Snakes In The Ball Pit > Yay, I get to talk about me!

Strategic deployment of innovative jargon concepts

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jacklemore & ryan lewis:
I'm job searching so you all get to suffer with me. Basically - don't read this thread.

Do you have an aggressive-meets-approachable sales DNA and Web 2.0 media savvy?
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Yeah that sounds like me! What will I be doing?

You’ll work with leading tech brands looking to leverage (COMPANY)'s innovative social business platform to take their marketing initiatives (and bottom line!) to the next level.
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I uh, ok I still don't know what the company does. Could you help me understand?

(COMPANY), a (LOCATION)-based startup, is transforming how tech products (hardware, software, and IT services) are marketed and sold to over 2.2 million IT pros in small-and-medium-businesses around the world. Previously, marketing to this highly fragmented industry has been historically difficult, but (COMPANY) is blazing trails and creating unique opportunities to reach this coveted market.
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A no would have sufficed. Anything else?

You’ll roll up your sleeves and work with our market intelligence team to understand your prospects’ business challenges, devise and pitch sale proposals that speak to their needs, and get them to say “yes.”
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God fucking dammit.

advancedclass:
Do you have an aggressive-meets-approachable sales DNA and Web 2.0 media savvy?
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Do they require you to submit some kind of doctor's note with your CV confirming the aggressiveness of your DNA re: sales? Because I hate when I need to incur special expenses to apply for a job.

Lemon:
So I have this thing I think other people will really like. It's kinda... orange? Like a yellowy orange, but I guess I wouldn't qualify it as orange. It lives in that realm, but it's something far more dynamic than that.

Can you sell my thing to other people? You'll be on the ground floor of something big!

Victor Laszlo:
A few things:
1: aggressive-meets-approachable
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That actually does sound like you.  You should go for it.

2: Previously, marketing to this highly fragmented industry has been historically difficult
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The only way this sentence wasn't written by someone who is a total failure at marketing is if they actually mean historically in the hyperbolic sense and not the temporal.  Either way I've changed my mind - you've never actually met the author of this but you've already spent just about enough time with him.

3: I am certain they provided a list of qualifications.  Jack Chick, what does it take to do this job?

4: [yayvictor]

TacoChillocko:
Would you still have to roll up your sleeves if you were wearing a short sleeved shirt?

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