Weapons (2025): Formalist piece of shit. Memorable but comes out to nothing. The cold open of IT is a 6 year old getting dismembered, in what way is this movie's thematic content supposed to compare to the suburban child abuse novel par excellence? Weak sauce, baby. Felt like a millennial therapy session about your mom burning the pizza.
PAW Patrol: The Movie (2021): The hypest shit I ever done seen in my life. I watched exactly the first 4 (±2) episodes of season one of this show and by the end of my week I was straight watching the first movie. This was the DLSS 5 upgrade to the 10 minute episodes in every single way; if you were a 4 year old with undiagnosed ADHD and PAW Patrol was, for you, what a budding sugar addiction was for me at that age, this movie would literally feel like the sucrose in your morning cereal got switched to cocaine without your knowledge.
It's everything a child fan should want, the pups do more of the absolutely same stuff they do in the show, which is act cute, bark and solve physics puzzle video game levels, there's more puppy melodrama, there's more, more, more. The toys and toy sets are presented in front of the audience with the perverse, high definition gaze of an adult car commercial, the commodity pornography only a capitalist venture would dare attempt and shill to children, and speaking of it, there's a lot of wonderful fan-service for liberal adult parents (who need reassurance from preschooler media) in there too, a healthy dose of woke capitalism. To quote a single example, Skye, the only girl PAW patrol pup, sees the ugliest boy pup, Rubble, in drag and then straight up looks at the camera and says "It doesn't matter if she's clockable, trans women are women!" I clapped so hard at that one, dude, this movie goes so hard. I fucking LOVE the fact that it's just an anti-Trump movie where the pups are the #resistance. That's right, PAW Patrol said BLM and Trans Rights. Bark Against the Machine, brother. 10/10 fr
