Projects => The F Plus => Topic started by: Lemon on April 17, 2016, 09:53:00 am
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Lemon on April 17, 2016, 09:53:00 am
(https://cdn.meme.am/instances/61034777.jpg)
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Blandest on April 17, 2016, 10:43:21 am
I am only one story in and already this is one of the funniest episodes in a long time. I showed it to my friends and they all applauded and then I won the friend of the month award.
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: goombapolice on April 17, 2016, 11:30:06 am
Fuck yessssss these are my favorite kind of episodes
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: A Meat on April 17, 2016, 11:50:41 am
I feel like there's room for a play/script to be written of a modern reimagination of Rashomon where all the different nerd employees of a Gamestop retell the same incident each from their own stdh.txt variation on it
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Vinny Possum on April 17, 2016, 11:53:02 am
I have literally been fired for way less than these people claim to have said to customers. Have these people even ever actually worked retail?
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: moooo566 (taylor's version) on April 17, 2016, 12:40:02 pm
This is hurting me to listen to. 10/10.
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: eldritchhat on April 17, 2016, 01:19:41 pm
Second that, I used to frequent that site and its affiliates (mostly the one that turns the F Plus's first episode into an entire website) when I was younger, so this episodes has the perfect touch of masochism.
Also, the Persona 4 story was my favorite.
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: moooo566 (taylor's version) on April 17, 2016, 01:36:09 pm
Actually, after the first few it progresses out of the other end of cringeworthy and straight into eternal glory.
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: A Meat on April 17, 2016, 01:55:41 pm
I was kind of hoping the first story would end with "there aren't any good games on the Vita" as the applause line
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Glitterbomber on April 17, 2016, 02:47:34 pm
I have literally been fired for way less than these people claim to have said to customers. Have these people even ever actually worked retail? Vinny Possum, April 17, 2016, 11:53:02 am
Yea I've literally lost a job for saying 'yes ma'am' in a tone my supervisor thought was 'sarcastic' but I'm sure all these dudes are totally laying sick burns on customers daily
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: A Meat on April 17, 2016, 02:55:58 pm
By the way, to be the first to explain this, Nyu is from an anime called Elfen Lied, an anime I know about only because I knew a kid in 7th grade who was also into anime like I was in 7th grade. The difference is that he was also really weirdly into gore (in anime) and had to show me this anime that was totally edgy and had tits and gore and all sorts of fucked up emotional regression shit. I did not stay friends with this kid for long, but he also liked talking about which anime girls were hot, something that even 7th grade A Meat knew was kind of odd.
To the point, Nyu is a pink haired anime girl in a wheelchair, who has, get this, elf ears.
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: goombapolice on April 17, 2016, 03:00:52 pm
This entire episode was fucking amazing and I want to skim their other sites for more hilarity.
My favorite highlights were Isfahan's five year old Australian girl sounding like a pretty passable Rocko, and the villain from the disabled cosplayer at Gamestop basically charging in and kicking a puppy against the wall
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Isfahan on April 17, 2016, 03:15:23 pm
the villain from the disabled cosplayer at Gamestop basically charging in and kicking a puppy against the wall goombapolice, April 17, 2016, 03:00:52 pm
Exactly! It was never explained why he would be so infuriated at a store clerk talking to a disabled person. It's like he knew his only job was to be the object of scorn for some sad nerd's made-up story...
Also Boots's reading of that villain was delightful, especially "I'm here n'yow!" and "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?"
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Ambious on April 17, 2016, 03:20:34 pm
As someone who worked at a GameStop/RadioShack/BestBuy equivalent for seven years, I can attest that everything in this episode is 100% true and real.
I was kind of hoping the first story would end with "there aren't any good games on the Vita" as the applause line A Meat, April 17, 2016, 01:55:41 pm
WOW that reference is OLD. Kudos!
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Yavuz on April 17, 2016, 04:18:48 pm
I've never worked retail before, but I'm weirdly having a hard time listening to this episode. I think my allergy to obvious bullshit has increased because of this fucking election. And this episode just might send me into anaphylactic shock if I keep going.
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Blandest on April 17, 2016, 04:36:03 pm
At least the person at the ABC shop selling Doctor Who merchandise is out of a job now, what with the physical ABC stores running at a loss and closing down. So there are some positives to take from this.
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Chupasaurus-Rex on April 17, 2016, 05:01:50 pm
"I changed my mind, I wanna be like her when I grow up" -No One Ever.
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Username on April 17, 2016, 05:09:54 pm
Cosplay is not Consent!
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Cheapskate on April 17, 2016, 05:32:06 pm
Adam was exactly right about my search technique.
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: EYE OF ZA on April 17, 2016, 07:41:26 pm
Why are so many of these stories about cosplayers being heroes? It's like the secret second cosplay episode.
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Coalbus on April 17, 2016, 08:15:11 pm
Why are so many of these stories about cosplayers being heroes? It's like the secret second cosplay episode. EYE OF ZA, April 17, 2016, 07:41:26 pm
Obviously it's because cosplay is the most heroic and brave act. ::applause::
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: SatanInAZootSuit on April 17, 2016, 08:44:07 pm
This episode is making my eye twitch And then every other body part applauded and make my twitchy eye eye of the month.
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: memorylikeasieve on April 17, 2016, 10:12:32 pm
I love Dr Who and I still wanna slap the ABC shop person and never stop slapping them.
Also, the 'you make a stand, you say no, bla bla bla' speech is a fucking quote from the show, which makes it even more infuriating in an already infuriating parade of infuriating stories.
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Haruharuharuko on April 17, 2016, 10:33:22 pm
How is it that this is the episode that has made me cringe harder than anything else on the F Plus?
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: izzy on April 17, 2016, 11:00:30 pm
I love Dr Who and I still wanna slap the ABC shop person and never stop slapping them. memorylikeasieve, April 17, 2016, 10:12:32 pm
Likewise. Yeah, I love the show, but "deep"? Are you fucking kidding me?
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Vinny Possum on April 17, 2016, 11:01:13 pm
How is it that this is the episode that has made me cringe harder than anything else on the F Plus? Haruharuharuko, April 17, 2016, 10:33:22 pm
Humanity didn't get to the top of the food chain without developing a halfway functioning bullshit-o-meter
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: chai tea latte on April 17, 2016, 11:10:10 pm
LEMON: the third time I told it it got way more dramatic, because I knew that the first two times I told it, like, nobody liked it?...so I said this, and she cried, and left the room... ISFAHAN: the story didn't screen well, so you went to rewrites? LEMON: Yeah! I mean, I genuinely did. Like, I don't know if that's a bad thing on my part but I do do that, I do do that with anecdotes where I don't actually know with an anecdote that I've told for five years, how much of it is true. ISFAHAN: Sure. BOOTS: That's not unique. I've got a handful of those too.
I was talking with a friend the other day about this excellent piece (http://thewalrus.ca/the-marineland-dreamland/) ("The Marineland Dreamland") from The Walrus a few years ago, written by a guy who was so concerned with his anecdote's truthiness that he did an investigative journalist piece on his own memory. It feels relevant to the quoted dialogue above.There's a companion podcast piece here (http://thewalrus.ca/podcast-7-dreamland-firebugs/), if you feel like the essay ends abruptly.
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Glitterbomber on April 17, 2016, 11:20:52 pm
I love Dr Who and I still wanna slap the ABC shop person and never stop slapping them. memorylikeasieve, April 17, 2016, 10:12:32 pm
I always love when nerds get the wrong order in the 'yea it's an x show but y can enjoy it too'.
Dr Who is literally a kid's show. It's a kid's show that the writers feel can be good for all ages as well, but even fuckin Moffat has said it's a kid's show.
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: EYE OF ZA on April 17, 2016, 11:33:04 pm
If you don't think doctor who is a kid's show, there's two options: either you are a kid, or you are a kid, mentally.
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Fatty Bo Batty on April 18, 2016, 12:09:31 am
Like tales of promiscuous gay sex, it shouldn't be hard to tell a story about crazy customers in retail.
The very existence of these laughable power fantasies prove that these people wouldn't say shit to anyone, about anything.
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: montrith on April 18, 2016, 12:45:43 am
Hey Lemon, why do you think the wedding march is appropriate music for every situation that needs a fanfare?
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Cheapskate on April 18, 2016, 04:34:08 am
Looking back over this and other docs I’ve submitted (You May Now Fistbump The Spouse, I’ve Also Got An Idea For A Reboot Of Young Guns, Exclusive Unoriginal Content), I’ve come to the conclusion that I really fuckin’ hate nerds.
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: xX_sp00ks_Xx on April 18, 2016, 05:11:36 am
Now, now, now... Why don't you come and say that to my mascot head, Cheapskate? *unsheathes sailor moon wand*
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: STOG on April 18, 2016, 05:44:37 am
Hey Lemon, why do you think the wedding march is appropriate music for every situation that needs a fanfare? montrith, April 18, 2016, 12:45:43 am
because there's a point where someone doesn't just court failure, they're marrying it
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Gyro on April 18, 2016, 08:27:52 am
"I've changed my mind, mommy. I wanna be like her when I grow up!"
and then Lemon loses his fucking shit for like a full minute.
I love this.
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Nifty Nif on April 18, 2016, 10:43:17 am
I loved this, and I loved it being a secret cosplay episode. Sad retail cringelords being backed up by valiant nerd armies! Truly amazing. I could envision so much of it, down to Karkat's homemade horns. This episode really hits on what I find funny/reprehensible about nerd culture, particularly when it comes to male cosplayers, who are sleazes and white knights across the board. By far my favorite in a while. Awesome work, and it's good to hear Achillies' Heelies again!
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Gyro on April 18, 2016, 11:18:27 am
Is it possible that, out of all of the stories that didn't happen which have been read on the FPlus, these ones happened the least?
Like, I would believe the kids who say they summoned Digimon over this shit.
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Knitting Machine on April 18, 2016, 11:56:14 am
By the way, to be the first to explain this, Nyu is from an anime called Elfen Lied, an anime I know about only because I knew a kid in 7th grade who was also into anime like I was in 7th grade. The difference is that he was also really weirdly into gore (in anime) and had to show me this anime that was totally edgy and had tits and gore and all sorts of fucked up emotional regression shit. I did not stay friends with this kid for long, but he also liked talking about which anime girls were hot, something that even 7th grade A Meat knew was kind of odd.
To the point, Nyu is a pink haired anime girl in a wheelchair, who has, get this, elf ears. A Meat, April 17, 2016, 02:55:58 pm
Elfen Lied is my "is this person a creep" litmus test.
There's a girl who mentally becomes a child and pisses herself. That's all I really know about it, that's all I ever need to know about it.
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: A Meat on April 18, 2016, 12:00:56 pm
By the way, to be the first to explain this, Nyu is from an anime called Elfen Lied, an anime I know about only because I knew a kid in 7th grade who was also into anime like I was in 7th grade. The difference is that he was also really weirdly into gore (in anime) and had to show me this anime that was totally edgy and had tits and gore and all sorts of fucked up emotional regression shit. I did not stay friends with this kid for long, but he also liked talking about which anime girls were hot, something that even 7th grade A Meat knew was kind of odd.
To the point, Nyu is a pink haired anime girl in a wheelchair, who has, get this, elf ears. A Meat, April 17, 2016, 02:55:58 pm
Elfen Lied is my "is this person a creep" litmus test.
There's a girl who mentally becomes a child and pisses herself. That's all I really know about it, that's all I ever need to know about it. Knitting Machine, April 18, 2016, 11:56:14 am
That's where 7th grade me stopped when I was pestered into giving it a chance and I expect anybody who watches it under normal pretenses to do the same
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Gyro on April 18, 2016, 12:23:19 pm
By the way, to be the first to explain this, Nyu is from an anime called Elfen Lied, an anime I know about only because I knew a kid in 7th grade who was also into anime like I was in 7th grade. The difference is that he was also really weirdly into gore (in anime) and had to show me this anime that was totally edgy and had tits and gore and all sorts of fucked up emotional regression shit. I did not stay friends with this kid for long, but he also liked talking about which anime girls were hot, something that even 7th grade A Meat knew was kind of odd.
To the point, Nyu is a pink haired anime girl in a wheelchair, who has, get this, elf ears. A Meat, April 17, 2016, 02:55:58 pm
Elfen Lied is my "is this person a creep" litmus test.
There's a girl who mentally becomes a child and pisses herself. That's all I really know about it, that's all I ever need to know about it. Knitting Machine, April 18, 2016, 11:56:14 am
I watched the show all the way through, just to have a reasonable opinion on it.
I didn't reject it for being too creepy at the time, but I did think it was fucking dogshit* that may as well be written by the edgy pretentious teenagers it's targeted at, so... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
*IIRC practically nothing happens in the plot and everybody likes the main character for no reason. Also none of the characters act like real people. I'm pretty sure I was too distracted by the bad writing to get weirded out by the idea that some people might be getting off on this shit.
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: punpun on April 18, 2016, 07:05:06 pm
"Things that obviously never happened" is my favorite category of story and so this was such a delightful and funny episode. I would love more episodes of obviously fake bullshit nerds try to convince other nerds that totally 100% happened. I just want more Troper Tales.
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: KingKalamari on April 18, 2016, 07:10:02 pm
If there's one thing this podcast has taught me it's that there are a number of cosplayers who are really insecure about their hobby.
Seriously, every time cosplay comes up it's always these improbably power fantasies of cosplayers totally showing up the normies. Secure people do not make up shit like this.
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: EYE OF ZA on April 18, 2016, 07:23:19 pm
Cosplay also gets a reputation in these stories like it's the ultimate Nerd Thing you can do, is to dress up like something you like. It's just really weird to me that that's the zenith of nerddom, though I guess it's no less infuriating when the story hinges on someone knowing trivia better than someone else.
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Nifty Nif on April 18, 2016, 07:52:18 pm
If there's one thing this podcast has taught me it's that there are a number of cosplayers who are really insecure about their hobby.
Seriously, every time cosplay comes up it's always these improbably power fantasies of cosplayers totally showing up the normies. Secure people do not make up shit like this. KingKalamari, April 18, 2016, 07:10:02 pm
Cosplay also gets a reputation in these stories like it's the ultimate Nerd Thing you can do, is to dress up like something you like. It's just really weird to me that that's the zenith of nerddom, though I guess it's no less infuriating when the story hinges on someone knowing trivia better than someone else. EYE OF ZA, April 18, 2016, 07:23:19 pm
Yes, and yes, and furthermore, some people don't manage to separate the cosplayer from the character that they're cosplaying, and boundaries get weird. You can hear it in these stories, and it seems to be linked to the cosplay = heroism thing. I feel like cosplay is, for some, an escapist thing. These people probably are pretty insecure. It also doesn't help that cosplay as a hobby is very much tied to appearances, so while it's gratifying, it's also pretty humbling. It's also sad when you go to a convention and nobody wants to take a picture of you (hint: you have to take the initiative or have tiddy). Your homemade Captain Falcon costume just didn't go over like you thought it would. Your bodysuit's a little too tight and those tuna smoothies haven't kicked in yet. And these dumb fake geek girls aren't picking up on your vibe, and you have to drink all these drinks yourself. Falcon...paaawwwnch!! So you go home at the end of the weekend tired, hungover, and a little worse for wear. You go back to your job where you get paid by the hour and everyone thinks you're this dumb nerd. These fucking customers come in and god, you can just tell they're going to be assholes. Fuckin'... normies...
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: SatanInAZootSuit on April 18, 2016, 09:18:23 pm
I think that the nerdiest thing you can do is actively talk openly about shit other people obviously don't give a fuck about. Either that or write reams of fanfiction about your OTP.
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Dawnswalker on April 18, 2016, 10:12:33 pm
I loved this episode so much that I stood up on top of my chair and gave EVERYONE a round of applause!
At least the person at the ABC shop selling Doctor Who merchandise is out of a job now, what with the physical ABC stores running at a loss and closing down. So there are some positives to take from this. Blandest, April 17, 2016, 04:36:03 pm
I love how the poster went to the trouble of genericizing the story with talk of "Well-Known National Public Broadcasting Place" when the entire point of her story was how she was Dr. Who's greatest nerd apostle.
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: SatanInAZootSuit on April 18, 2016, 10:14:28 pm
If I recall, all the stories were vetted and edited to remove details and fix spelling issues.
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Isfahan on April 18, 2016, 10:20:24 pm
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Courtesy Bee on April 18, 2016, 11:24:11 pm
As a habitual liar who needs both attention for shit that didn't happen and as few Doctor Who posts as possible, I'm glad to learn ballp.it is the place for me! Hooray!
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: DaltonSezHi on April 18, 2016, 11:32:47 pm
This is one of the best episodes in a while. I listened to this shit TWICE the day it came out.
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: SatanInAZootSuit on April 19, 2016, 12:49:35 am
Ahaa but you see I wanted to win arguments on the internet and also I'm stupid.
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: JamEngulfer on April 22, 2016, 07:59:48 am
Oh my god I remember this website! It's entertaining to read, at least from a fiction perspective
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: positive stress on April 22, 2016, 10:10:29 am
Ironically, the amount of Doctor Who discussion on ballpit has just increased exponentially
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Psammetichus on April 23, 2016, 03:56:02 pm
These stories are so predictable that someone could construct a Joseph Campell, Hero's Journey-esque narrative structure that the vast majority will follow. To wit:
I. The Hero is minding their own business II. The Villain, without any real discernible motive or purpose, starts to complain III. There's a brief back-and-forth IV. The Villain begins to yell, again for no reason, V. The Hero delivers their monologue and ends with the lamest bon mot humanly possible VI. Everyone laughs / applauds VII. The Villain slinks away in defeat, without another word
With that structure in mind, apply two or more of the following topics: Dr. Who, video games, video game consoles, anime, cosplay, LGBT, racism, or dates memes. Sprinkle with censored curse words and weird circumlocutions.
That being said, I would love to see the NotAwaysRight cutting-room floor. What do they cut? Anything longer than six exchanges, or anything not sufficiently Manichean? I wonder if they've rejected anything for being too unbelievable? The mind boggles.
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Cheapskate on April 23, 2016, 04:00:15 pm
They have an "unfiltered" feed of unedited stories.
https://notalwaysright.com/category/unfiltered
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: eldritchhat on April 23, 2016, 04:03:43 pm
These stories are so predictable that someone could construct a Joseph Campell, Hero's Journey-esque narrative structure that the vast majority will follow. To wit:
I. The Hero is minding their own business II. The Villain, without any real discernible motive or purpose, starts to complain III. There's a brief back-and-forth IV. The Villain begins to yell, again for no reason, V. The Hero delivers their monologue and ends with the lamest bon mot humanly possible VI. Everyone laughs / applauds VII. The Villain slinks away in defeat, without another word
With that structure in mind, apply two or more of the following topics: Dr. Who, video games, video game consoles, anime, cosplay, LGBT, racism, or dates memes. Sprinkle with censored curse words and weird circumlocutions. Psammetichus, April 23, 2016, 03:56:02 pm
Can we get some sort of machine generated Not Always Right story creator up in here? Maybe we could even add in a mad libs style thing, where you plug in the hero, villain, and the store they work at, and everything else is randomly generated.
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Lemon on April 23, 2016, 06:41:32 pm
Can anyone explain that fucking "but when in Canberra" line?
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Achilles' Heelies on April 23, 2016, 06:57:53 pm
I think they were just in Canberra, and there was a gas leak in the store.
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Digital Walnut on April 23, 2016, 07:06:08 pm
Canberra is an especially gay part of Australia, I guess. Do we have any Aussies here who can confirm/deny?
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Sherman Tank on April 23, 2016, 07:15:33 pm
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: GirlKisser420 on April 23, 2016, 07:44:59 pm
These stories are so predictable that someone could construct a Joseph Campell, Hero's Journey-esque narrative structure that the vast majority will follow. To wit:
I. The Hero is minding their own business II. The Villain, without any real discernible motive or purpose, starts to complain III. There's a brief back-and-forth IV. The Villain begins to yell, again for no reason, V. The Hero delivers their monologue and ends with the lamest bon mot humanly possible VI. Everyone laughs / applauds VII. The Villain slinks away in defeat, without another word
With that structure in mind, apply two or more of the following topics: Dr. Who, video games, video game consoles, anime, cosplay, LGBT, racism, or dates memes. Sprinkle with censored curse words and weird circumlocutions. Psammetichus, April 23, 2016, 03:56:02 pm
It's basically a vaudeville narrative. It's even got a built-in Oh No You Didn't with the cosplay chorus.
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: GirlKisser420 on April 23, 2016, 07:46:48 pm
Canberra is an especially gay part of Australia, I guess. Do we have any Aussies here who can confirm/deny? Digital Walnut, April 23, 2016, 07:06:08 pm
Nah, Sydney's got the bigger queer community. Canberra's a more boring Washington DC where everyone's probably a spy.
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Digital Walnut on April 23, 2016, 08:01:08 pm
Canberra is an especially gay part of Australia, I guess. Do we have any Aussies here who can confirm/deny? Digital Walnut, April 23, 2016, 07:06:08 pm
Nah, Sydney's got the bigger queer community. Canberra's a more boring Washington DC where everyone's probably a spy. GirlKisser420, April 23, 2016, 07:46:48 pm
Looks like achilesheelies is right, then.
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: positive stress on April 23, 2016, 08:58:25 pm
BRB, listening to this episode again while considering the possibility that every story takes place in a store with a gas leak
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Cheapskate on April 23, 2016, 10:13:54 pm
Canberra is an especially gay part of Australia, I guess. Do we have any Aussies here who can confirm/deny? Digital Walnut, April 23, 2016, 07:06:08 pm
Nah, Sydney's got the bigger queer community. Canberra's a more boring Washington DC where everyone's probably a spy. GirlKisser420, April 23, 2016, 07:46:48 pm
I know one person from Canberra and she's lesbian.
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: positive stress on April 23, 2016, 10:14:24 pm
Okay, every single story was more believable except the one about the girl feeding the homeless people. I am 99% sure the BAZINGA story did in fact involve a gas leak. #notalwaysoxygen
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Cleretic on April 23, 2016, 11:24:21 pm
Canberra is an especially gay part of Australia, I guess. Do we have any Aussies here who can confirm/deny? Digital Walnut, April 23, 2016, 07:06:08 pm
Nah, Sydney's got the bigger queer community. Canberra's a more boring Washington DC where everyone's probably a spy. GirlKisser420, April 23, 2016, 07:46:48 pm
...Come to think of it, the only person I can name who lives in Canberra's a lesbian.
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Blandest on April 24, 2016, 02:06:41 am
Canberra is an especially gay part of Australia, I guess. Do we have any Aussies here who can confirm/deny? Digital Walnut, April 23, 2016, 07:06:08 pm
Nah, Sydney's got the bigger queer community. Canberra's a more boring Washington DC where everyone's probably a spy. GirlKisser420, April 23, 2016, 07:46:48 pm
The Legend of Zelda: A Man Shouting At You about Schizophrenia, Internet Porn, and Staying Paranoid
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Isfahan on May 01, 2016, 10:03:42 pm
The Legend of Zelda: A Man Shouting At You about Schizophrenia, Internet Porn, and Staying Paranoid STOG, April 27, 2016, 12:57:44 am
To get that you can normally just step outside the GameStop and walk to the nearest street corner.
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: xX_sp00ks_Xx on May 02, 2016, 01:25:46 pm
Can we get some sort of machine generated Not Always Right story creator up in here? Maybe we could even add in a mad libs style thing, where you plug in the hero, villain, and the store they work at, and everything else is randomly generated. eldritchhat, April 23, 2016, 04:03:43 pm
Sure we can, here's the Not Always Right Story Generator (http://orteil.dashnet.org/randomgen/?gen=exkaVmrx). RandomGen's syntax really fits randomization more than branching stories, so I was pretty pissed I couldn't do more than one altercation type efficiently, but I decided to finish the thing rather than drop it altogether. Not that many phrases, but have fun clicking "Applause!"
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Gyro on May 02, 2016, 03:53:35 pm
Can we get some sort of machine generated Not Always Right story creator up in here? Maybe we could even add in a mad libs style thing, where you plug in the hero, villain, and the store they work at, and everything else is randomly generated. eldritchhat, April 23, 2016, 04:03:43 pm
Sure we can, here's the Not Always Right Story Generator (http://orteil.dashnet.org/randomgen/?gen=exkaVmrx). RandomGen's syntax really fits randomization more than branching stories, so I was pretty pissed I couldn't do more than one altercation type efficiently, but I decided to finish the thing rather than drop it altogether. Not that many phrases, but have fun clicking "Applause!" Spooks, May 02, 2016, 01:25:46 pm
( I'm talking with a co-worker when this awful person shows up. This happened at the EB Games where I'm employed as a manager. )
Me: "Hello, can I help you?" Customer: "Hello, I was mislead into a sale."
(Sonic 1 - that's what they're here to blabber about.)
Me: "Uuuh... I'm not sure what your problem is?" Customer: "This thing is defective, it doesn't work, doesn't work at all!! You served me last time too, didn't you, you're just peddling broken junk and hoping I don't notice!"
(I'd already had a hard day, but this customer's outrageous attitude pushed me over the edge)
Me: (*puffs inhaler*) "I think you simply have the wrong place, we don't even stock these sorts of items here!" Customer: "I come here every day and this is how I'm treated? I demand a refund right now!" Me: (with a fake look of indination on my face) "Alright, pal, wanna take a chance on me?"
( Flabbergasted, the customer shouted several more expletives my way then stormed off the store for good. )
The gathered crowd were in disbelief, but applause soon followed! A small child that happened to be in the store with their parents pointed at me and said: "Daddy, I wanna be like him when I grow up! I later found out that customer was arrested and hung themselves in their holding cell!
Indistinguishable from the real thing.
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Zekka on May 02, 2016, 04:56:28 pm
I taught my neural net to imitate NAR and this is what it had to say:
UE! Hosa/gerot teratg hout andeolelelde. Preds tate teore andhyr phangende hhenll hos ans on dofh us correre audhenks weotimoftn. seshesd yorimarodes todl sold of or thofe wocatl ab it coce keec kose andteuwet ber no bose tauf tort an faagl.
Maybe I needed a corpus bigger than your doc. I'll come back to it later, I guess.
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: EYE OF ZA on May 02, 2016, 10:08:31 pm
You forgot to turn off the Welsh setting on your neural net.
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Zekka on May 02, 2016, 10:37:56 pm
Customer #1: “You and my serercimbes I dey the wers her gave in that and I fame, and get the made in a taininging me hord.” Me: “Yes, I’m sorry, a dright some and chards fatter the the guis and show of the cosplayer. I both the do me tell the ollers with this findans froing to the pesters pastes and and I have he walk like and tell it the a me well for the like she’s an one pirler her send and the mande and puck the fant.” Customer #1: “What?” Me: “How that a liating Pamy, show the song has peested to look and and charling store his talles to me being as a coctout bethe well and as the down and the wroth store and as on the wable the are hee not in the store.” Customer #1: “What the store down’t store some is bord and now it costomer cowfsering and but the fer that a can her at her sloons his watsle give the song and the to see now the to me show magh whit the damp stope that him scrittsers the and poy reare.” Me: “Sely you’re reging. The chack on a waises and I sall the chetter in stopre storiul show a toing to the customer tinges of the fround show storks and a pectared ring of as me and sip dencounds to her wontally entack the showirs.” Customer #1: “The God a minder soor we ther to be werd into chiiled thy is way for the mas, who a goo of the shurse!” And everyone her on applaying.
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: chai tea latte on May 02, 2016, 10:49:55 pm
From Welsh to Australian, awesome.
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Dawnswalker on May 02, 2016, 10:50:29 pm
Lewis Carroll Presents: Not Always Right.com
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Zekka on May 02, 2016, 11:33:37 pm
Somewhere, in whatever insane Dadaist afterlife he ended up in, Tristan Tzara is grinning ear to ear.
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Nifty Nif on May 03, 2016, 10:15:21 am
Isfahano (The Bandit King) is my new favorite Isfahan alter-ego, way better than Blissfahan. I love this absurd hell customer script generator, put people into it, keep going!!! Neural nets!!!!!!
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Zekka on May 03, 2016, 08:53:29 pm
On the next episode of Hinterland: DI Matthias and DI Rhys are trapped in a tense standoff in the only Gamespot in Aberystwyth. Things take a turn for the worse when Mathias misquotes Doctor Who in an attempt to defuse the situation.
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Nifty Nif on May 03, 2016, 10:01:27 pm
It's getting smarter! That montrith corpus really helped.
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Zekka on May 03, 2016, 10:12:17 pm
nsfw: a peek behind the veil NSFW content. Click to show.
(Isfahan and Montrith both generate pretty good output, but I edit it to remove text that's completely unreadable because no one wants to read a wall of that shit. I also spliced conversations to produce more thematic output, and front-load wham lines. Despite all that editing, pretty much everything that appeared except "What happened to *?" was actually produced by the montrith net, isfahan net, chai net, or NAR net. Most splices were between 8 and 30 words long, but some were whole paragraphs or multiple paragraphs.
NAR output is uniformly shit, Chai Tea Latte output is shit because I didn't train it very long, and purposefully gave it horrible parameters. Montrith's net is the most coherent by far.)
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Corn Syrup on May 03, 2016, 10:43:49 pm
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Isfahan on May 04, 2016, 09:15:46 am
The Canterbury Tales: Cutting-Room Floor Edition
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Lemon on May 04, 2016, 01:02:39 pm
Isfahan: Can I change your /meet photo to the Dillinger/Isfahano photo?
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Isfahan on May 04, 2016, 01:29:16 pm
Proceed! If ever there was something quite necessary, it was this.
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Lemon on May 04, 2016, 01:44:34 pm
Done.
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: chases parked cars on May 06, 2016, 09:51:36 pm
As an actual IRL GameStop Employee™, I can personally verify the following:
Nobody fucking applauds in GameStop. No one in there ever wants to draw attention to themselves. Unless they're Nintendo nerds. God I hate Nintendo nerds.
You will be written up for being rude to customers, because they're probably going to go and complain. Being rude to somebody you disagree with isn't gonna get you a round of applause. People are also a LOT more likely to gang up on you for having a dissenting opinion than they are to clap for you.
There is no such thing as an "employee of the month" at my store or any store in my region. I obviously can't speak for every district, but IME, we're a very collectivist kind of company that doesn't value personal achievement as much as store or district achievement. The only personal achievements that the company cares about are your pre-order and warranty numbers, and even if your numbers are good, if the rest of the store has shit for numbers, you may as well be a speck of dust.
Kids screaming at their parents bc the parents won't let them buy GTA after you give them the whole ESRB spiel is an actual thing. It is never not hilarious. The way that person described the whole GTA vs Pokemon scenario? Not likely an actual thing that happened.
On that note, I'm a fucking nerd and 90% of the flair on my lanyard is Pokemon-related, and my lanyard itself is Bulbasaur-print. I've probably only gotten one or two negative comments the whole time I've been using it. Pokemon is huge with the older crowd right now and people have grown out of making fun of it.
People actually do very often act like HUGE assholes to disabled customers. We have several regulars who have physical and mental disabilities and people shove their way in front of them in line, interrupt their questions to ask questions of their own, talk shit on them the moment they leave...yeah, the whole nine yards. I've had to verbally reprimand somebody for making horrible comments about one of our regulars who is Deaf, but that's probably the closest it's come to anything like that story. And generally, people get a clue after you give them a stern look anyway.
Replica weapons are not allowed in stores. Even the foam Minecraft swords we sell? Yeah, brandishing those is not a good idea. Not necessarily because they look like real weapons; mostly because your average GameStop is not exactly a giant store with a lot of open space, and you could seriously do damage to our displays or to other customers.
Cons overflowing into GameStops after the end of a con is common and it's also annoying as fuck. Con people stink, they're loud, and they loiter. They can be in our store wasting space for up to multiple hours at a time and it is the worst goddamned thing. At least Orochimaru spent over $300 that one time.
I have been applauded. By my coworkers. For dropping things, walking into things, knocking things over...yeah, you get the idea. And that's about it.
That said, the most badass thing I've ever seen a GameStop employee do was when the Assistant Store Manager was dealing with a serial shoplifter he'd known from back when he worked for Sam Goody (rip). He caught the guy sneaking some accessories into his pockets (he'd done this before at our store), and when the guy came up to the register (because it's VERY common for shoplifters to actually legitimately buy some things even while they steal other merchandise, as other retail workers probably know), the ASM just looked him in the eyes, said, "I know you. You're <name redacted>. You've been stealing from me for at least five years now. What's in your pocket?" And the guy pulls out the accessory, puts it on the counter, the ASM and the shoplifter just fucking shake hands, have an amicable conversation, ASM tells him to never come into the store again, and bam. Haven't seen the guy since.
My ASM is basically a certified badass and is the person that I want to be someday. Sadly, he's quitting soon.
Oh, right, and nobody clapped. Because there were maybe two other people in the store at the time and they were minding their own business. As actual GameStop shoppers do.
One thing I will say is that GameStop is DEFINITELY one of those places where "lol that can't be real" stories actually can happen (see above). That said, it's ridiculously rare and most times you deal with a rowdy customer or shoplifter are pretty mundane. Not the kind of thing you'd blog about. And if you're interested in reading stupid GameStop stories that actually did happen, see my thread here (http://ballp.it/index.php?topic=1422.0)! I'll hopefully be updating it again soon. In fact, lemme know if you want me to elaborate on any of the above, and I'll talk more about that in my thread!
also, darkrai distribution is currently going, so make sure you get your code before they're gone ;D
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: montrith on May 08, 2016, 02:38:42 am
I only live to speak shit.
Yeah, pretty much.
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Nemo2342 on May 09, 2016, 02:47:29 am
I have literally been fired for way less than these people claim to have said to customers. Have these people even ever actually worked retail? Vinny Possum, April 17, 2016, 11:53:02 am
Having previously spent 9 years of my life working at a grocery store, I can absolutely believe that these kids worked in retail. These are exactly the kinds of things you fantasize about doing when you're young, making minimum wage, and sick of dealing with idiots who don't know how to behave in public.
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Gyro on May 09, 2016, 02:49:08 pm
I have literally been fired for way less than these people claim to have said to customers. Have these people even ever actually worked retail? Vinny Possum, April 17, 2016, 11:53:02 am
Having previously spent 9 years of my life working at a grocery store, I can absolutely believe that these kids worked in retail. These are exactly the kinds of things you fantasize about doing when you're young, making minimum wage, and sick of dealing with idiots who don't know how to behave in public. Nemo2342, May 09, 2016, 02:47:29 am
When I was in that situation I fantasized about the proletariat rising up to crush the bourgeoisie.
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: eldritchhat on May 09, 2016, 05:08:44 pm
I have literally been fired for way less than these people claim to have said to customers. Have these people even ever actually worked retail? Vinny Possum, April 17, 2016, 11:53:02 am
Having previously spent 9 years of my life working at a grocery store, I can absolutely believe that these kids worked in retail. These are exactly the kinds of things you fantasize about doing when you're young, making minimum wage, and sick of dealing with idiots who don't know how to behave in public. Nemo2342, May 09, 2016, 02:47:29 am
When I was in that situation I fantasized about the proletariat rising up to crush the bourgeoisie. Gyro, May 09, 2016, 02:49:08 pm
When are you not fantasizing about that, comrade? (hint: please say in the bedroom)
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Nifty Nif on May 09, 2016, 06:06:41 pm
I have literally been fired for way less than these people claim to have said to customers. Have these people even ever actually worked retail? Vinny Possum, April 17, 2016, 11:53:02 am
Having previously spent 9 years of my life working at a grocery store, I can absolutely believe that these kids worked in retail. These are exactly the kinds of things you fantasize about doing when you're young, making minimum wage, and sick of dealing with idiots who don't know how to behave in public. Nemo2342, May 09, 2016, 02:47:29 am
When I was in that situation I fantasized about the proletariat rising up to crush the bourgeoisie. Gyro, May 09, 2016, 02:49:08 pm
When are you not fantasizing about that, comrade? (hint: please say in the bedroom) eldritchhat, May 09, 2016, 05:08:44 pm
Why aren't you fantasizing about it in the bedroom?
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Neal on May 09, 2016, 06:57:48 pm
I have literally been fired for way less than these people claim to have said to customers. Have these people even ever actually worked retail? Vinny Possum, April 17, 2016, 11:53:02 am
Having previously spent 9 years of my life working at a grocery store, I can absolutely believe that these kids worked in retail. These are exactly the kinds of things you fantasize about doing when you're young, making minimum wage, and sick of dealing with idiots who don't know how to behave in public. Nemo2342, May 09, 2016, 02:47:29 am
When I was in that situation I fantasized about the proletariat rising up to crush the bourgeoisie. Gyro, May 09, 2016, 02:49:08 pm
When are you not fantasizing about that, comrade? (hint: please say in the bedroom) eldritchhat, May 09, 2016, 05:08:44 pm
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: moooo566 (taylor's version) on May 10, 2016, 01:53:40 am
And here I am just fantasising about farting ponies and lizard feet.
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: goombapolice on May 10, 2016, 02:15:53 pm
Well well well. I like sexual knifing
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Macho Masc Sangy Savage on May 10, 2016, 02:18:03 pm
I have literally been fired for way less than these people claim to have said to customers. Have these people even ever actually worked retail? Vinny Possum, April 17, 2016, 11:53:02 am
Having previously spent 9 years of my life working at a grocery store, I can absolutely believe that these kids worked in retail. These are exactly the kinds of things you fantasize about doing when you're young, making minimum wage, and sick of dealing with idiots who don't know how to behave in public. Nemo2342, May 09, 2016, 02:47:29 am
When I was in that situation I fantasized about the proletariat rising up to crush the bourgeoisie. Gyro, May 09, 2016, 02:49:08 pm
When are you not fantasizing about that, comrade? (hint: please say in the bedroom) eldritchhat, May 09, 2016, 05:08:44 pm
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: positive stress on May 10, 2016, 03:22:18 pm
Delete this thread
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: dractivisionary on May 24, 2016, 10:08:37 pm
Sorry but I just can't make it through the episode. Like I have been working in retail for like 2 years now and nothing like this ever happens. Like the worst thing about working in retail to me at least is the mind-numbing repetition of everything and being constantly disappointed.
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Ambious on April 09, 2017, 05:37:31 pm
God, I love this episode
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: blunge on April 14, 2017, 07:37:36 pm
Pathetic nerd revenge fantasies are always funny. One of the best stdh.txt episodes for me! Loved the angry customer voices particularly. Gott in Himmel, these employees fight like madmen!
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Dawnswalker on July 11, 2017, 04:59:42 pm
This is still such a great episode, but there's one thing I still don't get.
The "BAZINGA!" story, as awful as it was, was a tale in which the cashier and the customers bonded over something that they all enjoyed in a pleasant and agreeable manner, right?
SO WHY WAS IT ON NOT ALWAYS RIGHT . COM?!
Title: Episode 210: Adventures In ReTale
Post by: Adam Bozarth on October 10, 2022, 09:49:25 am
I was watching "The Fan" from 1981, since it's in Criterion Collection's 80s Horror collection. (Lots of great stuff in there)
So, the film is about an obsessive young man who slowly becomes a psychotic killer when the actress he's obsessed with doesn't reply to any of his letters. There is some narration throughout of the the fan's letters.
The fan works in a record store, and tries to confront his boss to get his coworker fired. Instead, the boss yells at him for not doing a task he was asked to do. Humiliated, the fan then writes in his next letter to the actress: "I told off that Hitler at work, and when I was done, everyone in the store applauded."
Had to pause it to explain why I was laughing so much.