This episode was an absolute delight. Thank you Neal for the doc and to Lemon for not only editing it, but also using my bread glop as the lead photo on this thread!
I made a Google doc of my experience making my dish that I shared with the room. Here is that article, freshly remade in non-doc form (with tiny pictures, because I couldn't figure out how to make them bigger):
So, for the most recent recording we did about making terrible food, I had three choices:
As tempting as all of those sound, I suspected that the overnight option would just lead to me discovering a pan of bread mush in the morning, and I didn’t want to buy a bunch of liqueurs I would never touch again for a joke martini. So, tofu it is!
For those of you who didn’t want to follow a Wikihow link (shame on you), here are the ingredients:
4 slices whole-wheat bread
1/2 pound soft tofu
1/4 cup (60 mL) soy milk or rice milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1/4 cup (60 mL) water
1 tablespoon soy margarine
In true AllRecipes fashion I subbed in regular margarine for soy margarine because a) I already had it and b) fuck you if you think I’m hunting down soy margarine for this abomination.
So! I gathered all the ingredients in a bowl and dusted off my immersion blender and mixed them up! I will say “shame on me” now, because I didn’t get a picture of the ingredients in the bowl pre-blend, but here’s the slurry I ended up with:
Now let’s put it in a “pan” and soak a piece of bread!
Now to fry it! I did make another substitution and just used white bread because I already had it. Because I’m American. We have to have some. It’s the law!
Okay, in the actual pan! Doesn’t look amazing yet, but just wait until it browns!
I...hmm. I admit that I haven’t ever made ACTUAL French toast. So I’m not sure if it should look like this while cooking. But it’s turning all mushy...maybe I shouldn’t leave the next two slices in the “egg batter” mixture for so long.
One of the ones I left soaking for less time. Hmm. Seems about the same!
So there it is! I included a piece of margarine that accidentally fell into the tofu-goop and some of the crusty leavings in the pan that I scraped off!
How does it taste? Well, you’ll have to listen to the episode to find out! Because I don’t even know yet! I’m going to eat it then! God help me!
And now you know how it tasted to me! Or, you know, you haven't listened to the episode yet and you don't know. In which case, get to listenin'.
Epilogue: A week after the recording, I still had the "pan" of hate-smoothie that was the "egg batter" in my fridge, hoping that I may find some possible use for this "food". I eventually ended up putting it in a "trash bag" and "throwing it the fuck out".