ballp.it

Snakes In The Ball Pit => Yay, I get to talk about me! => Topic started by: jack chick on November 07, 2018, 11:42:02 pm

Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: jack chick on November 07, 2018, 11:42:02 pm
Keep a framed picture of yourself on your desk. - bonus points if your name is on the frame or in the picture.
Hang up a "Bless this mess" sign near where your group sits.
Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: Vinny Possum on November 08, 2018, 12:30:58 am
Piss on things to mark your territory
Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: Shell Game on November 08, 2018, 01:07:25 am
Bug pins. On display. Frequently admired.
Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: krytton on November 08, 2018, 01:14:36 am
hold out your hand like a fuckin terminator laser beam at the card reader so it can read your implanted employee rfid chip and watch your coworkers marvel at your H A C K E R   A R M
Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: A Meat on November 08, 2018, 01:26:19 am
Arrive early, so you can berate coworkers for not loving their job as much as you do
Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: Agent Coop (But the scary one cause its october) on November 08, 2018, 08:00:44 am
Bring in your own Maxwell House and say you "just like the flavor better"
Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: Boots Raingear on November 08, 2018, 09:16:26 am
Place a cardboard cutout of yourself in your chair every time you leave your desk.
Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: Shell Game on November 08, 2018, 09:41:46 am
Place a cardboard cutout of yourself in your chair every time you leave your desk.
Boots Raingear, November 08, 2018, 09:16:26 am
Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: Victor Laszlo on November 08, 2018, 10:09:18 am
If someone makes a mistake and you can't immediately locate them, just start yelling at the nearest person in case they don't already know not to fuck with you.
Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: Ragnarok Boobies on November 08, 2018, 10:17:45 am
Have a Word a Day calendar that’s full of blank pages so when someone comes by and asks why you did something you can respond with, “I am at a total loss for words.”
Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: Darkly on November 08, 2018, 10:18:18 am
Beat up the biggest coworker on your first day of work.
Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: Darkly on November 08, 2018, 10:19:29 am
Keep a framed picture of yourself on your desk. - bonus points if your name is on the frame or in the picture.
jack chick, November 07, 2018, 11:42:02 pm

(https://i.imgur.com/KsEUi7Z.png)
Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: Bobguinary Novel on November 08, 2018, 10:45:08 am
Browse ballp.it on company time
Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: Darkly on November 08, 2018, 11:41:50 am
- Heat up the door handles with an electric starter
- Blow feathers on coworkers with a fan
- Hang an iron up on a pulley to drop on coworkers
- Rig a blowtorch to a door
- Put cardboard cutouts of people on a train set to roll past the windows
- Release a tarantula
Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: Bobguinary Novel on November 08, 2018, 02:46:19 pm
- Heat up the door handles with an electric starter
- Blow feathers on coworkers with a fan
- Hang an iron up on a pulley to drop on coworkers
- Rig a blowtorch to a door
- Put cardboard cutouts of people on a train set to roll past the windows
- Release a tarantula
Darkly, November 08, 2018, 11:41:50 am

Here at Wet Bandits Inc., we are facing a bit of a downturn do to children infestations.
Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: Ramona Chingona on November 08, 2018, 03:02:47 pm
Start a Webex session for meetings where everyone's in the same room,  because "I think we'll want to record this one."
Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: GirlKisser420 on November 08, 2018, 03:03:35 pm
stealing
Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: Bunnybread on November 08, 2018, 03:12:43 pm
Fucking your boss...

during her lunch break....

and then taking a lunch break of your own afterwards
Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: Turtle on November 08, 2018, 04:46:38 pm
Pushing Warren.
Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: Bobguinary Novel on November 08, 2018, 04:52:10 pm
I forgot - looking for and applying to new jobs while at work
Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: Turtle on November 08, 2018, 04:59:14 pm
I forgot - looking for and applying to new jobs while at work
Abby Normal, November 08, 2018, 04:52:10 pm
Wearing your new job interview clothes to work beforehand.
Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: Darkly on November 08, 2018, 05:54:02 pm
I forgot - looking for and applying to new jobs while at work
Abby Normal, November 08, 2018, 04:52:10 pm
doing your 2nd work-from-anywhere job while you’re at work
Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: Lemon on November 08, 2018, 06:20:13 pm
Fulfilling passport orders at your desk, knowing full well how loud that stamp is.

...not that I'm doing that of course.
Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: Sherman Tank on November 08, 2018, 06:43:56 pm
Being self-employed.
Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: Ramona Chingona on November 08, 2018, 08:14:10 pm
Not being selected for the random drug screen and forcing your way onto the druggie buggy to get tested anyway.
Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: jack chick on November 08, 2018, 08:36:12 pm
Start a Webex session for meetings where everyone's in the same room,  because "I think we'll want to record this one."
Ramona Chingona, November 08, 2018, 03:02:47 pm

enable your laptop camera on that meeting so that the conference room monitor has your face glowering out from it.
Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: Bobguinary Novel on November 08, 2018, 08:42:46 pm
Start a Webex session for meetings where everyone's in the same room,  because "I think we'll want to record this one."
Ramona Chingona, November 08, 2018, 03:02:47 pm

enable your laptop camera on that meeting so that the conference room monitor has your face glowering out from it.
jack chick, November 08, 2018, 08:36:12 pm

Ah yes, the Zardoz Move
Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: Ramona Chingona on November 08, 2018, 10:45:13 pm
Start a Webex session for meetings where everyone's in the same room,  because "I think we'll want to record this one."
Ramona Chingona, November 08, 2018, 03:02:47 pm

enable your laptop camera on that meeting so that the conference room monitor has your face glowering out from it.
jack chick, November 08, 2018, 08:36:12 pm

Ah yes, the Zardoz Move
Abby Normal, November 08, 2018, 08:42:46 pm

Cheryl From Accounts Receivable speaks to you, Her chosen ones.
Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: Ragnarok Boobies on November 09, 2018, 10:10:44 am
Writing all office communications with ink and quill using practiced calligraphy and sealing them with wax to make them seem more important.
“Debbie, I urgently request more post it notes and self addressed envelopes. Send a pigeon at your earliest convenience. Sincerely,
Mark
Lord regent of payroll”
Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: Darkly on November 09, 2018, 02:57:10 pm
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DrkZ6T2X0AAob4Z.jpg:large)
Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: Runic on November 09, 2018, 05:42:57 pm
Start a union.
Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: Darkly on November 09, 2018, 05:50:41 pm
https://youtu.be/o6JIfAMtt6U?t=102 (https://youtu.be/o6JIfAMtt6U?t=102)
Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: Ramona Chingona on November 09, 2018, 08:37:03 pm
Use fancy new company cell phone features to let the team know how they're doing.

(https://i.imgur.com/ONy6EIS.gif)
Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: Bobguinary Novel on November 12, 2018, 02:46:47 pm
Work gives you a laptop with account restrictions tight enough that you need the IT person to enter an admin password every time you install a font.

Power Move: Create a temporary admin account in BIOS, give your work account administrator privileges. Install Steam.
Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: Shell Game on November 19, 2018, 01:44:12 pm
(https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/310675512848547843/514160924110618674/20181119_113109.jpg)
Having a great cubicle. I'm standing by my bug pins statement.
Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: Cheapskate on November 19, 2018, 06:49:36 pm
When your client gets mad at your legal advice and calls in another lawyer to overrule you, set up a call with that other lawyer to try to limit the client’s ability to undermine you.

I am absolutely terrified that I will get fired over this one, but the status quo is unacceptable.
Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: Turbo Sexaphonic Delight on January 06, 2019, 10:13:51 pm
Fire your boss before your boss fires you.
Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: chai tea latte on January 07, 2019, 01:32:37 am
Fire your boss before your boss fires you.
Turbo Sexaphonic Delight, January 06, 2019, 10:13:51 pm
1v1 the ceo
Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: Dr. Buttplug on January 09, 2019, 11:00:00 am
Fire your boss before your boss fires you.
Turbo Sexaphonic Delight, January 06, 2019, 10:13:51 pm
1v1 the ceo
chai tea latte, January 07, 2019, 01:32:37 am
Had to do this once. Had a boss who kept telling me I'd have a set 40 hour schedule and then suddenly I wouldn't have anyone to relieve me at the end of the day and "whoops" I guess I'm working 16 hours three or four days out of the week. His lying got old real fast, but I guess he had pissed off the client long before I got there. So one morning, I was made to come in early and sat at his desk and had to tell him to go to the head office downtown to "talk" with the area manager.

I had found out his ass was grass long before he had any inkling, and he'd done me so dirty I didn't even feel bad.

Then I had to help train his replacement, which was weird. They offered me the spot but I was not going to try and clean up that mess. I just moved on to a different site after a couple weeks.
Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: Bobguinary Novel on January 09, 2019, 12:19:31 pm
Fire your boss before your boss fires you.
Turbo Sexaphonic Delight, January 06, 2019, 10:13:51 pm
1v1 the ceo
chai tea latte, January 07, 2019, 01:32:37 am

You'll find that LexiCorp is a PvP  business. The kitchen is the safe area, but once you leave that space your ass is grass. Be careful of Ted from upper management, he likes to spawn camp for newbies right next to the fridge.
Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: Victor Laszlo on January 09, 2019, 01:25:51 pm
When your client gets mad at your legal advice and calls in another lawyer to overrule you, set up a call with that other lawyer to try to limit the client’s ability to undermine you.

I am absolutely terrified that I will get fired over this one, but the status quo is unacceptable.
Cheapskate, November 19, 2018, 06:49:36 pm

When people don't like his legal advice, my friend the seasoned attorney tells them, "I'm giving you sound advice regarding the law, but you have a business decision to make."
Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: Hux on January 29, 2019, 11:51:46 pm
give all the loud and generally disruptive children incredibly disgusted looks so they stop. the parents won't tell them to sit down and stop messing with shit around the lobby so i'll do it for them.
only done this twice since it involves luck and good timing(we have to be slow and the child has to look my way first) but it worked both times.

babies and really young kids are exempt from the rule because they don't understand proper behavior. babies and toddlers are gonna cry and that's understandable. but if your 9-year-old is messing with the chairs, running around and disturbing other customers, and you're just ignoring them? i'm going to stare that spoiled little brat down. that kid will have nightmares for weeks. if you're not going to teach your child to not treat public areas like a playground, then i will. eat my shits and turds, neglectful parents.
Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: Seth "Slimy" Rollins on January 30, 2019, 11:41:22 am
fire yourself
Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: LINDA on January 30, 2019, 01:26:10 pm
I forgot - looking for and applying to new jobs while at work
Abby Normal, November 08, 2018, 04:52:10 pm
Wearing your new job interview clothes to work beforehand.
Turtle, November 08, 2018, 04:59:14 pm

printing out your resume on the shared printer at your current job for your interview at a different job while wearing your interview clothes

- my coworker
Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: Shell Game on January 30, 2019, 02:13:25 pm
I forgot - looking for and applying to new jobs while at work
Abby Normal, November 08, 2018, 04:52:10 pm
Wearing your new job interview clothes to work beforehand.
Turtle, November 08, 2018, 04:59:14 pm

printing out your resume on the shared printer at your current job for your interview at a different job while wearing your interview clothes

- my coworker
LINDA, January 30, 2019, 01:26:10 pm
Insist your new employer hire you, in person, while at your current job.
Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: mepple on January 31, 2019, 07:02:40 pm
Pack a suitcase and change into your interview clothes mid-shift.
Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: Ragnarok Boobies on February 01, 2019, 09:26:20 pm
Start and operate your new job out of your cubicle at your current job and hold training sessions for your employees in the conference room. Reassure new hires that “It’s ok. I already gave them my two weeks notice.”
Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: GirlKisser420 on February 01, 2019, 09:52:06 pm
Two weeks notice huh, I'll give you Too Weak Notice, Hrargh! and then you throw a standing desk at them
Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: THE CURSE OF THE WITCH OF THE MUMMY'S TOMB on February 03, 2019, 02:44:59 pm
Actual power move observed in the wild:

When someone says "welcome", you tell them "I am."
Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: Ambious on February 03, 2019, 03:05:53 pm
Done to me today: for every point or suggestion they make, answer "Oh yeah, you weren't in that meeting".
Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: A Meat on February 03, 2019, 04:29:00 pm
one day I hope to hear this sentence in the wild:

Can you do this for me? I've got better things to do
Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: Hux on February 05, 2019, 12:28:07 am
text your boss while you're in the bathroom, during your shift
Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: Boots Raingear on February 05, 2019, 09:00:06 am
User hand sanitizer every time you pass a dispenser while saying "You DON'T want to know where these have been!" regardless of whether or not somebody is nearby to hear you.
Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: Detective Popcorn on February 05, 2019, 11:27:55 am
I actually did this. I printed out 50 color pages for a project, Howl's moving castle papercraft.
(https://i.imgur.com/fDcqCZW.jpg?1)

I never finished it but I did finish a couple XMas sets.

(https://i.pinimg.com/originals/f2/90/f6/f290f688300a63bd8c09e5f6f4a12104.jpg)

I made one for each one of my favorite coworkers and just left it on there desk like a socially awkward cat bearing gifts.

(https://i.imgur.com/HIUGM9p.jpg?1)

The curves on Bulbasaur were a bitch to fold but it was worth it.

If wasting office supplies were an Olympic sport, I'd have gold. It even caught on as a trend and I had a couple coworkers also wasting office supplies with me.
Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: Bobguinary Novel on February 05, 2019, 11:52:57 am
I've been wanting to do that Howl's Moving Castle papercraft for aaaaaaaaaages.
Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: Ragnarok Boobies on February 10, 2019, 10:23:12 am
Have your boss’s car towed out of their private parking spot and then take your lunch break there on a foldout beach chair with accompanying umbrella while sending him/her selfies captioned “Wish you were here” or “Such lovely weather in the Bahamas right now”.
Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: Dr. Buttplug on April 30, 2019, 10:51:36 am
Order sex toys in your bosses name to be delivered to the office mail box.
Title: Workplace power moves
Post by: Bobguinary Novel on May 27, 2019, 01:36:21 pm
If you're gonna do a phone interview on a holiday, I'm gonna be in my pajamas