ballp.it
Projects => The F Plus => Topic started by: Lemon on October 24, 2014, 03:50:05 pm
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From Grumpy's in Minneapolis, this is the third (and unequivocably the best) F PLUS LIVE! 13 readers, 13 dreadful books, and a smattering of playlets between them. Weird Romance is the theme, and our topics range from giant breasts to warewolves to trolls to unspeakable horror to balloon fetishism to menstruation to phallocentric art criticism to everywhere in between. The recording is split into three parts and we have a couple YouTube videos as well. Clear three and a half hours from your schedule, because this is a big one!
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Well I know what I'm doing tonight, as, I'm sure, do all the cool people on the internet. Kicking off the weekend right!
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RTJ2 and F plus live? can't wait until i'm off work today
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Can anyone else not connect to thefpl.us at all? The iTunes feed is down, too.
Edit: it's better now.
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For reference, this is the cake:
(http://i.imgur.com/IjJdWe7.jpg)
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Damn, John's Galaxy Invader Lum reboot is fucking dark
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I would just like to say that even though I had a cold and my vocal cords were completely fucked up from kareoke the night before the recording I STILL KNOCKED THAT SANTA CLAUS SHAPED SHIT OUT OF THE PARK.
My story came from The Proverts, a couple of independent erotica writers from El Paso, Texas. Here's the document I read from (https://docs.google.com/document/d/1yX9c0kbhLA1pBv4EHhGk6V4THQptUn0SeZn29qWTdxY/edit?usp=sharing) (I did some heavy editing for time). If you would like more poorly written and weird erotic stories like this (you fucking weirdo), please visit The Proverts (http://theproverts.com/) (NOT SAFE FOR WORK). They live in my hometown, so if you buy something mention that STOG sent you and they will be around shortly to kick my ass.
Also if you came out and saw us in Minneapolis YOU ARE AWESOME but if you weren't able to come out and see us YOU'RE STILL AWESOME but YOU MISSED A GREAT LIVE SHOW.
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Okay, I would just like to say FUCK YOU for the author for that dog part of the story. Seriously, I'm practically immune to crazy Internet shit that people do, but I cry for the suffering of dogs, fictional or real. Whatever else Frank West chooses to read can only come as an improvement at this point.
EDIT: Whoops, was missing a word there.
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Whatever else Frank West chose to read can only come as an improvement at this point.
montrith, October 24, 2014, 05:19:52 pm
Nope.
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Fuck you Piers Anthony.
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MY MUSIC GOT PLAYED ON THE SHOW
And, wow, you weren't kidding about the rough voices, Lemon. It's like a room full of Ron Perlmans. Ron Perlmen?
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Whatever else Frank West chose to read can only come as an improvement at this point.
montrith, October 24, 2014, 05:19:52 pm
Nope.
Healslime, October 24, 2014, 05:27:34 pm
Not even close. He's lucky he's got a cute face.
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congratulations frank west, the story about the guy masturbating with maggots is no longer the worst thing i've ever heard! the bar has been raised, now let's keep it there
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And, wow, you weren't kidding about the rough voices, Lemon. It's like a room full of Ron Perlmans. Ron Perlmen?Neal, October 24, 2014, 06:16:31 pm
For anyone who missed the story behind this, we all had a marathon karaoke session the night before and most of us blew out our vocal cords.
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(http://www.hipiers.com/images/PA01012011.jpg)
Fun fact! This is not only a real picture of Piers Anthony, it is the picture he uses on his own fucking website.
Look at it and despair.
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The cake was delicious, and I feel proud to have gotten what was possibly Bunnybread's best effort at slicing it.
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So I was in the process of writing a crack about Frank West's entry being written by Mark Millar...And then he got to the "Thanks Piers Anthony!" bit and I realized the reality of it was better than any joke I could ever come up with...
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If you were in the live audience, you are the best. Thanks for being so energetic (or drunk) all throughout the show. That includes you, the 3 women on the other side of the glass who watched our show like we were a strange TV show or a humid human aquarium.
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If anyone wants more of Portaxx's were-rollercoaster book, someone on the Something Awful forums did an insanely in-depth review, chapter by chapter, preserved here (http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3535471) complete with horrified reactions and fanfic trying to salvage some sense out of the story of a psychopath who becomes a bloodthirsty monster, and also turns into an anthropomorphic rollercoaster.
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If anyone wants more of Portaxx's were-rollercoaster book, someone on the Something Awful forums did an insanely in-depth review, chapter by chapter, preserved here (http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3535471) complete with horrified reactions and fanfic trying to salvage some sense out of the story of a psychopath who becomes a bloodthirsty monster, and also turns into an anthropomorphic rollercoaster.
disembodied EYE OF ZA who is a ghost, October 24, 2014, 10:48:06 pm
DEFINITELY worth checking out. Originally I gathered up art of the characters to put onto a big screen while I read, and that thread was a great resource. Sadly the screen thing didn't work out, but that thread is very, very amazing.
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I'm sorry everyone!
But not that sorry, I read the entire story! There's a lot more awful in it! I think I put the worst parts in, mostly, but it's hard to tell.
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I'm sorry everyone!
But not that sorry, I read the entire story! There's a lot more awful in it! I think I put the worst parts in, mostly, but it's hard to tell.
FrAAAAHnk West, October 24, 2014, 11:24:16 pm
I feel so proud to be part of a crowd that cheered as heartily as they did for an undercover cop.
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Can "drunk Jack Chick summarizes novels" be a new podcast?
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I'm definitely looking forward to this if you mock Piers Anthony in this because I legit had a moment where I realized I could never have a romantic relationship with a friend of mine I had a vague crush on because he genuinely thinks/though Piers Anthony was better than Terry Pratchett. I gave him a Discworld novel in the hopes it would convert him and all he did was talk about how it reminded him of Xanth. I knew in that moment that it was impossible.
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I have no words, this was incredible.
The Painting Fucker is now my least favorite supervillain.
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I'm definitely looking forward to this if you mock Piers Anthony in this because I legit had a moment where I realized I could never have a romantic relationship with a friend of mine I had a vague crush on because he genuinely thinks/though Piers Anthony was better than Terry Pratchett. I gave him a Discworld novel in the hopes it would convert him and all he did was talk about how it reminded him of Xanth. I knew in that moment that it was impossible.
Tony Danza, October 25, 2014, 05:59:04 am
That is an entirely appropriate response. No joke.
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I feel so proud to be part of a crowd that cheered as heartily as they did for an undercover cop.CuddleGHOUL, October 25, 2014, 01:27:21 am
Nobody has ever loved a narc as much as we did that evening.
Can "drunk Jack Chick summarizes novels" be a new podcast?BOO-balay, October 25, 2014, 04:01:43 am
Jack Chick had to suffer through that whole goddamn book and retain plot knowledge he really didn't want to retain, so he was going to be damned if he would suffer alone.
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Can "drunk Jack Chick summarizes novels" be a new podcast?BOO-balay, October 25, 2014, 04:01:43 am
Jack Chick had to suffer through that whole goddamn book and retain plot knowledge he really didn't want to retain, so he was going to be damned if he would suffer alone.
Isfahan, October 25, 2014, 01:32:50 pm
I would totally do that if someone picked out books for me to read.
Isfahan - I still remember the whole plot. Maybe I'll type it up for all of you to 'enjoy' :(
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I haven't posted on this place in ages due to laziness but this was such an amazing and horrific experience that I had to get back on here just to congratulate the readers. So, uh, good job and stuff. I'm a broken man after hearing Frank West's bit.
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I'm listening to part one now and just got through frank west's part and hoooooooly shit. I tried looking up the piers anthony story mentioned because I was morbidly curious exactly HOW bad the original story had been to inspire something that fucked-up (since I know there are AT LEAST a few stories he's written involving people having sexual relations with severely underage girls ), and all I got was stuff about a book of his called "Pornucopia" and I noped the fuck out. I don't have the stomach to go anywhere near the PDFs that that search got. I already have that fucking horrible excuse of a novel stuck in my head and I don't need another one.
I'm very glad that segment was followed up with the were-rollercoaster story and the batman and robin script because man what a wonderful breath of fresh air those two segments were after that nightmare. I am so sorry frank west, we had to listen to that, but you had to READ the whole thing.
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As the reading went on, Frank West put his arms up in a shrug that kept getting higher and higher, as though to signal he was distancing himself from the material. Before long, he was shrugging so high that he was pretty much in the universal surrender position as he read, his body language begging the audience not to shoot him.
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Can we get a complete list of the titles of everything that was read?
Can "drunk Jack Chick summarizes novels" be a new podcast?
BOO-balay, October 25, 2014, 04:01:43 am
Seconded
"Terrible things inflicted on the audience with enthusiasm"
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As someone who's read all of H.P. Lovecraft's solo works, I've got to say that I heartily enjoyed that reading where the crazy dude gets turned by an eldritch horror (think it was maybe supposed to be a shoggoth). From a technical standpoint it was decently written, and it subtly reference no fewer than five Lovecraft stories. It also continues Lovecraft's themes of sexual congress with horrific extradimensions beings, knowledge leading to insanity, and the idea that only our ignorance of the unknown is our only defense against it.
That story was easily more enjoyable and faithful to the spirit of the Cthulhu Mythos than anything August Derleth ever wrote. If H.P. Lovecraft rose from the dead with a raging bonk-on, he couldn't have done a better job.
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Yes, Like Mr. Lovecraft I also think that miscegenation is an abomination to the natural order the likes of which should drive any respectable white man to the edge of madness.
Seriously, what the fuck man? Fuck H.P. Lovecraft.
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I don't know shit about Lovecraft, nor do I want to, but bumpgrrl's reading was my favorite simply because of the fiendish glee with which it was read. When she got through the weird sex-Umgah description and just went, "PICTURE IT", I completely lost it.
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I thought the horrifying revelation at the end was that she was a goat furry in addition to having like eight vulvas and superhuman strength.
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Yes, Like Mr. Lovecraft I also think that miscegenation is an abomination to the natural order the likes of which should drive any respectable white man to the edge of madness.
Runic in a Scary Mask, October 26, 2014, 04:09:01 pm
Oh, hush.
HP Lovecraft's writing is not without its faults, but race wasn't even a major theme. "I'm a fan of the Cthulu Mythos" is not the same as "Hey, that Stephen King has a lot of interesting things to say about women."
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I see your point and counter it with the fact that At the Mountains of Madness is about a race of rational and cultured beings who are wiped out when their explicitly black-colored servant race rises up against them and how it could happen to USSSSS, ooooooohhh
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I'm gonna leave a link to the DeviantArt (http://railrunnermiranda.deviantart.com/gallery/?offset=24) of the roller coaster lady. Because holy shit, these things look just as dumb as you think. Also, they fuck and have babies.
(http://th08.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/i/2012/361/7/1/storytime_by_railrunnermiranda-d5pe2te.jpg)
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Real excerpt from my chat conversation with Lemon upon e-mailing him the images I was going to use:
Portaxx:
Okay, sent my images for possible use. I know I said I had 2 but then I found the lady's DeviantArt account and it was just too magical
Lemon:
Of course.
I ....
OH WOW
SHIIIIIT
Portaxx:
yep
Lemon:
WOW!
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The moment I heard that someone read "roller coaster romance," I hoped to god that it was the Railrunner shit. I was not disappointed.
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I was telling a friend of mine about listening to part one and told her about the were-rollercoaster book and she went "OH SHIT IS IT TWISTED??" and let me tell you I am thrilled to know she's equally a fan of trainwreck internet novels.
Also, I've been slowly making my way through the SA thread doing the in-depth review of the book, and just got to a point where someone wrote crossover fic of it with the Roy Orbison Wrapped In Clingfilm series. It's amazing (http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3535471&userid=0&perpage=40&pagenumber=12#post415131867). (if the link doesn't load directly to the post, it's the last one on the page.)
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I guess this means the child were-rollercoasters are kiddie rides
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I see your point and counter it with the fact that At the Mountains of Madness is about a race of rational and cultured beings who are wiped out when their explicitly black-colored servant race rises up against them and how it could happen to USSSSS, ooooooohhh
Mister Smalls, October 26, 2014, 10:56:06 pm
To steal a quote: "When white people get the call it’s mostly scary for them. When brown people get the call, it’s scary for the white people."
Race is a HUGE part of the Mythos-- voodoo orgies, and nautical negros and native unrest all over the dang place.
More on topic, though, this was great to listen to on the two-hour drive from my parents' place back home. Shook me right out of the worried-and-stressed mindset with a great big dose of WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL. Thank you, y'all.
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This is a drawing of baby Railrunner in utero. (http://railrunnermiranda.deviantart.com/art/Develop-431507560)
I'm absolutely stunned by the amount of effort this lady has put into her were-coaster story.
EDIT: NOBODY LOOK AT HER MEW AND MEWTWO 3D MODELS. Jesus Christ, those are gonna haunt my dreams.
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EDIT: NOBODY LOOK AT HER MEW AND MEWTWO 3D MODELS. Jesus Christ, those are gonna haunt my dreams.
Navigator, October 27, 2014, 12:55:30 pm
I've gotta say, my memory of Pokemon is fuzzy... but isn't Mew (and Mewtwo, by extention) supposed to be mouse-like? These look like cats.
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I literally jumped up when someone said 'rollercoaster romance,' because I KNEW.
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Oh my god, the painting fucker. This is the best thing that's ever been on the FPlus. I can't stop listening to it.
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I've gotta say, my memory of Pokemon is fuzzy... but isn't Mew (and Mewtwo, by extention) supposed to be mouse-like? These look like cats.
FattyBoVampireBatty, October 27, 2014, 03:33:04 pm
They're kind of ambiguously protoanimal, and Mew's meant to look like a fetus. So... yeah, she's gone quite off-model.
The weird thing is I can see some actual talent from her in those. She knows what she wants to do with them, and she does it fairly well. I'd go as far as to say, going by her fanart, her talents are being massively wasted on her own stuff.
Oh my god, the painting fucker. This is the best thing that's ever been on the FPlus. I can't stop listening to it.
Muffinator, October 28, 2014, 07:00:34 am
He's probably my favorite, because I choose to believe that the entire plot was just stemming from him trying to figure out a believable context for fucking the Mona Lisa.
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The weird thing about Miranda's work is that looking at the original illustrations she did for Twisted, they're pretty damn awful, but her abilities to render are now notably a whole lot better... but she's still obsessed with her terrible roller coaster story. Like, even ignoring how silly the "were-rollercoaster" thing is, it's still a fucking weird story that puts great detail in showcasing its main character as a violent murderous jackass and then passing it off as "but it's not his fault he can't control himself :( :( :( :( the world is out to get him :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(" and acting like you should ignore the fact that he's shitty and unlikeable and comes off like abusive spouse. Also there's a bunch of "high fantasy chosen one of the prophecy" shit in the story, along with him getting every mary-sue power the author could think of, and overall it's just a really terrible story that she came up with as a teenager and then refused to let go of.
someone on the SA thread commented that her anthro roller coasters would be a lot more interesting if she entirely dropped the whole "roller coaster" part and instead made them multi-limbed lizard monsters, and I'm inclined to agree.
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Also they're motherfucking anthropomorphic roller coasters.
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Someone also posted a argument for the other side, that if she'd embraced the idea of them being god damn anthropomorphic roller coasters and bothered to design a whole world and culture around anthropomorphic roller coasters then it would have been more fascinating in a ridiculous way. As it is, though, it's mostly shitty fantasy that makes you giggle every time you read the word "roller coaster" because you keep forgetting each time and it's always funny when you're reminded of it.
Also, her art is technically a lot better, but there's new issues with it--like how in a lot of the pictures, she just does fucking nothing with the roller coaster tail, or at best, has it trailing weirdly off into the distance. Her original artwork has a lot more of an amateurish vibe to it, but she bothered to draw a lot more detail into the scenes, and the rollercoasters actually looked more like rollercoasters instead of weird dragons.
But, hey.
There's a sequel coming out at some point, and I think I remember she's planning to make a trilogy of it.
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someone on the SA thread commented that her anthro roller coasters would be a lot more interesting if she entirely dropped the whole "roller coaster" part and instead made them multi-limbed lizard monsters, and I'm inclined to agree.Tony Danza, October 28, 2014, 09:23:00 am
Yeah, but who can relate to multi-limbed lizard monsters (aside from Portaxx and her "Things I Hug" list)? On the other hand, everyone knows what a roller coaster is! It's pure marketing savvy.
I found it weirdly difficult to hate the painting-fucker character. I think it's because, judging from the events of the story, it's quite apparent that the entire universe is willing to conspire to put him into situations where he can easily and effortlessly fuck paintings with no worries about negative consequences. Deus ex pictura, over and over again.
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(http://i.imgur.com/Zoi8BoB.jpg)
CONFESSION: I think her original, even more shittily drawn coaster designs are actually kind of cute. I mean in this picture it's just two cartoon coaster dragons, which in all honesty is the exact kind of thing I used to draw as a kid.
(http://fc01.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2012/033/1/4/character_sketches__railrunner_by_railrunnermiranda-d4o86cx.jpg)
However, over time she became obsessed with making them more humanoid, with sad attempts at human torsos and arms. Railrunner gets big, weird-looking pecs, and Shadowtrack (as she's known post-transformation) naturally gets huge knockers. She also completely drops any notion that they're giant dragon-beasts and instead has them check in to regular human hospitals, wearing human clothes, and sleeping in human beds. How?! How do they do any of that??? You realize they're giant fucking coaster-dragons, right???? With long snake-like bodies, multiple limbs, and seats sticking out of their backs??? During this reboot in the art style, the coasters enter more human-like poses, but the rest of their coaster body is usually just awkwardly shoved into the background like the afterthought they are. To me it seems like she really wants to fuck someone, but she's projected so much onto her perfect fictional BF Railrunner that she just goes to her story for gratification.
At that point the story turns into a word-replace of either "vampire" or "werewolf" as the author sees fit. There's a lot of fighting for one's honor, caring for babies, and other generic paranormal romance shit. The idea of a bunch of weird-looking monsters living in a phantom amusement park could work, but the story would have to be anything other than the story this lady wants to write.
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Oh my god, the painting fucker. This is the best thing that's ever been on the FPlus. I can't stop listening to it.
Muffinator, October 28, 2014, 07:00:34 am
It's worth the read. It's pretty funny. (http://www.amazon.com/Painting-Fucker-Jonathan-Platz-Halter-ebook/dp/B00K38I1H8/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1414548615&sr=1-1&keywords=the+painting+Fucker)
I think the guy just starts with a title and goes from there. I found myself laughing as I read it, and the sexual parts are so ridiculous that it can't possibly be erotic to anyone, even if you're an objectophile or whatever the fuck people call themselves.
It reads like a cynical cash-in, but the style is light and silly. There are so many other elements to the story that don't belong in a kindle erotica single that hint at a really wild creativity. Of all the authors we read during the show, of all the authors ever featured on F Plus, I feel safe in saying that this is the guy who deserves your 3 bux the most.
I also think he's just been playing a lot of Civilization V? Or maybe I have been playing too much myself. Either way, I think I need to come up with a nom de plume and start raking in the eBook cashola.
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That was a great three hours. I wish like fuck I could have been there!
The absolute best part was the USA USA USA chant after the ranch dressing was mentioned.