I didn't even know it was possible to get kicked out of the Occupy movement.
Moriarty, October 07, 2013, 12:52:55 am
If you look at it, Cpt. Sparrow is quite talented at getting kicked out groups you didn't think someone could get kicked out of. In
this blog post (written by his campaign manager Chucky), he brags that he's been kicked out of Occupy Minneapolis, the Coalition Against Police Brutality, the Peace & Justice Coalition, the Free Mumia Committee, and the Pirate Party. I'm not sure why you would brag about this, but I guess it's evidence of a conspiracy against him.
The rest of the blog post gets even more insane as it talks about communes (SPOILER: Communism will end terrorism), sociobiology, and this fucking bombshell...
As far as transportation is concerned Sparrow has advocated car pools and community-owned vehicles. More recently he now supports fellow Mayoral candidate Bob “Again” Carney, Jr's proposal for what Carney calls a Transit Revolution [disclosure: Carney is also Sparrow’s publicist.] “It is too detailed for a humble pirate to fully explain here, but I have looked at Carney’s plan for this and it is brilliant,” Sparrow said.
I feel like Carney and Sparrow are trying to be corrupt politicians, but don't really have the hang of how it works yet.
But this is my favorite sentence from this whole piece...
And finally we need to apologize to Iran for conspiring to depose the duly elected president and installing the Shah in 1952 {See Mohammad Mosaddegh) and for the horrendous way the shaw treated his people which resulted in torture, rape and murder on a massive scale.
Now you got the year wrong and you only spelled Shah right half of the time and you confused "Prime Minister" with Shah, but ignoring all that, I really love the idea that a pirate would be elected as mayor of an American city, and then immediately write...
Dear Ayatollah Khomani
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
That Morsey guy? That's Iran right?
Mr. Rouhani,
I was recently elected mayor of the 47th most populous city in America because I look like the homeless version of a fictional pirate from a Disney movie that came out ten years ago. Seeing as how it's my first day in office, I wanted to get down to the important stuff first, SO I want to tell you that I'm super duper sorry about that time sixty years ago when the United States government staged a coup to remove Iran's democratically elected leader. I know a whole bunch of people were murdered in the following years and it fostered a religious extremism and contempt for American policy that continues to this day and it seems to me the ducks have come home to roost. Do you guys have ducks over there? The tandoori chicken has come home to roost, let's go with that.
Anyway, sorry about that. I'll tell you, I was none to happy to learn about that happening, and had I been elected as mayor of Minneapolis back when they were considering that plan, I would have vetoed it. I guarantee it. The point is, as Shaggy would say: "It wasn't me." I love that taboolie stuff, what's it made out of? Cous cous? Anyway, please no more terrorism.
Sincerely,
General Jack Sparrow, Esq.
Captain Jack Sparrow