I was going to post this in terrible D&D stories, but I figured the ladies in the thread might have advice. This dude keeps hitting on me at every session and it's the most uncomfortable thing and I could not make it any more apparent I'm not interested. Also I'm not used to this attention, I have no idea how to handle this.
We talked privately before, and he said that he's awkward and a little forward, and he didn't mean anything by it. And that he noticed I was uncomfortable at a fourth of July party, and "Do you hate me?"
So that's super uncomfortable, and I said I didn't hate him, and I'm just not used to anyone being interested. I didn't say exactly "I'm not interested, I just want to be friends", so I guess that's the next step?
Seriously, I'm completely dense as hell when it comes to flirting, so I only notice when it's pretty intense.
Sanguinary Novel, November 12, 2017, 07:25:42 pm
you rebuffed his advances and he continued to make them. Even if you're both awkward and bad at firting, that's a bad look.
I would advise you not to use words like 'just' when speaking to him. He doesn't care about your agency (and if he did, he'd stop hitting on you, because you have made clear to him and everyone else that it makes you uncomfortable), so tell him firmly and straightly something like 'Stop doing this. I dont want it, it makes me angry, and I will leave this D&D group the next time you do'. Any response from him that isn't 'okay, I hear you loud and clear' is insufficient.
The 'do you hate me?' thing is such typical sad nerd shit I can't feel anything but a little pity for the guy. He can't conceive of different levels of social familiarity, and it sounds like prime Geek Social Fallacy 2 (Friends Accept Me As I Am
), which is a disease of the nerdy brain. Tell him that if he doesn't mean anything by it, it's got to stop, and if he's secretly in love with you that has to stop also.
You aren't flirting. You're being harrassed at a place you go to relax, and it's making the experience worse for you. If the GM isn't an even worse grognard, they will be on your side in this issue. Nerd Creep is 100% responsible for destabilizing the playgroup. My condolences, and good luck.
(PS: I, personally, will not play games with anyone I wouldn't also hang out with. It's a simple rule that's saved me some grief.)