Title: Episode 179: Use Only Food Grade Ingredients
Post by: montrith on June 27, 2015, 05:03:14 am
You know, in my language you really can't call anything a salad unless it includes actual vegetables.
Title: Episode 179: Use Only Food Grade Ingredients
Post by: Fanzay on June 27, 2015, 06:32:57 am
My liver is threatening to shut down just listening to this episode
Title: Episode 179: Use Only Food Grade Ingredients
Post by: A Meat on June 27, 2015, 06:55:13 am
You know, in my language you really can't call anything a salad unless it includes actual vegetables. montrith, June 27, 2015, 05:03:14 am
Marshmallows are vegetables, right?
They're white and gooey and go on my vegetable pizza II.
Title: Episode 179: Use Only Food Grade Ingredients
Post by: Isfahan on June 27, 2015, 09:35:39 am
You know, in my language you really can't call anything a salad unless it includes actual vegetables. montrith, June 27, 2015, 05:03:14 am
Your language is horribly inflexible, then!
Thanks to sites like AllRecipies and Tumblr, English words have lost all meaning!
Title: Episode 179: Use Only Food Grade Ingredients
Post by: MyFaceBeHi on June 27, 2015, 11:14:23 am
This was a great episode, especially after all the wikihow episodes. It does seem that whipped cream is the new mayonnaise, which is...on par, I wouldn't say "better."
Also, sorry about my comment on the f plus site. I channelled my inner terrible person on internet.
Title: Episode 179: Use Only Food Grade Ingredients
Post by: STOG on June 27, 2015, 11:19:18 am
This was a great episode, especially after all the wikihow episodes. It does seem that whipped cream is the new mayonnaise, which is...on par, I wouldn't say "better."
Also, sorry about my comment on the f plus site. I channelled my inner terrible person on internet. MyFaceBeHi, June 27, 2015, 11:14:23 am
Relax, you're fine!
Title: Episode 179: Use Only Food Grade Ingredients
Post by: Cat Planet on June 27, 2015, 12:46:40 pm
I thought that the 3P Salad wasn't that bad. Still, why did they specifically require "FROZEN peas"?
Everything else, though... do these people just have an aversion towards ingredients that don't come frozen or in a can? And the Wiccan diabetes ritual was easily the best part of the episode.
Brb, gonna cook some Olivier salad (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Olivier_salad) for my friends, which has mayonnaise but isn't gross.
Title: Episode 179: Use Only Food Grade Ingredients
Post by: Neal on June 27, 2015, 02:20:30 pm
Most adorable stinger ever!
The "fudge" in the first recipe reminds me of a wider horrible trend in desserts I discovered recently, which I can only describe as "white trash versions of more complicated and sophisticated food". The example that comes to mind is this abominable so-called truffle dessert which is just cream cheese and Oreos crushed and rolled into a ball, completely disregarding the meaning of the word truffle in the confectionery sense.
Title: Episode 179: Use Only Food Grade Ingredients
Post by: QueenSyreen on June 27, 2015, 07:22:19 pm
Oh, to do shit like the wiccans do shit.
Title: Episode 179: Use Only Food Grade Ingredients
Post by: Achilles' Heelies on June 27, 2015, 10:46:30 pm
Incorrect. I think you need to go and listen to that one again, but to remind you: the "3P"s were peas, pickles, and peanuts. No. Why would you do that? Don't do that. Don't do that to your mouth, don't do that to ingredients, don't do that to the bowl you are putting food in.
This episode lead to the friend I listened with going to her kitchen and pulling out some pretty old timey cookbooks and going "Oh, now I know how to cook tongue, that sounds like a pretty good meal now".
I think I was killed by the fucking twee wiccan jellybean and peep bullshit, though. I was braced for grossness and cool whip, but not that. Not that at all. Good? job to whoever found that (and the ghost poop, naturally).
Title: Episode 179: Use Only Food Grade Ingredients
Post by: montrith on June 28, 2015, 12:13:46 am
FYI, I'm also compiling a doc on recipes taken only from food producers' own website, such as spam.com. Some poor schmuck there has a job trying to come up with 20 different ways to cook Kraft mac and cheese.
Title: Episode 179: Use Only Food Grade Ingredients
Post by: Cyberventurer on June 28, 2015, 01:07:24 am
Little Lemonaide talking about how she doesn't want any ghost poop and just wants raspberries was the cutest thing ever.
Title: Episode 179: Use Only Food Grade Ingredients
Post by: Old_Zircon on June 28, 2015, 11:51:04 am
It's about time you did an episode on the Reagan school lunch program.
Title: Episode 179: Use Only Food Grade Ingredients
Post by: CaptainLaserPants on June 28, 2015, 02:51:33 pm
FYI, I'm also compiling a doc on recipes taken only from food producers' own website, such as spam.com. Some poor schmuck there has a job trying to come up with 20 different ways to cook Kraft mac and cheese. montrith, June 28, 2015, 12:13:46 am
If the sausage balls my mom makes shows up on this, I'm going to be sad.
Title: Episode 179: Use Only Food Grade Ingredients
Post by: Glitterbomber on June 28, 2015, 03:18:32 pm
Oh man a spam.com episode would hit too close to home for me. Please don't expose what trash I am Montrith
Title: Episode 179: Use Only Food Grade Ingredients
Post by: montrith on June 28, 2015, 05:15:23 pm
Oh man a spam.com episode would hit too close to home for me. Please don't expose what trash I am Montrith Glitterbomber, June 28, 2015, 03:18:32 pm
It all depends. Have you ever made SPAM pancakes? Do you think a coupon worth 5 dollars of SPAM is a great gift idea? Have you ever tried to wow the ladies with your store-brought SPAM canjo? If the answer to all of these is no, then you're probably safe.
Title: Episode 179: Use Only Food Grade Ingredients
Post by: Isfahan on June 28, 2015, 05:41:10 pm
Have you ever tried to wow the ladies with your store-brought SPAM canjo?montrith, June 28, 2015, 05:15:23 pm
pfft, whaddaya mean "tried"
Title: Episode 179: Use Only Food Grade Ingredients
Post by: Glitterbomber on June 28, 2015, 08:53:19 pm
Oh man a spam.com episode would hit too close to home for me. Please don't expose what trash I am Montrith Glitterbomber, June 28, 2015, 03:18:32 pm
It all depends. Have you ever made SPAM pancakes? Do you think a coupon worth 5 dollars of SPAM is a great gift idea? Have you ever tried to wow the ladies with your store-brought SPAM canjo? If the answer to all of these is no, then you're probably safe. montrith, June 28, 2015, 05:15:23 pm
Is a Spam pancake a pancake with spam in it like how 'bacon pancakes' became a big meme to do suddenly? If so I've done that, nothing else on the list though. Rate me on a human garbage scale of 1 to that dude who made mustard jelly.
Title: Episode 179: Use Only Food Grade Ingredients
Post by: Haruharuharuko on June 29, 2015, 02:24:32 am
I feel like I have to share a recipe that's a little too close to one of the ones in the episode. Every New Years my Mom would make a meatball appetizer that wasn't too far from the cocktail wiener one. The recipe was for one jar of grape jelly one jar of chili sauce and a bag of frozen meatballs dump them in a slow cooker and well... make hot.
I'm not ashamed to admit they're delicious.
PS. The number of people who are making really really shitty version of ambrosia is just depressing.
Title: Episode 179: Use Only Food Grade Ingredients
Post by: Digital Walnut on June 29, 2015, 02:00:57 pm
Little Lemonaide talking about how she doesn't want any ghost poop and just wants raspberries was the cutest thing ever. Cyberventurer, June 28, 2015, 01:07:24 am
It was adorable, and after all those recipes it was a nice palate cleanser to hear that at least a small part of the next generation prefers fresh fruit over some godawful mishmash of sugar.
Title: Episode 179: Use Only Food Grade Ingredients
Post by: Knitting Machine on June 29, 2015, 06:15:16 pm
I can't believe I'm going to defend something on this episode, but here I go.
I have a friend-of-a-friend who is allergic to apples. They won't kill him, but enough will send him to the hospital. So one of his favorite things in the world is mock apple pie because that is as close as he will ever get to tasting apples. There's even recipes that use chopped up zucchini (or cucumbers?) to replicate the apple chunk texture.
I've tried it before. It pretty much tastes exactly like those apple pies from McDonald's.
And for my own confession: I make those oreo truffles previously mentioned as part of a 'Dessert Platter' I give to my relatives on Christmas. Also included is "fudge" that is literally just frosting and melted chocolate combined. My midwest family thinks it's delicious, and both are cheap as hell to make.
Title: Episode 179: Use Only Food Grade Ingredients
Post by: Positronic on June 29, 2015, 07:18:45 pm
Title: Episode 179: Use Only Food Grade Ingredients
Post by: Sun Smasher on June 29, 2015, 07:22:42 pm
Oh man a spam.com episode would hit too close to home for me. Please don't expose what trash I am Montrith Glitterbomber, June 28, 2015, 03:18:32 pm
It all depends. Have you ever made SPAM pancakes? Do you think a coupon worth 5 dollars of SPAM is a great gift idea? Have you ever tried to wow the ladies with your store-brought SPAM canjo? If the answer to all of these is no, then you're probably safe. montrith, June 28, 2015, 05:15:23 pm
least two of those things are true of my grandfather who lived and died by SPAM. He literally would incorporate it into every meal.
Title: Episode 179: Use Only Food Grade Ingredients
Post by: positive stress on June 29, 2015, 09:34:15 pm
I also have to chime in here and say my family makes meatballs with grape jelly and they're really good. I don't draw the line at the grape jelly but I absolutely draw the line at the combination of grape jelly and fucking mustard
Title: Episode 179: Use Only Food Grade Ingredients
Post by: Nikaer Drekin on June 29, 2015, 09:40:22 pm
I also have to chime in here and say my family makes meatballs with grape jelly and they're really good. I don't draw the line at the grape jelly but I absolutely draw the line at the combination of grape jelly and fucking mustard fruithag, June 29, 2015, 09:34:15 pm
See, this strikes me as just plain wrong, but I think there's a burger place out there that does a peanut butter and jelly burger that's supposed to be really good. So I don't know what to think anymore!
Title: Episode 179: Use Only Food Grade Ingredients
Post by: Glitterbomber on June 29, 2015, 11:10:27 pm
Yea I'm the same way. Like I refuse to believe "I shoved mustard and jelly together" is ever a good idea but I've heard of people mixing SMALL bits of grape jelly with savory meat and apparently it turns out good. I have zero interest in trying it, I think it sounds wrong, but I'll respect that it is probably in the world of culinary possibilities.
Title: Episode 179: Use Only Food Grade Ingredients
Post by: Emperor Jack Chick on June 30, 2015, 02:49:30 am
I also have to chime in here and say my family makes meatballs with grape jelly and they're really good. I don't draw the line at the grape jelly but I absolutely draw the line at the combination of grape jelly and fucking mustard fruithag, June 29, 2015, 09:34:15 pm
See, this strikes me as just plain wrong, but I think there's a burger place out there that does a peanut butter and jelly burger that's supposed to be really good. So I don't know what to think anymore! Nikaer Drekin, June 29, 2015, 09:40:22 pm
burger shop near my work has this on the menu: PEANUT-BUTTER-PICKLE-BACON Sweet and Savory, Bacon, Smokey House Sauce, Mayo, Grilled Onion, & Pickle
people have insisted that I try it despite my protestations that I don't fucking like peanut butter.
Title: Episode 179: Use Only Food Grade Ingredients
Post by: montrith on June 30, 2015, 05:51:04 am
People have eaten and will eat strange and disgusting things. God knows I'm not one to judge. I think the real reason why food episodes make me go "What?" is because somewhere out there is a person who ate Taco In A Bag and though "This is great! The world needs to know the recipe!" and then someone else saw the said recipe, made it and thought "This is the best thing ever, I'm going to recommend this to the internet!".
Title: Episode 179: Use Only Food Grade Ingredients
Post by: Gyro on June 30, 2015, 08:11:42 am
Thanks Montirith Salad
This is a recipe is was my family favorite for over 30 year, serve and they will love it!
Ingredients:
1 lb mayonnaise
3 cups shredded cheese
1 packet of hot cocoa mix
1 hot dog, boiled
80 cents of mini marshmallows
30 cents of human misery and the cruelty of man (gluten-free)
mustard
Instructions:
Put that shit in a saucepan
Bring it to a boil
Take it off of the stove, freeze it for 8 hours
Put on the stove again, boil
(Optional) serve
(Optional) Enjoy!
Title: Episode 179: Use Only Food Grade Ingredients
Post by: montrith on June 30, 2015, 02:59:52 pm
This is a great recipe! I replaced the shredded cheese with Velveeta, used 2 lb of mayo instead of one and added some nacho Doritos for a nice, Mexican taste. Instead of marshmallows I used lucky charms, and for human misery I substituted general misanthropy. I made no other changes, and it tasted soooo yummy! I made it for my family's yearly grill party and everyone said it was literally no different from what I usually bring. 5 stars, and I'll definitely make this again!
Title: Episode 179: Use Only Food Grade Ingredients
Post by: Gyro on June 30, 2015, 03:27:09 pm
You pile some food up in a lump When I dump, you dump, we dump
Title: Episode 179: Use Only Food Grade Ingredients
Post by: NutshellGulag on June 30, 2015, 08:47:01 pm
This is a great recipe! I replaced the shredded cheese with Velveeta, used 2 lb of mayo instead of one and added some nacho Doritos for a nice, Mexican taste. Instead of marshmallows I used lucky charms, and for human misery I substituted general misanthropy. I made no other changes, and it tasted soooo yummy! I made it for my family's yearly grill party and everyone said it was literally no different from what I usually bring. 5 stars, and I'll definitely make this again! montrith, June 30, 2015, 02:59:52 pm
I regret I have but one bulb to give.
Title: Episode 179: Use Only Food Grade Ingredients
Post by: Knitting Machine on July 01, 2015, 08:07:26 pm
I'm a little shocked that none of the readers talked about how the Wiccan candy spell concluded with drinking chocolate milk. Because these poor children haven't had enough sugar in one day.
Title: Episode 179: Use Only Food Grade Ingredients
Post by: Sherman Tank on April 23, 2016, 03:01:44 am
I hadn't listened to this episode in a while, so imagine my surprise when I found myself drunkenly screaming obscenities during the "mock apple pie" recipe segment despite having never baked a pie in my life.
I think it might just be the single most infuriating recipe ever featured on this podcast. I can't even imagine a situation where you'd make such a thing because you can get apples fucking everywhere. Like I think if you go to the local police station and they hand them out at the front desk if you don't have any. God damn it.
Title: Episode 179: Use Only Food Grade Ingredients
Post by: Knitting Machine on April 23, 2016, 06:19:48 am
The only argument I've heard for mock apple pie is that it's a way to use up extra cucumbers. See you can add them for fake apple chunks.
Title: Episode 179: Use Only Food Grade Ingredients
Post by: Sherman Tank on April 23, 2016, 06:56:01 am
Maybe, but how do you find yourself with spare cucumbers but no apples?
Title: Episode 179: Use Only Food Grade Ingredients
Post by: Isfahan on April 23, 2016, 04:44:15 pm
Maybe, but how do you find yourself with spare cucumbers but no apples? Not Always Sherman Tank, April 23, 2016, 06:56:01 am
day after a bachelorette party
Title: Episode 179: Use Only Food Grade Ingredients
Post by: NutshellGulag on April 23, 2016, 11:11:02 pm
Maybe, but how do you find yourself with spare cucumbers but no apples? Not Always Sherman Tank, April 23, 2016, 06:56:01 am
Title: Episode 179: Use Only Food Grade Ingredients
Post by: Dawnswalker on April 24, 2016, 08:46:07 pm
At my most charitable, I would have to guess that you're making a pie for someone who is, but was not always, allergic to apples.
Or you're super-stoned and want to bake an apple pie but the apples have gone bad and you're too wasted to drive so you just pull shit out of the cupboards and pour it into a crust.
Title: Episode 179: Use Only Food Grade Ingredients
Post by: Amelia Blank on April 25, 2016, 04:22:37 pm
Title: Episode 179: Use Only Food Grade Ingredients
Post by: jimpjorps on April 25, 2016, 09:54:49 pm
Mock apple pie is one of those Midwestern recipes from the days before refrigerated shipping, like tuna noodle casserole or Jell-O salad, that you could make from cheap, shelf-stable ingredients but still approximated something that would usually be out-of-season or too expensive to make. It has a proud heritage, even if it's completely pointless to make nowadays.
Title: Episode 179: Use Only Food Grade Ingredients
Post by: Sherman Tank on June 24, 2016, 09:38:15 pm
This episode is the second place I've seen a sauce for meat made from a combination of mustard and grape jelly. Apparently it was a thing in the 1950s.
Title: Episode 179: Use Only Food Grade Ingredients
Post by: Knitting Machine on June 25, 2016, 08:54:08 am
I had a coworker that swore by it. This was the coworker who saw her dying husband as a mild inconvenience so
Title: Episode 179: Use Only Food Grade Ingredients
Post by: QueenSyreen on June 25, 2016, 11:40:00 am
I feel like I really have seen it happen, maybe even tasted it, but every time I reach back in my memory and try to dredge up when it was or what it tasted like if I ate it, it's gone. Come on I have to have run across the jelly/mustard thing in at least one awful Midwestern basement party but when was it : /
Maybe this is one of those situations where your mind is trying to protect you by keeping you from realizing the truth. Like Lovecraft.
Title: Episode 179: Use Only Food Grade Ingredients
Post by: duz on June 25, 2016, 07:26:15 pm
Maybe, but how do you find yourself with spare cucumbers but no apples? Lift Like There's No Sherman Tank, April 23, 2016, 06:56:01 am
Because it's much easier to grow squashes/gourds in your garden than apples and you can't grow them in quantities in less than "oh god how am I going to get rid of all these". Which is to say that I grew up eating a lot of zucchini based faux apple pies.
Title: Episode 179: Use Only Food Grade Ingredients
Post by: dractivisionary on July 08, 2016, 08:04:54 am
Most adorable stinger ever!
The "fudge" in the first recipe reminds me of a wider horrible trend in desserts I discovered recently, which I can only describe as "white trash versions of more complicated and sophisticated food". The example that comes to mind is this abominable so-called truffle dessert which is just cream cheese and Oreos crushed and rolled into a ball, completely disregarding the meaning of the word truffle in the confectionery sense. Neal, June 27, 2015, 02:20:30 pm
That sounds slightly better than the Sandra Lee version which is literally cake frosting and vanilla extract i think.