maiden, here I come to tease your senses by walking the trails of thy luscious body,
there I sink my Feet into the scented Sex of yours.
Those long Blades of grass – like fingernails – scratch along my skin..
You suck my heels into Thee, holding my Extremities in an alchemic mystical Embrace.
Those fallen leaves – like pubic hairs – hide the secret Portal of Your grace from profane eyes.
As I penetrate more into it, the wet walls of warm mud open up like a trembling hungry mouth, its saliva orgasming pure water to further lubricate my next moves, yearning for more..
Those sharp thorns – like unexpected lustful bites – pierce my fleshes ejaculating red semen.
Earth to Man, Man back to Earth.​
 (http://im sorry matt if this gets me banned but jesus fucking christ this is the gayest hippy shit ive heard !!!!!

barefoot feet wowwwwww do we really need a whole fucking story about it)

Title: Best F Plus poetry?
Post by: crow on March 23, 2015, 01:12:55 pm

Remember, Bakunin thought that Gargantua was the best literary work of the Modern Era

Title: Best F Plus poetry?
Post by: chai tea latte on March 23, 2015, 01:17:54 pm

Remember, Bakunin thought that Gargantua was the best literary work of the Modern Era
Smoking Crow, March 23, 2015, 01:12:55 pm

ulysses hadn't been written yet

Title: Best F Plus poetry?
Post by: Bobalay on March 23, 2015, 04:50:14 pm

hit quote and see
chai tea latte, March 23, 2015, 01:04:28 pm

Well played. Very well played.

Title: Best F Plus poetry?
Post by: Old_Zircon on April 03, 2015, 09:49:39 pm

Remember, Bakunin thought that Gargantua was the best literary work of the Modern Era
Smoking Crow, March 23, 2015, 01:12:55 pm

Me and Bakunin are now officially buds for life.

Anyhow, James Joyce loved Rabelais, too.