Yeah, he's terrible, but it's not entirely his fault.
Runic, December 30, 2013, 05:11:38 pm
Even if he has the 'spergers, that doesn't exempt him from being capable of necessary soul-searching, or at least some reflection on how to use the urge to categorize things to a productive end. Cuddlekrampus, December 30, 2013, 05:46:56 pm
Oh I'm not saying that it does, believe me. It's not all his fault that he thinks the way he does, but that doesn't make the things he believes any less toxic and hateful. Everyone's beliefs are a reflection of the environment in which they were raised, and that doesn't excuse holding onto worldviews that oppress and marginalize other people. But at the same time, I just see myself in him. I understand his thought processes in a way that I don't think normal people can.
I try to keep up on research regarding autism, and one theory that has gained some prominence is that Autists do not form a Theory of Mind in the same way that normal people do. Theory of Mind is, essentially, the ability to attribute mental states to other people. It is the understanding, on a fundamental instinctual level, that other humans are living, thinking minds in the same way that you are. There is a good amount of hard neurological evidence that high-functioning autistic people are impaired in this way. It is inherently harder for us to understand the mindstates of others, and that is certainly in evidence with this guy. It's something that has caused me no small bit of worry. I like to think of myself as a fairly empathetic person, but I don't know to what extent I view people as people in the same way most folks do. (One related theory is that theory of mind exists along a spectrum rather than being a binary trait that you either do or do not have.)
I don't know what point I'm trying to make here. Maybe I'm just organizing my thoughts. Certainly this guy has a responsibility to not be such a choad, but I'm inclined to not judge him quite as harshly as I judge normap people creepers like Roosh et al, or normal homophobes like Bryan Fischer or Scott Lively. He's operating at a disadvantage. You don't know what it's like. From my perspective, other people almost seem like they can read minds. Other people's thoughts and motivations are largely opaque to me, and I'm pretty high functioning by Asperger's standards. I've spent years and had extensive professional help dealing with autism, and I still have a hard time telling if a girl is flirting with me, knowing if someone I am talking to is engaged in the conversation, knowing if the people I think are my friends actually value my contributions or are just tolerating me. When you are impaired like that it really can seem like the whole world is structured specifically to exclude you, and it can be hard for even a well intentioned person to know when they are crossing over social boundaries that they simply cannot see. What this guy is doing is not okay, and his horrible behavior isn't right, but I pity him. I pity him because I know just how easy is to fall into that same trap.
And I'm going to say that the most important thing you can do for someone with a social disability when you see them crossing the line between what is acceptable and what is not is to tell them that. I'm sure tumblr would have all sorts of nasty things to say about this advice, but it's damn true. The very worst thing for a person like this is to put them in the hugbox. I'm not exaggerating when I say that I might have been a different person if I hadn't come across PoE and other internet communities like it. Even a well intentioned autistic person can cross social boundaries because we don't know that they're there at all, and we won't know if someone doesn't tell us. So tell us. God knows I didn't always like it, but having people, both online and in real life, who were willing to tell me when I fucked up even when I didn't want to hear it ultimately did me a world of good. Becoming accustomed to criticism and learning to modify your behavior in response to it is the number one most important skill people like me can develop, because without criticism we will never learn how to deal with people. And we need to learn how to deal with people. Because there are seven billion of them and one of you, and while it is right to expect reasonable accommodation for disabilities the flip side of that is that you have to be willing to make an effort as well. Why should they help you if you aren't willing to make an effort? I want to inscribe that on a sheet of iron and bean my fifteen year old self over the head with it, but I suspect that wanting to kick younger-you's ass is not a sentiment that is confined to the autistic. Younger me was kind of a cunt.
So that's my thoughts on the subject, I guess. If I'm sharing too much, then please tell me. After all, how else would I ever learn?
