How to live the raw foodie lifestyle, according to weirdos featured in this episode:
You will need: An iron, lots of disposable income, the sun, a shovel, an industrial food processor, good chakras, fruits and veggies, 1000 expensive earthenware bowls from Burma, Irish moss
1) Set iron to its hottest setting
2) Apply hot iron to tongue to cauterize tastebuds, wrap tongue in gauze to prevent infection
3) Lie in the sun until your skin has the same consistency as a leather purse. Bring along a picture of the Krypt Keeper for comparison
4) Somehow acquire a large amount of money, possibly by practicing homeopathy or reflexology or by having really awesome chakras. Repeating "Wealth. Success." to yourself every night as you fall asleep in order to get filthy rich is a must because of quantum physics
5) Always give a compliment - or advice!
6) Buy exactly a metric ton of exotic fruits and vegetables and throw them into a gigantic food processor along with all the spices in your spice-rack with no regard for how well the ingredients go together. Using shovel, scoop hell-mixture into approx. 1000 expensive earthenware bowls from Burma (these bowls have good chi and will unblock your chakras, but you don't really need them because your chakras are perfect). Preserve bowls in a large space - airplane hangars are preferred - at any temperature. It doesn't matter if they spoil because you look great
7) When the time for a meal comes along, remove the gauze from your tongue and then dump the contents from one of the bowls onto your kitchen counter
8) Form the veggie slop into the shape of the food you used to eat before your spiritual purification
9) Shove the concoction into your leathery maw
10) Repeat steps 7 through 9 for all of eternity, because you will live forever. Serves 1, because seeing your friends and family die throughout the eons will likely force you to seclude yourself from any human interaction, except for the pictures of your food that you put online
11) Irish moss
