ballp.it

Projects => The F Plus => Topic started by: Lemon on January 16, 2018, 09:27:47 pm

Title: 273: Flashlight Enthusiasts?
Post by: Lemon on January 16, 2018, 09:27:47 pm
(http://landmarkcreations.com/images/catalog/products-alternate-views/L4585/L4585-01.jpg)
Title: 273: Flashlight Enthusiasts?
Post by: SATAN MILKSHAKE on January 16, 2018, 10:30:22 pm
pre-listening estimated ETA to fleshlight joke: 1:30s
Title: 273: Flashlight Enthusiasts?
Post by: Sherman Tankoid on January 16, 2018, 11:31:23 pm
There's a lot of mouse clicking sounds in this one. I dunno if someone got a new mic or something but just thought I'd mention it.

TAGS: "consumerism as a religion", "your life is uniquely meaningless", "useless tiny detail fetish", "very popular websites".
Title: 273: Flashlight Enthusiasts?
Post by: GirlKisser420 on January 17, 2018, 12:20:23 am
thanks montrith
Title: 273: Flashlight Enthusiasts?
Post by: krytton on January 17, 2018, 12:46:45 am
holy mop
Title: 273: Flashlight Enthusiasts?
Post by: A Meat on January 17, 2018, 04:12:20 am
don't you worry lemon, I'll find the dental surgery enthusiast/fetish forum to prove to your that that one story is actually not as bad as dental surgery

edit: syzygy is a real astronomy term
Title: 273: Flashlight Enthusiasts?
Post by: Caroline on January 17, 2018, 04:29:14 am
"Sorry to outshine you."

Feels ironic that I get such pure joy from such a frequently filthy podcast.
Title: 273: Flashlight Enthusiasts?
Post by: Frank West on January 17, 2018, 08:24:48 am
don't you worry lemon, I'll find the dental surgery enthusiast/fetish forum to prove to your that that one story is actually not as bad as dental surgery

edit: syzygy is a real astronomy term
A Meat, January 17, 2018, 04:12:20 am

I thought the guy's name was syzygy at first and I think I even pronounce it in the background, but actually his username really was gysyzy or something out of order like that.
Title: 273: Flashlight Enthusiasts?
Post by: A Meat on January 17, 2018, 09:05:07 am
don't you worry lemon, I'll find the dental surgery enthusiast/fetish forum to prove to your that that one story is actually not as bad as dental surgery

edit: syzygy is a real astronomy term
A Meat, January 17, 2018, 04:12:20 am

I thought the guy's name was syzygy at first and I think I even pronounce it in the background, but actually his username really was gysyzy or something out of order like that.
Frank West, January 17, 2018, 08:24:48 am
thanks for clearing that up, you're like an incredibly powerful flashlight in a porta-potty
Title: 273: Flashlight Enthusiasts?
Post by: Bobguinary Novel on January 17, 2018, 11:01:36 am
I'm stopping right in the middle of the episode just to post this: The brightest flashlights owned by the dimmest bulbs
Title: 273: Flashlight Enthusiasts?
Post by: Spooks on January 17, 2018, 11:46:58 am
You idiots, you make your kid wear the cement tube as weight training for when they grow up and have to wear kevlar vests daily! Have you seen the lumens on some of these flashlights? They can disintegrate your shit. The fact that they're just like guns was already established earlier in the episode.

Prep them before it's too late.
Title: 273: Flashlight Enthusiasts?
Post by: KingKalamari on January 17, 2018, 11:47:28 am
So you know how in sitcoms they'll sometimes have that stock character whose thing is "Is cartoonishly boring"? Like they'll maybe be played by Ben Stein and they might do a B-plot where one of the wacky lead characters gets trapped in a long conversation with them that'll span the course of an entire episode? This is the sort of thing that conversation would be about. Just a never-ending drone about the specs of flashlights. How can anyone be THIS into flashlights?
Title: 273: Flashlight Enthusiasts?
Post by: Achilles' Heelies on January 17, 2018, 12:45:06 pm
So you know how in sitcoms they'll sometimes have that stock character whose thing is "Is cartoonishly boring"? Like they'll maybe be played by Ben Stein and they might do a B-plot where one of the wacky lead characters gets trapped in a long conversation with them that'll span the course of an entire episode? This is the sort of thing that conversation would be about. Just a never-ending drone about the specs of flashlights. How can anyone be THIS into flashlights?
KingKalamari, January 17, 2018, 11:47:28 am
Once you experience the thrill of searing the retinas of your foes, and then disintegrating them, then you too will understand the raw magnetism of flashlights.
Title: 273: Flashlight Enthusiasts?
Post by: I Liked That Joke on January 17, 2018, 05:23:32 pm
This episode is probably going to end up somewhere in my top ten. It reminded me why I fell in love with the F Plus in the first place: discovering insane people doing insane things. Yes, the fetish episodes are fun, but they aren't very surprising anymore. The weird pandering to very specific groups (otherkin cookbook, furry MTG) is great, but that's just deeper madness, not new madness. I had truly thought that there were no more worlds left to conquer.

The fact that somebody is so into flashlights (not even for sex, apparently!) that talking about them with his girlfriend ends in confused frustration and tears is so beautifully demented that I had to rewind the episode. Easily worth three years of research.

Thanks montrith.
Title: 273: Flashlight Enthusiasts?
Post by: montrith on January 17, 2018, 07:25:58 pm
FYI everyone really should read the "flashlight fans are good with women" thread because it is amazing.
Title: 273: Flashlight Enthusiasts?
Post by: Bobguinary Novel on January 17, 2018, 08:58:26 pm
Can we have the tag "Fetish Adjacent"? For all the times there's no actual sexual acts involved, but it has all the same trappings as a baffling fetish.
Title: 273: Flashlight Enthusiasts?
Post by: Sherman Tankoid on January 18, 2018, 12:07:32 am
This might be the strangest group of people ever featured on the podcast.
Title: 273: Flashlight Enthusiasts?
Post by: krytton on January 18, 2018, 12:45:39 am
they're fetishists in every way except sexual and i'm not sure how i feel about that
Title: 273: Flashlight Enthusiasts?
Post by: DetectiveSlowpoke on January 18, 2018, 12:45:46 am
(https://i.imgur.com/H13VmMX.jpg?1)
Title: 273: Flashlight Enthusiasts?
Post by: rhorsman on January 18, 2018, 03:48:37 pm
Have to admit, when it first came up my reaction was "A flashlight with downloadable firmware? Hmmm, tell me more..." But then I shook it off.

Anyway, here's a picture of my new mousepad, caught in the glorious beam of my TK-12(ver b.2) 40 gigalumen continual burst monthly carry. I'm sure you've noticed the delicate rose shading to the tonsure of the pernumbulatic field, and yes that is the result of loading GhostFaceKlickah420's mod of the community's already great "Lumentations of Your Enemies" firmware. Thanks, GFK420!

(https://i.imgur.com/1nU0rOyb.jpg)

P.S. - I AM BOTH HARD AND WET RIGHT NOW
Title: 273: Flashlight Enthusiasts?
Post by: DetectiveSlowpoke on January 18, 2018, 05:19:28 pm
I mean I did buy the flashlight that you see above but I'm not creepy enough to go in add all these crazy attachments or custom firmware to it. The fact that it's incredibly durable and has different modes is more than enough for me. But I won't lie the first time I saw that photo before I bought the light I did laugh quite a bit because it was just so ridiculous. Although I  wouldn't buy it now because since it isn't produced as much the prices jumped up like $40 and that is too much money.

EDIT: I ARE PUNCTUATION GOOD
Title: 273: Flashlight Enthusiasts?
Post by: SATAN MILKSHAKE on January 18, 2018, 06:26:37 pm
Have to admit, when it first came up my reaction was "A flashlight with downloadable firmware? Hmmm, tell me more..." But then I shook it off.
rhorsman, January 18, 2018, 03:48:37 pm
"I can emulate Doom on my flashlight!"
Title: 273: Flashlight Enthusiasts?
Post by: nudna on January 19, 2018, 01:14:26 pm
I couldn't believe there wasnt anything sexual at all about this so I went to look for some flashlight erotica and now I can't believe how many people misspel fleshlight!

Thanks for a great episode guys :)
Title: 273: Flashlight Enthusiasts?
Post by: Sherman Tankoid on January 19, 2018, 04:51:44 pm
A lot of these flashlight obsessives sound exactly like those gun owners who insist they have to carry their gun everywhere.  In fact I suspect there's a sizeable crossover between the two groups.

As evidence I present this deep cut from the Something Awful forums:
(http://i.imgur.com/NyXLd.jpg)
Title: 273: Flashlight Enthusiasts?
Post by: nudna on January 20, 2018, 02:41:49 am
A lot of these flashlight obsessives sound exactly like those gun owners who insist they have to carry their gun everywhere.  In fact I suspect there's a sizeable crossover between the two groups.

As evidence I present this deep cut from the Something Awful forums:
(http://i.imgur.com/NyXLd.jpg)
Holy Mother of Sherman Tank, January 19, 2018, 04:51:44 pm


Good thing he tagged who the nerd is or else I would've never guessed (?)
Title: 273: Flashlight Enthusiasts?
Post by: Spooks on January 20, 2018, 07:11:44 am
Good thing he tagged who the nerd is or else I would've never guessed (?)
nudna, January 20, 2018, 02:41:49 am


Guest
             \
               \
                 \
               Nerd
Title: 273: Flashlight Enthusiasts?
Post by: nudna on January 21, 2018, 01:38:28 pm
Good thing he tagged who the nerd is or else I would've never guessed (?)
nudna, January 20, 2018, 02:41:49 am


Guest
             \
               \
                 \
               Nerd
Spooks, January 20, 2018, 07:11:44 am


Oh shit, did I forget to take the tag off when I bought this body??
Title: 273: Flashlight Enthusiasts?
Post by: Bobguinary Novel on January 21, 2018, 05:15:36 pm
Good thing he tagged who the nerd is or else I would've never guessed (?)
nudna, January 20, 2018, 02:41:49 am


Guest
             \
               \
                 \
               Nerd
Spooks, January 20, 2018, 07:11:44 am


Oh shit, did I forget to take the tag off when I bought this body??
nudna, January 21, 2018, 01:38:28 pm

Nah, most of us are a part of the nerd catch-and-release program, studying basement migration patterns
Title: 273: Flashlight Enthusiasts?
Post by: Knitting Machine on January 21, 2018, 05:30:39 pm
A lot of these flashlight obsessives sound exactly like those gun owners who insist they have to carry their gun everywhere.  In fact I suspect there's a sizeable crossover between the two groups.

As evidence I present this deep cut from the Something Awful forums:
(http://i.imgur.com/NyXLd.jpg)
Holy Mother of Sherman Tank, January 19, 2018, 04:51:44 pm

I kept thinking the same thing throughout the whole episode. There's even that whole "they laughed at me for carrying a gun/flashlight around but look who is laughing now!". Considering I've also heard that sort of thing from guys who carry knives all of the time maybe it's all part of the same  survivalist fantasy?
Title: 273: Flashlight Enthusiasts?
Post by: Dr. Buttplug on January 21, 2018, 06:30:33 pm
As for knives I think we've all been in the situation where someone buys a package or something and the guy with the knife is the one to help open it. You could justify carrying that damned knife around through these scenarios and never make the connection that a Swiss army knife with a corkscrew and bottle opener would be that much more useful and probably cheaper than your titanium plated gravity open buck knife off the knife channel. The only use case that a Swiss army knife or multi-tool doesn't work for is burying it in a human skull.

So you know, priorities. [freakout]

Flashlights have similar use cases. What makes it even more absurd is that almost everyone has a much more useful object in their pocket that usually comes with a flashlight function: a cell phone. Nobody really needs a light that can cause permanent blindness from thirty meters away. I don't need a computer that can render Doom (2016) in 4k 60 fps to do my job as a graphic designer, but I do.
Title: 273: Flashlight Enthusiasts?
Post by: Shell Game on January 23, 2018, 07:42:35 pm
I've been neglecting a lot of podcasts so I'm catching up.

This one is awesome! instant classic.
Title: 273: Flashlight Enthusiasts?
Post by: Bobguinary Novel on January 28, 2018, 08:04:39 pm
(https://i.imgur.com/IjcwMgw.jpg)
Title: 273: Flashlight Enthusiasts?
Post by: Non-zero-sum Gaymer on February 04, 2018, 08:34:33 pm
I literally just bought a $7 flashlight and was planning on impressing someone with the surprisingly bright beam. Then, episode 273 echoed in my skull. Now it stands, upright and drained of light. What have I become?
Title: 273: Flashlight Enthusiasts?
Post by: Frank West on March 04, 2019, 01:54:46 pm
https://old.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/avkgnz/my_24f_boyfriend_31m_wont_stop_buying_flashlights/
Title: 273: Flashlight Enthusiasts?
Post by: GirlKisser420 on March 04, 2019, 02:10:53 pm
why is everyone on reddit dating with such an age gap?
Title: 273: Flashlight Enthusiasts?
Post by: Corn Syrup on March 04, 2019, 02:37:06 pm
https://old.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/avkgnz/my_24f_boyfriend_31m_wont_stop_buying_flashlights/
Frank West, March 04, 2019, 01:54:46 pm

I love the last question:
"Is this because hes from Florida?"
She's just trying to latch onto any possible rationale for his behavior, no matter how tangential.
Title: 273: Flashlight Enthusiasts?
Post by: Sherman Tankoid on March 04, 2019, 03:03:15 pm
why is everyone on reddit dating with such an age gap?
GirlKisser420, March 04, 2019, 02:10:53 pm

Oh, take a wild guess.
Title: 273: Flashlight Enthusiasts?
Post by: cat_examiner on March 04, 2019, 06:12:18 pm
why is everyone on reddit dating with such an age gap?
GirlKisser420, March 04, 2019, 02:10:53 pm

Oh, take a wild guess.
SHERMAN TANKS!!!, March 04, 2019, 03:03:15 pm

knowing redditors, they've been together for a decade