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Topic: Our favorite bad movies.  (Read 46156 times)

montrith

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Our favorite bad movies. #30
I've never actually seen this movie, but I have a soft spot for this particular scene. Anyone know if  the rest of the movie is as good?

count_actuala

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Our favorite bad movies. #31
Vampire's Kiss is a national treasure.


Delcat

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Our favorite bad movies. #32
For best effect, imagine this is being said to you by a stranger on an eight-hour flight.

So hey, have you heard about this movie called The Killer Tongue?  No?  My sister and I got it for like a buck at Family Video once.  There's this meteorite that falls in the desert, right, and part of it cracks open and there's stuff inside, kind of like Creepshow or The Gate or actually any movie with a meteorite in it, except in this movie, there's this lady hiding out from her boyfriend in the desert and she finds it and thinks it's food.  So she eats some of it herself and feeds some of it to her poodles--did I not mention the poodles?  There are poodles, four of them, all dyed different pastel colors.  Anyway they turn into drag queens with dresses that correspond to their fur dye and they kind of act like dogs during the movie and kind of not, but when she eats it her tongue changes instead, it grows to like eight feet long and starts talking like the snowman in Jack Frost.  Not the kids' movie Jack Frost, the Jack Frost with the carrot rape.  Actually it rapes her at one point, she's arguing with it and it starts raping her so she's, like, being raped by her own tongue but her tongue is an evil alien, so she stops it by cutting it off with scissors, but then it escapes and goes around killing people and I guess finds another host body or something?  So that's like forty minutes into the movie before you get the title, but other stuff is happening, like her boyfriend gets out of prison and he finds a bigger chunk of the meteorite and he literally orgasms to death just from looking at it.  And then a nun finds the same chunk, but I guess since she's like a nun and stuff, she doesn't orgasm to death, she just turns into a sexy drum majorette, and she finds the lady who ate the meteorite tongue soup and I think they end up fighting it in a church?  I dunno, at a certain point things get kind of hazy and I start thinking I had a really elaborate fever dream, but there was a single about the tongue and it has a music video and everything, so I guess it's real.

Why are you trying to jump out of the plane?

montrith

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Our favorite bad movies. #33
I can believe I forgot about this movie, but fucking ZsaZsa Zaturnnah. A gay man finds a pink meteor and when he swallows it he changes into a red-headed female superhero  ZsaZsa Zaturnnah. S/he fights a giant frog and Amazonistas from Planet XXX while trying to win the love of the man he adores. Oh, and there are musical numbers.

« Last Edit: April 19, 2013, 04:59:56 am by montrith »

OrganGrinder

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Our favorite bad movies. #34
I can believe I forgot about this movie, but fucking ZsaZsa Zaturnnah. A gay man finds a pink meteor and when he swallows it he changes into a red-headed female superhero Zsa Zsa Zaturna. S/he fights a giant frog and Amazonistas from Planet XXX while trying to win the love of the man he adores. Oh, and there are musical numbers.

So bad its good. I have no idea whats happening in that video, but there's enough over-acting to make Shatner red with shame.

Why are you trying to jump out of the plane?

This also sounds so bad its good.

Are any of these movies on Netflix or actually at Family Video?

Delcat

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Our favorite bad movies. #35
A gay man finds a pink meteor and when he swallows it he changes into a red-headed female superhero  ZsaZsa Zaturnnah.
montrith, April 19, 2013, 03:44:18 am

HOW IS THERE A TREND HERE
HOW

Are any of these movies on Netflix or actually at Family Video?OrganGrinder, April 19, 2013, 04:57:42 am

The last and only time I saw The Killer Tongue, it was on VHS, so good luck on that one.  However, if you wanna shoot low, Netflix actually showcased the thread's mascot earlier this month:



(There were a lot of good gags, actually.)

OrganGrinder

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Our favorite bad movies. #36
Oh my god, how did I forget about Face/Off. That is without a doubt the worst, dumbest fucking movie I have ever had the displeasure of seeing. I think if Nic Cage qualifies for doing shitty movies, John Travolta is like his doppelganger. The fact that they put the two of them into the SAME MOVIE is a recipe for terrible. It's such a terrible concept, and requires such a ridiculous suspension of reality, on top of over the top acting and the worst action sequences in the world, even as a teenager I knew it was garbage. I feel like its really the worst movie ever.

Thanks, now I have to cope with this trauma again.

Isfahan

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Our favorite bad movies. #37
Well, I hope this gets made.

« Last Edit: April 19, 2013, 11:06:15 am by Isfahan »

Acierocolotl

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Our favorite bad movies. #38
OH my fucking god, thanks for reminding me, Isfahan.

"JESUS CHRIST: VAMPIRE HUNTER."  A local production and immense fun, especially when the producers hosted viewings in the local theaters and encouraged the audience to shout advice to Our Lord and Saviour.

Yossarian

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Our favorite bad movies. #39
Wind talkers is possibly the worst war movie ever made, and its not just because of Mr Cage.

My vote would go for Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter. An absolute tragedy of editing and b movie crap. I watched it because Alan Tudyk is a favorite. The movie is redeemed by the complete ridiculousness of the ... everything.
Funfact, one of my professors I'll have this fall semester was a historical adviser for one scene.

OrganGrinder

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Our favorite bad movies. #40
Iron Sky is a terrible movie, as is Nazis at the Center of the Earth. I was actually unable to finish the latter. Both are on NetFlix

montrith

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Our favorite bad movies. #41
I'm pretty sure that Iron Sky is terrible on purpose. At least, that's the impression I've had all along.

Anyone ever watched any of the Ilsa movies? I heard they're really fucking terrible, but I haven't dared to look since sexualizing Nazis is a bit of a squick to me.

Lemon

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Our favorite bad movies. #42
Anyone ever watched any of the Ilsa movies?
montrith, April 19, 2013, 03:14:53 pm
I remember renting Ilsa: She Wolf of the SS when I was about 14, because it looked like it had lots of nudity and the video store would let me rent anything that wasn't from the adults-only section. This meant exposing myself to a lot of horrifying nigh-pornography when the actual porn I was wanting would have been significantly less damaging to my psyche.

My memory of it is sketchy, but I do remember it being a sexualized version of the Mengele experiments. The Nazis are looking for the perfect sexual specimen and so are torturing and killing captives in an effort to find one. Ilsa takes a liking to a couple of them and fucks them, and there's a lot of B&D insanity going on. It's really quite horrifying. Yes, I watched the whole thing, yes I wish I hadn't.

I know I've read things about real life Jews (particularly older ones, for whom the holocaust is slightly less distant), who have concentration camp fantasies: Paying dominatrixes to wear swastika armbands and dominate them sexually, and I do believe David Friedman was one of those people, because that's how the whole thing plays out and it's really, really gross.

Alpha Starsquatch

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Our favorite bad movies. #43
All of you who have Netflix and a burning desire to drink yourselves to death need to go watch this.


Delcat

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Our favorite bad movies. #44
Anyone ever watched any of the Ilsa movies?
montrith, April 19, 2013, 03:14:53 pm
I remember renting Ilsa: She Wolf of the SS when I was about 14, because it looked like it had lots of nudity and the video store would let me rent anything that wasn't from the adults-only section.
Lemon, April 19, 2013, 04:06:51 pm

I've never actually seen it, but from everything I'm reading, why the HELL wasn't it in the adults-only section?