Our favorite bad movies.

[Geremy Tibbles]

VAMPIYAZ
Vampires in the Hood.

[OrganGrinder]

I'm pretty sure that Iron Sky is terrible on purpose. At least, that's the impression I've had all along.

There is a definite 'campy on purpose vibe' throughout the movie, and even though its pretty bad, I actually really enjoyed watching it. I'm glad I'm not that only one who has seen it.

[Goose Goose Honk At Me Now]

For any Doctor Who fans, the 1996 made-for-tv movie is so bad it approaches awesome. If you're not a fan it'll probably give you a gloriously inaccurate idea of what the series is about.

Also Eric Roberts gets to play the Doctor's arch-enemy, which means he goes from wearing a leather jacket to a Gallifreyan Council Member's ceremonial robes, spits up ectoplasm all over people, and chews the scenery to within an inch of its life. It's awesome.

[Bunnybread]

So I had a spare moment and decided to read through this thread.  Now it has been filled with tasty morsels and I am richer for having read it. However, I am also filled with great sadness and disappointment.  You see, I was certain that a particular cinemasterpiece would be mentioned on the first page, if not the first post.   But here we are on the fourth page and there is not even a faint whisper about the most glorious film failure in history.  No "Favorite Shitty Movies" discussion can really begin without preaching the word of DOLEMITE. 

Dolemite, sweet Dolemite.  How do I love thee?  Let me just share my favorite part of your gospel. 

We have the greatest supporting actor performance that your unworthy eyes will ever see.  Creeper is what all other supporting actors shoot for.  Vainus Rackstraw must have been taking directions from the Crank Twins because he acted the SHIT out of this role.  He was so fucking good that they made a theme song (around 0:20 in the clip) for a character with less than three total minutes of screen time.  Creeper was Mr. Rackstraw's one and only role, ever.  When you've achieved perfection, why bother continuing?

Wait!  I forgot about Joe Blow: THE Lover Man!  He is a brothel patron and aspiring gynecologist.  Ladies, you should take note of his helpful advice regarding douche powder.  Also, you should be paying him.

Wait! Wait! I forgot about the fights!!  Look at this shit!  At 0:15, Dolemite is so badass that he has harnessed the power of telekinetic force when kicking a guy!  Look at his Telekicknesis and thank your god for allowing Dolemite to grace this earth. 

Ok, so it is impossible to pick out my real favorite part of this movie.  There's the beautiful theme song.  There's the endless boom mics in the corners of the screen (You can see the mic and the sound guy during the Creeper/Dolemite hug in the first clip).  There's Queen Bee emoting like a motherfucker in one of the opening scenes.  Every part of this movie is the best part of this movie.

Now, for all you folks that didn't know Dolemite, before, GO WATCH DOLEMITE.  For all you folks that already knew Dolemite before, well... I'm sure you're not reading this because, as soon as your eyes scanned D-O-L-E-M at the beginning of this post, you screamed "Holy Shit!  Why am I not watching Dolemite right now, goddammit?!?!?  I gotta go watch Dolemite!!!!!!"

[Down10]

Joe's Apartment (1996)

This is a shitty movie. Literally, this movie has multiple scenes involving shit. It was released in 1996 as the first movie from "MTV Films" and it was a glorious bomb. The acting is awful, the writing is stupid, the humor is tasteless, and the whole movie really just stinks.

Still, I couldn't possibly hate a movie about a guy whose filthy apartment is populated by thousands of cockroaches who happen to talk and sing and dance. I guess the novelty concept worked on me, because it's hard to think of anything more unlovable and gross than a cockroach and yet here is a whole movie based around that disgust. Even if it sucked, it still managed to get shown (briefly) in movie theaters around the country, and that is truly something to behold.

[montrith]

Fuck Joe's Apartment. Fuck it so hard. Why do they show that on TV? I keep flipping channels and that thing comes up a lot more than it fucking should. Fuck that movie.

[Goose Goose Honk At Me Now]

Fuck Joe's Apartment. Fuck it so hard. Why do they show that on TV? I keep flipping channels and that thing comes up a lot more than it fucking should. Fuck that movie.

you have mastered the english language. i can tell by your astute use of the verb/noun/adjectival gerund "fuck".

[montrith]

Fuck Joe's Apartment. Fuck it so hard. Why do they show that on TV? I keep flipping channels and that thing comes up a lot more than it fucking should. Fuck that movie.

you have mastered the english language. i can tell by your astute use of the verb/noun/adjectival gerund "fuck".

That's the first thing you learn when you study English, though I must admit I had some apprehensions about "Fuck 101" when I first saw it in my students guidebook.

[Isfahan]

At this stage in Anglophone culture, learning "fuck" means learning about half of all English words.

[Cheapskate]

I strongly recommend "Starcrash," which is the perfect combination of giant robots with robot boobs, over-the-top villainy, and David Hasselhoff with a lightsaber.

The first movie I covered on my review show was "C Me Dance," which is fucked up in a way that few movies are. There's a ballerina with cancer, and when she touches you, she turns you into a Christian. They call it a "horror" movie because the devil shows up, but I don't think the filmmakers ever really realized that the true horror of the film was that our heroine was stealing everyone's free will. Anywho, you can watch it for free on Youtube.

[Isfahan]

Miami Connection is a 1987 action (?) movie which was revived in December 2012 from an old print copy purchased on eBay. The story is about a college band in Orlando who sing G-rated songs about friendship at a local nightclub even though all the dudes look like they're in their late 20s or early 30s. They are also Tae Kwon Do practictioners, and they reluctantly start fighting crime after a local drug syndicate made up entirely of ninjas gets mad at them because their nightclub gig used to belong to an evil band associated with them. That's the plot as I have it figured out, at least.

It's horrifically cringeworthy and tragically earnest in its execution. This movie was trying to be good, thought it could be good, and you can tell. The Korean guy who's obviously the only one who actually knows Tae Kwon Do in the movie has an accent so thick I sometimes can't tell what he's saying. It's available on Amazon.

[Adam Bozarth]

Miami Connection is a 1987 action (?) movie which was revived in December 2012 from an old print copy purchased on eBay. The story is about a college band in Orlando who sing G-rated songs about friendship at a local nightclub even though all the dudes look like they're in their late 20s or early 30s. They are also Tae Kwon Do practictioners, and they reluctantly start fighting crime after a local drug syndicate made up entirely of ninjas gets mad at them because their nightclub gig used to belong to an evil band associated with them. That's the plot as I have it figured out, at least.

It's horrifically cringeworthy and tragically earnest in its execution. This movie was trying to be good, thought it could be good, and you can tell. The Korean guy who's obviously the only one who actually knows Tae Kwon Do in the movie has an accent so thick I sometimes can't tell what he's saying. It's available on Amazon.

Miami Connection is a great bad movie. I think it was written and directed by the star, who has a poor grasp on the English language, but a burning passion for America.

It also features the most ham-fisted father-son B-plot in movie history. 

[NutshellGulag]

What, no Xanadu? Really? Come on, guys.

[Goose Goose Honk At Me Now]

If you haven't seen "A Talking Cat!?!" you are missing out on a perfect portrait of artistic apathy. Eric Roberts voices the title character and sounds like he literally phoned in his lines (though that might be because he had to speak them through a 40 of Everclear).

[count_actuala]

Watch A Talking Cat?!!?! if you need to hear every single line spoken as if the actors are saying "Fine, Christ, whatever!"