Projects => The F Plus => Topic started by: Lemon on June 17, 2013, 09:01:14 pm
Title: A San Francisco Podcast
Post by: Lemon on June 17, 2013, 09:01:14 pm
LIVE from the home of Zynga, it's The F Plus Podcast! When Lemon and Boots visited The City By The Bay, they felt it was perfectly appropriate to sample the culinary traditions of such a vibrant and exciting city. Then, after eating some really good tacos, they made some raw food garbage based on recipes they found on the internet. Have you ever wanted to know what raw vegetable makes a perfect substitute for linguine? Or how changing the color of your salt can improve your chakra? Of course not, because you're not an idiot. This week, The F Plus plays the crunch twice for good measure.
Title: A San Francisco Podcast
Post by: Ansemaru on June 17, 2013, 09:43:11 pm
"PETA's sexiest vegetarian over 50 award"
brb, terminating all life on the planet
Title: A San Francisco Podcast
Post by: Borgy-Le-Borg on June 17, 2013, 10:16:06 pm
I'm going to spiralize ALL my food!
Title: A San Francisco Podcast
Post by: Goose Goose Honk At Me Now on June 17, 2013, 10:51:32 pm
I knew this spirograph would come in handy someday!
Title: A San Francisco Podcast
Post by: montrith on June 18, 2013, 04:00:59 am
Dr. Pepper Taco Soup was the first thing I found when Boots asked for icky recipes. Doritos Sandwich was the second. I still can't believe he actually ate the whole thing.
PS: Yes, the actually title of the dish is, in fact, "Doritos Sandwich for kids". I'm not joking.
Title: A San Francisco Podcast
Post by: gee golly gosh on June 18, 2013, 04:38:54 am
I am listening to this podcast while cooking and now eating my dinner.
It may have been a mistake.
Title: A San Francisco Podcast
Post by: Boots Raingear on June 18, 2013, 09:25:20 am
I should probably put an apology to Bunnybread here. We dragged him into a skype call to do a thing for this episode and I ended up trimming it down to less than a second.
Sorry bud.
Title: A San Francisco Podcast
Post by: Goose Goose Honk At Me Now on June 18, 2013, 09:33:08 am
Thanks, by the way, for reminding me that I need to call my cousin and get the family recipe for Cheese Sauce To Put On An Old Boot. (It's called that because it's so good you could put it on an old boot and it would legit be delicious.)
The mac-and-cheese story-cum-recipe (boy that's a lot of hyphens) reminded me, weirdly, of the stinger at the end of Episode 98. You're trying to take one dish and put it in a different box, a box that it was clearly not intended to go in. Some boxes are big enough to accommodate those changes (fry-bread with peanut butter is entirely vegan, not particularly good for you, but SO DELICIOUS), but the raw food box is small and damp and it smells bad.
Title: A San Francisco Podcast
Post by: Lemon on June 18, 2013, 09:49:15 am
Also, while we're making apologies, don't bother researching Jennifer Summers. What I was going for there was that Mimi Kirk (http://www.welikeitraw.com/rawfood/2012/01/mimi-kirks-peach-pie.html) looks like the corpse of Suzanne Somers. First of all, I screwed up the name. Jennifer Summers is a Twitter skank (https://twitter.com/Jenn_Summers69), and has never endorsed exercise equipment, unless sex with her counts as exercise equipment.
Secondly, that's not fair to either party. Mimi Kirk doesn't look like a dead Suzanne Somers. Mimi Kirk looks like a dead Priscilla Barnes.
Title: A San Francisco Podcast
Post by: Boots Raingear on June 18, 2013, 09:58:45 am
@Myhotwifesboobz WOW! More like this please! Awesome nipples! Quote from
You really weren't kidding
Title: A San Francisco Podcast
Post by: Lemon on June 18, 2013, 10:33:29 am
(http://thefpl.us/images/stories/storypics/rawfood_big.jpg) What we ate.
Title: A San Francisco Podcast
Post by: count_actuala on June 18, 2013, 10:41:43 am
I'm gonna put forth two points here. First, my younger brother once pointed out that you can sort of gauge how well off someone is by how many asinine diet restrictions they keep. The more you can afford to restrict your diet for what amount to philosophical reasons, the better off you likely are. If you can spend $40 making a dish that tastes like shit and not feel bad about it, you're doing all right!
And that segues into my second point, which is that these people have next to no functional knowledge about the foods they're cooking with. This is kind of a runner with 'hippie' food in general, but it's especially glaring when you add more rules and regulations to all the 'multicultural' ingredients being used here.
Tamari is cooked. All soy sauce is technically cooked because the soybeans used to make it are cooked before they're fermented. Even magical nama shoyu, you cheating goddamn bastards.
And let's not forget their ignorance of things like harmonizing flavors and textures and just basic shit about what makes food taste good. Minced parsnips as rice? Have you ever just taken a bite of parsnip and tasted how strong and singular the taste is? Why not use mung bean sprouts, whish are much more mild, as a base? Oh, because then it just looks like a shitty salad and you can't play pretend with expensive ingredients. That's all this is, by the way, with the spiralized zucchini and the sad minced parsnips. They're making exorbitantly expensive, technically edible mud pies in the interest of still sorta kinda having the food they're accustomed to eating.
And that's a shame, really, because there are a lot of tasty things you could eat that aren't cooked at all if you don't psychologically need to trick yourself. Diced ripe tomato with a little salt and minced fresh basil? Tuck that shit in a lettuce leaf, eat it up. Pretty all right. I'd give a much deserved shoutout to kibbeh nayeh for your meat needs, but though you don't cook the bulgur in that recipe the wheat is parboiled in the process of becoming bulgur. It's almost as if we've been eating cooked food for thousands of fucking years with no adverse effects.
Also, I'd eat that Dorito sandwich before I even touched that shit in the bowl.
Title: A San Francisco Podcast
Post by: Lady Naga on June 18, 2013, 11:28:37 am
This is probably my favourite episode of Portlandia.
Title: A San Francisco Podcast
Post by: Isfahan on June 18, 2013, 11:41:52 am
Poutizza. Not implying that this belongs with the recipes in the episode, but it's a testament to lasting, sustainable food creativity (even if the end result is terrible for you).
(http://i.imgur.com/oHl7UfX.jpg)
Title: A San Francisco Podcast
Post by: Boots Raingear on June 18, 2013, 12:08:53 pm
This is what they serve at Pizza Hut in Canada
(http://freeboners.info/crap/pizzahut.jpg)
Title: A San Francisco Podcast
Post by: nilvoid on June 18, 2013, 12:37:24 pm
How to live the raw foodie lifestyle, according to weirdos featured in this episode:
You will need: An iron, lots of disposable income, the sun, a shovel, an industrial food processor, good chakras, fruits and veggies, 1000 expensive earthenware bowls from Burma, Irish moss
1) Set iron to its hottest setting 2) Apply hot iron to tongue to cauterize tastebuds, wrap tongue in gauze to prevent infection 3) Lie in the sun until your skin has the same consistency as a leather purse. Bring along a picture of the Krypt Keeper for comparison 4) Somehow acquire a large amount of money, possibly by practicing homeopathy or reflexology or by having really awesome chakras. Repeating "Wealth. Success." to yourself every night as you fall asleep in order to get filthy rich is a must because of quantum physics 5) Always give a compliment - or advice! 6) Buy exactly a metric ton of exotic fruits and vegetables and throw them into a gigantic food processor along with all the spices in your spice-rack with no regard for how well the ingredients go together. Using shovel, scoop hell-mixture into approx. 1000 expensive earthenware bowls from Burma (these bowls have good chi and will unblock your chakras, but you don't really need them because your chakras are perfect). Preserve bowls in a large space - airplane hangars are preferred - at any temperature. It doesn't matter if they spoil because you look great 7) When the time for a meal comes along, remove the gauze from your tongue and then dump the contents from one of the bowls onto your kitchen counter 8) Form the veggie slop into the shape of the food you used to eat before your spiritual purification 9) Shove the concoction into your leathery maw 10) Repeat steps 7 through 9 for all of eternity, because you will live forever. Serves 1, because seeing your friends and family die throughout the eons will likely force you to seclude yourself from any human interaction, except for the pictures of your food that you put online 11) Irish moss
Title: A San Francisco Podcast
Post by: Emperor Jack Chick on June 18, 2013, 01:17:10 pm
i like how the bacon one needs 2 types of bacon and alfredo sauce. HOW CAN YOU EAT A BACON PIZZA WITHOUT ALFREDO??? jack-chick, June 18, 2013, 01:17:10 pm
Yeah, that's fuckin' gross. I don't think the combination of cheddar and mozzarella is advisable either.I imagine you'd have to be really careful with the ratio to keep it from getting oily when melted.
Title: A San Francisco Podcast
Post by: Lemon on June 18, 2013, 01:48:09 pm
i like how the bacon one needs 2 types of bacon and alfredo sauce. HOW CAN YOU EAT A BACON PIZZA WITHOUT ALFREDO??? jack-chick, June 18, 2013, 01:17:10 pm
3 types of bacon.
Title: A San Francisco Podcast
Post by: Sherlockian on June 18, 2013, 02:32:17 pm
You were visiting my city? :((( Damn, I would have taken you out to all the best places, too.
Title: A San Francisco Podcast
Post by: montrith on June 18, 2013, 02:32:39 pm
How to live the raw foodie lifestyle, according to weirdos featured in this episode:
You will need: An iron, lots of disposable income, the sun, a shovel, an industrial food processor, good chakras, fruits and veggies, 1000 expensive earthenware bowls from Burma, Irish moss
1) Set iron to its hottest setting 2) Apply hot iron to tongue to cauterize tastebuds, wrap tongue in gauze to prevent infection 3) Lie in the sun until your skin has the same consistency as a leather purse. Bring along a picture of the Krypt Keeper for comparison 4) Somehow acquire a large amount of money, possibly by practicing homeopathy or reflexology or by having really awesome chakras. Repeating "Wealth. Success." to yourself every night as you fall asleep in order to get filthy rich is a must because of quantum physics 5) Always give a compliment - or advice! 6) Buy exactly a metric ton of exotic fruits and vegetables and throw them into a gigantic food processor along with all the spices in your spice-rack with no regard for how well the ingredients go together. Using shovel, scoop hell-mixture into approx. 1000 expensive earthenware bowls from Burma (these bowls have good chi and will unblock your chakras, but you don't really need them because your chakras are perfect). Preserve bowls in a large space - airplane hangars are preferred - at any temperature. It doesn't matter if they spoil because you look great 7) When the time for a meal comes along, remove the gauze from your tongue and then dump the contents from one of the bowls onto your kitchen counter 8) Form the veggie slop into the shape of the food you used to eat before your spiritual purification 9) Shove the concoction into your leathery maw 10) Repeat steps 7 through 9 for all of eternity, because you will live forever. Serves 1, because seeing your friends and family die throughout the eons will likely force you to seclude yourself from any human interaction, except for the pictures of your food that you put online 11) Irish moss nilvoid, June 18, 2013, 12:37:24 pm
Where is the step where I get to act all smug about being much more "natural" than other people?
Title: A San Francisco Podcast
Post by: nilvoid on June 18, 2013, 02:40:05 pm
Where is the step where I get to act all smug about being much more "natural" than other people? montrith, June 18, 2013, 02:32:39 pm
That would be step number All Of Them
Title: A San Francisco Podcast
Post by: Emperor Jack Chick on June 18, 2013, 03:04:10 pm
You were visiting my city? :((( Damn, I would have taken you out to all the best places, too. sherlockian, June 18, 2013, 02:32:17 pm
Are you besmirching myself and Kumquatxop's ability to show the internet a good time?
Lemon - Strips and crumbles are the same goddamned thing and you know it!
Title: A San Francisco Podcast
Post by: Sherlockian on June 18, 2013, 03:10:54 pm
Are you besmirching myself and Kumquatxop's ability to show the internet a good time?
No no, I'm just sad I missed being able to opine on restaurants and meeting people.
Title: A San Francisco Podcast
Post by: Adam Bozarth on June 18, 2013, 04:13:17 pm
I actually designed the cover for Mimi Kirk's book on raw food. The publishers had me airbrush her a bit, which I thought was fairly dishonest if we were going to put her credit as PeTA's Sexiest Vegan over 50 on the cover. I also worked on the cover for "Rawmazing!" as well.
Fun fact: The people who went on raw food diets at my old job eventually went to the hospital with gut problems.
This is definitely a luxurious form of masochism in some respects. It's like Catholic flagellants striking themselves to attone for their immorality. I really don't get it and it seems really unhealthy. The problem is you end up skinny, which people seem to enjoy.
Title: A San Francisco Podcast
Post by: NutshellGulag on June 18, 2013, 05:33:49 pm
i like how the bacon one needs 2 types of bacon and alfredo sauce. HOW CAN YOU EAT A BACON PIZZA WITHOUT ALFREDO??? jack-chick, June 18, 2013, 01:17:10 pm
I see three types of bacon.
Title: A San Francisco Podcast
Post by: Runic on June 18, 2013, 10:04:29 pm
How to live the raw foodie lifestyle, according to weirdos featured in this episode:
You will need: An iron, lots of disposable income, the sun, a shovel, an industrial food processor, good chakras, fruits and veggies, 1000 expensive earthenware bowls from Burma, Irish moss
1) Set iron to its hottest setting 2) Apply hot iron to tongue to cauterize tastebuds, wrap tongue in gauze to prevent infection
Title: A San Francisco Podcast
Post by: Isfahan on June 18, 2013, 10:59:32 pm
That's pretty raw, but not raw in the way these other recipes are.
Title: A San Francisco Podcast
Post by: KingKalamari on June 18, 2013, 11:17:03 pm
PS: Yes, the actually title of the dish is, in fact, "Doritos Sandwich for kids". I'm not joking. montrith, June 18, 2013, 04:00:59 am
Do I want to know what the Doritos Sandwich for Adults looks like?
I'm kind of curious as to what these raw food kooks think of pasteurization. On the one hand it's saved countless lives by making things like milk and juice far more consistently safe to drink and has helped lower infant mortality rates at such a drastic rate as to be considered some form of sorcery, on the other hand these people are crazy.
Or maybe they'd consider it a form of dehydrating...
Title: A San Francisco Podcast
Post by: Goose Goose Honk At Me Now on June 18, 2013, 11:21:19 pm
PS: Yes, the actually title of the dish is, in fact, "Doritos Sandwich for kids". I'm not joking. montrith, June 18, 2013, 04:00:59 am
Do I want to know what the Doritos Sandwich for Adults looks like? KingKalamari, June 18, 2013, 11:17:03 pm
It wears a tie and carries a briefcase.
Title: A San Francisco Podcast
Post by: Down10 on June 18, 2013, 11:35:49 pm
Sorry, I missed you guys! I was busy Freeganing from the back dumpster behind the 4th street Whole Foods.
If you're still in town, let me know! We can get a round of strawberry rhubarb phosphates at the best soda fountain ever (http://www.theicecreambarsf.com/).
Title: A San Francisco Podcast
Post by: RedMinjo on June 19, 2013, 01:02:04 am
Title: A San Francisco Podcast
Post by: count_actuala on June 19, 2013, 07:30:10 pm
I'm still mad at this episode. I will not let it go!
Title: A San Francisco Podcast
Post by: Keetah Spacecat on June 19, 2013, 11:52:44 pm
WHY WOULD YOU EVEN WANT TO EAT MOSS.
In a country where you can literally buy a lot of good food for less than 5 dollars, you're going to want to be some snooty person and pay 25 bucks for moss.
That makes me angry >(
Title: A San Francisco Podcast
Post by: Sherlockian on June 20, 2013, 12:57:57 am
WHY WOULD YOU EVEN WANT TO EAT MOSS.
In a country where you can literally buy a lot of good food for less than 5 dollars, you're going to want to be some snooty person and pay 25 bucks for moss.
Being a curious person, I went to find out what exactly Irish Moss is-- it's actually the seaweed that carrageenan gum (a stabilizer/thickener found in things like commercial ice cream) is made out of. I know this makes the joke less funny, but if you're a raw foodie who wants to blend make something that has a thicker consistency or that will set up as a custard in, for instance, a pie, Irish Moss is the raw thickener being used.
Raw food's still dumb, but that part's apparently slightly less dumb than it appeared at first glance.
Title: A San Francisco Podcast
Post by: Emperor Jack Chick on June 20, 2013, 02:13:13 am
WHY WOULD YOU EVEN WANT TO EAT MOSS.
In a country where you can literally buy a lot of good food for less than 5 dollars, you're going to want to be some snooty person and pay 25 bucks for moss.
Being a curious person, I went to find out what exactly Irish Moss is-- it's actually the seaweed that carrageenan gum (a stabilizer/thickener found in things like commercial ice cream) is made out of. I know this makes the joke less funny, but if you're a raw foodie who wants to blend make something that has a thicker consistency or that will set up as a custard in, for instance, a pie, Irish Moss is the raw thickener being used.
Raw food's still dumb, but that part's apparently slightly less dumb than it appeared at first glance. sherlockian, June 20, 2013, 12:57:57 am
The majority of irish moss in the world is produced to process food.
Title: A San Francisco Podcast
Post by: count_actuala on January 01, 2014, 09:47:08 pm
Title: A San Francisco Podcast
Post by: Triggerhappy938 on January 04, 2014, 02:06:59 am
You know, I've made a dump cake before. They aren't bad. The baffling thing for me is the fact that someone would pay for a cookbook full of recipes for something that is designed to be so dumb easy that you don't need a recipe. Also, I'm from south of the Mason-Dixon, so we use a stick of butter instead of soda.
Title: A San Francisco Podcast
Post by: Sherman Tank on September 08, 2017, 10:26:02 pm
Jack Chick's laugh when Kumquat reads "all you do is dump" is amazing. It's so musical.
Title: A San Francisco Podcast
Post by: Puppy Time on November 08, 2017, 10:42:53 am
Fond this while grocery shopping (https://i.imgur.com/JorpNp1.jpg)