Wow, been a while since I've posted here. Dang.
Here's a fun
and very old, on-going, god help us all
Before reading this, I implore you not to troll the described specimen. He's terrible, as is his wife(?), but they don't deserve floods of hate mail or channel trolling. By all means, subscribe to them, giggle about them, submit a doc about them, whatever suits you, but don't poke and prod 'em too much, okay? That's just mean. Prime Directive, yadda yadda.
Anyway. So. Our store has regulars, yeah? Every store does. The thing about Gamestop regulars is that they're, well, Gamestop regulars. You've got your deal-snipers, your scalpers, your known shoplifters, your dudebros who always come in to buy the new 2K sports titles for full value even though they're barely different from the last year's release, your fat neckbeards who never fucking shut up about their waifus
, and then you've got...well. You've got the people who practically make a career out of being living mockery material.
So there's this guy who comes in fairly regularly, I don't even know his fucking name, it doesn't even matter. What matters is that he's almost always either wearing a stained, dirty, poorly-made Naruto
(that ugly orange motherfucker on the left) costume, or a gigantic fleece hat of DJ Pon-3's head
that, really, looks like it may very well have originally been a plush that he simply decapitated and repurposed into something that essentially turns him into a walking nerdy totem pole.
He's not a bad guy, just....very naive, and he has a habit of oversharing, which is pretty common for his type of nerd anyway. There are some very troublesome aspects of his character, though. For one thing, he does not regularly bathe. This is particularly problematic because he is almost completely blind in one eye and has very poor vision in the other, so he consistently has to stand very close
to the counter to be able to read things. Ergo, we have to deal with breathing in his nerd funk while trying desperately not to vomit every time he decides to engage us in conversation and/or buy something. Wonderfully enough, he's also the kind of customer who just comes into Gamestop to bother the fuck out of us for up to an hour without actually buying anything
. Protip: DON'T EVER FUCKING DO THIS.
Anyway, fairly recently, this customer who had previously existed as nothing but a nuisance blessed us with gold: his business card
. Turns out he and his "business partner" apparently run...something. It's ambiguous as to what that "something" is, exactly. Most of their stuff seems to consist of NaNoWriMo pep talks, poorly-made vlog posts, embarrassing covers of songs the singer does not actually know the lyrics to, and various forms of vaguely-pagan, vaguely-Christian woo. What I find particularly hilarious is their video defending a known tracer
using the logic that because he hasn't been convicted of forgery in a court of law, he is innocent of tracing. My favorite part is when the guy tries to pan over to "his own artwork" on the wall and has the camera too high, so you just see a bunch of prints he clearly bought from some nerd convention or another. Hilarious.The girl's wordpress
is also something truly amazing. Walls of text abound! The best part of all is that she honestly believes that she is somehow an authority on writing, spirituality, and...art??? ok man. ok.
They also have a facebook group for white knights
. And it's not a joke. They honestly believe that white knighting is important and should be encouraged.
...And I think that's about it for that particular story! Enjoy your exhibits, everyone.