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November 19, 2019, 09:27:03 am

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Topic: Episode 70: The Ace and Cakes  (Read 3589 times)

Shell Game

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Episode 70: The Ace and Cakes #15
I am increasingly disenchanted with the idea of sexuality as identity these days. Like, can we all just agree that people are attracted to other people on depending on circumstance and traits, and that those traits and circumstances are different (and fluid) for everyone? Like... it seriously isn't that big a deal. It's 2019, date (or don't) who you want.
birdie, July 03, 2019, 01:22:34 pm
That's what regular people do. These are not regular people. They're  dweebs on tumblr.  These are the kinds of people who show you pictures of their kids, describe their dreams to you, or talk to you  about their food allergies.  They are people too  boring to cultivate hobbies. So they make up tiresome shit on the internet.
ClaraTinSoldier, July 03, 2019, 06:07:54 pm
I get this is directed at the very very online habit of creating a new identity for hip queer cred, but this is a facile and naive suggestion. LGBT folk didn't set out identifying themselves per se. They were othered, demonized, made wrong due to their sexuality and gender identity. Dunk on net kids who think it's a trend but "can't we move beyond labels" is a busted, useless perspective that does more to villainize queer folk for making their concerns "an issue."

See also "i don't see skin color..."
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Episode 70: The Ace and Cakes #16
I am increasingly disenchanted with the idea of sexuality as identity these days. Like, can we all just agree that people are attracted to other people on depending on circumstance and traits, and that those traits and circumstances are different (and fluid) for everyone? Like... it seriously isn't that big a deal. It's 2019, date (or don't) who you want.
birdie, July 03, 2019, 01:22:34 pm
That's what regular people do. These are not regular people. They're  dweebs on tumblr.  These are the kinds of people who show you pictures of their kids, describe their dreams to you, or talk to you  about their food allergies.  They are people too  boring to cultivate hobbies. So they make up tiresome shit on the internet.
ClaraTinSoldier, July 03, 2019, 06:07:54 pm
I get this is directed at the very very online habit of creating a new identity for hip queer cred, but this is a facile and naive suggestion. LGBT folk didn't set out identifying themselves per se. They were othered, demonized, made wrong due to their sexuality and gender identity. Dunk on net kids who think it's a trend but "can't we move beyond labels" is a busted, useless perspective that does more to villainize queer folk for making their concerns "an issue."

See also "i don't see skin color..."
Shell Game, July 03, 2019, 06:42:30 pm

I suppose so. My feelings here are very obviously colored by my own, relatively privileged experiences with sexuality. Despite the fact that I date both genders, I struggle to feel like I'm part of the lgbtq+ community, because... it's not really something that defines me. I've never really been in a place where I faced anything more than rude comments about it, and I have enough support network to just go "wow, what a douche" and move on. I know logically that it isn't like that for everyone, but I often feel like I don't really "belong" when pride etc come up, because my sexuality just isn't a significant part of how I think about myself.

TheCrawlingChaos

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Episode 70: The Ace and Cakes #17
In light of the fact that even in real-life queer spaces the mentality of "asexuality is not necessarily a queer identity that needs to be hugely prioritized in the grand scheme of things, and don't even get me started on shit like demisexuality and aromanticism" is quickly becoming solely associated with shitty TERFs who think that gold-star lesbians are the only people who actually deserve the queer community, I am so glad I can go back and listen to this episode to stay sane. Thanks, The F Plus.
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Episode 70: The Ace and Cakes #18
Asexuals taught me it is as funny to talk about how much sex you’re NOT having as it is to talk about how much sex you have had.

Asexuals deserve love, respect, and cake.

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KingKalamari

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Episode 70: The Ace and Cakes #19
In light of the fact that even in real-life queer spaces the mentality of "asexuality is not necessarily a queer identity that needs to be hugely prioritized in the grand scheme of things, and don't even get me started on shit like demisexuality and aromanticism" is quickly becoming solely associated with shitty TERFs who think that gold-star lesbians are the only people who actually deserve the queer community, I am so glad I can go back and listen to this episode to stay sane. Thanks, The F Plus.
TheCrawlingChaos, October 24, 2019, 06:23:07 pm

That reminds me: I was recently reading this old article on Medium, in which the author argues that trans individuals should be equally as accepting of otherkin identities and not accuse them of "appropriating" trans terminology and identity, which I feel kind of bumps up against the same kind of black and white mindset you're talking about.

It feels a bit akin to the Geek Social Fallacies, only applied within groups of actual, marginalized individuals.
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Episode 70: The Ace and Cakes #20
In light of the fact that even in real-life queer spaces the mentality of "asexuality is not necessarily a queer identity that needs to be hugely prioritized in the grand scheme of things, and don't even get me started on shit like demisexuality and aromanticism" is quickly becoming solely associated with shitty TERFs who think that gold-star lesbians are the only people who actually deserve the queer community, I am so glad I can go back and listen to this episode to stay sane. Thanks, The F Plus.
TheCrawlingChaos, October 24, 2019, 06:23:07 pm

That reminds me: I was recently reading this old article on Medium, in which the author argues that trans individuals should be equally as accepting of otherkin identities and not accuse them of "appropriating" trans terminology and identity, which I feel kind of bumps up against the same kind of black and white mindset you're talking about.

It feels a bit akin to the Geek Social Fallacies, only applied within groups of actual, marginalized individuals.
KingKalamari, October 25, 2019, 11:26:57 am
YEAH THAT ATTITUDE IS STILL OUT THERE AND IT FUCKING SUCKS.

Hi. :)

TheCrawlingChaos

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Episode 70: The Ace and Cakes #21
In light of the fact that even in real-life queer spaces the mentality of "asexuality is not necessarily a queer identity that needs to be hugely prioritized in the grand scheme of things, and don't even get me started on shit like demisexuality and aromanticism" is quickly becoming solely associated with shitty TERFs who think that gold-star lesbians are the only people who actually deserve the queer community, I am so glad I can go back and listen to this episode to stay sane. Thanks, The F Plus.
TheCrawlingChaos, October 24, 2019, 06:23:07 pm

That reminds me: I was recently reading this old article on Medium, in which the author argues that trans individuals should be equally as accepting of otherkin identities and not accuse them of "appropriating" trans terminology and identity, which I feel kind of bumps up against the same kind of black and white mindset you're talking about.

It feels a bit akin to the Geek Social Fallacies, only applied within groups of actual, marginalized individuals.
KingKalamari, October 25, 2019, 11:26:57 am

I was actually tossing around the GSF comparison a couple days back, so thank you for putting that into words. It's especially infuriating to me when it gets used to guilt bi and trans people into "the mean gays and lesbians don't want any of us in the community, so we all need to stick together!" Sadly, it seems to be working, with otherwise sane people in those groups (and gay dudes/lesbians who don't want to be seen as stodgy bigots) being like "why do you hate asexuals? We're so much stronger together!" Like... leaving aside anecdata about condoms being hidden in queer resource centers to keep from offending asexuals (which I am a big enough person to admit is solely anecdata from where I'm standing) what exactly makes a community stronger just by expanding the parameters of who's defined as part of it? Surely the asexuals (and kinksters and poly people and...) who would already be in favor of queer issues would still be supportive, and those who are basically using it as a smokescreen to be huge homophobes wouldn't, but then I guess they wouldn't get to feel better than those gross cishet ~allies~ who are probably just in it for the buttpats from people with actual problems.

Shell Game

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Episode 70: The Ace and Cakes #22
I've said this before elsewhere but i sincerely believe our downfall was creating a movement centered on self-identifying language. There's ofc merit to the freedom to express one's experience succinctly and be taken seriously, however we put so much power solely in theory over lived experiences and conditions it was only a matter of time before the apparatus was co-opted by people who think all experiences are theirs to try on. Like when white new agers determine it's their religious right to traipse into native sacred places: despite them not also having a historical connection to the land, the technicalities of vague legal and social restrictions make for equivocation to be made between the groups because, technically, they both hold spiritual beliefs that must be honored. We'll just set aside the lived experience of having land, life and culture devalued and robbed at every turn and operate on the false notion of equality being measured from a baseline for all peoples. Honestly this is exactly how appropriation works, and it works REALLY WELL.

Tl;dr we've once against ignored the base to prioritize the superstructure.
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Episode 70: The Ace and Cakes #23
I've said this before elsewhere but i sincerely believe our downfall was creating a movement centered on self-identifying language.Shell Game, October 27, 2019, 08:26:48 am

Martin Luther emphatically not nailing the 95 genders on the wall.

TheCrawlingChaos

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Episode 70: The Ace and Cakes #24
I've said this before elsewhere but i sincerely believe our downfall was creating a movement centered on self-identifying language. There's ofc merit to the freedom to express one's experience succinctly and be taken seriously, however we put so much power solely in theory over lived experiences and conditions it was only a matter of time before the apparatus was co-opted by people who think all experiences are theirs to try on. Like when white new agers determine it's their religious right to traipse into native sacred places: despite them not also having a historical connection to the land, the technicalities of vague legal and social restrictions make for equivocation to be made between the groups because, technically, they both hold spiritual beliefs that must be honored. We'll just set aside the lived experience of having land, life and culture devalued and robbed at every turn and operate on the false notion of equality being measured from a baseline for all peoples. Honestly this is exactly how appropriation works, and it works REALLY WELL.

Tl;dr we've once against ignored the base to prioritize the superstructure.
Shell Game, October 27, 2019, 08:26:48 am

And yet the vast majority of asexual=queer types would fall over themselves to be angry at white New Agers tramping all over native spaces while vociferously denying there's any resemblance between the things you mention. The ironing is delicious.