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Topic: Tales from GameStop  (Read 8209 times)

chases parked cars

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Tales from GameStop #15
Wow, been a while since I've posted here. Dang.

Here's a fun and very old, on-going, god help us all new story!

Before reading this, I implore you not to troll the described specimen. He's terrible, as is his wife(?), but they don't deserve floods of hate mail or channel trolling. By all means, subscribe to them, giggle about them, submit a doc about them, whatever suits you, but don't poke and prod 'em too much, okay? That's just mean. Prime Directive, yadda yadda.

Anyway. So. Our store has regulars, yeah? Every store does. The thing about Gamestop regulars is that they're, well, Gamestop regulars. You've got your deal-snipers, your scalpers, your known shoplifters, your dudebros who always come in to buy the new 2K sports titles for full value even though they're barely different from the last year's release, your fat neckbeards who never fucking shut up about their waifus, and then you've got...well. You've got the people who practically make a career out of being living mockery material.

So there's this guy who comes in fairly regularly, I don't even know his fucking name, it doesn't even matter. What matters is that he's almost always either wearing a stained, dirty, poorly-made Naruto (that ugly orange motherfucker on the left) costume, or a gigantic fleece hat of DJ Pon-3's head that, really, looks like it may very well have originally been a plush that he simply decapitated and repurposed into something that essentially turns him into a walking nerdy totem pole.

He's not a bad guy, just....very naive, and he has a habit of oversharing, which is pretty common for his type of nerd anyway. There are some very troublesome aspects of his character, though. For one thing, he does not regularly bathe. This is particularly problematic because he is almost completely blind in one eye and has very poor vision in the other, so he consistently has to stand very close to the counter to be able to read things. Ergo, we have to deal with breathing in his nerd funk while trying desperately not to vomit every time he decides to engage us in conversation and/or buy something. Wonderfully enough, he's also the kind of customer who just comes into Gamestop to bother the fuck out of us for up to an hour without actually buying anything. Protip: DON'T EVER FUCKING DO THIS.

Anyway, fairly recently, this customer who had previously existed as nothing but a nuisance blessed us with gold: his business card. Turns out he and his "business partner" apparently run...something. It's ambiguous as to what that "something" is, exactly. Most of their stuff seems to consist of NaNoWriMo pep talks, poorly-made vlog posts, embarrassing covers of songs the singer does not actually know the lyrics to, and various forms of vaguely-pagan, vaguely-Christian woo. What I find particularly hilarious is their video defending a known tracer using the logic that because he hasn't been convicted of forgery in a court of law, he is innocent of tracing. My favorite part is when the guy tries to pan over to "his own artwork" on the wall and has the camera too high, so you just see a bunch of prints he clearly bought from some nerd convention or another. Hilarious.

The girl's wordpress is also something truly amazing. Walls of text abound! The best part of all is that she honestly believes that she is somehow an authority on writing, spirituality, and...art??? ok man. ok.

They also have a facebook group for white knights. And it's not a joke. They honestly believe that white knighting is important and should be encouraged.

...And I think that's about it for that particular story! Enjoy your exhibits, everyone.
Sham bam bamina!
« Last Edit: May 26, 2015, 01:48:24 am by chases parked cars »

goombapolice

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Tales from GameStop #16
Jesus Christ these people are adults.
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chai tea latte

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Tales from GameStop #17
confused by "enrolled in the Ojibwe nation"? worry no longer!

During Last Night's Pink Moon Ceremony, my husband and I talked about me being a Stolen Child. I was kidnapped from my Ojibwe mother in Duluth, MN a place notorious for Native American Sex Trafficking for hundreds of years Native Americans have been targeted. In my case I was kidnapped as a Native American baby and taken out of MN to another state where I became a victim of child pornography and repeated sexual assault on top of being lied to about my racial heritage, my name, and my true identity and family. It has taken my entire life to break free from my captors and reprogram my mind with the truth of who I really am. I am actually the daughter to a beautiful Ojibwe mother and a Vietnam Veteran of the 101st Army Airborne Rangers.Quote from

also her youtube username is LearningOjibwe, so, uh, i'm not entirely convinced she's actually a stolen princess
Sham bam bamina!

memorylikeasieve

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Tales from GameStop #18
confused by "enrolled in the Ojibwe nation"? worry no longer!

During Last Night's Pink Moon Ceremony, my husband and I talked about me being a Stolen Child. I was kidnapped from my Ojibwe mother in Duluth, MN a place notorious for Native American Sex Trafficking for hundreds of years Native Americans have been targeted. In my case I was kidnapped as a Native American baby and taken out of MN to another state where I became a victim of child pornography and repeated sexual assault on top of being lied to about my racial heritage, my name, and my true identity and family. It has taken my entire life to break free from my captors and reprogram my mind with the truth of who I really am. I am actually the daughter to a beautiful Ojibwe mother and a Vietnam Veteran of the 101st Army Airborne Rangers.Quote from

also her youtube username is LearningOjibwe, so, uh, i'm not entirely convinced she's actually a stolen princess
chai tea latte, May 26, 2015, 01:15:32 pm

... the fuck?  I've lived in Duluth for 15 years and this is the first I've ever heard of this.

chases parked cars

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Tales from GameStop #19
confused by "enrolled in the Ojibwe nation"? worry no longer!

During Last Night's Pink Moon Ceremony, my husband and I talked about me being a Stolen Child. I was kidnapped from my Ojibwe mother in Duluth, MN a place notorious for Native American Sex Trafficking for hundreds of years Native Americans have been targeted. In my case I was kidnapped as a Native American baby and taken out of MN to another state where I became a victim of child pornography and repeated sexual assault on top of being lied to about my racial heritage, my name, and my true identity and family. It has taken my entire life to break free from my captors and reprogram my mind with the truth of who I really am. I am actually the daughter to a beautiful Ojibwe mother and a Vietnam Veteran of the 101st Army Airborne Rangers.Quote from

also her youtube username is LearningOjibwe, so, uh, i'm not entirely convinced she's actually a stolen princess
chai tea latte, May 26, 2015, 01:15:32 pm

... the fuck?  I've lived in Duluth for 15 years and this is the first I've ever heard of this.
memorylikeasieve, May 26, 2015, 02:46:24 pm
I'm pretty sure she's lying about all of it so she can feel special and magical. Or is severely delusional.

crow

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Tales from GameStop #20
How can I become Ojibwe

goombapolice

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Tales from GameStop #21
Things you'll need:

Large Potato

Long Sock
Sham bam bamina!

crow

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Tales from GameStop #22
confused by "enrolled in the Ojibwe nation"? worry no longer!

During Last Night's Pink Moon Ceremony, my husband and I talked about me being a Stolen Child. I was kidnapped from my Ojibwe mother in Duluth, MN a place notorious for Native American Sex Trafficking for hundreds of years Native Americans have been targeted. In my case I was kidnapped as a Native American baby and taken out of MN to another state where I became a victim of child pornography and repeated sexual assault on top of being lied to about my racial heritage, my name, and my true identity and family. It has taken my entire life to break free from my captors and reprogram my mind with the truth of who I really am. I am actually the daughter to a beautiful Ojibwe mother and a Vietnam Veteran of the 101st Army Airborne Rangers.Quote from

also her youtube username is LearningOjibwe, so, uh, i'm not entirely convinced she's actually a stolen princess
chai tea latte, May 26, 2015, 01:15:32 pm

... the fuck?  I've lived in Duluth for 15 years and this is the first I've ever heard of this.
memorylikeasieve, May 26, 2015, 02:46:24 pm

I looked it up and it's actually real

http://m.bismarcktribune.com/bakken/native-american-populations-hugely-at-risk-to-sex-trafficking/article_46511e48-92c5-11e4-b040-c7db843de94f.html?mobile_touch=true

chases parked cars

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Tales from GameStop #23
The American Dream is believing that anyone can become Ojibwe if they put their mind to it.

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Tales from GameStop #25
I am actually the daughter to a beautiful Ojibwe mother and a Vietnam Veteran of the 101st Army Airborne Rangers.Quote from
chai tea latte, May 26, 2015, 01:15:32 pm

There's the 101st Airborne and the 75th Ranger Regiment. There's no such thing as the 101st Army Airborne Rangers.

You can't talk out of your ass on everything, person, because sometimes people actually know the things you're only pretending to know.
Sham bam bamina!

chases parked cars

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Tales from GameStop #26
There's the 101st Airborne and the 75th Ranger Regiment. There's no such thing as the 101st Army Airborne Rangers.Isfahan, May 26, 2015, 07:55:35 pm
Unless you can prove this statement false in a court of law, White Turtle Rainbow remains innocent!

chases parked cars

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Tales from GameStop #27
I STAND CORRECTED. Derpydash djblazekin and WTR are apparently no longer together.


Very sad day. :(

He also talks about it in this video...in which he is, unsurprisingly, wearing his Naruto costume.


God help us all.

He also owns (and frequently wears, apparently) a costume of Elsa from Frozen. I really hope I never see this in my store. Ever.
Sham bam bamina!

memorylikeasieve

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Tales from GameStop #28
Fucking internet losers.  Is there nothing they won't latch onto for *~attention?~*

I know, I know, the answer is a resounding no.  Still.  Goddamnit.

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Tales from GameStop #29
I worked at a little independent game shop in Florida for a while. We had a number of colorful customers, but we had slightly different clientele from GameStop, since we specialized mostly in retro stuff. We did get the occasional furries in ears and tails, the nerdlingers that are absolutely incapable of shutting up about their favorite game, the super religious Southern Baptist guy that tried to proselytize me while I was reformatting an OG XBox he bought from a garage sale that was filled with ROMs ("I can't have stolen goods in my house!")

One that stood out was a guy who came into our new shop shortly after we had moved to a location in a slightly more upscale end of the city. He came into the store ready to put his nerd cred on display, so just before entering he opened up his flip phone (this was early 2011, so the smart phone saturation hadn't hit yet), booted up his MP3 of the FF7 boss theme and proceeded to gingerly finger through our PS1 selection, then our Wii games, then everything else in the store, all while blaring this music at full volume from his phone's shitty speaker and weirding out all of the other customers. He would take occasional glances at me and I refused to acknowledge him since I was busy helping moms and young kids check out the N64 games. He eventually took the hint and left.