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Topic: Best F Plus poetry?  (Read 3734 times)

Cat Planet

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Best F Plus poetry?
Over the course of the podcast, many poetic works were read. What is your favourite? I vote for the dragon ball busting poem, with the honorable mention going to the ocular degeneration one. [cake]

goombapolice

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Best F Plus poetry? #1
dragon gonads
make him squeal
stomp 'em flat
beneath your heel
Cat Planet Is It Normal this Disgusting Giant Sherman Tank

boooo566

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Best F Plus poetry? #2
When you are young your eyes shine bright;
they focus like lasers even at night.
While myopic kids have to get their eyes tested,
yours are always relaxed, clear and rested.

Then in college headaches start to arise;
the optometrist confirms the problem's your eyes.
“You're a bit farsighted, or hyperopic.
It's quite an interesting visual topic.

Your eyes have to work more than they should;
these mild reading glasses will do you some good.”
For years the glasses work quite well;
you wear them when you read for a spell.

But for distance they really aren't required,
although your eyes do start to feel tired.
And then, at 40, in a dimly lit venue,
you find you cannot read the menu.

Presbyopia is what you are told,
and this diagnosis leaves you feeling old.
Stronger glasses are going to be needed;
your close vision is worse, it must be conceded.

For a couple of years the new glasses work fine,
though you always must have them when you go out to dine.
But your bare-eyed far vision is still very clear
—or at least much better than your near.

Then you look down the hall where a sign is hung,
and you wonder, could I really see that when I was young?
As I stand here now all the letters are blurred,
but my far vision is good—this is absurd!

That night you're reading on the train,
and even with glasses it's a bit of a pain.
The clip is too close, the print is too small;
but without your glasses you can't read at all.

You put off an appointment because you know what comes next,
even though you're still struggling with small text.
You find yourself squinting when driving the car.
Is your vision worse now at near or at far?

But finally you accept your fate,
and your progressive lenses sure work great.
You see better than you have in years;
no more eyestrain, no more tears.

The only problem that you can find
is that now when you're bare-eyed you're practically blind!

Nikaer Drekin

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Best F Plus poetry? #3
TAB TAB TAB TAB TAB

help... who??
Is It Normal this Disgusting Giant Sherman Tank

Mister Smalls

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Best F Plus poetry? #4
I want into Mary's twat.
Her cunt is wet, and very hot!
At Alice's restaurant!

cube abuser

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Best F Plus poetry? #5
i think of you all day long
while i sit at home playing with my dong

Lady Frenzy

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Best F Plus poetry? #6
Twas a few days after Christmas, my cock is as hard as a rock
AgentCoop

Navigator

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Best F Plus poetry? #7
On the train...

Not thinking...

About WEED

positive stress

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Best F Plus poetry? #8
Obviously the best internet poem is Internet Poetry by STOG

Drinking and feeling mentally fucking lost in the wilderness
Drinking more and looking out the window
Thinking about a world abandoned
Facebook never stops blinking
Twitter's just full of shit I subscribe to
I Google for poetry and find myself contemplating
Contemplating fucking on a pile of junk
Getting splinters in my asshole and balls
Exploring new worlds of internet poetry
Harvesting Lisa Frank-style fields of glitter
Slipping and drowning in vats of purple prose poems
Dancing to the worst rhyme scheme in the world
Getting progressively drunk as I find the nexus
Between poetry and performance art
Falling into the zone
Fuck society, Bush, America, conservatives, Bush Hitler
Malls, doctors, Gatorade, high school, George Carlin, Reddit, libertarian
Wake up, America! Wake up, America! Wake up, America!
Bringing my bottle of booze to bed with me
Sleeping on top of it, feeling the glass shards puncturing my flabby gut
Charles Bukowski would be proud
Tool comes on but I can't hear it
chai tea latte Adam Bozarth cube abuser advancedclass Deep 13 Is It Normal this Disgusting Giant Sherman Tank
« Last Edit: February 14, 2015, 02:04:40 pm by fruithag »

crow

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Best F Plus poetry? #9
I MADE A DEAL WITH GOD
count_actuala

Neal

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Best F Plus poetry? #10
Obviously the best internet poem is Internet Poetry by STOG

Drinking and feeling mentally fucking lost in the wilderness
Drinking more and looking out the window
Thinking about a world abandoned
Facebook never stops blinking
Twitter's just full of shit I subscribe to
I Google for poetry and find myself contemplating
Contemplating fucking on a pile of junk
Getting splinters in my asshole and balls
Exploring new worlds of internet poetry
Harvesting Lisa Frank-style fields of glitter
Slipping and drowning in vats of purple prose poems
Dancing to the worst rhyme scheme in the world
Getting progressively drunk as I find the nexus
Between poetry and performance art
Falling into the zone
Fuck society, Bush, America, conservatives, Bush Hitler
Malls, doctors, Gatorade, high school, George Carlin, Reddit, libertarian
Wake up, America! Wake up, America! Wake up, America!
Bringing my bottle of booze to bed with me
Sleeping on top of it, feeling the glass shards puncturing my flabby gut
Charles Bukowski would be proud
Tool comes on but I can't hear it
fruithag, February 10, 2015, 04:53:14 pm

Oh, come on, there's no way that poem is entirely left-justified.

positive stress

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Best F Plus poetry? #11
Sorry, fixed

Neal

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Best F Plus poetry? #12
There you go. (It would probably be best if it were all over the page like a Susan Howe piece, but that's also probably beyond the forum software's capabilities.)

Old_Zircon

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Best F Plus poetry? #13
Rabelais, but that doesn't really count since it was satire to begin with.

I've had "What our privy says to the skiters" memorized since 10th grade.

Old_Zircon

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Best F Plus poetry? #14
You've really got to get the right translation, though. Rabelais was a monk in addition to being a doctor and boozer, so he didn't miss an opportunity to poke fun at monks but the best (if least accurate) translation was done by two Englishmen who had been excommunicated in I think the 17th century and they added so much deliberately offensive stuff about the church that their translation is 5 books long instead of the original four.  Also the lists were expanded so that some of them (the games of Gargantua and one that's I think the books in his or one of his childrens' libraries) are something like three pages long in their version.  It's my favorite.
« Last Edit: March 23, 2015, 01:04:09 pm by Old_Zircon »