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Snakes In The Ball Pit => Yay, I get to talk about me! => Topic started by: jack chick on September 02, 2014, 03:05:56 pm

Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: jack chick on September 02, 2014, 03:05:56 pm
I'm job searching so you all get to suffer with me. Basically - don't read this thread.

Do you have an aggressive-meets-approachable sales DNA and Web 2.0 media savvy?

Yeah that sounds like me! What will I be doing?

You’ll work with leading tech brands looking to leverage (COMPANY)'s innovative social business platform to take their marketing initiatives (and bottom line!) to the next level.

I uh, ok I still don't know what the company does. Could you help me understand?

(COMPANY), a (LOCATION)-based startup, is transforming how tech products (hardware, software, and IT services) are marketed and sold to over 2.2 million IT pros in small-and-medium-businesses around the world. Previously, marketing to this highly fragmented industry has been historically difficult, but (COMPANY) is blazing trails and creating unique opportunities to reach this coveted market.

A no would have sufficed. Anything else?

You’ll roll up your sleeves and work with our market intelligence team to understand your prospects’ business challenges, devise and pitch sale proposals that speak to their needs, and get them to say “yes.”

God fucking dammit.
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: advancedclass on September 02, 2014, 05:12:27 pm
Do you have an aggressive-meets-approachable sales DNA and Web 2.0 media savvy?

Do they require you to submit some kind of doctor's note with your CV confirming the aggressiveness of your DNA re: sales? Because I hate when I need to incur special expenses to apply for a job.
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: Lemon on September 02, 2014, 05:22:32 pm
So I have this thing I think other people will really like. It's kinda... orange? Like a yellowy orange, but I guess I wouldn't qualify it as orange. It lives in that realm, but it's something far more dynamic than that.

Can you sell my thing to other people? You'll be on the ground floor of something big!
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: Victor Laszlo on September 02, 2014, 08:13:49 pm
A few things:
1:
aggressive-meets-approachable
That actually does sound like you.  You should go for it.

2:
Previously, marketing to this highly fragmented industry has been historically difficult
The only way this sentence wasn't written by someone who is a total failure at marketing is if they actually mean historically in the hyperbolic sense and not the temporal.  Either way I've changed my mind - you've never actually met the author of this but you've already spent just about enough time with him.

3: I am certain they provided a list of qualifications.  Jack Chick, what does it take to do this job?

4: [yayvictor]
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: TacoChillocko on September 02, 2014, 08:27:30 pm
Would you still have to roll up your sleeves if you were wearing a short sleeved shirt?
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: jack chick on September 02, 2014, 08:51:29 pm
Hey Victor,

Thanks for your kind reply. My team has circled the wagons on your questions and formulated a project plan that should simplify things from your perspective. To address:

1) You are correct, and I'm fully qualified to do the job.

2) Doubly correct. The HR person who wrote this is used to writing engineering blurbs, and so it reads like one but hastily adjusted for the business side of the house.

3) You have to be a motivated self-starter who thrives in a team-environment, a hunter who is always looking for the close, something something entrepreneurial spirit, something else fast paced environment.

4) YAY
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: jack chick on September 03, 2014, 01:52:10 pm
Another wonderful installment!

Develop and execute win/win negotiation strategies for large account contract renewals that maximize contract value while protecting and enhancing the customer relationship.

Upsell needless crap when contract expires.

Maximize account growth opportunities by playing an active role to identify upsell/cross-sell opportunities upon contract renewal.

Be redundant.

Excellent written, oral and interpersonal communication skills.

Notable because it's in the "responsibilities" section.


New posting - first up we have the first posting in desired skills & experience:

A four year degree with MS or MBA optional.

The single most important thing they list is optional. Perfect!

Ability to evaluate and develop the existing teams and reshape it as necessary while mentoring and inspiring the team.
Ability to work independently and in a strong team environment, and to deliver on detail as well as strategy.

Great job everyone. Hit the showers.

Serve as liaison between client and business while managing expectations on processes, creative development, and project milestones
Deliver data-driven monster cockysis and recommendations that align with campaign goals and quantify high-impact opportunities with clear recommendations
Casual and fun work environment

...

Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: jack chick on September 03, 2014, 03:13:43 pm
From my cover letter to this company I don't really care about:

With marketing becoming such a cluttered field bereft of new excitement, I feel COMPANY's combination of quality product, smart engineering, and visionary leadership will help bring the field into the new paradigm of brand awareness.
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: jack chick on September 04, 2014, 04:12:16 pm
Krux was founded with the conviction that real-time consumer data, responsibly collected and managed, will soon oxygenate not just advertising, but also content, commerce, selling and marketing across the web

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck yoooooooooooooooooooooou
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: SATAN MILKSHAKE on September 04, 2014, 05:14:36 pm
We need to oxygenate our advertising because our marketing is getting hypertrophic and if we don't reboot our phosphates, our content and commerce tools are going to have an algal bloom.
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: Lemon on September 04, 2014, 07:42:15 pm
How many results do you get when you search for "making the word a better place"?

Follow up: How about "the next big thing"?

"blending virtual and physical"?
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: goombapolice on September 05, 2014, 06:44:13 am
Krux was founded with the conviction that real-time consumer data, responsibly collected and managed, will soon oxygenate not just advertising, but also content, commerce, selling and marketing across the web

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck yoooooooooooooooooooooou
jack-chick, September 04, 2014, 04:12:16 pm


They're just saying words at this point.
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: jack chick on October 21, 2014, 11:01:32 am
Look who added me on LinkedIn! (https://www.linkedin.com/profile/view?id=21247786) (confidential to Lemon, this is going to make you really, REALLY angry)
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: Lemon on October 21, 2014, 11:22:06 am
Damn it, I was hoping it was going to be Shingy (https://www.linkedin.com/profile/view?id=8427255).
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: jack chick on October 21, 2014, 11:42:24 am
Damn it, I was hoping it was going to be Shingy (https://www.linkedin.com/profile/view?id=8427255).
Skelemon, October 21, 2014, 11:22:06 am

In her education she studied 3 years under some dude about Reiki!
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: jack chick on November 10, 2014, 02:50:50 pm
Some bullshit from techcrunch (http://techcrunch.com/2014/11/10/coding-education-programs-expand-in-u-s-as-it-jobs-market-flourishes/)

With its heady mix of Horatio Alger rags-to-riches success stories, its emphasis on individualism and privileging hard work and education, no industry is a better poster child for post-industrial American capitalism than the startup world of coders, marketers, and salesman.

I keep reading this sentence and getting more and more angry.
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: Runic on November 10, 2014, 03:02:29 pm
There has never been a time when I was not angry at the sentence. Even before it was written I was angry at the raw platonic ideal of it hovering around in the fucking aether waiting for that prick to write it.
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: jack chick on November 19, 2014, 11:19:52 am
Hey do you guys like Uber? You're probably a horrible monster! (http://pando.com/2014/11/17/the-moment-i-learned-just-how-far-uber-will-go-to-silence-journalists-and-attack-women/)
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: Sherlockian on November 19, 2014, 11:37:06 am
Hey do you guys like Uber? You're probably a horrible monster! (http://pando.com/2014/11/17/the-moment-i-learned-just-how-far-uber-will-go-to-silence-journalists-and-attack-women/)
some metal dude, November 19, 2014, 11:19:52 am

Yeah, I saw the Buzzfeed article (http://www.buzzfeed.com/bensmith/uber-executive-suggests-digging-up-dirt-on-journalists). It's less aggressively heartstring-pulling and more "ick".
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: jack chick on November 19, 2014, 12:12:07 pm
The key is that this isn't the first or second time Sarah Lacy has written about Uber doing gross shit, and this was specifically a personal attack against her.

That's OK they offered a token apology! All is fine.
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: Runic on November 19, 2014, 12:21:24 pm
Uber is the worst thing in basically every way.
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: A Meat on November 19, 2014, 01:17:36 pm
This might be derailing this more off-topic, but can I get a proper explanation on why exactly Uber is so terrible? I've heard a bunch of things but I don't know the specifics. Is there more beyond that it's monstrously anti-union and has really shady business tactics? We don't have them here and they've been lobbying aggressively to change the law that makes Uber technically illegal here.
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: jack chick on November 19, 2014, 02:34:46 pm
Disclosure: I use Lyft fairly extensively and have used Uber a few times. I think that a number of Lyft's business practices are questionable and I hope that they get things cleaned up. If they continue on the same path they are on I will likely abandon the service.

Uber's business model originally was to summon a black limo to pick up you and your friends for the express purpose of impressing people. This also functioned as a way for rich elites to bypass taxis. This was actually pretty successful. Soon afterwards, a competitor was launched (Lyft) by a company then called Zimride. Lyft was launched as a platform to connect people to people with cars who could drive them places. As this was a 'ride sharing' business, and not a taxi service, they were able to skate around regulations for taxis and avoid paying numerous licensing and taxes. This enabled them to be priced lower than a taxi, and also provide a higher quality of service. Uber then promptly copied this business model and implemented it as well.

I believe that the business model of these two companies is superior to the current taxi model. I would also use these services were they priced the same, or even a little more than a current taxi ride. The reasons are:

All in all this results in a cab ride being a safer, more enjoyable experience. It also makes getting a cab easier and safer, as you flag them through the app. The whole concept of the companies not paying regulatory taxes because they are not taxis is horseshit and should be retroactively applied.

So now the reasons Uber is so terrible are articulated in the article pretty well, but to summarize.

So where does this leave us? We have a company that is one of the fastest growing in history (possibly the fastest ever) that has a number of extreme disciplinary and tone problems, and has done nothing to correct them. This can be taken as a good example of the dangers of the modern technology industry. Make no mistake, Uber is a company that is celebrated (http://www.usatoday.com/story/money/columnist/wolff/2013/12/22/the-success-of-app-based-car-service-uber/4141669/) for its success (http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2013/12/uber-might-be-more-valuable-than-facebook.html). It has become a cliche in SF that any given startup's pitch is "the Uber for ____". This is creating a benchmark of how companies and their founders are to behave going forwards.
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: Lemon on November 19, 2014, 02:54:42 pm
Despite that growth though, it's fucking shocking that nobody has seriously taken them to court over the "It's your friend with a car" business pitch. The taxi business has its own share of systematic problems, and the new competitors are forcing them to be a little bit less stupid, so that's a good thing for everybody. Cabs are slowly adopting to new distribution policies and hopefully people will be raped by cab drivers less often. But as an alternative, Lyft and Uber have morality problems they aren't correcting. It's a problem that's endemic in San Francisco Tech1: We make a shitload of money with a short-term plan and nothing bad will ever happen because our corporate slogan is "nothing bad will ever happen". It's on a plaque in our loft office. Fixing structural problems would mean acknowledging those problems exist, and that's very much against our Brand Guidelines.

If I started an $18 billion restaurant empire, edged out every competing restaurant with lower prices, and told everybody that I didn't to worry about health code violations because my restaurants are "just your friend with a kitchen", I would be fined before going to jail.

Then again, how long did it take for Amazon to finally get forced to process sales tax? Like 15 years?

1: tech in general, but we all know where the problem is the worst.
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: jack chick on November 19, 2014, 04:27:52 pm
Oh that reminds me that they also hire all of their employees as independent contractors (http://www.bostonglobe.com/business/2014/06/26/uber-hit-with-class-action-lawsuit/JFlTJLMuBoXuEmMU3elTAI/story.html) so they can skirt around labor laws that protect other full time employees.

Lemon, it isn't actually that they don't think anything bad will ever happen, it is because our society (and the technology industry in particular) has collectively agreed that the mantra of "It is easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission" (http://www.bothsidesofthetable.com/2010/06/15/its-better-to-beg-for-forgiveness-than-to-ask-for-permission/) is an acceptable way to handle things. So thus these companies are able to skirt regulations until such time as they are enforced. I'm firmly of the belief that in cases like this all regulations should be applied retroactively, but that doesn't happen because all hail dystopia! :D

I do recall there were some lawsuits about the business pitch early on, but nothing stuck as far as I remember.
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: jack chick on November 20, 2014, 01:43:49 am
HAHAHAHA so my apologies for my incomplete piece above, see I hadn't actually read the news today (http://techcrunch.com/2014/11/19/uber-off/)

Apparently Uber decided to randomly track people's information and display it at parties, then used it to stalk journalists.

meanwhile this opinion piece came out over the debacle (http://mashable.com/2014/11/19/uber-op-ed/). BTW you should all read the apology by the CEO because holy shit what a lack of understanding what the issue was (http://mashable.com/2014/11/18/uber-ceo-apologizes-emil-michael/)

5/ We should tell the stories of progress and appeal to people’s hearts and minds

I agree, your PR should be better than comic evilness.
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: nigeline on November 20, 2014, 01:50:20 am
HAHAHAHA so my apologies for my incomplete piece above, see I hadn't actually read the news today (http://techcrunch.com/2014/11/19/uber-off/)

Apparently Uber decided to randomly track people's information and display it at parties, then used it to stalk journalists.

meanwhile this opinion piece came out over the debacle (http://mashable.com/2014/11/19/uber-op-ed/). BTW you should all read the apology by the CEO because holy shit what a lack of understanding what the issue was (http://mashable.com/2014/11/18/uber-ceo-apologizes-emil-michael/)

5/ We should tell the stories of progress and appeal to people’s hearts and minds

I agree, your PR should be better than comic evilness.
some metal dude, November 20, 2014, 01:43:49 am
Basically all of Uber's statemnts boil down to "women, amirite guys?"*.

*or "girly-men" or "pussies" or "big gubment", depending on who's demanding of their precious time
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: Bobalay on November 20, 2014, 04:48:33 pm
What a perfect example of how the line between "San Francisco Tech culture" and "literal sociopathy" is razor-thin.
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: jack chick on November 21, 2014, 11:31:27 am
Now I know that I've been pretty one-sided in my reporting of this issue.

Have a look at the other side of the coin! (http://scripting.com/2014/11/20/stuckInTheMiddle.html)
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: chai tea latte on November 21, 2014, 12:44:46 pm
Now I know that I've been pretty one-sided in my reporting of this issue.

Have a look at the other side of the coin! (http://scripting.com/2014/11/20/stuckInTheMiddle.html)
some metal dude, November 21, 2014, 11:31:27 am

Two things stand out to me here as potentially significant:
So where the tech industry has to grow up, the tech press has to earn its keep. There are plenty of stories that never get covered. Why is Chrome such a buggy slow browser? Maybe the web would do better if someone in tech loved it. Why will Google go to such lengths to smear a blogger (me) who reports on it?
and
How would you feel if an editorial series blasted you for being an "asshole," literally -- that's the word they used to describe Uber management. Not just in passing, as the key idea in a campaign. If we want the industry to grow up, the press has to grow up too.

Anyone can say anything, and should, but you still have to be nice about it. ugh.
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: crow on November 21, 2014, 01:02:21 pm
Now I know that I've been pretty one-sided in my reporting of this issue.

Have a look at the other side of the coin! (http://scripting.com/2014/11/20/stuckInTheMiddle.html)
some metal dude, November 21, 2014, 11:31:27 am

Two things stand out to me here as potentially significant:
So where the tech industry has to grow up, the tech press has to earn its keep. There are plenty of stories that never get covered. Why is Chrome such a buggy slow browser? Maybe the web would do better if someone in tech loved it. Why will Google go to such lengths to smear a blogger (me) who reports on it?
and
How would you feel if an editorial series blasted you for being an "asshole," literally -- that's the word they used to describe Uber management. Not just in passing, as the key idea in a campaign. If we want the industry to grow up, the press has to grow up too.

Anyone can say anything, and should, but you still have to be nice about it. ugh.
chai tea latte, November 21, 2014, 12:44:46 pm

I also like when he goes "Why isn't anyone asking the hard questions the public needs, like why chrome is so slow"
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: chai tea latte on December 05, 2014, 11:25:33 am
I think this is the place to put this? Anyway, tech culture just killed literally-century-old clip The New Republic (http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2014/12/05/the-new-republic-implodes.html?via=desktop&source=twitter).

e: Politico has more (http://www.politico.com/story/2014/12/the-new-republic-moves-to-new-york-city-113343.html?hp=t2_r)
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: jack chick on December 05, 2014, 12:12:51 pm
Yeah this seems to have become a "lets rail against the tech industry" thread.

“That dinner was like the Red Wedding in Game of Thrones,”

:(
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: Lemon on December 18, 2014, 10:53:34 pm
I need to bring this thing back to the original topic, just so I can post this.

Here's The Thing with Alec Baldwin
WNYC, New York Public Radio

In association with Killer Content Killer Content is a creative digital incubator, producing Award-winning, multi-platform entertainment and disruptive technologies to support production, marketing and distribution advantages for select creators.   Award-winning actor Alec Baldwin gives the listener unique entrée into the lives of artists, policy makers and performers. Alec sidesteps the predictable by taking listeners inside the dressing rooms, apartments, and offices of people such as comedian Chris Rock, political strategist Ed Rollins and Oscar winner Michael Douglas. Alec pursues great conversations in unexpected places to find out what motivates his guests, how they feel about what they do and what keeps them up at night. Here’s The Thing: Listen to what happens when a man you think you know surprises you. Here's the Thing has its roots in public radio. In 2009, Alec joined with producers Lu Olkowski, Trey Kay, Kathie Russo, and Emily Botein to find fresh ways to engage in conversation on the radio. The group developed the idea of a new show that at its heart would look at what makes interesting people tick and create a platform for new and emerging ideas to be presented. Here's the Thing: Listen to what happens when someone who's used to being the guest finds himself in chair of the host. Check out the full Here's The Thing archive. Read more about this project.

I have no idea if this show is any good, but after reading that summary, I doubt I ever will.
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: jack chick on December 18, 2014, 11:12:09 pm
this summary really likes the rule of 3s. a lot.
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: Lemon on January 09, 2015, 02:29:50 pm
Hey, remember how this used to be a topic about how the people who run Uber are scumbags?

Well, this:
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B67rDYWIUAA0KOi.png:large)
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: jack chick on January 14, 2015, 08:50:01 pm
That's ok they're now trying to bribe the press to stop being so mean to them (http://techcrunch.com/2015/01/12/but-will-emil-be-there/?ncid=rss)
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: Tiny Prancer on January 15, 2015, 05:04:42 pm
so I finally got around to listening to the otherkin recipe episode (I tend to save up episodes for when I have to sit and do shit for school) and when the jab at Marissa Mayer buying tumblr came up I remembered this article I saw a while back, which kind of explains a whole lot of what went behind that decision. (http://www.nytimes.com/2014/12/21/clip/what-happened-when-marissa-mayer-tried-to-be-steve-jobs.html?_r=1)

(for the record, even people on tumblr think it was stupid and have mostly hated the changes that have happened in the site since it happened, although it's not like they've ever been happy with any changes that have ever happened on tumblr. Literally the only things I think people have actually enjoyed happening on tumblr were the joke updates for april fool's day and festivus.)
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: jack chick on January 22, 2015, 11:50:44 pm
Found in my email:

Subject: You're beepi'n awesome!

Body:

I'm excited to tell you about a very unique opportunity with a Series-B funded startup in Los Altos- Beepi ! I'm sure you've heard of them by now with all the media coverage....

http://techcrunch.com/2014/10/06/beepi-60m/

Beepi is actively seeking a Beepi'n awesome Customer Service Manager to join their team. You will be joining their Marketplace Operatinos[sic] team... The Marketplace Operations team members share Beepi's ideals of creating a revolutionary way of buying and selling cars that is both fun and hassle free. The position is meant for those of you who challenge the status quo on a daily basis, seek and desire to radically change the inefficiencies in the world, and get what it means to build movements and not just machines. You are the face of Beepi, and you're ready to put yourself out there to help them grow.

More about Beepi: Beepi replaces the used car dealer and the used car lot with a system that connects buyers and sellers in a radical new way. No negotiating, no trips to the dealer, no surprises- and no commission to the guy with the plaid jacket. Which means a better price for everyone. They'll also take care of the title, the plates, and all of the paperwork! Beepi also believes in full visibility so they publish their rates, it's all about customer happiness here :)

Any interest? Send over your resume and we'll set up a chat with the team!


(https://media.licdn.com/media/p/4/000/14d/165/0355e82.jpg)

That's the image the recruiter uses on their linkedin. Then there's the ol dadjoke in the profile:
Why do Java guys wear glasses?
Because they don't C# !!!!

Ugh. Not to mention, a series b funded startup in LOS ALTOS?? who the fuck are they going to get to commute down there? just reeks of poor planning.
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: jack chick on March 30, 2015, 02:46:39 pm
Anyone need a job? (https://www.odesk.com/o/jobs/job/_~01467a4fa803226d56/)

Now I don't know about you, but I consider myself a copy/paste expert, so I think this is a great new revenue stream for me.
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: crow on April 16, 2015, 09:40:27 am
As a customer focused, value added employee, I strive to maintain organizational momentum while providing excellent service to internal and external customers. These behaviors align with our organizational focus by delivering value in the form of services and knowledge transfer and support achieving our strategic goals at all organizational levels. In addition, I plan to not only maintain, but also consistently improve my work product output over the next year through a clearly laid out professional development plan that consists of defined, achievable quarterly goals tied to specific metrics, such as leveraging a blue-sky thinking paradigm, soup-to-nuts, thereby facilitating win-win scenarios in all functional areas. By applying synergistic principles to interpersonal transactions, I will continue to enhance an environment in which credo-based decision-making and open, courageous communication are fostered and nurtured, culminating in an industry-leading Can-Do team mentality where each and every employee is empowered to own the business. I will adhere to the principles of Servant Leadership and the unified company Mission Statement in every aspect of my day-to-day responsibilities.
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: jack chick on April 29, 2015, 11:16:39 am
Even’s founders want to take the human disruption caused by disruption and, well, disrupt it. (http://www.nytimes.com/2015/05/03/clip/want-a-steady-income-theres-an-app-for-that.html?_r=0)

This makes me really, really angry.
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: jack chick on August 27, 2015, 03:08:28 pm
RIIIIIIIIISE FROM YOUR GRAVE

TeamedWith! (https://teamedwith.com/) a new startup concept that does away with that pesky "having a product" element so that your team can just go from founding to acqui-hire as rapidly as possible!

this is a real company.
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: Gyro on August 30, 2015, 07:53:38 am
Deliver data-driven monster cockysis and recommendations that align with campaign goals and quantify high-impact opportunities with clear recommendations
jack chick, September 03, 2014, 01:52:10 pm

The word filter here is MVP.

e: From what I can tell, most of these companies seem to be following the pre-Dot Com Crash tech bubble strategy of "Let's make a company that doesn't actually fucking do anything and eat a bunch of venture capital money." Am I misreading the situation or is that pretty much how it goes down?
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: Isfahan on August 30, 2015, 09:37:46 am
e: From what I can tell, most of these companies seem to be following the pre-Dot Com Crash tech bubble strategy of "Let's make a company that doesn't actually fucking do anything and eat a bunch of venture capital money." Am I misreading the situation or is that pretty much how it goes down?
Gyro, August 30, 2015, 07:53:38 am

I see it as "Let's make a company that doesn't actually fucking do anything and hope we get bought out by a board of old fogeys somewhere who weren't paying attention."

I call it the Startup Lottery.
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: A Meat on August 30, 2015, 10:54:46 am
So, is middle manager the highest position in Middlemen Inc.?
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: jack chick on September 29, 2015, 11:37:07 am
WELL WELL WELL

LOOK WHAT MY COWORKER BROUGHT IN (http://www.mealsquares.com/)

He made sure to point it out to me, so I think he recognizes how fucking angry it makes me.

twofer: lots of my friends have been using this (https://www.blueapron.com/) - then they post about how they're such awesome chefs ang BJHALHFALBHJA FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

burn the world.
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: SATAN MILKSHAKE on September 29, 2015, 01:52:33 pm
The mealsquares testimonials remind me of Something Awful's Skymall reviews. (http://www.somethingawful.com/news/skymall-cellulite-smoother/)

Eating MealSquares has freed up lots of my time for working on MealSquares.

My life is an ouroboros of shit in more than one way
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: jack chick on September 29, 2015, 02:46:34 pm
UPDATE: MEALSQUARES IS SUPER DEEP IN THE LESSWRONG GAME

the founder links to lesswrong when proving his credibility as an author. :D :D :D :D
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: SATAN MILKSHAKE on September 29, 2015, 05:30:29 pm
What the fuck is with nerds and trying to hack their way out of making food?  Do they think it all just tastes like lunch meats and buttered pasta?
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: Tiny Prancer on September 29, 2015, 09:52:06 pm
tbh I can understand the idea because sometimes I don't feel like eating and I have such picky tastes in food that I have trouble feeding myself on a regular basis, to the point that the idea of having a fast and easy food substitute that I can fall back on doesn't seem too bad. Really though, the bigger appeal of that kind of idea is that then when I'd eat "real food" that it's more likely to be something I'm eating because I want to rather than because I have to.

The fact that the creators of all these kind of things are obviously gross silicon valley nerdbros doesn't really make me keen to try any of them out, however.
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: chai tea latte on September 29, 2015, 10:12:29 pm
tbh I can understand the idea because sometimes I don't feel like eating and I have such picky tastes in food that I have trouble feeding myself on a regular basis, to the point that the idea of having a fast and easy food substitute that I can fall back on doesn't seem too bad. Really though, the bigger appeal of that kind of idea is that then when I'd eat "real food" that it's more likely to be something I'm eating because I want to rather than because I have to.

The fact that the creators of all these kind of things are obviously gross silicon valley nerdbros doesn't really make me keen to try any of them out, however.
Tiny Prancer, September 29, 2015, 09:52:06 pm
drink a Boost for breakfast and an Ensure for dessert

(it's b/c they don't understand that food can be anything other than nutritive fuel, they lack conception of cooking or eating as joyful or in any way conveying personal, cultural or communal significance)
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: jack chick on September 30, 2015, 10:58:02 am
nah dude meals out in the real world are where you conduct business deals and who has time for that?!
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: goombapolice on September 30, 2015, 11:15:29 am
I've lifehacked myself so hard that I don't even need to warm soft touch of a female companion .
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: A Meat on September 30, 2015, 03:51:01 pm
If someone invents a way to eat all your food by inserting it directly into your stomach via a tube, I bet you some silicon valley type dudes will be the first to embrace it
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: Victor Laszlo on October 01, 2015, 12:53:12 am
If someone invents a way to eat all your food by inserting it directly into your stomach via a tube, I bet you some silicon valley type dudes will be the first to embrace it
A Meat, September 30, 2015, 03:51:01 pm
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Percutaneous_endoscopic_gastrostomy (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Percutaneous_endoscopic_gastrostomy)
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: Tiny Prancer on October 01, 2015, 08:44:15 am
tbh I can understand the idea because sometimes I don't feel like eating and I have such picky tastes in food that I have trouble feeding myself on a regular basis, to the point that the idea of having a fast and easy food substitute that I can fall back on doesn't seem too bad. Really though, the bigger appeal of that kind of idea is that then when I'd eat "real food" that it's more likely to be something I'm eating because I want to rather than because I have to.

The fact that the creators of all these kind of things are obviously gross silicon valley nerdbros doesn't really make me keen to try any of them out, however.
Tiny Prancer, September 29, 2015, 09:52:06 pm
drink a Boost for breakfast and an Ensure for dessert

(it's b/c they don't understand that food can be anything other than nutritive fuel, they lack conception of cooking or eating as joyful or in any way conveying personal, cultural or communal significance)
chai tea latte, September 29, 2015, 10:12:29 pm

The problem is that I get sick of certain flavors VERY quickly, to the point I can't bring myself to eat the food that has said flavor (I currently can't eat kefir or protein bars because of this), and I've never been fond of the taste of protien shakes. The big appeal that soylent had for me when I read about it was the idea that it's supposed to have little to no taste, because as bland and depressing as that is, that also means it's harder/takes longer to get sick of it.
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: Cleretic on October 02, 2015, 08:07:38 pm
I'm not really into cooking, and even I hate most tech-nerd approaches to meal supplements. I have a nutritional supplement for breakfast, but that's not because it's more efficient or anything, it's probably slower than just making some goddamn toast. I have it because I mix it into milk, and when I get up in the morning my throat just does not want something as dry as toast, but my brain doesn't want to do something complicated.
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: jack chick on February 18, 2016, 12:40:11 am
Hahahaha another jackass decides that the government should do something about the homeless riff-raff (http://www.theguardian.com/technology/2016/feb/17/san-francisco-tech-open-letter-i-dont-want-to-see-homeless-riff-raff) -- san francisco startup bullshit of course.

that's ok his company commando.io has literally the exact same website and idea as everyone else so that's good disruptivation going on.

seriously can we grind these people into dog food
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: jack chick on February 18, 2016, 09:23:13 am
and the response (https://medium.com/@jimatdeltaco/open-letter-to-a-guy-who-wrote-an-open-letter-to-the-mayor-of-san-francisco-about-homelessness-ccb5438c4784#.ujlbr07nm)

:D
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: Ambious on February 18, 2016, 09:39:16 am
(http://38.media.tumblr.com/3b14a02f592f93f73cddc72688c8cd27/tumblr_mhq3xdfTUz1r2bzz4o1_250.gif)

Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: chai tea latte on February 18, 2016, 09:55:57 am
Hahahaha another jackass decides that the government should do something about the homeless riff-raff (http://www.theguardian.com/technology/2016/feb/17/san-francisco-tech-open-letter-i-dont-want-to-see-homeless-riff-raff) -- san francisco startup bullshit of course.

that's ok his company commando.io has literally the exact same website and idea as everyone else so that's good disruptivation going on.

seriously can we grind these people into dog food
jack chick, February 18, 2016, 12:40:11 am
and the response (https://medium.com/@jimatdeltaco/open-letter-to-a-guy-who-wrote-an-open-letter-to-the-mayor-of-san-francisco-about-homelessness-ccb5438c4784#.ujlbr07nm)

:D
jack chick, February 18, 2016, 09:23:13 am

Well it's because you guys have such generous social programs and all the fucking riff-raff move just to piss off Justin and Co, right?

Oh, what's that, SF homeless overwhelmingly used to have homes in the city and nobody knows where that money goes (http://sfist.com/2016/02/11/71_of_sf_homeless_once_had_homes_in.php)? 
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: jack chick on February 18, 2016, 11:49:37 am
Ed Lee lays on it while beating off to pictures of Jack Dorsey
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: Is It Normal this Disgusting Giant Sherman Tank on February 20, 2016, 12:44:05 pm
Ed Lee lays on it while beating off to pictures of Jack Dorsey
jack chick, February 18, 2016, 11:49:37 am

I read this as Jack Dempsey (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Dempsey) and got real confused.
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: jack chick on January 29, 2017, 01:12:28 pm
Hey remember how I have strong opinions about Uber and Lyft?

So this morning Lyft donated 1M to the ACLU.
Uber disabled surge pricing during the NYC/JFK taxi strike to specifically act as scabs. (Also Kalanick serves on that trump tech outreach thing).
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: Vinny Possum on January 29, 2017, 01:21:41 pm
I dislike both because they horribly exploit their drivers, but at least one robber baron is using his ill-gotten gains for something decent.
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: jack chick on February 19, 2017, 08:47:15 pm
hey remember how uber was a super good company that is known for treating its employees really well?

THEIR STELLAR RECORD CONTINUES (https://www.susanjfowler.com/blog/2017/2/19/reflecting-on-one-very-strange-year-at-uber)
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: SATAN MILKSHAKE on February 19, 2017, 10:20:17 pm
hey remember how uber was a super good company that is known for treating its employees really well?

THEIR STELLAR RECORD CONTINUES (https://www.susanjfowler.com/blog/2017/2/19/reflecting-on-one-very-strange-year-at-uber)
jack chick, February 19, 2017, 08:47:15 pm
Shocking: Silicon Valley Man Thinks "Asshole" Is Positive Character Trait
EYE OF ZA, February 19, 2017, 06:14:28 pm

The stuff in that article is really horrible, but disappointingly not that surprising once you assume that everyone in Uber is going FYGM as hard as possible at all times.
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: Cleretic on February 20, 2017, 03:00:27 am
Uber is 'cartoon evil' of some kind, right? Like, literally everything they do is bad from what I've seen, it's almost an impressive record.

I know they're the villain of some kind of story, I'm just not sure which one. I'd say that I'd like to rule out Bond-villain or Lex Luthor-level 'death ray evil' because they're more into fucking up the little guy than anything high-aiming like that, but I can't rule it out.
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: jack chick on February 20, 2017, 09:44:32 am
the tone of the company is set from the people at the helm. kalanick is just that big of a cockwagon that his attitude comes down and inflects the rest of the company's culture and attitudes.
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: Frank West on February 20, 2017, 04:43:43 pm
Uber is 'cartoon evil' of some kind, right? Like, literally everything they do is bad from what I've seen, it's almost an impressive record.

I know they're the villain of some kind of story, I'm just not sure which one. I'd say that I'd like to rule out Bond-villain or Lex Luthor-level 'death ray evil' because they're more into fucking up the little guy than anything high-aiming like that, but I can't rule it out.
Cleretic, February 20, 2017, 03:00:27 am

Like most big american companies, they're the villains in a shitty cyberpunk story, because the world we live in is a cyberpunk story but only the lame parts.
Privatizing an industry in a way that works as a symbol of, and a cause of, the increasingly bad conditions for the lower class? Yep.
Run by a rich tech nerd running his company via social darwinism, so that success is all about subterfuge? Uh-huh.
Ties to a corrupt government that's increasingly run by corporations? Obv.

If we were in a COOL cyberpunk story, Uber would have flying cars, and we'd get the founders of lyft fighting Kalanick with katanas or something. Instead we have sexual harassment  and scabbing protests.
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: jack chick on February 23, 2017, 06:56:25 pm
And it turns out Uber stole the primary driver behind their self-driving cars (https://medium.com/waymo/a-note-on-our-lawsuit-against-otto-and-uber-86f4f98902a1#.mywlw4xlw)

So they're being sued by Google!
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: SATAN MILKSHAKE on February 24, 2017, 05:22:01 am
Disrupt courts!!!!
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: Yavuz on February 24, 2017, 05:30:49 pm
A fairly comprehensive overview of how screwed Uber is. (http://jalopnik.com/uber-is-doomed-1792634203)
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: nuffkins, of all people, on February 27, 2017, 08:26:59 pm
It continues. (https://medium.com/@amyvertino/my-name-is-not-amy-i-am-an-uber-survivor-c6d6541e632f#.s0gwz49ey)
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: jack chick on May 03, 2017, 10:26:51 am
A brief check-in with one of the worst people in the world (https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2017/may/02/facebook-executive-advertising-data-comment)

Hint - he's an ex facebook marketing manager.
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: jack chick on September 13, 2017, 04:45:22 pm
Introducing Bodega! (https://www.eater.com/2017/9/13/16302386/bodega-startup-corner-store-silicon-valley) - a more complicated vending machine that's in a bunch of places I don't need a vending machine.

BRIPE (https://www.briping.com/) - this product is named BRIPE.

Hey do you wanna get better at video games? (https://statespace.gg/) - the best way isn't to play the video game a lot and try to evaluate how you could get better. only idiots do that. instead you should pay this company which will have you do some other random shit

South of Market - The Musical (https://www.somamusical.com/) - you know in case you wanted musical theatre that was all about the garbage fire that is silicon valley

BRIPE
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: SATAN MILKSHAKE on September 13, 2017, 06:10:23 pm
Oh man I can't wait to get my BRIPE, I'm going to go hiking and bring with me coffee grounds and fresh water and this portable blowtorch just to make an espresso sized amount of coffee at a time. Which I'm presumably going to have to wash when I'm done, too.

Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: Lemon on September 16, 2017, 09:41:19 am
@BodegaBot (https://twitter.com/BodegaBot)
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: jack chick on October 05, 2017, 12:47:31 pm
Dropbox redesigned their logo (https://dropbox.design/)

naturally that requires 80000 words to explain why they did this.

Also the site takes a LONG time to load, fair warning.
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: Lemon on October 05, 2017, 12:50:41 pm
Dropbox redesigned their logo (https://dropbox.design/)
jack chick, October 05, 2017, 12:47:31 pm

Yeah, if I was gonna rebrand Dropbox, I would start by removing Condoleezza Rice from the board of directors (https://www.dropbox.com/about).
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: SATAN MILKSHAKE on October 05, 2017, 12:58:16 pm
Old logo, "a box":
(https://i.imgur.com/ogDPhTD.png)

New logo, "a collection of surfaces":
(https://i.imgur.com/dtwZSAt.png)
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: AgentCoop on October 05, 2017, 03:43:34 pm
BRIPE (https://www.briping.com/) - this product is named BRIPE.
jack chick, September 13, 2017, 04:45:22 pm
Holy shit they made a rig for Maxwell House
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: jack chick on October 17, 2017, 02:34:45 pm
inside google's HR department (http://www.sfgate.com/business/article/Working-at-Google-seemed-like-a-dream-job-The-12284402.php?cmpid=fb-desktop)

a product expert across a myriad of domains hoping to sync and gain best practices.
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: Is It Normal this Disgusting Giant Sherman Tank on October 18, 2017, 07:33:34 am
I don't even know what best practices means anymore, if it ever did mean anything.
Title: Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts
Post by: Shell Game on October 18, 2017, 03:05:35 pm
It's loosely used jargon in health safety that implies OSHA guidelines are in the area of the activity.